Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Red Rocket (2021)

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June 30- July 6 Puke Week!: Throwing up isn’t very funny, but making your internet friends watch a puke movie is!

This is the third of Sean Baker’s movies that I’ve watched, and in each, I’ve hated the protagonist throughout, wondering where the movie was even going, but by the end, I had become emotional, invested, and saddened by the plight of the lead. That’s talent.

Mikey “Saber” Davies (Simon Rex) is starting over, 17 years after leaving Texas to be a porn star. He shows up at the home of his ex-wife, Lexi (Bree Elrod), and her mother, Lil (Brenda Deiss), with a black eye and $22, begging for a place to stay. No one will hire him, so he starts selling marijuana for Leondria (Judy Hill) and her daughter June (Brittney Rodriguez), slowly earning back the trust of Lexi and making his way back into her bed. Despite how much she dislikes him, the sex is always good. So good that he turned her into a porn star too, many years ago.

To celebrate their good fortune, they visit a doughnut shop, where Mikey falls for Strawberry (Suzanna Son), a 17-year-old girl working the counter. It’s not love. It’s knowing that he can lead her to massive fame in the adult industry, which will get him back the job that made his entire identity. As she rides around on a child bike and bum rides from Lonnie (Ethan Darbone), he starts his scheme to get her to love him and go to Los Angeles.

Things don’t work out. Lonnie kills several people by accident when he swerves across the highway — puking immediately after — and nearly gets Mikey arrested. His drug sales to clients he was told not to engage with got all his money taken from him, money that was going to pay his way back to California. Naked, with all of his clothes in a trash bag, he barely makes it to Strawberry’s house by dawn. She answers the door, perfection in a bathing suit, as the camera closes in on him. He cries.

Baker and co-writer Chris Bergoch also made Starlet and became fascinated by the idea of a suitcase pimp, a term that Lexi says to him at the end of the film, one that makes him shut down all his attitude. It’s a man who is only in porn because he has a girlfriend. He may say he’s a manager, but all he does is carry her bags to the shoot and sit outside while she makes money by having sex with other men.

Rex, being the lead, is interesting, as he did solo gay masturbation videos before becoming a star. Obviously, he had no problem going full frontal in this.

I wonder why I ended up liking Mikey so much. All he does is use people, causes pain and blames everyone else. But maybe in real life, he’d be the same way, that friend who always comes out ahead despite ruining everything he touches.

CBS LATE MOVIE: A Tattered Web (1971)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: A Tattered Web was on the CBS Late Movie on August 7 and November 16, 1972.

This made-for-TV movie originally aired on September 24, 1971 and was soon on the CBS Late Movie. It stars Lloyd Bridges as Sgt. Ed Stagg, an older cop devoted to the daughter he raised alone, Tina (Sally Shockley). Tina’s mother cheated on him and disappeared, so he’s super worried about her new husband, Steve (Frank Converse), whom he keeps catching in the apartment of fallen woman Louise Campbell (Anne Helm). He warns him, he warns her, he shoves her into a wall, she dies. What’s a cop to do?

When he and his partner, Sgt. Joe Marcus (Murray Hamilton), are assigned the case, you can imagine what it does to his mental health. Even since the betrayal of his wife, he’s kept his daughter in the dark, trying to remove anything harmful from her life, keeping her almost as a child. Now that she’s living with her oil worker husband under his roof, he’s trying to do the same thing. Except that the neighbors of the dead Ms. Campbell saw Steve go in and out of her place; Ed’s also left his fingerprints behind on a glass.

So he does what any cop would. He finds a man on death row named Willard Edson (Broderick Crawford) and convinces him that he also killed Campbell. Everyone gets away with it, right? Maybe.

In 74 minutes, director Paul Wendkos and writer Art Wallace provide everyone with great material. Bridges isn’t doing comedy or being a nice old man in this. He’s a lunatic from the start. Converse and Hamilton shine, while Crawford makes a meal of the few moments he’s in the movie.

Like many TV movies, this played in theaters overseas. In Norway and Sweden, it was Alibi. In Spain, The Portals of Eden.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Are You In the House Alone? (1978)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Are You In the House Alone? was on the CBS Late Movie on September 25, 1981, December 9, 1983 and August 10, 1984.

Any time people wonder why women keep pushing harder and harder for their inalienable rights, you should force them to watch this movie, which shows how far our society has come since 1978. There’s a scene in here that literally made us start yelling at the TV set because of how insane it is. Yet forty years ago, this type of thinking was commonplace.

Originally airing on CBS on September 20, 1978, Are You In the House Alone? It is based on the 1976 novel of the same name by Richard Peck.

Gail Osborne (Kathleen Beller, Dynasty) is a high school student dealing with all the pressures of being sixteen, such as discovering her skills as a photographer and dealing with boys who only want sex. Her family has moved away from San Francisco to a new town to escape the dangers of the big city.

She starts dating a guy named Steve (Scott Colomby, Tony from Caddyshack), despite her overprotective parents (Blythe Danner and Tony Bill). Despite this young love blossoming, Gail continues to receive threatening letters and calls from a man who laughs at her. She asks her principal for help and is basically told that it’s probably all her fault for the way she’s treated one of her male classmates.

Gail’s life is pretty much falling apart. Her parents constantly fight, her dad gets back on the wagon, and he gets fired from his job without telling anyone. The letters and calls start to increase, and we have a red herring dangled in our snooping noses in the person of way too involved photography teacher Chris Elden (played by the incredibly named Alan Fudge, who was in Galaxis, My Demon Lover, and Brainstorm).

Surprise — it ends up being her best friend Allison’s (Robin Mattson, who was in Candy Stripe Nurses and a film remarkably similar to this, Secret Night Caller) boyfriend, Phil (Dennis Quaid, who is so young it’ll blow your mind). He attacks her while she’s babysitting the children of Jessica Hirsch (Tricia O’Neil, Piranha II: The Spawning), a lawyer who just happens to be dating the aforementioned Mr. Elden.

The shocking part we mentioned above is that when Jessica becomes Gail’s lawyer, she tells her that there’s a chance no one will put Phil in jail because she’s not a virgin anymore. The world may be a mess these days, but man, in 1978, it was a real mess.

While not technically a slasher — there’s no body count to speak of — the hallmarks of the genre, such as a babysitter being stalked and constantly threatened by a maniac, are all here.

Also, what was it with 1970s made-for-TV movie houses and plants? Every single home in this movie is abundantly lush with vegetation. Every plant is green and thriving, despite the absence of sunlight in any of these homes. How did they do it?

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992)

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June 30- July 6 Puke Week!: Throwing up isn’t very funny, but making your internet friends watch a puke movie is!

Named “Best Drive-In Movie of the Year” by Joe Bob Briggs, this was directed by Richard Cramer, who also made Highway Amazon — the story of bodybuilder Christine Fetzer, who made her money driving across the country wrestling men in hotel rooms — and painted, played guitar and created art installations. When you see this film, you’ll quickly realize that it’s about more than just exploitation, even though it is exploitation.

Marcus Templeton works as a security guard and when he isn’t obsessed about his physical appearance, he’s watching porn, hiring escorts or talking to phone sex operators. His father — a face on a TV screen — keeps yelling at him as he tries weight loss creams and contracts STDs from all the sex workers he’s frequenting. He starts audio and video taping them, which ends when one of them catches him and shoots him right in the head.

Andren Scott, the star of the film, is genuinely great in what is essentially a thankless role. He was shot in a convenience store robbery and wasn’t able to be in the sequel, The Hitler Tapes.

There’s definitely an influence — or outright theft — of Aggy Read’s Boobs A Lot — in the beginning. There’s constant nudity and women on display, yet you never get turned on, just like the narrator of this, who can’t get it up despite all of the women who have been in his bed. You don’t feel sexy; you feel filthy and worried and sad. None of it feels like a life you want; you’re glad that you can finally walk away at the end.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Someone’s Watching Me! (1978)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Someone’s Watching Me! was on the CBS Late Movie on January 21 and June 12, 1981.

John Carpenter was hired by Warner Bros in 1976 to write a script based on the true story of a woman who had been spied on inside her Chicago apartment. The script, High Rise, ultimately became a TV movie that Carpenter was also given the opportunity to direct.

“I thought it was a really, really good idea,” said Carpenter. “So I had my first experience with television. And my first union experience. I got into the Director’s Guild through that. I had a really good time on it, I have to tell you. I met my wife.”

This eighteen-day shoot allowed Carpenter to test many of the techniques that he’d use weeks later when he started work on Halloween.

Originally airing on November 29, 1978 on NBC, this movie concerns Leigh Michaels (Lauren Hutton), who has moved to Los Angeles to escape New York City. As she begins her new career at television station KJHC with new friend Sophie (Barbeau) and a relationship with college professor Paul Winkless (David Birney, who went on to be quite the reader of audiobooks).

However, she’s soon dealing with phone calls and starts receiving unlimited calls. She calls the police, but there’s nothing she can do except wait for the voyeur to come to her.

Fans of Halloween take note: Charlie Cyphers shows up as a cop.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Linda (1973)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Linda was on the CBS Late Movie on September 29, 1975, May 24, 1977 and June 12, 1978.

John D. MacDonald had several of his books turned into movies. The Executioners was filmed twice as Cape Fear, Soft Touch inspired Man-Trap, plus the novels Darker Than Amber, The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything, Condominium and A Flash of Green were all made into movies. Even this story was turned into two TV movies with the second starring Virginia Madsen as Linda.

Linda Reston (Stella Stevens) has a bad marriage with Paul (Ed Nelson, The Devil’s Partner), who is daydreaming of leaving her when she suddenly shoots their friend Anne Braden (Mary-Robin Redd) and turns the gun on Anne’s husband Jeff (John Saxon!) while at the beach. Paul calls the cops and when they arrive, Jeff is alive and the twosome accuses Paul of killing Anne.

As you can tell right away, Linda and Jeff are working together to get rid of their spouses and make a new life for themselves. Luckily, Marshall Journeyman (John McIntire, who replaced both Ward Bond on Wagon Train and Charles Bickford on The Virginian when both of those actors died), an elder lawyer, takes on his case and starts to investigate Linda and Jeff.

Paul sneaks out of his cell and soon learns that his wife has been conspiring with Jeff, which leads Journeyman to get the cops in on a scam to call her and try and get a confession. She’s too tough but man, Jeff folds right away. She tells him he’s spineless and also informs her now ex-husband that she won’t be in jail long.

Originally broadcast as the ABC Saturday Suspense Movie on November 3, 1973, this was directed by Jack Smight, who made one of my wife’s favorite movies, No Way to Treat a Lady, as well as Airport 1975, The Illustrated Man, The Traveling Executioner, Number One with a Bullet and Damnation Alley.

Stella Stevens is quite wonderful in this. She’s so cold and has everything figured out, yet as she laments, she’s never been able to find a man who isn’t spineless. Her husband can’t even bury a dead animal without having a nervous breakdown, and her lover gets her arrested for murder. I’d love a sequel where we learn how she takes over prison.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Mondo Trasho (1969)

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June 30- July 6 Puke Week!: Throwing up isn’t very funny, but making your internet friends watch a puke movie is!

Chickens lose their heads. The Bombshell (Mary Vivian Pierce) rides the bus and reads Hollywood Babylon. A foot fetishist (David Lochary) appears and licks her toes while she dreams that she’s in a fairy tale, which ends with Divine running her over. She’s not dead, so Divine drives her all over Baltimore. Divine then prays to the Virgin Mary, asking her how to be divine and is given a wheelchair to ride The Bombshell around in.

Their car is stolen, they end up in a mental hospital and Mary comes back to give them a knife. She leads a revolt in the sanitarium, gets The Bombshell bird feet that allow her to fly and nearly dies before being given divinity of her own.

Paying tribute to both the mondo genre and Russ Meyer’s Mondo Topless, this movie is filled with music that could never be licensed today. It wasn’t a movie that John Waters, the director and writer of the film, liked, but things would get better or grosser very soon. However, this is the movie where Waters was given the title the Prince of Puke.

You can download this movie from the Internet Archive.

RADIANCE BLU RAY RELEASE: Hokuriku Proxy War (1977)

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 Kawada (Hiroki Matsukata) is a yakuza member of the Tomiyasu Group, who has been promised by his boss, Mr. Yasuhara, that he will receive control of the security business for the speedboat racetrack in exchange for killing a man. He follows through and pays for the crime by going to jail. Years later, when he’s released, Mr. Yasuhara refuses. No problem. Kawada buries him up to his neck until he gets what he wants.

Yasuhara puts a price on Kawada’s head that is answered by the Kanai Group and their leader, Kanai Hachiro (Sonny Chiba). He sends fifty killers after Kawada while also planning to take over Fukui for his own territory.

Screenwriter Kōji Takada based Kawada on Hiroshi Kawauchi, boss of the Kawauchi-gumi. Takada interviewed the yakuza, who held nothing back. After the Hokuriku Proxy War was released, Kawauchi was shot and killed in the same cafe that he had been interviewed in, just like Kawada is shot in the film. The movie character survived; the real gangster didn’t.

Kinji Fukasaku really directed some fantastic movies. This is but one of them. Seek his work out.

The limited edition Radiance Films Blu-ray release has new interviews with Yoko Takahashi and Koji Takada; a video essay by Yakuza film historian Akihiko Ito on the real-life Hokuriku Proxy War murder case; a trailer; a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Time Tomorrow and a limited edition booklet featuring newly translated archival writings on the film. It’s a limited edition of 3,000 copies, presented in full-height Scanavo packaging with a removable OBI strip, allowing the packaging to remain free of certificates and markings. You can get it from MVD.

EUREKA BLU RAY RELEASE: The Adventurers (1995)

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Wai Lok-yan (Andy Lau) was just eight years old — during the Khmer Rouge — when his parents were killed as he watched, the victims of Pol Pot, as his father was working for the CIA. Years later, Wai is a member of the Thai Air Force and learns that his father’s murderer — a double agent named Ray Liu (Paul Chun) — is now a rich arms dealer who has moved to America. He makes his way there, thanks to the CIA, but ends up falling in love with Liu’s daughter, Crystal (Jacklyn Wu) and must save her when she’s kidnapped by a gang. Oh yeah — he also has an affair with Liu’s lover, Mona (Rosamund Kwan).

Remember when every Hong Kong director had to work with Van Damme first? Ringo Lam made this before he did Maximum Risk. This was filmed in the U.S., Hong Kong, and the Philippines, showcasing the international scope Lam wanted to achieve in his films.

If you’re going to kill the man who murdered your father, I have some advice for you. Perhaps, just maybe, don’t fall in love with his daughter. I mean, you can cuck him by sleeping with his mistress. That’s fine.

Eureka Classics is releasing this film for the first time in North America from a brand new 2K restoration. A limited edition of 2,000 copies, it features new artwork by Time Tomorrow and includes extras such as audio commentary by film critic David West, interviews with Gary Bettinson and Sandy Shaw, a trailer, and a limited edition collector’s booklet with a new essay by Hong Kong cinema scholar Aaron Han Joon Magnan-Park. You can get it from MVD.