Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Cabin Boy (1994)

Aug 18-24 indie comix week: When I was a kid, I used to read Mad Magazine and Cracked, so when I got a little older, it didn’t take much convincing to pick up Eightball and Hate. I’m an OG in the “complaining about superheroes” game, and my scars were anointed on the Comics Journal message board!

No boss I have ever worked for has said something to me that I remember more than toss off Chris Elliot lines, things like “I do this little trick with measuring spoons,” “We’ve lost a lot of good men in mine 5, Dave,” and “I’m a male model, not a male prostitute.” No actor has summed up the weirdness that I love in comedy better than Robin Williams, and no movie shows what I love more than Cabin Boy. It’s my Star Wars.

Directed by Adam Resnick, who wrote the film with Elliot, this is less a movie than a collection of strange moments. Fancy lad Nathaniel Mayweather (Elliot) annoys everyone, which keeps him from getting on the right boat and boarding The Filthy Whore, a ship under the helm of Captain Greybar (Ritch Brinkley). When Nathaniel causes the death of Kenny (Andy Richter), the cabin boy, he must take over and be at sea for months, perhaps never getting to Hawaii. The crew, Skunk (Brian Doyle-Murray), Pappy (James Gammon) and Teddy (Brion James) will kill him way before that happens.

Or maybe they won’t. But it comes close, with him stuck in Hell’s Bucket, on his own on a raft for days at a time, burning himself by covering his body with cooking oil and drinking salt water. Only Choki (Russ Tamblyn), half-shark, half-man, saves him. The giant Mulligan (Mike Starr) almost gets him — for sleeping with his multi-armed wife Calli (Ann Magnuson), after which he yells, “These pipes are clean” — but Nathaniel is either lucky or learning. He even gets Trina (Melora Walters) to fall for him.

Chris Elliott earned a Razzie Award nomination for Worst New Star, but lost to Anna Nicole Smith for Naked Gun 33+1⁄3: The Final Insult. Now and forever, fuck the Razzies.

This is a movie that you must like to be one of my friends. If you don’t get it, I’m not sure we can ever connect in a meaningful way.

GET WEIRD WITH THE DIA DF

This Saturday at 8 PM EST on the Groovy Doom Facebook and YouTube channels, Bill, Sam and Mike Justice present two strange films.

Want to know what we’ve shown before? Check out this list.

Have a request? Make it here.

Want to see one of the drink recipes from a past show? We have you covered.

First, Swamp of the Ravens. You can watch it on Tubi.

Every show, we watch movies, chat with you, show ad campaigns and have drinks.

Here’s this week’s first cocktail.

Ravens or Vultures

  • 1 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. rum
  • 1 oz. blue curacao
  • 1 oz. Chambord
  1. Shake vodka, rum and blue curacao in a shaker with ice. Strain into a glass filled with ice.
  2. Layer Chambord above it.

Our second movie is one that obsesses both Mike and me. Death Wish Club is on Tubi.

Here’s the second drink.

Death Wish Club

  • 1 oz. whiskey
  • 1 oz. peach whiskey
  • 1 oz. orange juice
  • .25 oz. grenadine
  • 2 oz. lemon-lime soda
  1. Pour it all in a glass with ice and stir.
  2. Allow a mutant bug to almost kill you, then drink.

Get ready — these are some really strange and wonderful movies.

TUBI ORIGINAL: Can’t Have It All (2025)

Fashion stylist Ari (Grace Sol) hasn’t looked at the title of the movie that she’s in. I mean, to be fair, she’s in a science fiction movie. How else do we describe a world where women pay male cam actors for FaceTime sex? I mean, yes, it is Johnny Longway (Leandre White), but I think that perhaps no woman has ever paid for cyber sex or watching guys on cam.

Anyways, after she gets cock blocked by her boyfriend Todd (Daniel Jeffries), she goes and jills off before getting into a second relationship with Darnell (D. Da Don). Then, she decides that she still won’t look at the name of her movie and gets both to move in with her. Arguments about breakfast come quickly.

Directed by Beasy Jones and Rodney Sizemore, this is one of those movies where people keep making bad decisions before meeting violent ends and the whole time, you wonder, “Do you realize how off everyone is here?” No one cares, because it’s a movie and if they could hear you, that would be weird.

This might be the most entertaining Tubi Original ever because everyone in at starts at 10 and then just cranks it up. Everything is the end of the world. Everyone is a horrible person. Everyone just wants Ari, and she pays for it. Also: Tremendous CGI gunfire.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CAULDRON FILMS BLU-RAY RELEASE: House of Lost Souls (1989)

Hell yeah this is Ghosthouse 3 — yeah, I’m way into the Ghosthouse and La Casa movies — and it is filled with all the magic and absolutely baffling things that make the original film something that I love like others feel appreciation for fine paintings or great food.

Directed and written by Umberto Lenzi, this movie has the most basic of outlines, as a group of people stay at a cursed hotel. And then, as I like to say, hijinks ensue.

There’s a ghost monk that wouldn’t exist if Romero didn’t include a Hare Krishna in one of his movies, as well as a bear trap bloodbath that is pretty darn upsetting and all the head lopping, knife stabbing and a child killed by a washing machine, which is the kind of thing that makes Italian horror — even at the end of it all — so worthwhile.

Plus — Claudio Simonetti makes music that absolutely works for this. Seriously, the ghost movies of Lenzi are the hot chocolate at the end of a cold day, a balm for my constantly besieged and worried soul.

This Cauldron Films release is for the non-box set retail edition of House of Lost Souls. It has a new 2K restoration and extras including two commentaries, one with Rod Barnett and Adrian Smith and the other with Samm Deighan. There are also interviews with FX artist Elio Terribili, composer Claudio Simonetti and Umberto Lenzi. You can order it from MVD.

Bonus: You can hear me discuss these movies on my podcast:

 

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: The Reflecting Skin (1990)

Aug 18-24 indie comix week: When I was a kid, I used to read Mad Magazine and Cracked, so when I got a little older, it didn’t take much convincing to pick up Eightball and Hate. I’m an OG in the “complaining about superheroes” game, and my scars were anointed on the Comics Journal message board!

The first of three horror movies by Phillip Ridley — followed by The Passion of Darkly Noon and Heartless — The Reflecting Skin starts with three friends — Seth Dove (Jeremy Cooper), Eben (Codie Lucas Wilbee) and Kim (Evan Hall) — doing what bored kids stuck in Idaho do. That would be inflating frogs and blowing them up all over a widow named Dolphin Blue (Lindsay Duncan).

Seth lives in a gas station, where he works when cars pull up, as his parents, Ruth (Sheila Moore) and Lewis (Duncan Fraser), exist in a state of ennui toward one another. At one point, a car full of men in dark suits pulls up and one of them promises that they will see Seth soon. Seth has been talking to his dad about vampires, so when he is sent to apologize to Dolphin, she mentions that she feels 200 years old. He starts to think that she is one of the dead.

Eben soon goes missing, and Seth’s father is sure they will be arrested for it, as everyone in town knows that he is gay. Instead of facing the police, he sets himself on fire. Cameron (Viggo Mortensen) comes back from the Army to help raise Seth and soon falls in love with Dolphin. At the same time, Seth finds an ossified fetus and believes that it is Eben, whom he turns to, convinced that his brother’s radiation poisoning is being fed on by Dolphin.

Ridley said of this movie, “I created a fabulous child-eyed view of what I imagined America to be like – it’s a kind of mythical once upon a time never-world, where guys look like Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley, and everything is set in a Wheatfield and it all looks very American gothic.”

Cinematographer Dick Pope captured the magic hour here, orange fields of grain set against the black car filled with evil. Everything heads to a dark end, as the actual monsters of the world aren’t the monsters in a child’s mind, but the very simple killers that roam the highways around the small town.

Coil, which had Stephen Thrower as a member, used samples from The Reflecting Skin on Stolen & Contaminated Songs.

“It’s all so horrible, you know, the nightmare of childhood. And it only gets worse. One day, you’ll wake up, and you’ll be past it. Your beautiful skin will wrinkle and shrivel up, you’ll lose your hair, your sight, your memory. Your blood will thicken, and your teeth will turn yellow and loose. You will start to stink and fart, and all your friends will be dead. You’ll succumb to arthritis, angina, senile dementia, you’ll piss yourself, shit yourself, drool at the mouth. Just pray that when this happens you’ve got someone to love you, because if you’re loved you’ll still be young.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

B & S About Movies podcast Episode 97: W Is War/Mad Warrior

Other than Italians, no one makes a better post-apocalyptic movie than the Philippines. Fight me, Australia. This week, we go hard on W Is War and Mad Warrior, it’s kind of sort of sequel. Get ready to go crazy.

Watch W Is War on YouTube and Mad Warrior on YouTube.

You can listen to the show on Spotify.

The show is also available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Amazon Podcasts, Podchaser and Google Podcasts

Perversions of Science E5: Given the Heir (1997)

A woman named Lisa Gerou (Yancy Butler) has shaped her body to perfection. Then, she goes a decade backward by a scientist (Paul Williams) to meet Nick Boyer (William McNamara), who is obsessed with an ideal of perfection. They have the best lovemaking of their lives, but then he’s the one who screws himself, so to speak. David Leisure shows up, too.

Director Ramón Menéndez also made Stand and Deliver, while writer Mark Verheiden wrote the Dark Horse Aliens and Predator comic books, as well as Superman. He also wrote the movies TimecopThe Mask and My Name Is Bruce.

This episode was based on “Given the Heir” from Weird Science #16, which was written by William Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by Jack Kamen. It’s the story of a man who meets one of his future descendants who is traveling back in time, ready to murder the first husband of one of their ancestors so she can inherit his wealth. Yeah, it goes bad.

You can download all of the episodes here or watch this episode on YouTube.

CAULDRON FILMS BLU-RAY RELEASE: House of Witchcraft (1989)

La casa del sortilegio (The House of the Spell) finds our old friend Umberto Lenzi making a TV movie that fits right into his Ghosthouse style, and I, for one, could not be happier.

This is one of four films in the Doomed Houses series, which also includes his The House of Lost Souls and Fulci’s The Sweet House of Horrors and The House of Clocks. And he decides that what this movie needs is lots of the hero having visions of losing his head and having it thrown into cauldrons and giant vats of soup. And you know what they say, there ain’t no fake severed head like an Italian fake severed head.

Also: our hero Luke has a tarot-obsessed wife named Martha, and if I know my Italian exploitation conventions — and you know I do — anyone named Martha is evil.

Also, Italian directors hate cats, and Lenzi says, “I guess I’ll continue that tradition,” and has a scene where someone throws a black cat at the TV, and it explodes on impact.

You better believe that the words La Casa were huge on the posters for this. I mean, by posters, it played on TV. Ah, you know what I mean.

Lenzi makes a film that may not be a narrative wonder, but if you made a supercut of all its weirdest scenes, you’d find a priest being beaten to death with a crowbar by a witch, a boyfriend chopped into pieces and dumped down a well and a basement where it snows and the daughter becomes a ghost. And maggots!

“You have to have maggots in this sauce,” screamed Lenzi, mad with cooking energy in the kitchen.

This movie is also called Ghosthouse 4, and for that, I love it sixteen times as much. Also: I went deep on the La Casa movies in this article.

This Cauldron Films release is for the non-box set retail edition of House of Witchcraft. It has a new 2K restoration and extras including commentary by Eugenio Ercolani, Nathaniel Thompson, and Troy Howarth, and interviews with FX artist Elio Terribili and cinematographer Nino Celeste. You can order it from MVD.

Bonus: You can hear me discuss these movies on my podcast:

CAULDRON FILMS BLU-RAY RELEASE: The Sweet House of Horrors (1989)

If you read the description for this movie — a young couple who are murdered by a burglar return as ghosts to watch over their two young orphaned children and save their home — you may think, “Ah, a nice movie for the whole family.”

You may also ask who directed this. Well, good news. It’s Lucio Fulci, which means that the murder of the parents is so gory that it even gave me pause, and then the rest of the film is very family friendly and has numerous scenes of kids laughing and having a good time at the ghost antics. The dad’s head gets crushed and the mom’s eyeball pops out and oh Lucio, I love you so much. You can’t help but be you. Only you would make a horror movie for kids and have a man get run over by a truck and his intestines show up on the outside of his body.

Somehow, Fulci did show some restraint by having Cinzia Monreale in his movie and not having a dog tear her throat out with its teeth.

Sarah (Ilary Blasi) and Marco (Giuliano Gensini) don’t want to leave their house. And why should they, as their parents can make toys float and throw rotund men down the stairs, which will never not be funny and I’m a rotund man and feel that I can say that.

After all manner of attempts to get them to leave, the parents decide to put their essences into two small stones so that they can be with their children forever, which is as sweet as Fulci gets.

He follows this by having a spiritualist try to take those stones, which quickly melts his hand into a bloody stump of goo. The kids find this uproarious fun and laugh as they freeze for the credits.

Fulci spoke very positively on the two made for TV films made for the La case maledette series — the other is House of Clocks — telling Roberto Curti in Italian Gothic Horror Films, 1980-1989 that they were “Fantastic! Excellent filmmaking!” and “two of his best films he made!”

I kind of am on his side on this one. I mean, what other Fulci movie has a ghost shove a large man down the steps and kids dance and sing “Sausage is dead!”?

This Cauldron Films release is for the non-box set retail edition of The Sweet House of Horrors. It has a new 2K restoration and extras including commentary by Eugenio Ercolani and Troy Howarth, and interviews with Massimo Antonello Geleng, Cinzia Monreale, editor Alberto Moriani, Gigliola Battaglini, Jean-Christophe Brétigniere, Lino Salemme and Pascal Persiano. You can order it from MVD.

BONUS: You can hear me discuss these movies on my podcast:

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Gentlemen Broncos (2009)

Aug 18-24 indie comix week: When I was a kid, I used to read Mad Magazine and Cracked, so when I got a little older, it didn’t take much convincing to pick up Eightball and Hate. I’m an OG in the “complaining about superheroes” game, and my scars were anointed on the Comics Journal message board!

Why did I wait so long to watch this? Why was I able to buy it at a dollar store? Why isn’t it on a major streaming service?

Directed by Jared Hess, who co-wrote it with his brother Jerusha, Gentlemen Broncos has some of Napoleon Dynamite in it. Benjamin Purvis (Michael Angarano) has a strange home life, one seemingly fixated on his dead father, living with his mother Judith (Jennifer Coolidge), who dreams of selling her nightgowns but is stuck working retail and making popcorn balls. Ben escapes his real life by writing science fiction. His latest book is Yeast Lords, which is all about Bronco (Sam Rockwell), a hero he has based on his father. As he writes, the audience sees the movie in his head.

Ben’s a nice guy. He’s unable to talk to most girls, but when introduced to fellow writer Tabatha (Halley Feiffer) at a science fiction writer camp, he allows her to read his story. She reacts strangely, running away, when in truth she’s stunned by how good it is. I get the feeling she wants to be with him but doesn’t have the language or ability to do that; instead she’s with Lonnie (Hector Jimenez), who makes cheap SOV-style films.

At the camp, Ben takes a lecture from one of his heroes, Dr. Ronald Chevalier (Jermaine Clement). He quickly realizes that the person who was his idol is really a jerk; eventually, one realizes that he’s run out of ideas. He turns a contest at the camp — to publish one winner’s work — into a chance to steal an idea. Ben’s Yeast Lords becomes Brutus and Balzaak with minor changes.

Throughout, Ben’s mom wants more for him. She introduces him to a Guardian Angel from church, Dusty (Mike White), who is less a father figure and more someone who teaches him how to shoot blowdarts. When everything goes bad in a few days — the Yeast Lords movie that Lonnie made is horrible, a rich man tries to assault his mother under the pretenses that he wants to get her clothes into stores and Chevalier shows up at a local bookstore — Ben flips out and gets arrested.

This is where his mother’s love appears again. She has sent all of his books to be registered and officially bound by the Writers Guild of America. There’s proof that he’s the one who wrote Chevalier ‘s work. His books replace those ones and everyone lives happily forever after.

From the opening — “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans playing over book covers — to how fully formed its villain is (and how much he sounds like Michael York in Logan’s Run — thanks Gizmodo, I couldn’t figure out who he reminded me of) and the love that drives the end of the movie, I was totally won over by this movie. At one point, Tabatha tells Ben, “Well, you’ll never get anywhere by just letting your mom read your work.” I am so happy to know the truth.