The House of Clocks (1989)

Lucio Fulci made two movies in the Houses of Doom series of TV movies, this one and The Sweet House of Horrors, and both of them are totally his vision and we’re all better for that.

House of Clocks brings several narratives together: Victor and Sarah are an elderly couple who live in the titular house and are very protective of what they own to the point that they’ve already murdered their money hungry nephew and his wife, as well as the maid who grew suspicious. But hey, Al Cliver still loves them, even if he has one eye, and he protects the grounds.

Meanwhile, Diana, Tony and Paul are shoplifting and killing cats — welcome to Italy — when they hear about the old couple and how rich they are. Diana talk her way into the house but things unravel quickly and before you know it, they’ve killed everyone in the house and the clocks start moving backward and the dogs that patrol the grounds have them trapped.

So they do what anyone else would: they get high and Diana and Tony make love, leaving Paul all sad and soon dead at the hands of the revived occupants of the house, with Sarah coming back to stab Diana’s hand directly to a table and Tony getting pulled into a grave before the nephew and his wife assert themselves.

The trio wakes up in their car and are certain that they must be really high and all of this was in their head, but then that cat comes back from the dead and kills them all. Well done, cat.

Everyone in this movie is horrible and they all deserve to die and they all do several times. The best part of all of it is that Fulci made this for TV and it has multiple stabbings, geyser sprays of blood, old women being shot, murdered cats and someone stabbed so deeply through the stomach that you can see sunlight through their body. Suffice to say it never aired and eventually played Japanese theaters.

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