Directed and co-written by John Drimmer, who wrote it with Geoffrey Loftus from a story by Donald Olson, this stars Jessica Harper — who must wonder why she keeps being in cult shows that only I care about. I mean, yes, everyone loves Suspiria, but also Phantom of the Paradise, Shock Treatmentand Pennies from Heaven? — as Prudence, a depressed woman who can’t stop crying and her relationship with Ambrose Cavender (Victor Garber, one of those actors who is just about everything and you can never place them), a man who collects her tears.
So many of the reviews online hate this episode because it’s not really horror. That’s why I liked it, as beyond being well-filmed, it’s also a meditation on the true darkest side of life, being all about depression and loneliness.
Directed by Richard Friedman (Scared Stiff, Doom Asylum, Phantom of the Mall) and written by Michael McDowell (Beetlejuice) and Dennis Schuetz, “Answer Me” is nearly a one room, one person episode, as Joan Matlin (Jean Marsh, Return to Oz, Willow) is an actress who is jet lagged by a London to New York City flight and trying to get sleep before an audition the next day. The phone never stops ringing in another apartment and she slowly goes insane from all of the noise.
Yet when she looks inside, no one is there. That’s pretty much the whole episode until the conclusion, which is how most episodes of this show work out, right? That said, this one has decent acting and when you only have a bit more than twenty minutes, it doesn’t wear out its welcome. I often wonder why so many of these episodes have unlikeable protagonists. I guess in the 80s, no one was all that likeable.
Directed by Menahem Golan and written by Nelly Adnil and Jonathan Platnick from a story by Bob Spitz, Silent Victim is a made-for-TV movie that tackles a subject that is still relevant: the right for a woman to choose.
Golan told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution — thanks to Hill Place for posting the quote — “I’m not doing this for the sake of politics. The main thrust of the story is when it happens, everybody comes to take advantage of the situation. I’m walking a razor’s edge. I hope the movie will be good enough that people will learn something and enjoy it.”
Bonnie Jackson (Michele Greene, L.A. Law) is trapped in an abusive marriage with her husband Jed (Kyle Secor). All that he wants is to have a child, so he’s obsessed with making her take her medications and follow several rules toward having that baby. After a really bad fight, he beats her into oblivion, so she tries to commit suicide by taking pills. He takes her to the hospital but soon learns that she was pregnant and has lost the child from the overdose.
Jed brings her to court and charges her with a criminal attempt to commit suicide, failure to obtain a spousal notification, interference with her husband’s property rights and unlicensed practice of medicine. He brings on District Attorney Carter Evans (Alex Hyde-White, one of the last contract players in Hollywood, working for Universal with fellow contracted actors Lindsay Wagner, Andrew Stevens, Gretchen Corbett and Sharon Gless; he was also Mr. Fantastic in the Roger Corman-produced Fantastic Four) to make sure he wins.
Bonnie has help of her own, as her college best friend Lauren McKinley (Ely Pouget, The Rift, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace) is now a major lawyer in Manhattan. There’s a problem, of course, as this case happens in the south and the real father isn’t Jed but instead, it’s her friend, black pharmacist C. Ray Thompson (Ralph Wilcox).
As you can imagine, the case brings in protestors for both sides and Newnan, Georgia becomes a battleground. Meanwhile, Jed is in a hotel sweating, screaming and getting drunk while watching the warden sapphically take a prisoner in Caged Fury. What a strange thing to throw in a movie, Menahem, and that’s why we love you! There’s also a Punch and Judy show so that the kids can understand the trial and they all cheer when puppet Jed beats puppet Bonnie to death. This is topped by a moment when Bonnie finally reconnects with both C. Ray and Jed while two actual clowns stand and awkwardly watch. Yes, not clownish people. Actual clowns.
By the end, Bonnie may or may not get back with Jed. She has broken with her lawyer, who she feels exploited her. And she has to pay $1,000 back to the state and Jed whips up his checkbook, which seems to be a strange thing to take to court. Oh man — I almost forgot — Evans and McKinley, the two attornies on this case, used to date!
There’s also a graphic miscarriage scene that shows instead of tells in the most bloody and graphic way possible.
Travis Vogt on Letterboxd had the best quote for this — and I wish I wrote it — and I have to share this with you: “It’s like Death Wish 3 but for abortion.”
Seriously, of all directors, Menahem is the very last person I would choose to direct a sensitive take on the abortion debate.
But the most entertaining one? He knows how to do that.
This movie stars so many people that I love no matter what they do.
When Ambassador Barnes (Karol Brown, whose only other acting role was as a pregnant woman in Killer Sex Queens from Cyberspace, which is an adult film and has Jerry Springer and Larry Flynt in it) is taken by Columbia crime lord Perez (Henry Silva!) and his henchman Pepe (Sonny Landham, who started his career in adult), the top brass in the form of Captain Wright (Chuck Connors!) calls in the best: Calvin Sims (Fred Williamson!) and his explosives expert buddy Rick Masters (Bo Svenson!). First, Cal has to get Rick out of jail. Then, they’re joined by an undercover soldier pretending to be a dancer named Yolanda (Kim Dakour), then they get started getting some payback.
Made for HBO by Williamson, but this wasn’t the only film he directed. His first was all the way back in 1975 and Mean Johnny Barrows and some standout entries include Vegas Vampires, Mr. Mean and Original Gangstas, which found Williamson helping out Larry Cohen. If you love 70s black action movies, that’s one you definitely need to seek out because it stars Williamson, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Paul Winfield, Richard Roundtree, Ron O’Neal, Robert Forster, Charles Napier and Wings Hauser.
This was written by Charles Johnson, who also wrote Hammer, Mean Mother, Beyond Atlantis and Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off, and Steven Iyama, who wrote Last Call and Deadly Past.
This movie has a great tagline: “He’s dangerous, he’s destructive and he’s dead serious.” It was also the final film for both Connors and Van Johnson.
EDITOR’S NOTE: A short break from the 21st Century Films with this non-Cannon-produced TV movie that was released by them in the UK on the Cannon Screen Entertainment Limited video label.
Adapted from the book Deadly Force by Lawrence O’Donnell — who now hosts The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC — this made-for-TV movie was released on video by Cannon yet is at odds with so many of the subjects presents by the action-heavy studio.
In a Cannon film, the near-vigilante tactics of the Boston Tactical Unit would be celebrated. Here, this fact-based tale of the 1975 cover-up of an unjustified shooting of a black man by two white members of this police group presents the police as overactive and brutal.
Despite claims of self-defense, the dead man’s widow Pat Bowden (Lorraine Toussaint) claims that her husband would not be carrying a weapon. She hires former cop and current lawyer Lawrence O’Donnell Sr. (Richard Crenna) to clear her husband’s name.
At one point, Lawrence reveals to his legal team — made up of sons Michael, Lawrence Jr., Billy and Kevin (John Shea, Tate Donovan, Tom Isbell, and Dylan Baker) that his father’s death was listed as a suicide and how that impacted the way that the world saw the man that he loved forever after. The case, for him, has become personal, clearing Bowden’s name being seen as him atoning for the way he saw his father.
Director Michael Miller made several films that I dug, like Silent Rage, Jackson County Jail and Class Reunion. He turned those movies into a run of TV movies. Writer Dennis Nemec also was a TV movie veteran and they combined to make a pretty solid film here.
Directed by Terence Calahan — his only IMDB directorial credit — and written by Tom Allen (story consultant for this entire series and Monsters, which was dedicated to his memory) and Howard Smit, this episode is all about hairdresser Anne MacColl (Carol Kane!) fighting teacher Abe North (Bud Cort!) for a winning lottery ticket for the Jack-Pot-Arama.
Abe had used magic to use ticket 666.666.to win, even calling the dean of his school and offending him to the point that he can’t ever get his job back. The problem? Well, the real winning ticket was number 666.667, owned by Anne. He tries to bully her with his magical powers without realizing that her bird isn’t named Lou, it’s truly Lucifer and that she has powers beyond what he can understand.
Oh well — another comedy episode of Tales from the Darkside. At least Kane and Cort are great at what they do. I prefer when the show is more in the horror genre, but what can you do? It’s only twenty minutes and isn’t poorly made.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The Return of Bruno was not produced by Cannon. It was, however, released on video by HBO/Cannon Home Video.
There comes a time in every star’s career when they decide to do something beyond what you know them for. Usually, that means putting out an album. Bruce Willis was a security guard and a bartender — where he had the nickname Bruno — before he became the biggest TV star in America and then a huge movie star thanks to Die Hard. But before that, well, he somehow got signed to Motown and put out The Return of Bruno.
But what if it wasn’t really Bruce Willis but instead his Eddie Wilson-like alter ego Bruno Radolini, the legendary blues singer who influenced everyone. Yes, as if Marty McFly invented rock and roll wasn’t enough, now Willis would take the rest of the credit and bring along tons of musicians along for the ride like Phil Collins, Elton John, Ringo Starr, Grace Slick, Joan Baez, Graham Nash, Stephen Stills, Melvin Franklin, Jon Bon Jovi, Freddie Garrity, The Bee Gees, Paul Stanley and Bobby Colomby to play along. I mean, they got Brian Wilson out of his sandbox to speak about how influential Bruno was. The cherries on top are getting Bill Graham, Wolfman Jack and Henry Diltz to do the same, as well as the aforementioned Michael J. Fox and to ice the cake, as it were, Clive Davis and Don Cornelius, with “America’s teenager” Dick Clark providing the narration.
The album that came out of this has Booker T. Jones, The Pointer Sisters and The Temptations, with material including covers and songs like “Respect Yourself,” (which hit number 5 on the Billboard chart in American and number 7 in the UK) “Under the Boardwalk,” (the 12th biggest selling UK single of 1987 that hit number 2 on their charts; “Jackpot (Bruno’s Bop)” and “Secret Agent Man / James Bond Is Back,” which peaked at number 43 in the UK.
Yes, this album was so successful that Willis had a secon Motown album, If It Don’t Kill You, It Just Makes You Stronger, which is a Nietzsche quote that I assume applies to anyone that makes it through the entire ten songs.
I kid! I have always been a huge Willis fan and when I was a kid I was totally enamored of his Seagram’s wine cooler commericals to the point that I would drink the Seagram’s seltzer and pretend that I was him, rocking sunglasses and performing the kind of white soul that would cause even the Blues Brothers to tell him that this was kind of cringe.
The director of this made for HBO special, James Yukich, has had quite the career. He did music videos like Iron Maiden’s “Flight of Icarus,” “Running Free,” “Wasted Years,” “Ace’s High” and “Two Minutes to Midnight;” Bowie’s “Modern Love;” the “Land of Confusion” and “That’s All” videos for Genesis; “The Flame” for Cheap Trick; “Always There for You” by Stryper, “The Real Me” by W.A.S.P. and Nelson’s “After the Rain” and “Love and Affection.” He also made Double Dragon, which is amazing to me that a Bruce Willis movie doc was made by the very same individual.
It took three people to write this: Paul Flattery, whose career has mainly been in award shows; Bob Hart and, of course, Willis himself, who couldn’t even make it to some of the filming of his own special, so his brother David played him in the Whiskey scene. Willis also is merely acting like he’s playing the harmonica; mostly it’s Bruce DiMattia.
Man, this entire thing is…very 1987. I was in a bunch of high school garage bands then that all wanted to be hair metal bands and always wanted me to write about parties when all I wanted to be was Danzig in the Misfits. One of Bruno’s songs, “Funtime,” feels like lyrics I was forced to write:
“Oh yes, it’s fun time (Fun time) Fun time (Fun time) Let yourself be happy, it’s fun time”
I definitely watched this enough that I had it on a taped from HBO VHS.
Oh 1987 Sam. You knew so little, you little chubby movie geek in the making.
Henry and Elinor Colander (Mario Roccuzzo and Alice Ghostley) are making a special meal for their 25th anniversary. Yet they still have a place at the table for Sybil (Fredrica Duke), a girl they’ve just met who has broken up with her boyfriend Mark (Michael Cedar).
Directed by John Strysik and written by James Houghton, this was based on a story by D.J. Pass that originally was printed in Twilight Zone magazine. Obviously, you can tell the direction that this is all heading as soon as it starts, but it’s still a pretty solid episode that doesn’t descend into the silliness that some Darkside entries get into.
Ghostley’s acting makes this episode. If it was filmed today, they would probably lean in more toward the idea that the old couple doesn’t want children but a young woman to spice up their sex lives. But hey — it was 1985. That certainly happened, but it wasn’t as prevalent as the internet allows us to believe.
Look — if you’re hiking with your abusive partner and suddenly a nice couple wants you to get into the jacuzzi in a room full of animal heads, don’t. Just don’t.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Act of Vengeance was an HBO movie not produced by Cannon but was released on video by HBO/Cannon Video.
Act of Vengeance is based on the book by Trevor Armbrister and is all about the corruption that occurred during the United Mine Workers’ presidential elections in 1969, including the death of Joseph “Jock” Yablonski, played in this movie by Charles Bronson with no mustache!
Directed by John Mackenzie and written by Scott Spencer (who wrote the novel Endless Love was based on), it starts with Jock being surprised by his wife (Ellen Burstyn) and family on his birthday. They’re upset that Tony Boyle (Wilford Brimley) has been picked as the mine worker president. Jock laughs it off but starts to realize that Tony is a horrible leader, someone who has no empathy when eighty miners die in West Virginia and no ethics when he asks Jock to do some creative accounting.
Two of Tony’s underlings, Albert Pass (Alan North) and Silous Huddleston (Hoyt Axton) figure out what to do: hire lowlifes like Hudleston’s son-in-law Paul (Robert Schenkkan), who has be convinced by his wife Annie (Ellen Barkin) to do the hit, along with Claude (Maury Chaykin) and Buddy Martin (Keanu Reeves) to kill Paul as he sleeps in bed with his wife, killing her and their daughter Charlotte (Caroline Kava) too.
That’s right. Bronson gets shot dead while he sleeps. Come on!
You could watch this as John Wick versus Paul Kersey or Theodore Logan getting revenge for Bill S. Preston, Esq. for Death Wish 3 or just a movie where Bronson gets to flex his dramatic muscles. A lot of it probably hit home for him, as before he was an actor, Charles Dennis Buchinsky was a coal miner in his hometown of Ehrenfeld, PA, starting at the age of ten when his father died. He claimed in interviews that he earned a dollar for each ton of coal that he mined and that he and his brother often found themselves nearly dying in cave-ins.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This originally was on the site on August 13, 2021. Really Weird Tales was not produced by Cannon but was sold on videotape by HBO/Cannon Video.
You have to give it to HBO. Between The Hitchhiker and Tales from the Crypt, they were keeping the horror anthology in business throughout the 80s. Really Weird Tales is made up of three episodes of a comedy version of that format with Joe Flaherty as the host.
Flaherty, a Pittsburgh local, was a major part of Second City and SCTV. Horror fans will respect him pretty much forever for his Count Floyd character, which is a loving tribute that pokes fun at the horror hosts that he grew up with, including “Chilly” Bill Cardille.
There are three stories here that all have pretty high production value. “Cursed With Charisma” is all about a mysterious stranger (John Candy) coming to save the town of Fitchville with new ideas of how to sell real estate, as well as an alien invasion. It was directed by Don McBrearty, who directed 1983’s American Nightmare and is still working, directing holiday direct-to-cable movies.
“I’ll Die Loving” has Catherine O’Hara as a woman who blows up real good every man that she falls in love with. Where the last segment felt almost too long, this one seems too short. It was directed by John Blanchard, who directed episodes of SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
Finally, the best story is “All’s Well That Ends Strange,” which pits Martin Short as a lounge singer trying to get into the good graces of a Hefner-style publisher, win the heart of a centerfold played by Olivia d’Abo and escape with his life after he learns that all of the perfect bodies of the women in the mansion aren’t all that natural. It’s a rare horror role for Short, who is great in this episode. It was directed by Paul Lynch, who knows something about making a horror film, what with Prom Night and Humongouson his resume.
While this doesn’t always work all the time, Really Weird Tales should have had more than three episodes to find its footing.
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