APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Green Lantern (2011)

April 29: Drop A Bomb — Please share your favorite critical and financial flop with us!

Martin Campbell made two Zorro and two James Bond movies, but that in no way seemed to prepare him for this DC Universe film. It took a long time to get this far, as Warner Brothers had spent nearly 15 years working on ideas, starting with Kevin Smith and Quentin Tarantino turning down the film. Robert Smigel wrote a treatment with Jack Black in the lead, but comic book fans hated that.

Ryan Reynolds, who played Green Lantern Hal Jodan, said “You really need a visionary behind a movie like that, but it was the classic studio story: “We have a poster, but we don’t have a script or know what we want; let’s start shooting!”

It was also one of those movies that needed to be a big hit to even break even. In fact, to make money, it needed to bring in $500 million.

Roger Ebert probably summed it up best: “It intends to be a sound-and-light show, assaulting the audience with sensational special effects. If that’s what you want, that’s what you get.”

The Green Lantern Corps — which are a lot like the science fiction series Lensmen — has protected the galaxy for billions of years. Our sector of the galaxy — 2814 — has been protected by Abin Sur (Temuera Morrison) until the alien demon Parallax (Clancy Brown) escapes and mortally wounds him; he passes on his ring, power battery and oath to cocky pilot Hal Jordan (Reynolds). He works for Ferris Aircraft, operated by his former girlfriend Carrol Ferris (Blake Lively; probably the only positive of this movie is that this is where she and Reynold met; they later married in a plantation, which is still kind of weird to me). He soon goes to the home of the Green Lanterns, Oa, where he is trained by Tomar-Re (the voice of Geoffrey Rush), Kilowog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Corps leader Sinestro (Mark Strong), who doubts Jordan to the point that he goes back to Earth.

Meanwhile, Senator Robert Hammond (Tim Robbins) has gotten the body of Abin Sur to his strange son Hector (Peter Sarsgaard) and as he’s exposed to Parallax’s energy, his head starts to grow and his evil side comes out. In the comics, Parallax caused Hal Jordan to turn evil. Here, it’s just a CGI monster to throw into the sun.

Reynolds hated the movie and working with Campbell, who wanted Bradley Cooper and felt stuck with the actor, who was happy when it combed. How happy? In Deadpool 2, he goes back in time and stops himself from taking the role.

Other than Amanda Waller (Angela Bassett, who joined the cast nine days before shooting), other DC characters include Green Lanterns Hannu, Apros, NautKeLoi, Norchavius, Voz, Larvox, Morro, MedPhyll, R’amry Holl, Rot Lop Fan. Boddikka, Galius Zed, Amanita, Penelops, Stel, Green Man, M’Dahna, Isamot Kol, Bzza, Lin Canar, Salakk and Chaselon. What, no Ch’P, Katma Tui or Arisia?

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: New Mutants (2020)

April 29: Drop A Bomb — Please share your favorite critical and financial flop with us!

The thirteenth and final X-Men movie before Disney took over the franchise, New Mutants feels like an orphan, a movie that had no chance and that kept coming up against a corporate buyout, COVID-19, three years of off and on production and reshoots.

For what it’s worth, Disney claimed they never saw any box office in this movie, a film that TheFaulty In Our Stars director Josh Boone and writer Knate Lee called “Stephen King meets John Hughes-style horror.” To be fair, Boone was a big fan of the original comics, remixing his own comic book using panels from the Chris Claremont and Bill Sienkiewicz era of New Mutants as a proof of concept for what a film trilogy could be. He even sent a copy to Sienkiewicz, who said that the director had it figured out and wasn’t just ripping off his work.

Boone also saw the film’s Demon Bear villain as one he had real emotional ties to, as he was Evangelical Southern Baptist parents: “…they believed in the rapture; they believed the devil was real; they believed in demons.” Another influence that made me laugh was A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors because if anything, that movie completely rips off the feel of the New Mutants comics, which came out four years before Craven’s movie.

The New Mutants who show up are Danielle Moonstar / Mirage, who is played by Blu Hunt and the film’s lead; Anya Taylor-Joy is Illyana Rasputin / Magik, the daughter of X-Man Colossus, yet the comic connections are downplayed; Maisie Williams  (Arya Stark from Game of Thrones) is Rahne Sinclair / Wolfsbane; Henry Zaga is Roberto da Costa / Sunspot and Charlie Heaton (Jonathan Byers from Stranger Things) is Sam Guthrie / Cannonball. They’re guided by Dr. Cecilia Reyes (Alice Braga) yet trapped in a facility that they believe is provided by Professor X. The truth is much more sinister. Literally, as she’s working for the Essex Corporation, which is probably X-Men villain Mr. Sinister.

It feels like this movie had no chance, but I really liked it. I mean, Lockheed the dragon shows up, Magik’s Soulsword looks great and the horror story works. I wish the sequels — Warlock would be played by Sascha Baron Cohen and the Inferno storyline would be the third movie — had been made, but as Disney took over the property, no one seemed interested in the success of this movie.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2 and ARROW VIDEO 4K RELEASE: Blackhat (2015)

April 29: Drop A Bomb — Please share your favorite critical and financial flop with us!

Blackhat made $19.7 million at the box office against a budget of $70 million, which makes it a bomb, but does how many people came to see a movie on initial release mean it’s a bad movie? Nope.

When a nuclear plant in Hong Kong goes into meltdown and the Chicago Mercantile Exchange gets hacked, it turns out that Captain Chen Dawai (Leehom Wang) of the People’s Liberation Army cyberwarfare unit designed the code behind both systems. He asks that his college roommate, Nicholas Hathaway (Chris Hemsworth), be let out of prison to stop the hacker before they further destabilize several companies and governments. This includes a plan to sabotage a large dam and destroy several major tin mines in Malaysia, with the hacker buying into different futures that will profit from these attacks.

What emerges is a mix between art film and Hollywood action; what’s strange is that no person who spends hours typing on a computer — trust me, I know — looks as good as Hemsworth. But you know, only Michael Mann could direct a scene about hacking a PDF into obtaining a password and making it look that sexy and vibrant. That takes an artistic skill that so few directors lack.

Viola Davis, who plays FBI Special Agent Carol Barrett, and Holt McCallany, who is Deputy United States Marshal Jessup, are both really good in this, but they’re both always the best parts of any film they appear in.

I kind of like how by the end of this movie, it’s basically Hathaway and Dawai’s sister Chen Lien (Tang Wei) against the hackers and the world, having only each other to depend on.

The Arrow Video 4K UHD release of Blackhat has both the US and international versions of the film, well as new audio commentary by critics Bryan Reesman and Max Evry, interviews with cinematographer Stuart Dryburgh and production designer Guy Hendrix Dyas, behind the scenes features, an image gallery, a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Doug John Miller and an illustrated collector’€™s booklet featuring new writing on the film by Andrew Graves. You can get it from MVD. There’s also a blu ray version.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Morgan Stewart’s Coming Home (1987)

April 28: Alan Smithee — IMDB has 115 movies credited to the Alan Smithee pseudonym, which was created by the Directors Guild of America for use when a director doesn’t want their name on a movie.

This movie’s Alan Smithee is the combination of Terry Windsor, who had only directed Party Party when this was made, and his replacement Paul Aaron, who was unhappy with the final movie. Arron also wrote The Octagon and directed A Force of One, which doesn’t prepare one for comedy.

Morgan Stewart (Jon Cryer) is the son of Republican Senator Tom Stewart (Nicholas Pryor) and has spent most of his childhood at a boarding school while his mother Nancy (Lynn Redgrave) manages the family life, all with a plan of increasing the elder Stewart’s chance to be President. Yet when the Senatorial race gets hard, the idea of a son looks good in the media, so Morgan comes back home.

Morgan is really into horror movies, wearing a shirt for The Undead and putting posters for House of Wax, Dial M for MurderThe Mole People and Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HydeThe Curse of FrankensteinAttack of the Puppet PeoplePsycho and Tales of Terror up in his room. I mean, he even has a Zombie poster, a Day of the Dead shirt and goes to the mall to meet George Romero. We never see George’s face, he seems too small and he doesn’t have on a giant fishing vest, so I think it’s not him.

Seeing how Tom’s campaign manager is played by Paul Gleason, you know that something bad is going to happen. It’s pretty rote, but I mean, what did you expect?

But Morgan seems pretty cool. He has a Tobe Hooper-signed chainsaw, right? I was kind of hoping he’d use it on his mother after she takes down and tosses all his amazing posters. But man, even in today’s world where women go to horror conventions — I’m married to a lovely one! — the fact that Morgan meets Emily (Viveka Davis) while waiting to get The Zombies That Ate Pittsburgh: The Films of George A. Romero signed seems a bit like a science fiction film.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: The Owl (1991)

April 28: Alan Smithee — IMDB has 115 movies credited to the Alan Smithee pseudonym, which was created by the Directors Guild of America for use when a director doesn’t want their name on a movie.

Alex L’Hiboux (Adrian Paul, Highlander: The Series) — his last name is the owl, get it? — is a vigilante who is known as The Owl because he hasn’t slept since his wife and daughter were killed eight years ago. Thanks to a young girl named Lisa (Erika Flores), he takes on a case to find her father and reconnects with the policewoman who helped him on the night of the tragedy that changed his life, Danny Santerre (Patricia Charbonneau).

Originally broadcast as a television pilot on CBS from 10:45 p.m. to 11:45 p.m. on Saturday, August 3, 1991 — this is what we call burning off a pilot — this was a 48-minute episode. When it was released on home video, every single shot ever filmed was reused and padded to make it 84 minutes long. Director and writer Tom Holland asked for his name to be taken off the home video.

Brian Thomson, who plays the bartender who is The Owl’s frenemy, was the Night Slasher in Cobra, Bozworth in Fright Night 2 (which Holland did not work on) and Shao Khan in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.  Oh yeah, speaking of people in Cannon movies, Rick Zumwalt — Bull Hurley from Over the Top, Joshua in Penitentiary III and Boom Boom in Rockula — also shows up. And holy Canadian crap, there’s Alan Scarfe, the dad from Cathy’s Curse!

You know why people liked the Punisher back before his logo became a Nazi flag for cowards? Because you could have empathy for what he’s been through. The Owl seems like such a jerk that it’s hard to ever feel anything for him.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: The O. J. Simpson Story (1995)

April 28: Alan Smithee — IMDB has 115 movies credited to the Alan Smithee pseudonym, which was created by the Directors Guild of America for use when a director doesn’t want their name on a movie.

The Alan Smithee here is Jerrold Freedman, a director who also made a lot of TV before ending his career with this, including episodes of The X-FilesNight Gallery and movies and TV movies like Kansas City BomberA Cold Night’s DeathUnholy MatrimonyThe Boy Who Drank Too Much and The Comeback.

Written by Stephen Harrigan, who also write a John Denver TV movie, this movie has to decide when OJ is a good guy and when he’s, well, a monster who beat and killed his second wife.

Bobby Hosea is Simpson and he was a former football player, which helped. Jessica Tuck is the doomed Nicole Brown Simpson. If you’re looking for famous people, well, there’s Terence Howard as young AC and Bruce Weitz as Robert Shapiro. But otherwise, one imagines that actors really avoided being in thsi cash-in movie, which was filmed in 1994 and not aired until after there was a jury for the trial.

The one thing I learned is that the biggest fight that OJ had with his wife, the one that led to the 911 call when he attacked her, was over her saying that he’d never win an Oscar being in a movie called The Naked Gun. Now, I’m not saying OJ was right, but I love The Naked Gun and Nicole nearly kept the world from seeing Nordberg going down the steps in a wheelchair. He’s still wrong and a murderer, but for that moment, for the first time ever, I understood a bit of how he felt. That’s filmmaking.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Koyaanisqatsi (1982)

April 27: Until You Call on the Dark — Pick a movie from the approved movies list of the Church of Satan. Here’s the list.

The first movie in Godfrey Reggio’s Qatsi trilogy — followed by Powaqqatsi and Naqoyqatsi — this combines Ron Fricke’s cinematography and Philip Glass’s score to create a feeling of zen or restlessness, depending on how it is viewed. There are no words as Reggio said, “…it’s not for lack of love of the language that these films have no words. It’s because, from my point of view, our language is in a state of vast humiliation. It no longer describes the world in which we live.” Instead, the Hopi word koyaanisqatsi is all we know, which means “life out of balance.”

Reggio and Fricke met when the director was working on a media campaign for the Institute for Regional Education and the American Civil Liberties Union. These ads were about how technology controls the world and invades our privacy. The TV spots were so popular people called stations to see when they would air again; it was also successful in that it got ritalin eliminated as a behavior controlling drug in New Mexico schools. Afterward, with just $40,000 left in his budget, Fricke told Reggio that they should make a film.

Shot with a mix of styles and media — 16mm, 35mm made with a 16 mm zoom lens shot onto 35 mm film with a zoom extender, time lapse photography, captured stills in New York’s Time Square with chemicals changing up the results, the New York traffic and congrestion time lapse work of cinematographer Hilary Harris and even images added of the Great Gallery at Horseshoe Canyon by Francis Ford Coppola, who became a champion of the movie —  Koyaanisqatsi is about giving you an experience. The director has even said that what the movie is about is up to you. It ends with these three prophecies:

  • “If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster.”
  • “Near the day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky.”
  • “A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans.”

In the Live Journal of Rev. Warlock DRACONIS BLACKTHORNE, he says of this work, “Koyaanisqatsi is certainly a Satanic meditation, which would prove beneficial after any interaction with the herd, a veritable “eye in the sky” – asserts the “larger picture”, as it were.”

The Church of Satan film list says, “Satanic elements include a misanthropic contempt for Humanity, the Command to Look, and The Balance Factor.”

The ultimate rejection of herd mentality lies within this film, as it invites you to create a meaning that only has one owner. You.

You can watch this on Tubi.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye (1950)

April 27: Until You Call on the Dark — Pick a movie from the approved movies list of the Church of Satan. Here’s the list.

Banned in Ohio because it was “a sordid, sadistic presentation of brutality and an extreme presentation of crime with explicit steps in commission,” the first $500,000 of this movie went to paying off James Cagney’s debts as a movie producer.

In this, he’s Ralph Cotter, who is a mean enough man that he sacrifices his escape partner and then shacks up with the dead man’s sister Holiday (Barbara Payton) and then blackmails her, all because she came up with the plan that got him out of the big house. But you know, it seems like she likes it, because even when he whips her with a wet towel, she embraces him.

It can’t last because as bad as Ralph is, the cops are worse. And when he falls for a wealthy woman named  Margaret Dobson (Helena Carter), he casts aside Holiday who just so happens to figure out just who killed her brother.

Cagney was coming off the noir film White Heat, which this gets compared to often. I discovered it not just from the Church of Satan list but because it’s on the marquee in Messiah of Evil when Toni decides to escape reality and go to the movies.

Beyond two women out to play our hero, this also has a church based on Cosmic Consciousness where the  priest tells his congregation to bow their heads and not pray.

Director Gordon Douglas also made one of my favorite movies ever, In Like Flint, and Them!

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Gizmo (1977)

April 27: Until You Call on the Dark — Pick a movie from the approved movies list of the Church of Satan. Here’s the list.

Howard Smith started his career as a journalist and is best known for his column “Scenes,” which ran weekly for twenty years and became known for its cutting-edge coverage of the emerging counterculture. Not only did he report on the Stonewall Riots, he was inside the building as it happened. He also produced and directed,  along with Sarah Kernochan, one of my favorite documentaries ever, Marjoe.

This is a movie of clips, mostly concerning inventors trying to be the one that changes the world. And it’s also about stunt people who challenged that world, like John Ciampa, who was known as the Human Fly, the Flying Phantom and the Brooklyn Tarzan. He was an early parkour athlete before anyone even knew what that was and he was used by Paramount to publicize their Tarzan movies. In this film, you can see him enjoy dinner with his family before he climbs trees, leaps across buildings and even uses a drainpipe to scale a building.

You’ve seen the photo of Frank “Cannonball” Richards, but do you know his name? Gizmo shows more of him, a man who twice a day was shot in the stomach with a hundred pound cannonball.

Narrated by Milt Moss and written by Kathleen Cox, Nicholas Hollander (who would go on to write Animaniacs) and Clark Whelton, this film ends with this: “Maybe there are three kinds of people in this world, those who make it, those who don’t, and those who criminate in this movie. They believe in the impossible, and they try to make it chorus in. Because in the heart, when you want to trade in life, you find the mountain, in the failure of triumph. Because in the heart, people see air and I know, if you have the thing to go, reason hard to see, the corona star, the spirit, the mountain, and man’s Rex afore. Or to say it another way, man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?”

Most of the newsreel footage in this movie had no dialogue. A lip reader was hired to determine what they said and actors dubbed in the dialogue. Two of the songs, “Let It Go” and “Somewhere” were written by J. Stephen Soles and his wife at the time, P.J. Totally.

How is this a Satanic film? Anton LaVey loved ballyhoo, which this is full of, and strange inventions, such as the automatons of Dr. Cecil Nixon, a dentist who created Isis, Galatea and more creations that he kept in his San Francisco mansion, The House of a Thousand Mysteries.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Blue Velvet (1986)

April 27: Until You Call on the Dark — Pick a movie from the approved movies list of the Church of Satan. Here’s the list.

James Shelby Downard once said, “Never allow anyone the luxury of assuming that because the dead and deadening scenery of the American city-of-dreadful-night is so utterly devoid of mystery, so thoroughly flat-footed, sterile and infantile, so burdened with the illusory gloss of “baseball-hot dogs-apple-pie-and-Chevrolet” that it is somehow outside the psycho-sexual domain. The eternal pagan psychodrama is escalated under these “modern” conditions precisely because sorcery is not what 20th century man can accept as real.”

I’d like to think that Downard saw this movie, shook his head a bit and thought, “Well, they got some of it right.”

The Church of Satan film list says of Blue Velvet, “This neo-noir film by David Lynch is meant to be felt and experienced more than understood, Blue Velvet is about the hidden and unknown. It’s both terrifying and erotic simultaneously. The innocent outlook on life is stripped away to stark reality where predator and prey intermingle. 

The Satanic qualities presented are the exploration of the darker side of Human Nature, Lust, Fetishism, the Dominant and the Submissive, the Law of the Forbidden, Self Preservation, and Justice.”

Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) has come home to Lumberton, North Carolina — a town that has a radio station with the call letters WOOD and seems so normal that something has to be wrong — a place named after lumber on the Lumber River. He’s home because his father has had a seizure and on the way home from the hospital, Jeffrey finds a severed ear. He does what any normal boy would do: he takes it to a cop, Detective John Williams (George Dickerson). This allows him to meet the perfect girl next door, the man’s daughter Sandy (Laura Dern). She might always have the perfect boyfriend, football player Mike Shaw (Ken Stovitz), but Jeffrey is able to get into Sandy’s world by being dangerous and investigating someone connected to that ear: lounge singer Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini, who would appear in the perhaps just as strange Tough Guys Don’t Dance after this). He sneaks into her apartment appearing to be an exterminator, except she catches him and easily overpowers him thanks to her feminine power. As she’s on the verge of assaulting him, Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) arrives, sending Jeffrey into a closet and Dorothy to the floor as Frank alternatively cries, screams, huffs gas and beats her into a submissive sexual state.

Yeah, this isn’t working out like Jeffrey planned.

Jeffrey still sees things like either a child or a character in a detective novel, giving people names like the well-dressed man or the Yellow Man. He becomes obsessed with Dorothy while still courting Sandy. He thinks he can save Dorothy’s husband and son Don and Don, but once he gives in to Dorothy’s pleas to hit her while they lie in bed, he’s lost. He’s in over his head. His fantasies that he’d write to True Detective — instead of Penthouse Forum — are consuming. Deadly, too. This isn’t some kind of jerk off dream that barely comes true. This is violent and bloody fucking that winds up with you trapped in a car with maniacs like Booth, visiting suave lounge singers like Ben (Dean Stockwell) and wondering if everyone in the world is against you and probably being right. It’s the kind of fantasy that gets you kissed all over by a lunatic and waking up almost dead in a field far from home.

Normal humanity didn’t react well to this movie. For example, the agency representing Rossellini immediately dropped her as a client after the test screenings and the nuns at the school that she went to in Rome called to say they were praying for her.

Hopper wasn’t cast originally, as Frank was written for Michael Ironside. The Last Movie director called Lynch and screamed, “I’ve got to play Frank! I am Frank!” Lynch also wanted Frank to inhale helium, but Hopper wanted it to be amyl nitrate. Lynch said that Hopper told him, “David, I know what’s in these different canisters.” And I said, “Thank God, Dennis, that you know that!” And he named all the gases!”

In Satan Speaks, Anton LaVey wrote about songs like “Telstar” and “Yes, We Have No Bananas” as Satanic songs.

“The word ‘occult’ simply means hidden or secret,” he says. “Go to the record store, to the corner where no one else is, where everything is dusty and nobody ever goes. Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain” is mystical music, dramatic, Gothic, satanically programmed music. But it’s not occult music. “Yes, We Have No Bananas” would be an occult tune.

It’s occult because when you put that record on the turntable, it’s a lead-pipe cinch that there is not another person in the entire world who is listening to that record at that time. If there’s anything, any frequency, any power that exists anywhere in this cosmos, in this universe, you’re gonna stand out like a beacon! It truly makes you elite.”

Lynch understands that by using Roy Orbison’s “In Dreams” and Bobby Vinton’s “Blue Velvet” — he almost used “Song to the Siren” by This Mortal Coil, a song that was first played on the last episode of The Monkees by its writer Tom Buckley — in Blue Velvet. Orbison has always seemed like an alien to me, perhaps because of his look, his voice or because he voided the verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus structure. His songs feel like being in, well, a dream.

Frank finds great magic in the words “candy-colored clown” and it feels like Ben is about to break down when he sings “In dreams, you’re mine all of the time. We’re together in dreams, in dreams.” A lot of Roy Orbison made me feel like that when I was a child, like future nostalgia, the same feeling that made me listen to breakup songs over and over crying before I had ever had my heart broken, as if I were saving up for a time when I would finally be unrequited.

The art for this article comes from Unlovely Frankenstein.