Evil Town (1987)

This movie is a mess and I love it. A glorious four director thrown together junkfest that started filming in 1984, as well as containing footage coming from an unfinished Dean Jagger movie made a decade before, God Bless Dr. Shagetz. Then, to spice things up, Gary Graver’s wife — and Fonzie’s girlfriend Lorraine — Jillian Kesner-Graver and Playboy Playmate of the Month for June 1982, Lynda Wiesmeier, show up for the “foreign sales.”

A group of four friends end up in a small town where young people just happen to disappear, all because there are some old folks using young folks to become young folks again.

One of the directors of this movie, Mardi Rustam, liked the idea so much that he made his own take on it and that would be Evils of the Night, which may be the better movie and definitely came out two years before this one finally got completed. That said, how many movies have an evil Hope Summers from The Andy Griffith Show?

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome.

JOIN US THIS SATURDAY AT THE DRIVE-IN ASYLUM DOUBLE FEATURE!

This Saturday night on the Groovy Doom Facebook page, we’re watching two great movies and it all starts at 8 PM East Coast Time. We’re joined by Sean Collier of Pittsburgh Magazine and The Number One Movie In America podcast!

Up first…Joe D’Amato insanity! It’s Antropophagus, which you can get from Severin or watch as The Grim Reaper cut on Tubi.

Here’s a drink to enjoy during the movie. You don’t need to drink and please do so responsibly.

Tasty Baby on a Greek Beach

  • 1 oz. rum
  • 1 oz. Southern Comfort
  • 1 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. grenadine
  • 2 tbsp. lime juide
  • 1.5 oz. orange juice
  1. Mix and serve over ice.
  2. Watch over your shoulder for Klaus Wortman.

Up next…it’s the non-Jason The Orphan: Friday the 13th, which you can watch on YouTube.

Drunken Monkey God

  • 4 oz. orange juice
  • 2 oz. pineapple juice
  • 3 oz. coconut rum
  • 1 oz. Kraken rum
  • 4-5 dashes bitters
  • Ground nutmeg
  • Maraschino cherries and juice
  • Lime and pineapple (for garnish)
  1. Shake juices, rums and bitters in a shaker with ice for thirty seconds.
  2. Pour into an ice filled glass, then pour in 2 tbsp. of cherry juice.
  3. Garnish with fruit and grab a shotgun.

THE EXCELLENT EIGHTIES: The Cold War Killers (1986)

Based on a series of novels by Anthony Price, this movie was originally part of a six episode ITV series, Chessgame, that was turned into three TV movies: The Alamut Ambush, The Deadly Recruits, and this movie, The Cold War Killers.

Leave it to Mill Creek to drop you into a TV series turned into an edited for time movie with no warning whatsoever.

Terence Stamp, who was one of the villains of my childhood thanks to his turn as General Zod in the Superman movies, stars as David Audley, a Cold War spy exhausted by the secret game he’s been playing against the Russians for decades.

He’s dealing with a missing British bomber, which is found when a small lake is drained to make room for a new housing development. Soon, the simple discovery becomes so much more, as it brings together smuggling, the black market, the KGB, the SS and several murders, all while Audley tries to find love.

Mike Lane, who plays Carmine Longo in this movie, was in several films that fans of our site can appreciate, like StrykerUlysses Against HerculesGrotesqueA Name for EvilFrankenstein 1970 and Demon Keeper. And Eurospy fans should keep an eye out for Carmen Du Sautoy, who was Saida in The Man with the Golden Gun.

Mother Noose Presents: Once Upon a Nightmare (2021)

“This ain’t no Disney fairy tale!”

That’s a pretty bold proclamation for a movie, but Mother Noose Presents: Once Upon a Nightmare isn’t a movie that’s all that interested in subtlety. It’s barely a few moments in when the big bad wolf sprouts an erection and things don’t slow down from there.

Directed by Richard Tanner (Room for RentFrankenthug)*, this film starts when a poor man starts his new job as assistant to an eccentric storyteller living deep in the woods. Her stories  — “Mother Noose and the Assistant” — form the thread of this anthology, with each tale growing darker and more menacing.

The first story, “The Big Bad,” is a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, with Erin Brown playing that role. You may know her better under her other stage names Sadie Lane and Misty Mundae.

Jon Devlin, who was in Joe Stryker, appears in the best story of the bunch, “A Real Boy,” in which he plays Merrick, an abused wooden boy in a sideshow.

Other tales include “Through the Woods,””Sinderella,” a retelling of — you get it — Cinderella and the extremely dark “Breadcrumbs,” which reinvents the story of Hansel and Gretyl as an abusive marriage and the lengths that a husband would go through to escape it.

While this movie isn’t released yet, you can keep up on it on its official Facebook page. I’m glad that the filmmakers gave us an early look at it. If you love low budget anthologies and would fun with a more gory and ribald take on children’s fairy tales, then this is the movie for you.

*IMDB also lists Dan Beck as the director of “A Real Boy” and Eric E. Bow as the director of “Through the Woods.”

B-MOVIE BLAST: My Tutor (1983)

Bobby Chrystal (Matt Lattanzi, who was in Xanadu where he met his one-time wife Olivia Newton-John) might never graduate high school thanks to his poor French scores. But this being a 1983 movie, all he cares about is losing his virginity, just like his buddies Billy and Jack (a practically all hormone Crispin Hellion Glover).

To help him improve his French, Mr. Chrystal (Invasion of the Body Snatchers star Kevin McCarthy) hires Terry Green (Caren Kaye, who played Jason Bateman’s mom on the one season NBC sitcom It’s Your Move) to teach his son. Well, she sure does, starting with him perving her while she skinny dips in their pool and ending with the predictable motion of the oryctérope.

Of course, dad wanted Terry all for himself and tells his son that she only was there to teach him, with a $10,000 bonus if he passes. He calls her a prostitute, because that’s what being a young incel is all about, before realizing that she taught him so much. Now, he has the ability to ask out his crush Bonnie.

Katt Shea, who would go on to direct both Stripped to Kill movies, as well as Poison Ivy and The Rage: Carrie 2, is in this as a mud wrestler. So are Shelley Taylor Morgan (Malibu Express), Jewel Shepherd (Zapped!Hollywood Hot Tubs 2: Educating Crystal), Jacqueline Jacobs (who is in pretty much every Crown International winner like Malibu BeachThe Van, The Beach Girls, Weekend PassThe Patriot and Hunk) and Kitten Natividad (Night Patrol, Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens). If I have to explain to you why any of these women appeared in this movie, you haven’t watched enough 1980’s teen sex comedies.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Le Gladiatrici (1963)

With the Italian title meaning The Female Gladiators, this film was released here as Thor and the Amazon Women. It’s actually a sequel to Taur the Mighty, but I think you’ll be fine with just watching it without seeing that movie.

It comes from Antonio Leonviola, the man who made Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops and Mole Men Against the Son of Hercules.

A civilization of women warriors, lorded over by the evil Black Queen (Janine Hendry, Taur the Mighty) has been decimating the men of their country. Soon, they come up against Tamar (Susy Andersen, Black Sabbath), who is the daughter of a great warrior who teams with Thor (Joe Robinson, who was Taur in that aforementioned movie and I guess may be that character again. Perhaps not. Is it more confusing if Tamar is the daughter of Taur and Robinson is just playing a whole different role? Ah man…), Ubaratutu (Harry Baird, The Four of the Apocalypse) and her younger brother Homolke.

Nera the Black Queen like two things: her cat and gladiator battles between captive women. She must be Italian, because this is one of the prized tropes of my ancestral forebearers. One of the captives, Ghebel (Carla Foscari, Mole Men Against the Sons of Hercules), tells the evil leader about Thor, a strongman who prophecy claims will end the Black One’s evil kingdom. Tamar ends up getting kidnapped and turned into one of the gladiators.

Luckily, the captain of the guard opposes the queen is ready to help our heroes. She tries to lead an uprising but is killed and the Queen orders Tamar and Ghebel to fight to the death. Just then, the rest of our heroes attack. Tamar ends up winning the battle and kills both Ghebel and the Black Queen, deposing her rule and putting her brother on the throne, which seems kind of backward to have a little boy leading everyone when Tamar has more than proved herself.

That’s right. A movie about a female empowered society that does all it can to prove to you that a female empowered society is the worst idea ever. What I’m saying is that if you expect a movie that proves the superiority of female leadership, look elsewhere than a 1963 peblum movie.

By the way Thor and Ubaratutu look at one another, I think Tamar would have been better off keeping Nera in power. If you must watch this, you can find it on Tubi.

La Isla de los Dinosaurios (1967)

Rafael Portillo, come back on down, you’re back for another blast of strangeness, this time taking us to an island of dinosaurs! Much like Columbus searching for a trade route to the West Indies and finding Florida, these scientists are seeking Atlantis and end up somewhere else entirely, a place teeming with all manner of giant lizards.

Yes, the Professor (Manolo Fábregas, Two Mules for Sister Sara) has convinced Pablo (Genaro Moreno, Las Mujeres Panteras), Esther (Elsa Cárdenas, Giant) and Laura (Alma Delia Fuentes, Panic) to jump in a prop plane and seek out this secret spot. Of course, the plane crashes but everyone is having so much fun on the island — no one gets upset at all — that this seems like a breezy travelogue.

That is until Laura is taken by a caveman named Molo (Armando Silvestre, Santo contra Los Zombis) and together, they battle dinosaurs — amazingly, stolen from much bigger productions like One Million B.C.* — and fall in love, at which point she teaches him the value of money, shows his people how to make new weapons and gives the women tips on combing their hair. She’s like one of those angels from the Book of Enoch that comes down to Earth after the Great Fall only to teach us things like dying garments and how to use makeup**.

Everything works out . Well, a volcano does wipe out most of the island and that too was taken from that 1940 Hal Roach movie. So maybe not so well for everyone.

*To be fair, these lizards with fins glued on them show up in more than just this movie. You can also spot them in everything from Tarzan’s Desert MysteryTwo Lost Worlds and Untamed Women to Robot MonsterKing Dinosaur and Teenage Caveman. Thanks to Mark David Welsh for pointing this out.

**The angel Azazel is the one who did all that, plus showed humans how to make swords, daggers, shields, breastplates, bracelets, ornaments and how to create jewelry. Other angels like Amezarack, Amaros, Baraqiel, Kokabel, Tamiel and Asradel had to content themselves with just showing humanity how to cast spells and astrology.

Tomie: Forbidden Fruit (2002)

Even though the fourth installment of this series was called Tomie: The Final Chapter – Forbidden Fruit, we all know that any sequel happy series that promises a final chapter are always liars.

Tomie Hashimoto writes vampire fiction and gets made fun of for being a Lolita by the other girls by day and lives alone with her distant and widowed father by night. One day, while trying to jewelry, Tomie H. meets Tomie Kawakami, who she brings into her fictional life. But their meeting was no coincidence.

Tomie H.’s father, Kazuhiko, was involved with Tomie K. years and years ago, back before she was murdered. He even named his daughter after her. Once Tomie K. meets him, she casts her spell and demands that he kill her daughter. He replies by cutting off her head and throwing it into the river, which Tomie H. finds the head and nurses it back into a larval state.

Like many teen relationships, a fight comes between them, so Tomie H. throws her friend off a building, which only brings her back stronger, so she kills her with an arrow and gets her father’s help to freeze and destroy Tomie K., who of course wins over the father and nearly kills our heroine, who is saved by a worker at the ice company.

She goes back to her fictional world, except now she has an ear of Tomie that she is growing to be her true friend.

Shun Nakahara, who directed this, is another young Japanese filmmaker who came from the world of adult video. I found this to be one of the more interesting Tomie movies. As for the lesbian tease of Forbidden Fruit, it’s mostly implied and refers to the pomegranate, which the two eat together in one scene.

Some Jewish scholars believe pomegranates were the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. The fruit is also listed as one of the Seven Species of special products of the Land of Israel and symbolizes the mystical experiences of the kabbalah. Finally, look no further than the Songs of Solomon for this quote: “Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.”

So yeah, they’re totally talking about sex.

You can watch this on YouTube.

House On Straw Hill (1976)

“Nothing, but nothing, is left to the imagination!” Yes, this section 1 Video Nasty* is also known as Trauma and Expose.  It’s all about Paul Martin (an incredibly young and dubbed Udo Kier) is a writer who has rented a home in the country to finish his latest book. Writer’s block hits him hard, as does a fight with his girlfriend Suzanne (Fiona Richmond, Eat the Rich). That’s when he hires a new secretary named Linda (Linda Hayden**, The Blood on Satan’s Claw). And that’s where everything goes to hell.

From their first meeting, where Linda is intimidated by several men who eventually assault her — and she also eventually shotgun blasts them — our protagonist is obsessed with her, despite her constantly resisting her advances. She replaces the housekeeper — who is soon murdered — and when Suzanne comes back, Linda seduces her, just in time for Paul to crash his car into a river and his ex-girlfriend to be killed in the shower.

Director James Kenelm Clarke also made two soft core films, Hardcore and Let’s Get Laid, which also star Richmond. They’re much less scummy than this one, which pretty much the definition of the word. The alternate title that we reviewed this under sets up this being a takeoff of Straw Dogs, but it’s closer to a straight-up sex movie — minus all the murder.

This was remade by Martin Kemp in 2010 as Stalker, with Hayden appearing as Mrs. Brown.

You can watch this on Tubi.

*It’s the only British-made film to appear on the original list of these prosecuted films.

**She claims that this is the only movie that she regrets making and the end film was not what she had made originally.

Run, Angel, Run! (1969)

I’m not saying that all movies should have William Smith in them, but I kind of am. This was the 17th highest grossing film in 1969, which sounds like hyperbole but I’d like it to be true. It also has a Tammy Wynette soundtrack, which is another way into my heart.

Smith plays Angel, a motorcycle gang member who sells the real story of what it’s like on the inside to a magazine for ten grand — about $70,000 today — and earns the anger of every biker in the world. The word gets out — Angel is to be killed.

Unlike most biker films where the hero gets worse and worse, Angel actually finds a sheep farmer who gives him a brief moment to live a normal life off the road. Unfortunately, the gangs are never far behind.

Director Jack Starrett does some amazing things in this, like some incredibly dangerous shots of the gang on the road, shooting them with a camera that moves from biker to biker in the days before when a drone would make such a shot simple. He’s also gone wild with multiple split screens and dropped out audio and made this a living, breathing comic book.

Starrett’s wife Valerie plays Angel’s old lady, while Dan Kemp plays the kind rancher and Margaret Markov is his probably doomed daughter. Markov lights up the screen in plenty of Corman-era movies like The ArenaBlack Mama White Mama and The Hot Box.

I had a blast with this movie. It’s filled with drama and shot in a way that you totally won’t expect. Watch it and let me know what you think.

You can watch this on Tubi.