Chattanooga Film Festival: The Ones You Didn’t Burn (2022)

I’ve said it before, I’ll certainly say it again, but if your parent — who you have been estranged from — calls you repeatedly with strange messages and then they die and you need to set their affairs in order, just stay away. You don’t need the money, the aggravation or the supernatural onslaught.

Nathan (Nathan Wallace) and Mirra (Jenna Sander) are in no way close. The only thing that connects them would be the same parents and now that their father is dead, that connection is in the past. In town to handle the old farm — where everyone in town worked, so there’s already some resentment — they soon both live out the Thoreau quote that begins this movie: “I believe men are generally still a little afraid of the dark, though the witches are all hung.”

Nathan starts having vivid nightmares of a woman rising from the sea and soon starts feeling the same dread that his father felt; the family had long ago stolen the land and then used the people around it for decades to help them make their livelihood. This causes him to spiral back into addiction with the help of old enabling friend Greg (Samuel Dunning) — nice Bolt Thrower shirt by the way — while his sister grows close with the very people who once toiled in her father’s fields, Alice (director Eliese Finnerty) and her sister Scarlett (Estelle Girard Parks).

This is Finnerty’s first full-length film and it moves quickly — it has a 70-plus minute running time, which I love — and the closing visuals are gorgeous. It made me think that while we truly own nothing, everything that we try to put on a mark on was owned by someone before us and worse, probably taken by force from them. Everything is cursed, when you think about it, but some worse than others.

Many years ago, an ancestor made it to the final degree of brotherhood and was taken to an island for his last rite and initiation. When he came home, he didn’t look the same, his eyes didn’t have any life and he just sat in a chair facing the window, miserable and depressed in a chair, telling everyone he was waiting to die. I thought about that story as I watched this and if I had any opportunity to claim his heritage, trust me, movies have taught me to run long, hard and fast. And never, ever steal anything from a woman.

Want to see it for yourself? It’s now playing as part of the Chattanooga Film Fest. Virtual tickets are available at www.chattfilmfest.org/

Chattanooga Film Festival: Chicken House (2022)

Director and writer Cate Jones — she also made She’s the Eldest — comes from Lawton, Oklahoma, known — as her IMDB bio helpfully reminds us — for high crime, meth and an Army base. She left town as soon as she graduated and now makes movies. She’s also Cat, the new roommate in a house of actresses who turns everything way upside down, inside out and shakes it all about.

Shot in nine days on a $17,000 budget — a fact that is not apparent — this film has three actress roommates — if not friends — at its core: Charlie (Ashley Mandanas) is struggling with her sexual identity, Beth (Jessi Kyle) is obsessed with religion and April (Kassie Gann) is non-stop recording auditions for ads about vaginal wellness. They’re all conflicted in how they feel about themselves, never mind one another, so even Cat arrives and refuses to even discuss the limits on how hard of drugs can come into the house — and then reveals that a poltergeist is also living there — things start getting wonderfully messy.

There are also Mormon missionaries, questions of existence and, yes, the reveal of the ghost within the room who ends up — spoiler warning — perhaps being the best roommate of them all. Big points for casting Mickey Reese, the director of Agnes (and at least a movie a year, every year and sometimes two, like in 2019 when he made Climate of the Hunter and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune).

The film plays out like an interrogation of what happened in the home — in color — mixed with remembrances and scenes — in black and white — and the narrative works so well. Yes, we all have issues, actors and filmmakers more than most, but sometimes the strangest — and most supernatural — events unite us. Even if it’s an ill-advised exorcism. I mean, what’s some holy water between friends?

Want to see it for yourself? It’s now playing as part of the Chattanooga Film Fest. Virtual tickets are available at www.chattfilmfest.org/

Tales from the Dark Side episode 3: “Pain Killer”

Harvey Turman (Lou Jacobi, a Canadian comedian who released “Al Tijuana and his Jewish Brass,” a comedic take on Herb Albert as a Yiddish bandleader and yes, that’s a real thing) has non-stop back pain that Dr. Roebuck (Farley Granger) believes is all caused by Harvey’s wife Nadine (Peggy Cass) and that if he kills her, he’ll heal up.

The truth is a bit more complicated — or a twist ending — but writer Haskell Barkin must have had a rough marriage himself. His career is interesting, though, writing tons of Hanna Barbera cartoons like Jabberjaw, Yogi’s Space RaceThe Jetsons and episodes of The Love Boat. He also contributed to the 80s version of The Twilight Zone and Monsters, the follow-up to Tales from the Dark Side.

Director Armand Mastroianni has a great horror background, making The Supernaturals, He Knows You’re AloneThe ClairvoyantCameron’s Closet and episodes of Friday the 13th: The Series and three other episodes of this series.

This is more of a throwaway comedy episode, but at least it has a moment where the couple watches Night of the Living Dead on TV, which was a public domain film that cost nothing to add to the show. More importantly, it was created by the show’s producer, George Romero.

Rencor tatuado (2018)

Tattoo of Revenge is about Aida (Diana Lein), a woman who survived a home invasion that took the lives of her husband, her housekeeper and her unborn child. Faking her death as a suicide, she leaves behind her photography career and begins to seduce and drug evil men, tattooing them as they sleep in narcotic dreamland, leaving them forever marked.

In other words, La Chica con el Tatuaje del Dragón.

Director Julián Hernández has created a black humored — and black and white — take on the revenge film. Lein is great — all muscle and rage and barely concealed hatred for every man she even looks at — and I love the muted look of the film, even if it seems to go on about an hour longer than it needs to.

There’s a whole plot about the rich and powerful making home dirty movies, but we’re really here for wronged women hiring Aida to scar their abusers forever. There’s a good movie inside here, you just need to whittle it down to find it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Chattanooga Film Festival: Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes (2021)

Director Kevin Kopacka and co-writer Lili Villányi worked on an episode of the TV show DYLAN a few years ago, which is based on the same character from Cemetery Man. That makes perfect sense, as this film has style to spare.

Dieter (Frederik von Lüttichau) and Margot (Luisa Taraz) have moved to a Gothic castle that would be at home in the films of Corman or Bava*. He has anger issues, she’s in the throes of depression and the estate? Well, it’s slowly making them prisoners. And then they find the whip in the basement, which unlocks old souls and a house that was definitely the site of some whispered illicit behavior.

A story that goes from Eurohorror to a study of relationships to even the nature of male and female inter dynamics within an occult movie that looks like it came from Italy in the 70s, this one has so much going for it. Just look at the font in the poster and at the end of the film. This is a movie that has been polished and honed and worked into the art that it is now. Don’t miss it.

*The director has directly called out Bava’s The Whip and the Body and Jean Rollin’s The Iron Rose as influences. The poster is literally taken from the latter film. It also takes a line from Fassbinder’s The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant.

Want to see it for yourself? It’s now playing as part of the Chattanooga Film Fest. Virtual tickets are available at www.chattfilmfest.org/

Junesploitation 2022: BASEketball (1998)

June 24: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is lethal 90s comedy! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

David Zucker made Airplane!Top Secret and The Naked Gun movies so we should really be forever forgiving everything he does, but he’s a pretty great person by all accounts, serving as a staunch environmentalist and ah, never mind, he made some Republican political ads and a video in which he attacked President Barack Obama for the Iran nuclear deal within a prescription drug ad. At least he wrote 11 updated verses to the song “The Ballad of Davy Crockett,” right?

He also made this, based on a game that he’d been playing forever that makes no sense — the players in the movie are the actual original players of the Zucker-driveway game, asked by the director to be in the movie — and that doesn’t matter because just like any of the Zucker movies, we’re here to see non-stop jokes, as well as Joe “Coop” Cooper and Doug Remer (Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, who agreed to do BASEkeyball thinking that the cartoon would be canceled by the time filming was due to happen) act like idiots.

I think I cast this movie, as it features Ernest Borgnine as league money mark Ted Denslow, Robert Vaughn as the bad guy, Jenny McCarthy as his mistress (and Denslow’s widow) and Bob Costas, Al Michaels, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Dale Earnhardt, Reggie Jackson, Tim McCarver, Pat O’Brien, Dan Patrick and Robert Stack — appearing on Unsolved Mysteries — as themselves.

They made t-shirts of this movie! How did that happen?

Confession: Beyond loving this movie no matter how silly or outright dumb it gets, my brother and I grew up with hardly any other kids around us, so we’d invent games just like BASEketball. One was Street Tennis and whenever I watch this, I laugh because I remember just how complicated our rules were and we were the only two people who would ever play this game.

Chattanooga Film Festival: The Leech (2022)

Father David (Graham Skipper, the director of Sequence Break) is a devout priest who has never missed a Mass, never eaten meat on a Good Friday and never misses the opportunity to speak on God’s love, including when he invites Terry (Jeremy Gardner, the director of After Midnight and the man who told his mother not to watch this movie) and Lexi (Taylor Zaudtke, Gardner’s real-life wife) to stay during the holidays.

It starts as a simple act of kindness and nothing can go wrong, right? But throw in a game of never have I ever, then have a good man — in his head if perhaps not as much in his heart — get tempted and things are ready to go off the rails.

Director and writer Eric Pennycoff also made Sadistic Intentions, which starred Gardner and Zaudtke, and he puts together a movie with a small cast, a smart script and a mix of madness and black humor as the priest finds himself in a place — and perhaps a position — that he had never prepared for.

I also loved Rigo Garay, who plays RIgo the organ player, perhaps the only character brave enough to tell Father David that he hasn’t had a parishioner attend Mass in weeks and that he’s just been giving sermons to an empty church. But if that’s true, who are the prophetic — and perhaps Satanic — voices who come to confession? And what’s with the young padre’s frequent confessions of his own to that horrifying painting?

There’s an incredible moment near the end where an off-the-deep-end Father David throws on his vestment and rants on the altar while arguing with a red-lit Terry — or a vision of him — before learning that — and this is the biggest spoiler warning I can give — that the real Terry has beaten his wife and snorted David’s mother’s ashes.

I mean, this is a movie that has a priest with his head wrapped up straight out of Threads losing his mind and a last shot that will make you think long after the Christmas carol scored credits run out.

Want to see it for yourself? It’s now playing as part of the Chattanooga Film Fest. Virtual tickets are available at www.chattfilmfest.org/

Tubi picks (week 8)

Welcome to another week of movies to watch on Tubi.  Do you have some that you’d like to share? Get in touch because I’d love to share your picks.

1.  Mary Mary, Bloody Mary: TUBI LINK

Juan López Moctezuma also made Alucarda, one of the most blasphemous blasts of sheer madness ever committed to celluloid. He also made this film about an American artist and drug-aided vampire murdering men throughout Mexico while avoiding the mysterious stranger that may be her father. A mix of New Hollywood, giallo and weirdness like Messiah of Evil, this is a movie I want so many more people to watch.

2. Kiliç Aslan: TUBI LINK

I often refer to movie drugs — films that make your brain feel the same doors of perception feelings as hallucinogenic drugs — and this movie is definitely one of the finest of that type. It’s also a gateway drug, because there are so many more Cüneyt Arkin movies waiting for you, but they all have sub-VHS quality and a lack of subtitles, so you may have no idea what you’re watching unless you give in to their lunatic power. AGFA did so much of the work for you here, making this look gorgeous and as easy to understand as it can be, but it’s also just the first dose — the first one is always free — and soon you’ll be hunting more of these movies down. Arkin plays a hero who loses his hands to acid, gets metallic lion claws to replace them and then kills and kills and kills. It’s the best movie you’ll ever watch.

3. Hercules: TUBI LINK

This movie is going to own you. Made for Cannon Films, directed and written by Luigi Cozzi, featuring Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning and a cast of Italian exploitation superstars as the gods and goddess of Mount Olympus, this is the kind of movie that puts Hercules punching a bear into space in the first ten minutes and you think, “How can they top that?” and they top it again and again. I don’t know why anyone ever made another movie after this movie, but I guess they built all those theaters and had to show something in them.

4. Ghosthouse: TUBI LINK

Umberto Lenzi in the director’s chair. Joe D’Amato producing. And the same house as Fulci’s The House by the Cemetery! Man, this movie as it all and by all I mean children stealing dolls out of coffins, ham radio conversations about Simon Le Bon and the popularity of Kim Basinger and Kelly LeBrock, a comedy relief character killed in gory fashion, a song that will get in your head and destroy your mind, maggots, severed heads and a shock ending. All hail Filmirage!

5. Bloodsport: TUBI LINK

You know, the simplest things are the best. Like take a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s the most basic of sandwiches and anyone can make one. But when you want one, that feeling, the way it tastes, the crunch mixed with the softness of the bread — there’s nothing like it. Bloodsport is a totally basic movie — karate fighter needs revenge and fights in a tournament — but so what? It non-stop wants to entertain you and doesn’t have to be based on a true story no matter what the credits tell you. It’s literaly non-stop fistfights, knowing that you just want to see bones break, people spit blood and Van Damme do a wacky spinning kick or a split or speak in an accent that is at best impenetrable. I want to watch this movie right now and eat like five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and yell at the screen the entire time.

6. Mirror Mirror: TUBI LINK

You know how when you watch a movie and someone is goth or punk and they look too effortlessly gorgeous and like they’d have no issues fitting in? This movie — and its star Rainbow Harvest — are the opposite, with her as an authentic looking and acting outsider possessed by a mirror, which yeah is kind of dumb, but I like dumb. I would have made Rainbow Harvest a million mix tapes as a teenager and they definitely would have had “Catch” by The Cure, “I Wanted to Tell Her” by Ministry and “For Her Light” by Fields of the Nephilim on them.

7. The Halfway House: TUBI LINK

I am a simple man. If you have Mary Woronov as an evil nun and Satanism in your movie, there’s no way that I’m not going to like it. It’s completely impossible. Throw in chainsaw death, teenagers who may be years past being called that and so much sex and nudity that it can’t even be called gratuitous any longer, well…yeah you’ll like this.

8. Poltergeist III: TUBI LINK

When you watch this movie today — one that was not well thought of when it first came out — you may wonder, “How did people not like this?” Were they wrong? Or have movies become so bad — particularly horror movies — that everything in the past that wasn’t good has moved up as a result? I’d like to think that this movie just sneaks up on you, using really wild practical effects and would have been better were it not for the tragedies that it went through.

9. Death Laid an Egg: TUBI LINK

I think about this movie a lot: a science fiction giallo about a love triangle but also about a factory that has learned how to make chickens that have no heads or bones. You’re either going to love this or hate it. There is no middle.

10. House II: TUBI LINK

It’s not like House is a bad movie. It’s just that this in-name-only sequel — underline that, put it in bold and highlight it too because this is the most in-name-only sequel there has ever been — has a haunted house, cavemen, parties, a grandpa gunslinger zombie, an Aztec temple, John Ratzenberger being Indiana Jones, time travel, a caterpillar with a puppy head, Bill Maher and a crystal skull and has no interest in any of it making sense. It just flies and asks you to take the ride no questions asked.

Chattanooga Film Festival: Bitch Ass (2022)

When a movie starts with Tony Todd asking if you know your hood horror, then name drops BlaculaBonesTales from the HoodThe People Under the Stairs and Candyman, it has a lot to live up to.

Luckily, Bitch Ass more than succeeds.

Director Bill Posely, who started his career as an actor before writing episodes of Cobra Kai and directing several shorts and the TV movie Culty, has co-written (with Jonathan Colomb) a pretty intriguing idea for a movie: four young wannabe gang members must rob a house to get their colors. That house, however, is no normal house. It belongs to the hood legend Bitch Ass (Tunde Laleye) and they must all play games for their lives.

One of the gangsters, Q (Teon Kelly), truly wants to be a doctor but his grades aren’t enough for a scholarship, so he hopes that he can make enough money from the gang life to escape the hood and take his hard-working mother Marisa (Me’Lisa Sellers) with him.

However, his mother has a secret. She once ran with the gang, specifically its leader Spade (Sheaun McKinney), and she knows exactly how Bitch Ass become a scarred and angry killer of urban youth. He was once the bullied Cecil (Jarvis Denman Jr.), burned by his grandmother for the slightest bad behavior at home and routinely abused at school and on the streets before being shredded with a razor blade.

Now, on 666 Night, Q and his fellow initiates — Cricket (Belle Guillory), Tuck (Kelsey Caesar) and Moo (A-F-R-O) — enter the home, they soon must match wits with the first black masked slasher, playing him in games similar to Connect Four, Operation and Battleship. It’s a ridiculous idea done beyond well, which makes this movie work. In fact, I’d go so far to say that this movie wouldn’t just fit on to the shelves of your dearly departed mom and pop video store. I dare say that it’d be checked out every time you looked for it.

Even the title cards in between each sequence look like they come from a board game and the editing of the film slices and cuts the screen like a comic book and at times a quickly spinning Rubik’s Cube. It’s kinetic and makes the movie fly while allowing it to rise above its low budget.

It’s not perfect, but it has a ramshackle direct to video charm that makes it a worthy successor to the urban horror that has come before. I just can’t wait until the sequel, because this movie needs to be expanded and its unique slasher methods further explored.

Want to see it for yourself? It’s now playing as part of the Chattanooga Film Fest. Virtual tickets are available at www.chattfilmfest.org/

Muñeca Reina (1972)

Queen Doll is a film about the dangers of nostalgia. When Carlos (Enrique Rocha) comes back to his hometown, he starts to remember moments of his past that he’s long forgotten. A copy of Tom Sawyer — the movie even has scenes from the book filmed and presented almost as flashbacks — has a map inside it which shows him where the home of a girl he knew named Amilamia.

Despite his somewhat normal life, Carlos has grown obsessed about the girl and what happened to her. Any woman that he sees that’s his age could be her, yet he thinks that she might have not ever had the chance to grow up. He follows the map to the home of an old couple and invents a way to get into the house to learn more. The couple admits that she’s dead and shows him a room with a life sized doll of her in a glass coffin, surrounded by the things she cared about most.

Now, her spirit follows Carlos and he finds her becoming part of his life, a life that he begins to ignore, even becoming distant from his fiancee Laura. Obviously, he’s going down a path that won’t have a happy ending. The scariest part is that he no longer is concerned.

Director Sergio Olhovich is still making movies today, fifty years after making this, his first full-length movie. He also co-wrote the script with Carlos Fuentes and Eduardo Luján. This is one strange and wonderful movie. It’s one that I want more people to track down and watch.

You can watch this on YouTube.