CHILLER THEATER MONTH: Nightmare Castle (1965)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Nightmare Castle was first on Chiller Theater on Saturday, April 24, 1976 at 11:30 p.m.

A couple of months ago, I was doing my usual weekend of looking at used DVD stores when I noticed an older man staring at the stacks of used movies. He stopped and asked, “Do you mind if I ask you what movies I should get?” It turns out that his wife had recently died and he missed watching horror movies with her and wanted to bring back some memories. He had no idea how streaming worked and had just gotten a DVD player, so as we continued talking, it turned out that he really liked Barbara Steele in movies and was surprised that he could own this film. It made me feel really great that I could help someone out like this as well as realize that Ms. Steele has been bewitching men of all ages all around the world for decades.

Mario Caiano has made movies across nearly every genre that an Italian director can work in, from peplum like Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules to westerns such as A Coffin for the Sheriff, giallo like Eye in the Labyrinth and berserk freakouts like Love Camp 7, The Fighting Fists of Shanghai Joe and the kinda giallo Ombre Roventi.

This is the kind of gothic madness that I love so much, starting with Stephen Arrowsmith (Paul Muller, Malenka) discovering his wife Muriel (Steele) having the gardener plant some seeds inside her. He shoves a hot poker in the man’s face, burns her with acid and then electrocutes both of them before removing their hearts and giving their blood to de-age his servant Solange (Helga Liné!). And then he finds out that he isn’t the heir to the castle — it turns out that Muriel has an identical sister named Jenny (also Steele) who is mentally deranged but will become his new bride.

I’m in. All in.

Stephen and Solange begin to gaslight Jenny but she has the ghosts of the dead lovers on her side, as well as Dr. Derek Joyce (Marino Masé, The Red Queen Kills Seven Times). This movie looks beyond beautiful and really allows Steele to showcase her acting skills (and her piercing eyes).

“If you’re gonna scream, scream with me,” sang Glenn Danzig in the Misfits’ “Hybrid Moments,” which was inspired by this movie. Nightmare Castle is everything great about black and white gothic melodrama and I just want to live within every frame of this film. It’s also the first horror score that Ennio Morricone would write.

You have so many choices to see this. For the easy way, just stream it on Tubi. Or you can do what I did and buy the Severin blu ray, which has commentary by Steele, an interview with Caiano and Castle of Blood and Terror Creatures from the Grave included.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Creature From the Haunted Sea was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, December 14, 1968 at 1:00 a.m.

Sparks Moran is also known as XK150. Played by Robert Towne, he is to get into the gang of Renzo Capetto (Antony Carbone) and stop them before they steal money from Cuba and pay for General Tostada (Edmundo Rivera Alvarez) to start a counterrevolution.

The gang isn’t all that normal. It includes Capetto’s lover Mary-Belle Monahan (Betsy Jones-Moreland), a homicidal nice guy named Pete Peterson Jr. (Beach Dickerson) and Mary-Belle’s brother Happy Jack (Robert Bean). They have created a legend that the Creature from the Haunted Sea is killing the Cuban soldiers but there is really such a monster that is chasing the crew.

Everyone falls in love but only Sparks and a local sex worker named Carmelita (Blanquita Romero) survive. The creature, however, is happy because it ate well.

Directed by Roger Corman and written by Charles B. Griffith, this movie was written fast and made even faster. Yet Corman seems to have good memories of making it. He said, “It’s been suggested that Creature from the Haunted Sea is my most personal film. That’s actually not a bad suggestion, considering it’s got my favorite ending of them all — a last scene I invented on a whim and literally phoned to Chuck Griffith from Puerto Rico. This was the story about a band of Batista’s generals making off with a treasure chest of gold from Cuba. The man they hire to captain their boat is a mobster. He murders the generals and covers up the crimes by inventing a story about an undersea monster who devours people. But there is an undersea monster. “We have always killed off our monsters with fire, electricity, floods, whatever,” I told Chuck. “This time, the monster wins. The final shot in this picture,” I insisted, “is the monster sitting on the chest of gold at the bottom of the ocean floor. The skeletons of all the people in the picture are scattered around him and he’s picking his teeth. That’s it. The monster wins.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 28: Teenage Ghost Punk (2014)

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October 28: A Horror Film That Features Helpful Ghosts

Directed and written by Mike Cramer, who also plays Detective Pete McGarry in the movie, Teenage Ghost Punk is about what happens when Carol (Adria Dawn) divorces her husband and takes her kids Amanda (Grace Madigan) and Adam (Noah Kitsos) from the life they’ve known to a new house and school.

As if fitting in at school wasn’t hard enough, the family starts finding evidence that their new home is haunted. They hire Medium Madame Lidnar (Lynda Shadrake) and a team of paranormal experts, all of whom find nothing. It’s Amanda that finally meets the punk rock band — the Raging Specters — led by Brian (Jack Cramer).

Getting over the guy she left back at home, who is now dating her best friend, means that Amanda is perhaps ready for new love. Who knew it would be with a dead punk rocker? Should her mother and teachers be worried about her? Or is this a healthy relationship?

You can say that this isn’t really punk rock and that it’s all kind of silly, but it’s a teen movie about ghosts and love. You know, maybe that means it can just be fun. This is fun. I won’t be cynical. I mean, a guitarist could be hit with lightning on the roof and haunt a house waiting for the right lady to come into his life. Or whatever a ghost has.

Actually, this really gets in an interesting idea that Brian dated Amanda’s mom when he was alive and now, he can only see her on Halloween as a party is thrown in the house. I know this is a low budget family friendly movie, but I ended up enjoying it way more than I thought that I would.

You can watch this on Tubi.

2023 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 28: Cyborg 2 (1993)

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28. THE BIG TAKEOVER: An A.I.’er that goes haywire.

Cyborg 2 is everything I wanted Cyborg to live up to.

Directed by Michael Schroeder, who wrote it with Mark Geldman and Ron Yanover, this is way better than I could even imagine. It’s like it was made for me: a movie with Casella “Cash” Reese (Angelina Jolie) on the run with her combat trainer Colton “Colt 45” Ricks (Elias Koteas), guided by the voice of a mysterious escaped cyborg named Mercy (Jack Palance, who also does the intro to this movie and it made me literally throw myself off the couch and scream out loud).

She’s been filled with Glass Shadow, an explosive that is meant to destroy the filled with the Kobayashi board of directors and increase the power of Pinwheel and their CEO, Martin Dunn (Allen Garfield). That’s a lot of power as they’re seemingly the two most important cybernetics companies in the universe of Cyborg 2.

Casella and Colton are being tracked by Chen (Karen Sheperd), a bounty hunter who wants to reverse her orders and have her kill the Pinwheel board, and Danny Bench (Billy Drago), a killer who has spent years fixing his face after a job gone bad years ago. He’s also a dandy 40s detective looking cyborg who challenges people to kickboxing matches. Man, Billy Drago is the best.

Mercy finally appears after years of being just an urban legend and activates his own Glass Shadow bomb and wipes out Pinwheel. Our heroes are able to escape and Colton grows into old age along with his immortal cyborg lover, who finally shuts herself down and lives in a dream state forever instead of living without him.

Of course Tracy Walter is in this. So does Sven-Ole Thorsen. If this was made a few years later, the soundtrack would certainly have God Lives Underwater on it. Or Sister Machine Gun.

Jolie told the New York Times, “After I saw it, I went home and got sick. I saw it and I threw up. Just nausea. But the kickboxing was fun. It was the first time I was sent to do kickboxing. But I was 17 and I think I thought I was making a real movie, which is odd, since there’s a scene when I’m decapitated and talking … as one does. But, yeah, I saw it and got really sick. I just remember my brother Jamie holding me and saying, It’s going to be all right.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about. I loved every second of this.

There’s also a sequel with Khrystyne Haje taking over the role of Cash, Malcolm McDowell as the bad guy and appearances by Richard Lynch, William Katt and Rebecca Ferratti. Sure, it ruins the perfect ending of this, but you know how much I love a sequel.

UNSUNG HORRORS HORROR GIVES BACK 2023: Web of the Spider (1971)

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Each October, the Unsung Horrors podcast does a month of themed movies. This year they will once again be setting up a fundraiser to benefit Best Friends, which is working to save the lives of cats and dogs all across America, giving pets second chances and happy homes.

Today’s theme: Haunted house

After Castle of Blood‘s disappointing box office, Antonio Margheriti felt he could remake the film in color and have it be more successful.

Edgar Allan Poe (Klaus Kinski) is our narrator and Kinski shows up for the beginning and the ending of the movie. He’s interviewed by Alan Foster (Anthony Franciosa), who challenges him as to the truth of his stories. This leads to a bed with Lord Blackwood (Enrico Osterman) about spending a night in his castle, a place where he soon meets Elisabeth (Michèle Mercier, Black Sabbath) and quickly falls into love — and bed — with her before she announces that she’s no longer alive.

There’s also Julia (Karin Field), William Perkins (Silvano Tranquilli) and Elisabeth’s husband,Dr. Carmus (Peter Carsten). The ghosts need his blood to come back to life, but Elisabeth helps him to escape, only for him to impale himself on the gate, dying just as Poe gets there.

I adore that the tagline of this is “Based on Edgar Allan Poe’s Night of the Living Dead.” He did write a poem “Spirits of the Dead” and the 1932 movie The Living Dead was based on Poe’s “The Black Cat” and “The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether” as well as Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Suicide Club. But no, he has nothing to do with Romero’s movie.

I really like the soundtrack by Riz Ortolani but this can’t compare to the black and white — and yes, Barbara Steele appearance — in the original. That said, Kinski is awesome in every second he’s on screen, looking like a complete madman.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: The She-Creature (1956)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The She-Creature was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, March 6, 1965 at 11:15 p.m. It also aired on August 13, 1966.

Edward L. Cahn also made Creature With the Atom Brain, Invasion of the Saucer Men, Zombies of Mora Tau and so many more. In this, Dr. Carlo Lombardi (Chester Morris) hypnotizes Andrea Talbott (Marla English) back through her past lives all the way back to her prehistoric form. He then uses her — the makeup by Paul Blaisdell is awesome — to kill his enemies.

Actor Edward Arnold died two days before production began and Peter Lorre, who was to play Lombardi, read the script. He fired his agent for not consulting him and pulled out of the movie.

The She-Creature suit nearly killed its creator — it got waterlogged in the beach scene and he was almost pulled into the undertow. The suit was used to promote the movie on Los Angeles talk shows, but Blaisdell was too exhausted to wear it, so Bob Burns appeared. The She-Creature also shows up in Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, Voodoo Woman and How To Make a Monster.

In 1967, AIP got Larry Buchanan to remake the film in color for television as Creature of Destruction.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: The Bamboo Saucer (1966)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Bamboo Saucer was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, October 24, 1970 at 11:30 p.m. It also aired on November 25, 1972 and March 16, 1974.

Directed and written by Frank Telford, this starts when test pilot Fred Norwood (John Ericson) is chased by a UAP. The pilot following him says whatever he’s told to say by the air force. No one wants to admit that an alien craft could be following our armed forces.

He decides to use an old Mustang to track the UFO along with his friend Joe Vetry (William Mims). Vetry is soon abducted or disintegrated by some alien vehicle, which only makes Norwood more invested in finding out the truth.

He’s contacted by a deep cover government type named Hank Peters (Dan Duryea) who tells him that something that looks just like what he saw has crashed in China. The bodies of the aliens have been burned, but the UAP still exists. When he parachutes down to find it, he comes across a group of Russians with the same plan. They decide to work together and end up in a battle against the Chinese Army that they escape by flying the craft past Saturn.

Producer Jerry Fairbanks sent the script to the U.S. Department of Defense and made sure that the CIA was never mentioned and that the Air Force was never near China.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: The Atomic Submarine (1959)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Atomic Submarine was first on Chiller Theater on Sunday, October 27, 1963 at 11:10 p.m. It also aired on January 18 and June 21, 1964.

A submarine is destroyed near the North Pole by a UAP — well, maybe USP? — that brings in Commander Dan Wendover (Dick Foran), the captain of the atomic submarine Tigershark, and Nobel Prize-winning scientist Sir Ian Hunt (Tom Conway). The crew, which includes Lieutenant Commander Richard “Reef” Holloway (Arthur Franz), Dr. Carl Neilson Jr. (Brett Halsey) and Dr. Clifford Kent (Victor Varconi), are to stop whatever is destroying ships. Turns out its one-eyed aliens and their spaceships, which are no match for America’s fighting men and their magnificent military-industrial complex.

But hey — Joi Lansing is in it. So that’s good. Jean Moorhead, Playboy Playmate of the Month for October 1955 is also in the cast. She’s in one of my favorite Ed Wood movies, The Violent Years. And obviously, this inspired Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

This movie was directed by Spencer Gordon Bennet and written by Orville H. Hampton with uncredited help by Irving Block and Jack Rabin.

You can watch this on Tubi.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 27: Be My Cat: A Film for Anne (2015)

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October 27: A Found Footage Horror Film That Isn’t From America, Japan or the UK

Director and actor Adrian Țofei plays someone who I hope is not all himself, a director and actor that wants to make a movie with Anne Hathaway so badly that he films a found footage camcorder proof of concept with three local actresses, Sonya (Sonia Teodoriu), Flory (Florentina Hariton) and Alexandra (Alexandra Stroe).

The creator comes from a background in method acting and theatre. On a small budget, he was the director, producer, writer, lead actor, editor, cinematographer and most other jobs usually performed by a film crew. He had never shot with a camera before and met the actresses for the first time while they were doing the movie. He also only kept the original takes in his final cut. This was all set up with months of online preparation.

I really think that he’s a maniac.

His filmmaking method? Working for months on an alternative psychological reality for the actors including himself so that when they start to improvise, he just records it. The action is shot in English and the safe word is basically shifting dialogue to Romanian.

Țofei developed this character over 5 years, first as a monologue and then as a one man school he called The Monster. When he decided to make the movie, he moved back home and started living the same life as the character to get into his head.

Basically, Adrian is in love with Anne Hathaway to the point that no other woman will do. Notably he doesn’t have sex with any of these women in his movie, as he belongs only to Anne. What follows is some of the most disturbing cinema I’ve seen in some time, moments so cringe-worthy that I felt like I couldn’t stop thinking about them. What a strange film and I hope it was really just a movie and not Țofei working out his real obsession.

I wonder if Anne has seen it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

2023 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 27: Dracula 3D (2012)

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27. MONSTERS… ALL?: Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolfman are (universal)ly adored. It’s time we start seeing other “people.”

There’s really no reason for this movie to exist.

Many people have tried and almost as many have failed to bring their vision of Dracula to the screen. For every Tod Browning and Karl Freund, for each Francis Ford Coppola or John Badham, there are just as many poorly received versions of the tale.

The Dario Argento of 2012 does not seem to be the person to be making this movie. Made after Giallo, a film that was considered — charitably — not the best of movies, Argento seemingly had a lot to prove. The visual stylist that made Deep Red, Suspiria, The Bird With the Crystal Plumage and Opera suddenly had movies that looked like made for TV films or episodic television instead of the dramatic flights of fancy that fill Tenebrae or even Sleepless. His movies became the law of diminishing returns and instead of being excited by the prospect of a new Argento movie, fans started to worry. I mean, I still haven’t watched Mother of Tears or this movie for so long.

Jonathan Harker (Unex Ugalde) is sent to the castle of Dracula (Thomas Kretschmann, who would go on to play Van Helsing on the 2013 Dracula series that aired in the U.S. on NBC) and becomes the blood donor for the count and his thrall Tania (Miriam Giovanelli). Meanwhile, his wife Mina (Marta Gastini) comes to London to stay with Lucy (Asia Argento), both of whom will soon be bitten by the vampire. You know the story and you know that Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer) will show up but did you know that he has garlic bullets?

As I wrote, we all know the story of Dracula so when an artist like Argento tells his version, we hope that we see it from a new angle. Or, as Coppola showed in his movie, that a famous director can still be indebted to Mario Bava and Terence Fisher. As for the acting, I never expect much, but Ugalde gives Keanu a run for the worst Harker I’ve seen. At least Hauer and Asia are fine in their roles.

That’s before we get into the effects. Yes, this was made in 2012, but the effects looked dated on release, as if they were from another decade or even more before. The scene where the count turns into a grasshopper must be seen to be believed.

Keep in mind that this movie had Luciano Tovoli as the cinematographer. The same person who did Suspiria and Tenebrae with Argento. I have no idea how they made a movie that looks this cheap. The colors are often muted to the point of blandness or worse, it looks like a house from the 70s with the brightest carpeting possible.

At least Claudio Simonetti did the music.

Giovanni Paolucci produced this. He also was behind the late era Mattei movies. If Bruno Mattei made this movie, I would be singing its praises. One because he died eight years before and the fact that he was back from the grave would make me so happy. Second, this is the kind of movie I expect from Mattei. From Argento, I expect more. That’s unfair, I realize, but when you make at least four — maybe five? — movies that I consider some of the best of all time, you get put on a different level. I also realize that your first album is your best album and this would be several albums from where Argento began but when you call a movie Argento’s Dracula, we want to see your specific stamp on it. Your stamp should not be CGI wolves that feel like they belong on a shirt from Wal-Mart.

In his book Fear, Argento said, “I was able to experiment with new movements and close-ups; using the most innovative technologies on the market means rediscovering the original wonder of the director’s job. It was as if what I was shooting had turned into the first movie of my career, and I had to learn everything from scratch.”

He also claims that his goal was to show Dracula’s romantic side and his transformation ability. “…for someone like myself who founded their very career on animals this was a unique opportunity to give free rein to my imagination. As so during the course of the film — thanks to digital effects — the Count turns into an owl, a wolf, a praying mantis, and materializes as a swarm of flies and an intrusion of cockroaches.” He also says that this was inspired by Hammer.

He also tells a story where he and Tovoli got lost in the rain. That seems to be what this movie is all about. A film about a great director lost with technology that he thinks is the future yet holds him in the past, unable to create something that stands the test of time.

I want to love this movie and it does everything it can to keep that from happening. The idea of the town working with the count? Great. The idea that there are hatchet murders in that town? Awesome. It goes nowhere. And there’s so much nudity and gore that you wonder, “Is Argento making his Joe D’Amato tribute?”

Also: This music video makes me laugh. I mean, no one told the drummer not to wear a jersey in a castle and maybe at least try and feel somewhat in the appropriate era?

You can watch this on Tubi.