Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Whiskers (1997)

June 23-29 Cat Week: Cats! They’re earth’s funniest creatures (sorry chimps, you’re psychos).

When Klon put this challenge together, it was to get people to lighten up. I’m in a basement with no windows, working two jobs at home, never leaving, always trying to make people happy, then I cut the grass. No complaints other than I’m past fifty and wondering how I got here and how soon I will be dead. But hey, Whiskers, a movie in which a child, upset that his parents will get rid of his pet, makes a wish on an Egyptian cat goddess and transforms his pet into a 30-year-old man.

There’s war on the horizon, false flags, no one cares about anyone and ICE is brutalizing people and don’t worry, this sadly won’t age and man, how can I be angst ridden when that cat is on a skateboard? Just take a gander. That cat is ready to fucking shred, you sad sack fucks.

So yeah, Jed Martin (Michael Caloz) spends so much time with. his cat Whiskers that his parents decide to get rid of it. 1990s parents. The human Whiskers is Brent Carver, who goes all out in this. There are also bullies who call Jed Cat Boy.

Jim Kaufman’s directing credits are mostly for TV, but he did do Night of the Demons III. This was written by Wendy Biller and Christopher Hawthorne.

Also for parents, of which I am not one: Michael Yarmush, who is Fingers, and Michael Caloz, who plays Jed, were the voices of Arthur and D.W. on the much-despised cartoon Arthur.

This is not religious, it’s Canadian. That can be confusing.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Chattanooga Film Festival 2025 Red Eye #4: The Girl Most Likely To…(1973) and Mooch Goes to Hollywood (1971)

The Girl Most Likely To…(1973):  My acting career pretty much begins with an appearance as Sergeant-Major Morris in The Monkey’s Paw and ends with my role as Dr. Green from this story. No, I was not in the movie. I was in a stage play version and the kiss that gave me a fatal heart attack was the first kiss I ever had from a non-family member girl. She said I tasted like a chili dog. A much cuter blonde girl offered to give me lessons after the play (and some mints).

Inspired by The Second Face, this was written by Joan Rivers and Agnes Gallin It was directed by Lee Phillips, who starred in Peyton Place and also made The Stranger Within and The Spell. It was the ABC Movie of the Week, first airing on November 6, 1973.

It’s also Stockard Channing’s first movie and she’s Miriam Knight, an intelligent young lady who is overlooked because of, well, her looks. Her roommate grows jealous when Miriam gets the lead in a stage play, so she sneak attacks her with roses. Miriam’s allergies send her running from the stage and into an accident which changes her looks and life forever.

Once the bandages come off her face, she’s a totally new girl. One who is now willing to do whatever it takes to get revenge — murderous revenge — on everyone who has ever wronged her.

The Girl Most Likely To… has a great cast, such as Ed Asner, Jim Backus, Joe Flynn from McHale’s Navy, Chuck McCann (a voice of a ton of animated characters), comedy magician Carl Ballantine, Fred Grandy from The Love BoatCHiPs star Larry Wilcox, future director Dennis Dugan (who, before directing a LOT of Adam Sandler movies, such as Just Go with It, acted in films, such as 1980’s The Howling) and the man who would be Captain America and Yor Hunter from the Future, Reb Brown.

This is a comedy, but man, it’s a really dark one. How was my school allowed to put this play on?

Mooch Goes to Hollywood (1971): Mooch is a new girl in town, fresh off the bus to Hollywood, wanting to be a star. We’ve seen it all before, but have we seen it with Mooch being played by Higgins the Dog, whose 14 year career in Hollywood had him on Petticoat Junction and playing the original Benji. His daughter Benjean took over the role of Benji and trainer Frank Inn loved this dog so much that he had his ashes buried with him. He also wrote this poem when Higgins died:

My Gift to Jesus
by Frank Inn

I wish someone had given little Jesus
a dog as loyal and loving as mine
to sleep by His manger and gaze in His eyes
and adore Him for being divine.

As our Lord grew to manhood His own faithful dog
would have followed Him all through the day
while He preached to the crowds and made the sick well
and knelt in the garden to pray.

It is sad to remember that Christ went away
to face death alone and apart
with no tender dog following close behind
to comfort His masters heart.

And when Jesus rose on that Easter morn
how happy He would have been
as His dog kissed His hand and barked its delight
for the one who died for all men.

Well the Lord has a dog now, I just sent Him mine…
My old pal so dear to me
And I smile through my tears on this first day alone
knowing they’re in eternity.

A movie narrated by not just Richard Burton but also Zsa Zsa Gabor, this is everything I love about 1970s Hollywood. How else can you explain a movie where a dog meets Vincent Price at the Brown Derby, goes to Dino’s and the Playboy Club with Phyliss Diller, runs into Ricky Ricardo’s Jerry Hausner, James Darren, Jill St. John and Jim Backus and his wife Henny. All narrated, again, by Zsa Zsa, who is basically unintelligble.

Meanwhile, the theme song plaintively warbles about Mooch’s adventures. It sounds like the “went to see the movie, went to see the show” drive-in commerical for the snack bar.

It was directed by Richard Erdman, who was in a ton of movies and also played Leonard on Community. He also directed The Brothers O’Toole, which was the first movie produced by Sunn’s Charles Sellier Jr. Speaking of Backus, he wrote this with Jerry Devine.

Some facts: This was Edward G. Robinson’s final movie. Higgins’ various costumes were provided by Frederick’s of Hollywood. The theme song is sung by Sonny Curtis, who wrote “I Fought the Law” and would follow this by singing the theme to Benji. Man, Sonny Curtis! He was in the Crickets and stayed in the band when Buddy Holly died. He also sang “Love Is All Around,” the theme for The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

This is a movie for kids and yet Mooch becomes a stripper with Zza Zsa saying, “Keep it on. Keep it on!”

Higgins was so well trained that he learned a new trick every week.

NOTE: I said this was Edward G. Robinson’s first movie when it’s really his last. Thanks to Kris Erickson for finding the typo!

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

Murder, She Wrote S1 E20: Murder at the Oasis (1985)

An unpopular show-business personality discovers that elaborate security systems are no guarantee of safety.

Season 1, Episode 20: Murder at the Oasis (April 7, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote

Jessica gets close to showbiz again, and someone dies.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Johnny Shannon is played by Ed Ames, a Ukranian Jewish person who ended up playing the Native American Mingo on Daniel Boone and the man who hit a cowboy in the cock with a tomahawk on Johnny Carson.

Speaking of Johnny Carson, Joey Bishop once tried to go up against him and lost. He plays Buster Bailey.

Mickey Shannon is Joseph Bottoms, who was in The Black Hole.

Vic LaRose is played by Joseph Cali, Joey from Saturday Night Fever and Vince La Costa in The Lonely Lady.

The cop in this episode, Detective Sergeant Barnes, is The White Shadow’s Ken Howard.

Peggy Shannon? That’s Piper Laurie! They’re all going to laugh at you!

Lou Ross is Jack O’Halloran, one of my favorite bad guys ever, as Phantom Zone monster Non in Superman 2. He was the illegitimate son of mafia hitman and crime boss Albert Anastasia, a former boxer. He often talks about how he nearly killed Christopher Reeve while making the Superman movies.

In the more minor roles, Terry Shannon is Linda Purl (who was married to Desi Arnaz, Jr. and played Pam’s mom on The Office), David Bowman (the producer of The Headless Eyes!) is Chico Miller, John Miranda is Gus, Mark Costello and Michael Griswold are cops, Fred Ponzlov is a waiter and Gary Greene is a cafe customer.

What happens?

Yes, JB is friends with Piper Laurie, and they go to a tennis match together, only to run into her friend’s ex-husband, Johnny Shannon, who is a total jerk. The daddy issues he’s caused have his daughter sleeping with every tennis player she can find, and it seems that everyone who comes near him hates every second of it. Yes, as you can tell, he’s going to die.

And die he does.

Lieutenant Barnes has just moved to this rich town from Chicago and appreciates Jessica’s the hica, even if she’s not always accurate in her books — or so he says. It’s a locked door mystery, as no one could have gotten in to kill Johnny, even if everyone wanted him dead.

Especially the mob. The mob!

Who did it?

The cop! ACAB! He even has the balls to point a gun at Jessica and say, “You’ve won a prize – a trip to oblivion!” She gets saved by Non, who looks super mean and has a gun. Way to go!

Who made it?

Arthur Allan Seidelman directed this. He also made one of my favorite TV movies, The People Across the Lake, a film where Valerie Harper and Gerald McRaney — hot sex! — are gaslit at a lake house. Also, he made one of the worst movies ever, Hercules in New York. This episode was written by executive story editor Robert Van Scoyk.

Does Jessica get some?

No. Come on!

Does Jessica dress stupidly or act drunk?

No. Come on!

Was it any good?

It’s fine!

Give me a reasonable quote:

Peggy Shannon: Oh, yes, Jess. Please. Anything you can do. I’m sure the sergeant would welcome some help.

Det. Sgt. Barnes: Why not? You’ve covered the subject fairly well in your books, even if you’re not always accurate.

Jessica Fletcher: Well, they are well researched, I assure you, but I have absolutely no intention of… Why do you think my books are inaccurate?

Det. Sgt. Barnes: I’ll tell you all about it on our way to the crime scene.

What’s next?

In the last episode of season 1, one of Jessica’s friends dies. Shocker? Well, there’s more! Show up next week!

Tales from the Crypt S8 E10: About Face (1996)

Directed by Thomas E. Sanders (his only directing job; he was the production designer on several films, including Crimson Peak) and written by AL Katz and Gilbert Adler, this episode has Reverend Jonathan (Anthony Andrews) learning that despite being a holy man, he has twin daughters not from his wife: the gorgeous Angelica and the not quite as good looking Leah (both played by Anna Friel). They were born in secret by his maid Emma (Emma Bird) without the knowledge of his wife Sarah (Imelda Staunton). Sarah has had it, of course, as Jonathan is anything but pious. He’s still sleeping with his young assistants and secretaries, after all.

“My ghoul thinks I’m a vampire, so she eats garlic just in case. Man, she smells! Yeah, my ghoul thinks I’m a vampire. Laughs at me when we embrace. I said, “Babe, I’m no bloodsucker.” Wiped that smile right off her face. Yeah! Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, I’d like to play for you another little rhythm and booze decomposition of mine. It’s about a man who’s about to make a gored progression of his own in a nasty five fiver hack-cercise I call “About Face.””

This has the kind of reveal that EC Comics was good at. A spoiler? Here it is. The sisters are actually conjoined. They even did covers of these accidents of birth. Siamese twins — not politically correct anymore — were big sales for EC. This time, one sister is an angel and the other is the devil. And when you abandon your twins after their mother dies giving birth to them, even the Bible may not save you.

This episode is based on “About Face!” from Vault of Horror #20. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Johnny Craig. It’s nothing like this story, as it has a scarred lion tamer using witchcraft to move the wounds on her face to the girlfriend of her chauffeur.

Murder, She Wrote S1 E19: Armed Response (1985)

While in the hospital with a fractured leg, Jessica investigates the murder of a doctor.

Season 1, Episode 19: Armed Response (March 31, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote

Even in the hospital, Jessica causes people to die.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Barney Ogden is played by Eddie Bracken. He was Roy Walley in Vacation!

Melanie Baker is Victoria Carroll. She also starred in Nightmare in WaxThe Kentucky Fried Movie and was the voice of She-Hulk in the 1980s Hulk cartoon.

Dr. Samuel Sam Garver is played by Stephen Elliott. He was the police commissioner in Death Wish.

James Gammon was in Silver Bullet and plays Billy Don Baker in this.

Dr. Wes Kenyon. He appeared on the TV show Otherworld this same season and has also appeared in Deadly Eyes and Deadly Games.

The cop in this is Ly. Ray Kenkins. And that’s not just any cop, that’s Bo Hopkins, who played Crazy Lee in The Wild Bunch, plus he was in movies like Uncle SamFrom Dusk till Dawn 2Nightmare at NoonFertilize the Blaspheming BombshellThe Fifth FloorWhat Comes Around and more.

Dr. Ellison is Martin Kove! Yes, Kreese! The helicopter pilot who screwed over Rambo! He’s in this!

Nurse Jennie Wells is played by Kay Lenz from House!

Kevin McCarthy was in more than 200 movies, but don’t we know him from Invasion of the Body Snatchers the most? He plays Milton Porter.

Nurse Marge Horton is Susan Oliver, who famously was Vina on the original Star Trek episode “The Cage.” Her mother was an astrologer, and amazingly,  she tried to be the first woman to fly a single-engine plane solo from New York to Moscow, but was not allowed into Russian airspace. She had a plane crash weeks after she left Peyton Place, and through hypnosis, could fly again, being elected pilot of the year in 1970. She also directed episodes of M*A*S*H* and Trapper John. MD.

Martha Raye shows up. We don’t have actors anymore like her, who we all knew was just Martha Raye, and she appears out of nowhere on shows like Murder, She Wrote.

In the small roles, we have Lucille Meredith, Paul Tuerpe, Fred D. Scott, Herbert Winters, Lavelle Roby (she was in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls), Denise Chesire (a mime and puppet performer who was one of the flying monkeys in Under the Rainbow) and Kimberly L. Ryusaki.

What happens?

Jessica goes to Texas to support a writer accused of plagiarism. When she’s picked up at the airport by lawyer Milton Porter, a kid knocks her over and she has to get her leg plastered up at the hospital, where she learns that Dr. Garver’s understudies, Dr. Ellison and Dr. Kenyon, hate each other. As Jessica listens to them fight — she had to get up with a broken leg to get a cup of tea because no one would help her — we discover that Dr. Garver has been drowned.

Everyone thinks it’s Jennie, who was Jessica’s nurse, but JB goes CSI and pulls off that old Murder, She Wrote trick where someone fired the gun once to kill someone and another time so no one knew when the murder happened. Also: Obviously, with a gun involved, this isn’t a drowning.

Who did it?

Dr. Ellison and Dr. Kenyon, who were tired of Dr. Garver making them fight one another.

Who made it?

Director Charles S. Dubin made tons of TV — 44 episodes of M*A*S*H*, 14 of Kojak, 11 of Matlock, the Topper TV movie, Death In Space, around 117 credits in total. It was written by Gerald K. Siegel, who wrote nine episodes of the show, as well as episodes of Darkroom and Salvage 1.

Does Jessica get some?

Not with that cast.

Does Jessica dress stupid or act drunk?

Not with that cast — wokka wokka.

Was it any good?

Good cast, somewhat boring episode.

Any trivia?

This episode is a lot like Agatha Christie’s They Do It With Mirrors.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Mr. Porter, this was an accident. I don’t want to sue.

Milton Porter: Hush, ma’am. Talk like that… put us lawyers out of business.

What’s next?

An unpopular show-business personality discovers that elaborate security systems are no guarantee of safety.

Tales from the Crypt S8 E9: Smoke Wrings (1996)

Barry (Daniel Craig), a young man with a strange device that can paralyze people and play with their emotions, is hired by Touchstone Edwards ad exec Jacqueline Edwards (Ute Lemper). He starts by embarrassing creative Frank (Denis Lawson) and then gets revenge on his boss for Alistair Touchstone (Paul Freeman, Belloq!), the boss she ruined.

They tell me Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. He’s a strange guy. But that’s not why I called this meeting of the five families. The Tahacklies, the Bonettis, the others. The reason I called you all together is this. As Godfather of the Goreleone family, I say its time that we in horrorganized crime stop frighting each other! I want there to be peace amongst us. I want there to be a whole lot of pieces! Which is kind of like the young man in tonight’s tale. He wants a whole lot of something, too, in a nasty nugget I call “Smoke Wrings.””

The device will soon be used to sell more Chalmer’s Chocolates, Amazon Cola, Alanis Lipstick, and Quarter Moonlight Condoms. In truth, it’s all been a plan by Alistair and Jacqueline, who hypnotize their clients and soon, all of England, as they send the inventor to his doom.

Gayle Hunnicutt is in the cast. You may recognize her from Shadows In an Empty RoomThe Legend of Hell HouseEye of the Cat and The Wild Angels.

This episode was directed by Mandie Fletcher (Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie) and written by Lisa Sandoval, an associate producer and script supervisor for the show who was also A.L. Katz’s assistant.

This episode was based on “Smoke Wrings” by Vault of Horror #34. It was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Reed Crandall. It has a man get seduced by a client and his ad idea being taken by her; a cigarette smoking billboard that she uses to kill him before one of the smoke rings kills her. The title makes sense for that story, but not this episode.

Murder, She Wrote S1 E18: Murder Takes the Bus (1985)

Jessica and a slew of passengers are forced to take refuge from a storm at a remote diner when one of the passengers is found stabbed in his seat on a bus to Boston.

Season 1, Episode 18: Murder Takes the Bus (March 17, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote

JB is giving a speech to the Maine Sheriffs’ Association and Amos picks her up, only for his car to die. So why not take the bus?

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Jane Pascal is played by one of my biggest movie crushes, Linda Blair. Do I have to tell you what movies she was in? I mean, I did a list of Ten Linda Blair films. OK, The Exorcist, The Exorcist II: The Heretic, Born Innocent, Sarah T. – Portrait of a Teenage AlcoholicAirport 1975, Chained Heat, Savage Streets and so many more.

Sheriff Amos Tupper is, as always, Tom Bosely. Will this episode be the time he changes the title of the show to Amos, She Blew?

Ben Gibbons is Michael Constantine, Gus from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Santa from Prancer and has roles in ThinnerPray for Death and even a turn as The Sorcerer in Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.

Steve Pascal is Terence Knox, who was in Children of the Corn IIFrom a Whisper to a Scream and the TV show Tour of Duty.

Professor Kent Radford is Larry Linville, of course, Major Frank Burns from M*A*S*H*.

Miriam Radford is Rue McClanahan, uniting two of the biggest old lady franchises of the 80s, as The Golden Girls and Jessica, kinda, sorta cross over.

Joe Downing is Albert Salmi, whose true love was the stage, not movies or TV. Yet he would be on Daniel Boone and play Alonzo P. Tucker on Lost in Space. He was also in Escape from the Planet of the ApesViva Knievel!Caddyshack, SuperstitionEmpire of the Ants and more. Sadly, he died in a murder-suicide with his second wife, Roberta, who had a restraining order against him.

Don Stroud plays Carey Drayson. Stroud was the son of vaudeville star Clarance Stroud and singer Ann McCormack. After a Hawaiian beach childhood — his mother owned and operated the popular Embers steakhouse/nightclub where she performed — he was picked by Troy Donahue to be his double on Hawaiian Eye. He moved to Los Angeles, where he managed the Whiskey-A-Go-Go before Sidney Poitier got him into acting. He’s in a bunch of the Roller Blade films — he’s Kabuki Devil in Legend of the Roller Blade Seven — as well as showing up in movies like Sweet SixteenThe Amityville HorrorThe Choirboys and Von Richthofen and Brown.

Ralph Leary is played by Mills Watson, who was in Cujo and Up In Smoke.

Cyrus Leffingwell is David Wayne, Dr. Amos Weatherby from House Calls. He was also in the movie version of It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane… It’s Superman! In a Golden Girls moment of trivia, he was Blanche’s father, Big Daddy Hollingsworth, on the show.

John Davis Chandler (Bleak from Adventures In Babysitting) is Gilbert Stoner.

Charles Bazaldua has the role of man. Just a man.

What happens?

If you’re on a bus with Jessica Fletcher and can hear the Psycho music, you are going to die. Everyone on this bus — which Jessica and Amos got on after their car broke down — has no clue. But it’s raining so hard that they decide to stop at the Kozy Korner Kitchen, one of those diners in the middle of nowhere that are open all night and only on TV shows.

One of the men on the bus is a recently released convict who has already battled with Steve Pascal, so is anyone surprised when that criminal ends up dead back on the bus? The crook had been in jail for 15 years. One of his partners died during a robbery and the other has never been seen after the shootout.

Jessica tries to clear her head and goes to play a video game. In a past episode, it was established that Jessica loves arcades.

Amos is on the case. When Jessica tells him that the woman killed by the convict has the same last name as the bus driver, he tells her that he already figured it out. Amos really wants to get going and win a TV set at the police event, but they’re stuck here. Maybe if he solves a case on his own, Jessica will finally give up her Cabot Cove.

Amos is right. The bus driver did stab the guy. But he was already dead.

So who is the killer?

The phone is out, but the CB is working. And yet, someone has a CB radio here, and that too gets destroyed. It gets shot. So everyone is cut off, by the rain, by the lack of phone, by the CB being blown up and now, a killer is loose.

Who did it?

Amos was right. The bus driver did kill the convict. He just tried to make everyone think they were in a giallo.

Who made it?

Another episode directed by Walter Grauman. It was written by Michael Scheff (who wrote Airport ’77) and his wife, Mary Ann Kasica.

Does Jessica get some?

Don’t you think she should show Amos some Happy Days because he finally got it right?

Does Jessica dress up or act drunk?

No, but she does wear a fashionable Burberry trench.

Was it any good?

I mean, this has a fantastic cast. I’ll say yes.

Any trivia?

Salmi is the only Murder, She Wrote suspect who ever really killed someone.

Is there a TV Guide ad?

Yes! Finally!

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Oh, did you reach them?

Sheriff Amos Tupper: Yeah, said we’d be there about 8:00. Probably miss the hors d’oeuvres.

Jessica Fletcher: Well, no serious loss, I’m sure.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: Ms. Fletcher, the Main Sheriffs’ Association lays out the finest spread east of the Alleghenies.

What’s next?

While in the hospital with a fractured leg, Jessica investigates the murder of a doctor.

Tales from the Crypt S7 E8: Report from the Grave (1996)

Elliot (James Frain) has discovered how to read the memories of the dead and to test this theory, he and his girlfriend Arianne (Siobhan Flynn) break into the crypt of a serial killer by the name of Valdemar Tymrak (Roger Ashton-Griffiths), who sold his soul to the devil. Not the best memories to use.

“Greetings, hack-riculture fans. I’ll be with you in a moment. I’ve just got to finish with the Artie-chokes. Come on, Artie, die already! Now, a little water and some fear-tilizer, and before you know it, I’ll be horror-vesting my own little field of screams. You didn’t know your pal the Crypt Keeper had a green thumb, did you? Well, I do. And the rest of me is pretty damn moldy, too! Which brings to mind tonight’s tale. It’s about a scientist who’s a bit of a scare-cropper himself. I call this one “Report From the Grave.””

Directed and written by William Malone (FeardotcomHouse On Haunted Hill), this has Elliot become convinced that Arianne is stealing his work, so he kills her with Tymrak’s memories. But then he learns that she was on his side all along and now her spirit is being kept prisoner on the other side of death itself. And that’s how things end, with him unable to save her without bringing back the maniac. He kills himself and Arianne spends the rest of eternity tortured by Valdemar.

In the remake of House On Haunted Hill, Valdemar Tymrak is one of the guests who were invited to the house.

This episode is based on “Report from the Grave” from Vault of Horror #15. A new undertaker must go through an initiation to join the Vault-Keeper’s Club by digging up a recently departed member. It was written by Al Feldstein and WWilliamGaines and drawn by Jack Kamen.

JUNESPLOITATION: Fantaghiro (1991)

June 5: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Magic!

Lamberto Bava worked on a lot of TV, and instead of just horror, he had plenty of success with this series of films. Based on Italo Calvino’s short story “Fanta-Ghiro the Beautiful,” Bava also borrowed from movies like Legend, Ladyhawke, Willow, Disney cartoons and the fantasy films of his childhood.

It was lucky for all concerned that because the movie was so expensive, it ended up becoming a mini-series—it also aired as a 200-minute compilation, La meravigliosa storia di Fantaghirò and as forty episodes for its twentieth anniversary—and was a big success to the level that it had a cartoon that Bava co-wrote and even a theme restaurant.

Fantaghirò (Alessandra Martines) is one of three princesses born to the King (Mario Adorf). While Catherine (Ornella Marcucci) and Caroline (Kateřina Brožová) act like proper royalty, our heroine is rebellious, well-read and yearns for battle. She’s been training with a White Knight (Ángela Molina) somewhere in the forest and meets the enemy her father has been fighting for years, Romualdo (Kim Rossi Stuart), and he falls for her because of her eyes.

The problem is that he’s challenged her father to a duel, and he plans on sending his daughters, as the White Witch (also Molina) warned him that one of the girls can defeat Romualdo. Catherine and Caroline hate every moment, and Fantaghirò goes into battle alone. She defeats her enemy but can’t bring herself to kill him; her father allows him to keep his kingdom as long as he marries one of his daughters. You can figure out what happens next.

The second movie introduced the big bad for this series of films: Black Witch (Brigitte Nielsen). But that’s another story.

Supposedly, there’s a Disney+ remake coming. It was news to Bava, who told Super Guida TV, “I read it in the newspapers a few months ago, but nobody told me about it, and nobody asked me to cooperate. If they want to make a great Italian production, that’s fine, but if they want to re-propose the same characters, that was our lot because Calvino’s fairy tale is only four pages long.”

You can watch this on YouTube.

Murder, She Wrote S1 E17: Footnote to Murder (1985)

Jessica sets out to clear the name of a friend who is a prime suspect in a murder case.

Season 1, Episode 17: Footnote to Murder (March 10, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote

Being friends with Jessica Fletcher is like shaking hands with death itself.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Vincent Baggetta plays Frank Lapinski. You may know him from his other two appearances on this show, as well as playing cops on Days of Our LivesRenegade, the TV movie Shakedown On Sunset Strip and T.J. Hooker.

Debbie Delancey? That’s Martin Balsam’s daughter Talia, who was also in Mad MenThe KindredThe SupernaturalsCrawlspace and The Initiation of Sarah. She was also married to George Clooney once.

Tiffany Harrow is played by Morgan Brittany, who was Baby June in Gypsy, as well as Katherine Wentworth on Dallas and appeared in Sundown: The Vampire In RetreatDeath Car On the Freeway, The Initiation of Sarah — making this a reunion, kinda — and was Mary in Sunn Classics’ In Search of Historic Jesus. You may ask, “Why does the Virgin Mary have to be so hot?” Because Sunn Classics knew that despite their movies being G-rated four-walled family movies, they still needed something for daddy. She also did stunts for Fighting Back and The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood. I also love this credit on her IMDB. Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer James Bond Style Speedboat Commercial. You can see it here. Who knew PBR could be so fancy?

Lucinda Lark is played by Constance Forslund, who was in the remake of Village of the DamnedUncommon Valor and took over the role of Ginger for The Harlem Globetrotters On Gilligan’s Island.

A.D.A. Mel Comstock? That’s Pat Harrington, forever Schneider from One Day at a Time. He would be in four episodes of this show. He was also the voice of The Atom and Speedy on the Aquaman 1960s cartoon!

Kenneth Mars is Helmsley Post. Speaking of voice work, he was Triton in The Little Mermaid and Grandpa Longneck in The Land Before Time. He was also the mayor in Police Academy 6: City Under Siege and appeared in the Bruce Willis cartoon—yes, he had his own cartoon in 1996—Bruno the Kid: The Animated Movie.

This time, the law is Lt Meyer, played by Ron Masak. Masak would become a regular on the series after season 5, playing Sheriff Mort Metzger.

Diana Muldaur plays Alexis Post. Did I cast this episode? She has also starred in The SwimmerImps*Maneaters Are Loose! and Chosen Survivors.

Hey! It’s Mr. Brady! Robert Reed plays Adrian Winslow. If you only know him from being a TV dad, hunt down his TV movies like SST: Death Flight, Secret Night CallerPray for the Wildcats and Haunts of the Very Rich.

Paul Sand as Horace Lynchfield, the presumed killer.

In the more minor roles, there’s John C. Bechner (Dr. Molinaro from Gremlins) as an eye doctor, John Brandon as Ernie, Mark Harrison as an assistant DA, William McDonald as a bailiff, Michael Kearns as a reporter, Nancy Marlow listed as a lady, Bigg Yeager as a cop, Lana Schwab as a clerk, and Larry Carr, Bart Greene, Sam Haggin, Shirley Lang, Richard Niehaus, Norman Palmer, Kimberly L. Ryusaki and Roger Trantham as background characters.

What happens?

Jessica is in New York City to get a Gotham Book Award for being a crime writer. She hangs out with another writer, Horace, a downer, and Kenneth Mars, a jerk. Does Jessica have better writer friends? Are all writers total losers? Hey — don’t answer that so soon.

Horace is getting drunk, another would-be writer named Debbie Delancey keeps trying to get Jessica to read her story, and people just seem to hate one another in New York City (say that like Lazlo from What We Do In the Shadows). She has to break up a fight between some of the writers and wakes up with Hemsley’s umbrella, so she goes to return it. When she gets there, he’s dead, and Downer Horace’s umbrella is stuck in the guy’s chest.

This is where Jessica should just go home.

Of course, this is where she starts to solve the murder.

Somehow, Horace was in bed with Lucinda Lark — can you believe it? — and has an alibi. Lucinda wrote a book called Women Unleashed so we can only assume that she pegged the butt out of Horace. Or hope.

Who did it?

Debbie, who got the famous author to look at her book, was surprised when he tried to show her more than she wanted. Whoops. His death is an accident.

Who made it?

Director Peter Crane worked on nine episodes of the show and episodes of MoonlightingDarkroomKnight Rider and Voyagers! The Script was written by Robert E. Swanson, who assembled 87 scripts for it.

Does Jessica get some?

You would think that with her waking up with a man’s umbrella, the answer would be yes. But no. She also doesn’t dress up or act drunk, despite actually drinking.

Was it any good?

I like it when Jessica stays home, but she should get out every once in a while.

Any trivia?

Helmsley Post, the manly writer of war books, and Adrian Winslow, the nonmanly writer of historical novels, are supposed to be writers who hate one another, like Norman Mailer and Gore Vidal. Get it? Post? Mailer?

John C. Becher and Lansbury were in the original Broadway cast of Mame together.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Horace Lynchfield: Now, what I need is some cigarettes and a stiff drink. Let’s get out of here, okay?

Jessica Fletcher: Oh! At the risk of sounding like a nag, Horace, you’re gonna have to do something about your drinking.

Horace Lynchfield: Are you saying to cut back? That would be like depriving a race car of its gasoline.

What’s next?

A great episode is on the way. Jessica is forced to take refuge from a storm at a remote diner when one of the passengers is found stabbed in his seat on a bus to Boston.