Florida filmmakers Sam and Cheryl Siragusa (2017’s Carnival Chronicles, 2018’s E.V.I.E; both sci-fi tales) take on horror in their third feature film with this tale steeped in Scottish folklore . . . about a creepy doll.

A family of the Amityville* variety comes to discover they’re the victims of a centuries-old curse when a rare doll starts wrecking havoc. They’ve obviously never read the handbook: never, ever go into any antique stores or second hand shops and buy old trucks. And that those dolls were wrapped up in black plastic for a reason.

As you can tell by the trailer, below, the production values on this low-budget indie are pretty high. So, if you’re into creepy doll movies — and who isn’t — there’s something for you to stream on a Friday night. To tell more, would plot spoil the fun.

What’s exciting is the Siragusa’s have contracted Caroline Munro and ’80s B-Movie scream queen Linnea Quigley for their fourth feature, the currently-in-production 1315 Wickey Way. Considering Munro was in the ’80s VHS classic Maniac and Quigley was recently in Clownado, you know what that film is shooting for: and we love it. Yes, I am digging on the Siragusas. Good stuff!

You can learn more about An Evil Tale on its Facebook page and watch it courtesy of Wild Eye Releasing across all VOD and PPV platforms, as well as DVD.

* Oh, us and Amityville . . . you have no idea. We review ’em all, with our ever-expanding Exploring: Amityville feature.

Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR company. That has no bearing on our review.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Think Kaley Cuoco’s Penny from CBS-TV’s The Big Bang Theory with common sense and intelligence — and an emotionally secure boyfriend — and you’ve met University of Toronto particle physicist Siobhan (Victoria Kucher). And unlike the constant “I have a girlfriend” bragging and the “Why can’t I have a girlfriend” whining of her BBT insecure counterparts, Siobhan is in a comfortable, mature relationship with her photographer-boyfriend Sean (Steven Yaffee).

Unfortunately, as with her fellow Big Bangers, she’s a bit self-righteous and passive-aggressive (think Howard Wolowitz’s “I’m an astronaut,” bragging at every opportunity, only less nebbish) and comes to realize she’s outgrown Sean and his free-spirited artschool friends. When she’s offered a physics fellowship at Switzerland’s CERN lab in Geneva and Sean has as an opportunity to attend grad school in Paris, Siobhan feels trapped. They break up, sort of; Siobhan goes off with her more-in-common-in-mind, geeky co-work, Alvin; Sean goes off with DeeDee from his circle of friends.

There are lots of analogies about “particles colliding” and “alternate universes” and “realities,” not just in the scientific sense, but in the relationship sense; that we’re all just particles bouncing around in space and time, always questioning our personal identities and how others determine our identity. This is a movie about how one finds their “voice” in life. And this isn’t a sappy Sandra Bullock time travel romp about a magical mailbox, either.

Skills abound in this feature film writing debut from Sean Gerrard, a graduate from York University’s film program (he’s produced five shorts and worked on several Canadian TV series); he writes with a level of intelligence you don’t see in the low-budget indies we normally review at B&S About Movies. If you’re a fan of human interest dramas like NBC’s This Is Us or ABC-TV’s A Million Little Things — only with a very light, sci-fi twist, there’s something here for you to watch.

The most interesting aspect of the film: Unlike most indies, which shoot it fast, cheap and quick in less than a month — or shorter, Gerrard chose to shoot Space & Time over the course of 11 months to show the “real time” progression of the break up and evolving of Siobhan and Sean’s journey through “space and time.” This is a well-made, intelligent film worthy of your streaming time.

Space & Time is currently available on all the usual VOD and PPV platforms.

Note: That is the clever design of the theatrical one-sheet: we didn’t edit the artwork with the edges cut off.

Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR company.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

The tagline on the box “A grin from fear to fear” sums up this sarcastic horror comedy, which serves as the feature film writing and directing debut by visual effects artist Torey Haas (V/H/S Viral). His resume in that field is pretty extensive, so you know you’re getting decent, cost-effective practical effects in this E.C Comics-styled horror tale that wears its Romero-Creepshow influence on its sleeve—well, slimy arm. Think of the Canadian (American syndicated) kids horror anthology Goosebumps seeping into The Walking Dead, and you’re in the Atlanta “neighborhood” (where this was shot).

The original theatrical one-sheets for the film, back when it was known as Invasion of the Dead, carried the subtitle: “Starring Desmond and Jake: Paranormal Exterminators,” so it seems there’s an intended franchise afoot. They’re Ghostbusters-styled supernatural enthusiasts who day-job at a Kevin Smith-inspired video store-quickie mart combo. And an unemployed college graduate discovers her remote country home suffers from a (comical) zombie infestation.

So who you gonna call . . . when you’re afraid of zombies?

This brings back the VHS ’80s memories of its similar brethren in Hard Rock Zombies and Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare, only with a superior level of quality courtesy of Haas’s effective zombie puppets. And the actors are giving it their all and having fun. And the new Neon Dead title fits: this film has a very festive and colorful production design. I had a lot of fun with his retro-romp!

Wild Eye Releasing has given this a DVD reboot along with a free-with-ads streaming debut on TubiTv.

Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR firm. That has no bearing on our review.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

“Once more unto the “Police Academy Week” breach, dear friends! Once more, Sam; for we jam up our VCRs with the VHS dead.“

A film such as Golfballs! solidifies the B&S About Movies celluloid theory: All of the Police Academy ripoffs (reviewed this week) are basically ‘60s beach movies, which are the same thing as Porky’s movies, which are the same thing as Meatballs ripoffs, which are really just Animal House ripoffs. And we’ll multiple that equation with Harold Ramis’s Caddyshack and Robert Zemeckis’s incredibly underrated Used Cars.

However, if we go back a bit further into the pre-VHS Drive-In epoch, there was 1979’s Gas Pump Girls and 1981’s Lunch Wagon and, if we delve into the direct-to-DVD epoch, 1990’s Zoo Radio and 1992’s The Bikini Car Wash Company (did you ever hear of 1984’s The Malibu Bikini Shop 1995’s Bikini Drive-In: you just did). Yeah, you know the T&A drill: It’s all familiar in terms of plot and characters; it’s raunchy, it’s moronic, and it’s all innocent soft-core shenanigans. And, as is the case with most of these films, there isn’t so much a plot as it is a series of comedic skits and vignettes with the thinnest of through lines. The premise of each of these films is somewhat the same: slobs vs. the snobs. And the slobs with the once glorious business that’s now a shell of its former self is being squeezed out of business by the snobs who want to plow down the landscape or city block for condos or push through a highway overpass to benefit their business.

Such is the tale of Golfballs!, which takes a little bit from each of those films and a blatantly steals a whole lot from Caddyshack (right down to a camouflaged Bill Murray clone) and Used Cars—only adding boobs. Lots of gratuitous boobs from the likes of Playboy and Howard Stern’s perpetual radio guest Amy Lynn Baxter and adult film star Jennifer Steele (and a few others X-stars). And there’s jokes about blue (golf) balls and bent “wood,” a farting Chihuahua, cussing grannies, and more golf double entendres about “sticks” and “balls,” vaudevillian spit-takes, shower scenes, and public urination. Oh, and let’s not forget Golfballs!—as well as Porky’s and Caddyshack from which it pinches—was also shot in South Florida . . . and so was 1989’s Summer Job, which, come to think of it, is sort of like, well, Golfballs!, in the ugh-ack-groan comedy department.

Anyway . . . instead of the competing gas stations from Gas Pump Girls, car lots from Used Cars, and radio stations Zoo Radio, we have competing golf courses, with the once glorious and now decrepit Pennytree Country Club run by a kindly old dude and the upscale Bentwood (yuk, yuk!) run by an old bastard. And the old bastard wants to level Pennytree to make way for condos.

Ah, but when the daisy-duke wearing granddaughter (Christy Tummond) of Pennytree’s owner caddies for a heavy-tipping rich creepy guy—and he keels from a heart attack as she picks up a golfball—she knows how to save the club!

So, with her boyfriend (Todd Allen Durkin)—her grandfather’s right hand man at the club—they hit the nightclubs and strip clubs recruiting hot bodies—both male and female—as scantily clad (the women even more so) caddies and the operators of a Topless (Golf) Cart Wash. And it all culminates with the Greasers and the Socs (Where are you, Ponyboy?) having a “winner take all” golf tournament. It’s no plot spoiler to telling you “The Outsiders” win this one.

And you know what? While not original in the slightest, for a low-budget shot-in-Fort Lauderdale indie with a group of amateur theatre actors, this good vs. evil romp isn’t that bad and has some actual laugh-out-loud moments. It’s not great. But it’s not awful. Too bad Golfballs! wasn’t made during the Drive-In heyday of the ‘70s; it would have cleaned up at the box office right alongside the likes of The Pom Pom Girls, The Van, Malibu Beach, H.O.T.S., and Van Nuys Blvd.

Golfballs! is a competently-shot and acted film; it’s unfortunate this ended up being the only feature film by South Floridian commercial director-cinematographer Steve Procko. It’s also the lone screenplay of Robert Small who, regardless of what the IMDb tells us, isn’t the same Robert Small who worked as a writer, director, and producer for A&E’s Biography, Comedy Central’s Pulp Comics and MTV’s Unplugged (once again burned by the IMDb’s digital content managers with their bad film Intel).

All of the local South Florida community theater actors are good in their roles—especially the leads of Christy Tummond and Todd Allen Durkin. While the affable Tummond dropped off the celluloid landscape, Durkin has since built up an impressive resume with recurring roles on the TV and cable series Magic City, Nashville, Drop Dead Diva, Wrecked, and I Am Frankie. He most recently guest-appeared on FOX-TV’s The Resident, as well as making a three-episode arc on ABC-TV’s January 2023 series, Will Trent. Elizabeth Rodriguez, who appears here as one of the “Bentwood Girls,” later appeared in recurring roles in Fear of the Walking Dead (Liza Ortiz) and Orange is the New Black (Aleda Diaz). As we like to say here at B&S About Movies: Everyone in Hollywood has to start somewhere . . . and Durkin and Rodriquez did alright for themselves. And we dig it.

Golfballs! received worldwide distribution on VHS and DVD and has been reviewed on French, German, and Japanese film sites (see? it pays to cast blonde adult film stars). Sadly, because of its content, it has never appeared on any VOD, PPV, or U.S. Cable TV platforms. Used out-of-print DVDs and VHS tapes are out there in the marketplace, but go for between $30 to $40 dollars. Luckily, we found a free copy to watch on You Tube.

Need another South Florida-shot Police Academy-inspired bit o’ hyjinks (aka policesploitation) with another South Florida-bred actor in his feature film-leading man debut? Check out Private Resort. Wanna rock SoFlo style? Check out Incident at Channel Q.

Update: In June 2022, film journalist David Wain caught up with director Steve Procko for some behind-the-scenes production stories on The Schlock Pit.

— R.D Francis

I wanted . . . I needed a piece of Sam’s “Police Academy Week” action. And I think I found a movie that fits. Well, it’s more like an Animal House square peg in a Police Academy round hole . . . but let’s jam ‘er into that policesploitation pegboard, shall we? (And this movie is a hyperlink fest. It’s perfect for a B&S once over.)

As Sam’s review expertise pointed out this week: Police Academy ripoffs are basically beach movies, which are the same thing as Porky’s movies, which are the same thing as Meatballs ripoffs, which are also all really just Animal House ripoffs.

So let’s cue up Animal Resort, I mean, Private Resort.

“Hey, wait a minute. Sam already reviewed this one, R.D.”

Nope, that’s the Charles Grodin-starring Last Resort.

This “resort” movie stars Johnny Depp and, while one of the better ones, is one of the least remembered in a slew of ‘80s spring break/T&A comedies with the titles of Fraternity Vacation, Hot Resort, One Crazy Summer, Spring Break, and Where the Boys Are. Or just maybe you remember Private Resort better than those other movies? I mean, look at the stuff Sam remembered and dug up for “Police Academy Week,” right? Anything is possible in the B&S universe.

Anyway, Depp was fresh off his feature film debut with A Nightmare on Elm Street and a year away from his “arrival” with Oliver Stone’s Platoon in this, his leading man role. His co-star was a then unknown Rob Morrow in his acting debut—and on his way to a five-year run with CBS-TV’s Northern Exposure.

As is always the case at B&S About Movies: the plot is piffle and the cast is what draws us into a film released during the Drive-In ‘70s and the VHS ‘80s.

We’ve got Emily Longstreth, later of American Drive-In, Star Crystal, and Wired to Kill as the female lead. In support are Hector Elizondo (you know his resume!), ‘70s Southern-style comic and game show mainstay Dody Goodman, “Sgt./Lt. Callahan” Leslie Easterbrook from Police Academy 2, 3, 4, Hilary Shepard from Weekend Pass (how did you miss that one, Sam?), Michael Bowen from Iron Eagle, Night of the Comet, and Valley Girl, Lisa London from H.O.T.S (which starred Angela Aames from Basic Training), and how can we forget Andrew “Dice” Clay fresh off his role from Night Patrol and on his way to The Adventures of Ford Fairlane?

Since this is a teen sex romp (and you want to watch the 82-minute, uncut theatrical version; TV edits need not apply), the plot is pretty simple: Depp and Morrow are two teen buddies scamming 30-something-plus wealthy babes at a Miami resort (actually the Ocean Reef Club in Key Largo, Florida). And amid the generous amounts the “T” and the “A,” they run afoul of The Maestro (Hector Elizondo), a jewel thief after a prized diamond necklace owned by a high-society woman (Dody Goodman).

So who is behind the lens and pen on this teen sex fest?

Well, this is another B&S lesson in “everyone in Hollywood has to start somewhere,” and the biggest name behind the scenes is screenwriter Alan Wenkus. Working as a “script doctor” on Private Resort, he would be nominated by the Writers Guild of America and the Oscar Academy for “Best Original Screenplay” for Straight Outta Compton. The resume of the screenwriter Wenkus “doctored” is TV scribe Gordon Mitchell: his resume dates to the late ‘60s as a staff writer on Gomer Pyle: USMC, Get Smart, The Jeffersons, and Mork & Mindy.

And who’s behind the lens?

It’s none other than George Bowers: his resume goes back to the Drive-In ‘70s as the editor on Van Nuys Blvd. and Galaxina for William Sachs. Transitioning to the director’s chair, Bowers debuted with The Hearse (Sam/Jennifer Upton), bought us another T&A romp with My Tutor, and finished his directing career with Private Resort. He then reverted back editing work with The Stepfather, Harlem Nights, and A League of Their Own. But the one video fringers remember Bowers the best for is the weird-fest that is The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.

Contrary to popular opinion—and as is the case with the confusion between Last Resort and Private Resort and Hot Resort—1981’s Private Lessons and 1983’s Private School aren’t sequels to Private Resort: their only “relationship” is that R. Ben Efraim produced all three of those “Private” teen sex comedies. I’ll venture a guess: Gordon Mitchell wrote an innocuous heist comedy and producer R. Ben Efraim brought on Wenkus to add some “sex comedy” to the proceedings.

Since this stars Depp, Private Resort is readily available across all VOD platforms and turns up as a free movie on various cable systems’ PPV menus. But the ever intrepid researchers at B&S About Movies found you a free copy on Daily Motion (it’s the uncut version with the boobs intact) to enjoy.

Another trailer embed bites the dust.
We give up! You’re on your own!

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Wild Eye Releasing recently started their own Tubi channel and they’re now offering their previous DVD and VOD titles as free-with-ads streams. Surfing through their digital library has turned into quite the enjoyable retro-ride—one that takes me back to my 5 videos-5 bucks-5-days days when, at those prices, you’d gamble on anything and everything stocked on those VHS sci-fi and horror shelves. And lately, Wild Eye has been importing some pretty impressive foreign horrors—such as our recently reviewed Australian and Italian neo-giallos Dark Sister and Evil River—as well as this French-made horror.

At first, since we’re dealing with a Euro-horror set piece that uses the admittedly overdone found footage narrative, I figured this micro-budgeted feature film debut from Fabien Delage would go back to the genre’s Ruggero Deodato roots and homage his found footage granddaddy, 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust. In that film, the footage is found and watched—and then a second crew goes out to find the people on the reels. And the story flips from a found footage to a traditional narrative. Rabid Bigfoots instead of cannibals, I assumed; a white inferno instead of a green one, if you will.

What we do get is, instead of an Italian homage, is an inversion of The Blair Witch Project meeting Neil Marshall’s The Descent (who recently gave us the very good Wales-shot supernatural-slasher Dark Signal) that’s seasoned with a soupcon Robert Rodriquez’s digitally-aged retro romp, Grindhouse. So, instead of witches, it’s Yetis (or werewolves or some type of hairy-humanoid) chasing our snowy campers.

As with the recently (very good) reviewed Case 347 that dealt with found footage extraterrestrials, this is another case of “you just roll with it,” as it is explained the footage we’re about to watch was shot by two journalists (Melissa and David; an interviewer and camera man) who traveled to the French-Swiss border in January 1976 with the intention of shooting a documentary for French television. Those recordings were discovered 40 years later, in December 2016—and we’re watching the digitized and edited version of that 8 mm footage. (The retro Super 8 logos and ‘70s-style Motion Picture Rating Code title cards that open the film are a nice touch.) So, along with a med-tech/guide, a British biologist, and an American forensicist, the journalists are off to investigate what’s causing a series of cattle mutilations—and it turns into a search and rescue mission when they learn the scientific team they intended to meet in the mountains has gone missing.

Does this all work? Yes. Better than most micro-found footage romps? Oh, yeah. And even better than most of the Hollywood ones.

Personally, I’m not a fan of A-List directors and major studios jumping into the found footage and smartphone frays to capitalize on genres developed by indie-filmmakers out of financial necessity to tell stories against limited resources. I wasn’t a fan of the major record labels pillaging the ‘80s indie-rock scene to find instant “Nirvana”—so if I’m going to do a found footage romp, I’m rollin’ the streaming dice on the likes of For Jennifer and micro-indies like Case 347—and this indie-feature film debut by Fabien Delage.

It’s been 21 years since The Blair Witch Project re-ignited the found footage genre sparked by Ruggero Deodato—and we’re about five or six dozen films neck deep in the genre. Cold Ground is one of the better ones and worthy of your streaming excavation. It’s an effective calling card that proves Delage is adept at working a limited budget, develops smart characters, and builds suspense and dread with his scripts. And most importantly: he discovers skilled, professional actors who are willing to work below the going rates to trek through the ice and snow to tell his stories against their limited budgets.

So here’s to hoping a major European studio takes notice and gives Fabien Delage the budget and resources he deserves for this next movie. So check him out, won’t you? You can stream Cold Ground for free on Tubi and you can learn more about the Wild Eye catalog at their official website and Facebook pages. And if you’re a found footage fan, well, B&S About Movies is your one-stop shop. Just visit our homepage and enter “found footage” in the search box and search our stuffed digital VHS shelves.

About the Author: You can learn more about the work of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Disclaimer: This movie was sent to us by its PR department. As always: you know that has nothing to do with our feelings on the movie.

South Carolina screenwriter and director Tommy Faircloth’s fifth feature is an expertly staged and richly-shot double-homage to the ‘70s European Nunsploitation cycle (Santanico Pandemonium, The Other Hell) and Spain’s Amando de Ossorio’s* early-‘70s “Blind Dead” quartet of films (that ended with Night of the Seagulls). In Ossorio’s universe: sexually promiscuous, road weary travelers are always stumbling into some piece of abandoned, local architecture connected to an urban legend.

Accordingly, we have four requisite dumb travelers—two sisters: one bitchy, one a pseudo-creepy bookworm, and two guys: one a piggish boyfriend and one a hapless dork who wishes he was—who do all the things we expect: losing car keys, looking for shelter from a storm, always having sex on their minds, telling bad dick jokes, toilet humor and, since this is the 21^st century: their cellphones have no signals.

Of course, one person in the group—in this case, Ashley-Kae the bookroom (Erika Edwards, an accomplished cinematographer and editor in her own right; she runs Honey Head Films with actress Kristi Ray; who plays her sister Gabby)—knows all the local history about the abandoned brick church they’ve taken a detour at on their way to her family’s vacation home. And she’s haunted-fascinated by her childhood nightmares of nuns—the infamous Sister Monday (Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp fame) in particular, who had a penchant for killing inmates of the neighboring prison . . . just on the other side of those woods.

Yep. Just like the de Ossorio films of old, these dumb travelers resurrect the ghost of Sister Monday—complete with a nice, sharp dagger sheathed inside that large, wooden crucifix she hip slings. (And that testicle-removal-by-holy dagger is a pisser!) (I would have enjoyed some prisoner or priest zoms digging themselves out of the church and prison graveyard—but that’s not a problem with the film, just my sick, twisted nostalgia getting in the way.)

Award-winning indie-horror craftsman Tommy Faircloth got his start in the business like most writer/directors (such as Frank Darabont of The Green Mile and The Mist): as a production assistant on mainstream Hollywood films; Faircloth worked on Die Hard 2, the Danny DeVito-starring Renaissance Man, and the James Caan-starring football drama, The Program.

He made his debut proper with the 1996 horror-parody Crinoline Head and followed up with the direct-to-video efforts Generation Ax (2001), the serious-sequel to Crinoline Head: Dollface (2014), and Family Possession (2016; which also stars Felissa Rose and Erika Edwards). A testament to Faircloth’s ever-improving career: A Nun’s Curse won the “Best Writing in a Feature” at last October’s Nightmare Film Festival and Reedy Reels Film Festival for Faircloth’s Horsecreek Productions.

A Nun’s Curse proves Faircloth has a very promising career as a new voice in horror that’s on par with the horror works of the bigger-budgeted studios A24 and Blumhouse. He knows how to move a camera with an Argentoesque atmospheric ease through the dilapidated corridors. I look forward to his next work, will go back to his earlier works, and hope for a sequel on the exploits of Sister Monday.

A Nun’s Curse is available from Uncork’d Entertainment on all online streaming and PPV platforms in the U.S on May 12. If you’d like a DVD copy: all North American Walmart locations will have it in stores on May 19. You can also visit Uncork’d on Facebook for the latest news on their releases and find more specific information about A Nun’s Curse on Facebook.

And we are diggin’ on the end credits’ nu-metal tune by The Lumberjacks!

* Did you hear the story about the debut picture from de Ossorio’s “Blind Dead” series, Tombs of the Blind Dead, being re-edited into a bogus Planet of the Apes sequel? It ran in U.S Drive-Ins in 1978. True story. We reviewed it as part of our “Ape Week.”

Disclaimer: This movie was sent to us by its PR department. As always: you know that has nothing to do with our feelings on the movie.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.