Star Wars Droppings: Galaxina (1980)

As long as you don’t go into William Sachs’s (The Incredible Melting Man) intentional sci-fi homage that tips its hat to Star Trek: TOS, Star Wars and Alien expecting a “naughty” Spaceballs-styled parody, you might get a few The Ice Pirates-like chuckles. However, regardless of the presence of its adult-centerfold star, don’t expect a variation of the sci-fi porn parody Flesh Gordon (1972). If you’re into porn films that take out the sex and leave in those films’ bad dialog and worse acting: this is your movie. If you’re okay with special effects of the low-budget, Dark Star (1974) variety: this is your movie.

In place of John Candy and Rick Moranis efficiently camping up the joint, and instead of Mel Brooks and Dom DeLuise bringing great bits with the mystical Jew, Yogurt, and the truly icky, Pizza the Hut, we get ‘60s American comedian Avery Schreiber bumbling around as . . . Captain Cornelius Butt. Yes, Captain Butt: it’s like that.

And the homages run deep, so keep those eyes open. Keen sci-fi buffs will appreciate the tribute to the film’s distributor, Crown International Pictures (The Crater Lake Monster) with the crew watching a clip of the 1960 Eastern-Bloc sci-film film, The First Spaceship on Venus, which was a CIP release in the United States.

As far for the “plot”: In the year 3008, Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratton (who was murdered by her husband-manager shortly after) is the sexy android-computer on the Infinity, an Intergalactic Space Police cruiser—that’s lost in the same lame, special effects galaxy as Battle Beyond the Stars. On their way home after an extended tour of duty, they’re reassigned to journey to the alien world of Altar One to find The Blue Star, a mystical gem that holds unlimited power. Along the way, as they save the galaxy, the crew of the Infinity visits a space brothel of alien women and tussle with a gang that worships Harley-Davidson motorcycles. And will pilot Sgt. Thor (Steven Macht of Nightwing, The Monster Squad, Stephen King’s Graveyard Shift, and the Trancers film series) and Galaxina find true human-robot love?

If there was ever a Star Wars rip that reached the end of the Kessel Run, only to have Boba Fett carbon-frost its ass: this is that movie. This isn’t 2001: A Space Sex Comedy. It’s too “clean” and not “naughty” enough to titillate.

***

Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker was released theatrically on December 20 in the United States.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S Movies.

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