The most popular samurai in Edo, Saotome Mondonosuke is also known as Bored Hatamoto. Utaemon Ichikawa first started playing this role all the way back in 1930, making this the longest running Japanese film series starring a single actor — thanks Japanonfilm — even if Shintaro Katsu played Zatoichmore more times if you count the TV series.

But imagine this: Utaemon Ichikawa played the same role in the same continuing series of films from Japan’s silent era all the way up until 1963, through World War II — which cost many of the films, as they simply no longer exist — and due to the restrictions of the end of the war, period samurai dramas were restricted until the late 1950s. At that point, Ichikawa was in his fifties but still making movies.

Bored Hatamoto is marked with a crescent scar and is a near-ronin, masterless to all other samurai other than the Tokugawa shogun. He’s a virtuous character who solves crimes, like Sherlock Holmes, but if Holmes could fight a hundred other swordsmen at the same time.

The women who live near a shrine keep getting killed by bats, except they’re not bats. They’re flying ninja that live inside a gigantic cave above the holy place. Our hero also has four sidekicks, which seems like a ton, but hey, when you have a film series that lasts this long and then continues as a TV series with your son taking over the role, you have a good formula.

This also reminds me of American Westerns of this time, as this is basically a variety show. There’s fighting, there’s comedy, there’s song and dance from a variety of acts. When you went to the movies back in the early 60s — or the 50s in America with our singing cowboys — you got a full buffet and not just a main course.

Also: Ninja are seen in America as an 80s trend. As in so many other pop culture ways, Japan was ahead of us.

Let’s be perfectly frank. I’d watch a movie that was 85 minutes of people repeatedly making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as long as Linnea Quigley was in said movie. I’m sure they’d figure out some way to make her take a shower while the sandwiches were being made, which I find to be a bold directoral choice that I would explain to my wife was necessary for the foreign markets.

Anyways — Witchtrap.

You have to admire a movie that has a warlock as the final boss and still calls itself Witchtrap. Then again, the alternate title was The Presence and that’s not as good.

Kevin S. Tenney made two versions of Night of the Demons, along with two Witchboard movies. Here, he tells the story of a team of phenomena busters who have a special machine — a witch trap, if you will — to aid themselves in de-ghosting the Lauder House. Tenney even acts in this, as they couldn’t get another actor in time when one dropped out and hey — he already knew the script.

The whole movie is dubbed thanks to an on set filming error. If you watch Italian movies as much as me, you’ll gloss over that. I love reading reviews of this movie that decry its wooden acting and long stretches of dialogue. What did you really expect? It’s a direct-to-video 80’s movie about de-ghosters. Be happy that there’s a super gory head explosion and Linnea gets in a shower. That said, the shower kills her, but she does fulfill her contractual obligation to take a shower. If she did not take a shower in a movie, her parents would be threatened. Can you provide it didn’t happen?

Seriously, why has Bathfitter or ReBath not hired Linnea Quigley for a series of commercials? She could be like, “This shower stall is good enough for me, so it’d good enough for you. Hopefully, you won’t be stabbed in it. I probably will be. Call today and see what special offers we have!”

I love that the back cover of this says: NOTICE: This Motion Picture is not a sequel to WITCHBOARD.

The original idea for the new owner of this house was to make it into a bed and breakfast where people would go to be scared. The first night, he let a magician stay in it and that guy did a half-gainer into the concrete. This idea also should make you ignore the acting and dialogue and realize that this movie has ghost-powered bullets and face melting. Literally, face melting.

The MVD blu ray release of Wtchtrap is incredible. It has a high definition 1080p presentation of the main feature in its original 1.85:1 aspect ratio, scanned and restored in 2K in 2016 from the 35mm Interpositive. You get commentary with director Kevin Tenney, producer Dan Duncan, cinematographer Tom Jewett and actor Hal Havins; interviews with Tenney, Quigley, Jewett and special effects supervisor Tassilo Baur; an awesome VHS quality version — more releases need this! — and a photo gallery and trailer.

Plus. you also get reversible cover artwork, a collectible mini-poster and a limited edition slipcover.

Get it now from MVD.

In the 80’s, Brian Bosworth was a big deal. A two time All-American with the Barry Switzer-coached Oklahoma Sooners, he wrote his autobiography during his first season with the Seattle Seahawks. Bosworth acted like a pro wrestler in real life, talking smack on the NCAA, publically claiming he would contain Bo Jackson (he didn’t) and trash talking John Elway so much that 10,000 Denver fans bought and wore “Ban the Boz” t-shirts. And those T-shirts? He manufactured and sold them.

Yep, Bosworth knew how to play the media game, even if his NFL career ended after three seasons. But what was next?

Acting. Of course! And the first film that Bosworth starred in was Stone Cold, a tough cop versus evil bikers epic.

Joe Huff (Bosworth) has been suspended for how rough he is on criminals. In fact, the film starts with him decimating several crooks that are robbing a supermarket. A government agent blackmails him into going undercover to stop a white supremacist biker gang, The Brotherhood.

The gang is led by Chains Cooper (Lance Henriksen, Near Dark), who is over the top insane. Just seeing the stuff the gang does in the opening montage will give you an idea of how amazing this film is going to be — they shotgun a priest through a stained glass window seconds into the start of the movie.

Joe becomes John Stone, but the rest of the gang doesn’t accept him. And his FBI contact Lance (Sam McMurray, Raising Arizona) is a germophobe and no help at all.

To finally be part of the gang, Joe/John has to kill a man. The FBI helps him fake the kill, but Chains’ top guy, Ice (William Forsythe, The Devil’s Rejects) still doesn’t believe in him. Luckily, a high-speed motorcycle chase leads to his death and our hero is in.

The gang has one goal: to kill DA Brent “The Whip” Whipperton, who has announced that he is going to become Governor of Mississippi and get tough on crime. They’ve stolen military weapons and plan on attacking the Supreme Court to save one of their own, the guy who killed that priest.

Joe/John falls in love with Nancy, Chains’ girl and offers her immunity if she cooperates. But then the man our hero had supposedly killed shows back up and the Brotherhood declares war on him. Chains takes the news that Nancy is cheating on him by shooting her, while he plans on putting a bomb on Joe/John’s body and dropping him from a helicopter onto the courthouse.

The gang manages to kill the DA, but our hero survives and kicks the snot out of Chains. Yet he is merciful and lets the man live. Bad idea — the villain grabs a gun and comes back for Joe/John, who is saved by Lance.

Stone Cold was originally going to be directed by Bruce Malmuth (Hard to Kill, Nighthawks), but personal problems led to the backstory of Bosworth’s character being removed from the movie and Craig R. Baxley (Action Jackson, I Come in Peace) taking over.

This movie is everything awesome about 80’s and 90’s action films and their cliches. Yet it’s even better, because you have Lance Henriksen writing all of his own dialogue, plenty of explosions, even more nudity, Bosworth’s impressive hair and outfits, and a fight scene between WWE’s one time heir apparent to Hulk Hogan, Tom Magee (seriously, he had a try out against Bret Hart that convinced everyone that he was going to be someone until everyone realized that Bret was the reason the match was so good) and Bosworth. And hey, how did Bosworth never get into pro wrestling, what with him coming from the same school as Steve “Dr. Death” Williams and being friends with Jim Ross?

I have no idea how this isn’t a movie that is treasured and celebrated by genre geeks, as is Patrick Swayze’s Road House. It’s such a time capsule of how one man captivated our attention and became a major star before disappearing.

This is an action movie that I bring up all the time when it comes to 90s action. More people should be losing their minds about it.

The Kino Lorber blu ray of Stone Cold has a brand new HD master from a 2K scan of the 35mm InterPositive; new interviews with the Boz, Henriksen, Arabella Holzbog and Sam McMurray; audio commenary by action film historians Mike Leeder and Arne Venema; and two newly masters 2K trailers.

If the first movie is close to the comic with some kid elements and the second backs off from that, the third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie goes all into silliness, as the turtles go back in time to feudal Japan and switch places with the honor guard of Lord Norinaga (Saburo Shimono).

It’s all because of some things that April O’Neil (Paige Turco) buys at a flea market, including a scepter for Master Splinter. At least Casey Jones (Elias Koteas) gets to be in this one, even if he just sits around for most of the movie.

Only Brian Tochi (Leonardo) and Robbie Rist (Michelangelo) did voices for all three of the original movies, but Corey Feldman returned as Donatello and Tim Kelleher is Raphael, with James Murray taking over as the voice and puppeteer of Splinter.

Co-creator Kevin Eastman said of this movie, “What we tried to do with the third movie was to make it as good of a story as we could. We went through a painstaking level of do’s and don’ts, what they could and couldn’t do. We wanted something that would be good for all ages again. I call movie one the best, movie two the worst, and movie three halfway in between.” A lot of the ideas in this come from the “Masks” story in issues 46 and 47 of the original comics. The time scepter looks a lot like the one that Renet, the apprentice timestress of Lord Simultaneous uses.

What we do get to see is the Turtles helping Lord Norinage’s son Kenshin (Henry Hayashi) and his lover Mitsu (Vivian Wu) to stop the war between villages and the sale of guns to the samurai by Walker (Stuart Wilson). The whole idea of not changing time is never even considered by this movie.

The costumes were made by All Effects Company instead of Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. I guess Golden Harvest was pretty much done with the movies by this point and didn’t feel like spending much.

This was directed by Stuart Gillard, who wrote the script with Turtles creators Eastman and Laird. He also directed Lost Boys: The Thirst, War Games: The Dead Code, the remake of The Initiation of Sarah and the Disney movie Girl vs. Monster.

Even though I don’t like this one, I did do this art of a Samurai Leonardo.

Directed by Michael Pressman (who is still directing episodes of Law and Order today, but also made Some Kind of Hero, Doctor Detroit and The Great Texas Dynamite Chase) and written by Todd W. Langen, who also wrote the first film, the second Ninja Turtles movie toned down the violence, mostly removed the weapons from the turtle’s three fingered hands and was much more kid-like than the original. I mean, Vanilla Ice raps “Ninja Rap” at one point.

They also had twice the original budget and ended up — at the time — the second highest-grossing independent film ever behind the first movie.

Brian Tochi and Robbie Rist returned as Leo and Mike, while Adam Carl replaced Corey Feldman as Don and Laurie Faso replaced Josh Pais as Raph. Leo would now be played by Mark Caso, with Rob Tygner as the facial assistant and Larry Lam doing stunts. Mike was Michelan Sisti with Mak Wilson as the face and Nick Palma doing stunts. Don was Leif Tilden, with Rob Mills moving the face and Steven Ho doing the fighting. Raph was Kenn Troum with David Greenaway as the facial assistant and Hosung Pak did the stunts. He played Liu Kang in the first two Mortal Kombat games and was one of the fighters on WMAC Masters. Kevin Clash would return to voice and puppet Splinter with assistance from Rickey Boyd and Sue Dacre.

As Shredder died at the end of the last film, the Foot Clan would be led by Tatsu (Toshishiro Obata) before bringing their leader (François Chau replacing James Saito) back to life and transforming him into Super Shredder (wrestling genius Kevin Nash). They also gain two new mutants, an evil turtle named Tokka — Kurt Bryant in the suit with Rick Lyon animating the face and David Rowden doing stunts — and the wolf-like Rahzar — Mark Ginther in the costume with Gord Robertson animating the face and Hamilton Perkins doing the stunts. Both of these new villains were voiced by Frank Welker, who if you want an animal voiced in your movie or cartoon, you go to.

The new mutants were used instead of the cartoon’s Bebop and Rocksteady, who co-creator Peter Laird hated and said, “their constant one-note shtick in the first animated series was extremely annoying and silly to the point of being stupid.”

Paige Turco would replaced Judith Hoag as April O’Neil and Casey Jones doesn’t even show up.

Needless to say, I didn’t like this as much as the first, even if I love the look of the bad guys in the film.

What I do like is David Warner being in this as ooze expert Professor Jordan Perry and Ernie Reyes Jr. getting to be in the movie out of turtle costume. And yes, Tokka, Rahzar and Super Shredder are all amazing, but come on. Ninja rapping.

Bonus: Here is some artwork I did based on this movie.

Before the internet, geeks like me read the Comics Buyer’s Guide Magazine — I devoured every tabloid-sized issue — and learned what new books were worth reading. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, created originally as a joke sketch of a turtle with nunchucks by Kevin Eastman and named “teenage mutant” by Peter Laird, was a black and white comic packed with violence that hit the cultural zeitgeist of the late 80s. It hit all the trends of comics, like the teenage angst of X-Men and Teen Titans along with the ninjas of Daredevil. In fact, the same canister of radioactive material that gave Matt Murdock his radar sense is what turned four baby turtles into Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello and Raphael.

Who knew that a few years later, they’d be the biggest cartoon and toy around?

In 1990, the movie came out and yes, it has a lot of the kid elements of the cartoon like the love of pizza, April O’Neil (Judith Hoag) being a reporter and how Michaelangelo behaves like a surfer dude. But so much of the film comes directly from the first issue of the comic. And it has martial arts in its soul, as it was produced by Golden Harvest.

Every major studio turned down distributing it, including Walt Disney Pictures, Columbia Pictures, Universal Pictures, MGM/UA, Orion Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Paramount and Warner Bros. before New Line took a chance. It paid off, as its $32 million was the second highest opening weekend at the time — behind Batman — and ended up being the ninth biggest movie of 1990.

The complicated turtle costumes took 18 weeks each to be created by Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. Henson said that the creatures were the most advanced that he had ever worked on. But they work — you really start to believe in the characters more than you do in the later CGI efforts.

The film begins with the four Turtles — Leonardo (Brian Tochi, Revenge of the Nerds, Police Academy 3 and 4), Raphael (Josh Pais), Donatello (pop culture force Corey Feldman) and Michelangelo (Robbie Rist, Cousin Oliver) — working for the sewers and the shadows to protect New York City — but actually North Carolina — and saving the life of April.

Leo is closest to their sensei Splinter (former Elmo Kevin Clash), Don is the inventor, Mike is the partier and Raph is filled with rage, which finds him battling street vigilante Casey Jones (Elias Koteas).

Above I just listed the voices, but it took so many talents to bring the characters to life.

Inside the Leonardo suit was David Forman, an Olympic tumbler and stuntman, with Martin P. Robinson controlling the face. He is also Mr. Snuffleupagus and designed, built and played Audrey II for Little Shop of Horrors. Leif Tilden was Donatello; he also performed several characters on Henson’s Dinosaurs show. He was supplemented by Ernie Reyes Jr. for martial arts scenes, skateboarder Reggie Barnes for skate scenes and facial movements by David Rudman. Michaelangelo was Broadway performer Michelan Sisti with facial movements by Mak Wilson. Raphael was the only Turtle performed by his voice actor, Josh Pais, with David Greenaway doing the facial animation and Kenn Troum did the fighting scenes. Splinter was puppeteered by Clash, who also did his voice, with Rickey Boyd did the face animation and movement was assisted by Robert Tygner.

The Turtles are in battle against a ninja clan known as The Foot — Daredevil fought The Hand — which is led by Oroku Saki, known as the Shredder (James Saito), the man who killed Splinter’s master Tatsu. Yes, the “radical rat” used to watch his master do karate and picked it up. When he found the four mutated baby turtles in the sewer, he saved them and taught them how to become ninja.

The Foot Clan has some major actors in its employ. Look for Sam Rockwell as an unmasked member and Skeet Ulrich and Scott Wolf under hoods.

In the UK and Germany, this movie was known as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and the violence is toned down. Also, Mike’s nunchaku aren’t shown, as that weapon always gets censored. The German version goes even further to add cartoon sound effects to all of the fight scenes.

This was directed by Steve Barron (who also made Electric Dreams, Coneheads and the music videos for “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson, “Take On Me” by a-ha and “Don’t You Want Me” by The Human League) and written by Bobby Herbeck, who had the original idea of making the movie, and Todd W. Langen, who did a Page One rewrite of the original script.

Sally Menke, who edited all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies until her death in 2010, was the original editor of this film, removed by Golden Harvest who didn’t like her work. Weird, huh?

Trust me, I was a big fan. I bought every single Playmates toy, had all the comics and watched every episode of the show, but my heart was in the original black and white comics. That’s why I love the first film, because while made kid-friendly, it still has so much of that look and feel.

Bonus: Here is some artwork I did based on this movie.

Directed by Paul Dale and Austin Frosch, who wrote the movie, also worked with most of the same cast on Sewer Gators. When her grandmother dies, all Abby (Manon Pages) inherits is a kite, one her brother Brian (Charlie Early) instantly knows is an occult tool of the Third Reich, much like the haunted merry-go-round horse in CarousHELL. Some will think this is ridiculous, but I’ve been through Amityville movies where a haunted lamp, clock and stuffed monkey unleash supernatural evil.

A hungry for breakfast Oracle (Zach Lee) shows up in her kitchen and tells her to not look any deeper into the kite. Of course, she does, and you can imagine how that goes. Soon, a computer-animated kite is destroying anyone who wants to attend a bread festival and live to tell about it.

You’re either going to get what the filmmakers are going for or think that this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen. I’m not usually a fan of movies made to be ridiculous instead of somehow achieving that on their own, but I enjoyed the humor that Killer Kites attempts. I mean, look at the tagline: Not the scariest movies…but it’s up there.

You can get the movie on blu ray and VHS here.

VIDEO ARCHIVES NOTES: This movie was discussed on the May 30, 2023 episode of the Video Archives podcast and can be found on their site here.

The game of Rollerball was so realistic that the cast, extras and stunt personnel played it between takes on the set. On ABC’s Wide World of Sports, director Norman Jewison and star James Caan even explained the game to Howard Cossell. Audiences loved the game so much that Jewison was contacted by promoters for the rights to the game; he was enraged because the whole point of this movie is to show the “sickness and insanity of contact sports.”

In 2018, the world is pretty much as horrible as it is today in 2023, but at least they have Rollerball. The biggest star of the sport, Houston captain Jonathan E. (Caan) is made an offer by team sponsor and Energy Corporation boss Mr. Bartholomew (John Houseman). He can retire and live in luxury if he does it now — this is exactly what so many steel mill workers were going through in 1975 — but Jonathan refuses and demands to see his ex-wife Ella (Maud Adams), who was taken away from him and given to one of Bartholomew’s executives.

In this horrible future that we live in today, there are only six companies — Energy, Food, Transport, Communications, Housing and Luxury — that each control part of the world. This feels so familiar that what was once horrifying in 1975 seems like something I shrug about and think, “Well, yeah.”

To force him out, the league makes Rollerball more and more violent, killing many of the players as a result and putting Jonathan’s best friend Moonpie (John Beck) in a coma. Meanwhile, the aging star wonders why all the books are owned by corporations. In fact, all human knowledge is now corrupted. Ralph Richardson shows up in these scenes as The Librarian.

The Executive Committee decides that the next game will be played with no penalties, no substitutions and no time limit. They hope that Jonathan will be killed during the game, as his popularity and longevity as a player threaten their agenda, which is to show the world that there is no place for being an individual. They even send Ella to tell him that the game will be to the death and he erases the last movie he had of them, realizing that no one is on his side.

In the final match against New York, everyone on the Houston team is killed or crippled. Only Jonathan is left, battling a skater and a biker from New York. He kills the biker right in front of Mr. Bartholomew and takes the ball. He knocks the biker off his machine and decides to smash his face in. At the last minute, he refuses to kill the man, gets to his feet and scores the only point in the game. As he takes a victory lap, the crowd cheers his name, a lot like the end of Kansas City Bomber.

Jewison had an interesting career that contains everything from the 1962 The Judy Garland Special to In the Heat of the Night, The Thomas Crown Affair, Fiddler On the Roof, Jesus Christ Superstar, F.I.S.T., Moonstruck and so many more. The script for this movie was by William Harrison. He also wrote the story this is based on, “Roller Ball Murder,” which was first in Esquire.

Rollerball was one of the first movies to name its stunt people. One of them, Marc Rocco, would become “Rollerball” Rocco in pro wrestling and be one of Tiger Mask’s greatest foes. While there was never an actual Rollerball game, roller derby was adapted in the 90s to the point that RollerJam and Roller Games started to look more like this movie than what fans of the game in the 60s and 70s knew.

Also: I completely love that in this future, Pittsburgh has a team. Of course we do.

So many critics decried the violence in the film that it’s supposed to be against. When asked what the movie was about, Caan said, “It’s about ninety minutes.” It’s actually two hours and five minutes long.

VIDEO ARCHIVES NOTES: This movie was discussed on the April 25, 2023 episode of the Video Archives podcast and can be found on their site here.

Directed by Arthur Hiller and written by Paddy Chayefsky — the winner of the 1972 Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, as well as the narrator and the man who had control over the casting and content of this movie — The Hospital concerns a New York City medical center — Metropolitan Hospital Center, which is called Manhattan Medical Center — that is just as damaged as one of its lead medical experts, Dr. Herbert Bock (George C. Scott). His marriage is over, his children hate him and he’s been impotent for several years. And oh yeah, several doctors and a nurse have been murdered on his watch while the hospital takes over an apartment building so that it can expand, pushing citizens into the streets. Nobody comes here to be healed, just patched up and shoved back out. It’s enough to make Bock want to commit suicide, which is just what he was doing when Barbara Drummond (Diana Rigg) barges into his office, engaging him in a spirited discussion that ends up with him roughly taking her.

This changes his life — one can argue, as Quentin Tarantino did on the Video Archives episode, whether she actually exists — but he can’t leave behind the hospital or stop solving problems, like how his new lover’s father (Barnard Hughes) is either on his death bed, the killer or both. I mean, it’s a spoiler but if you watch this, it’s so obvious that in no way is it hard to see coming.

The film makes a wild swing in the middle from a black comedy about the American medical system into a murder mystery mixed with a romance that starts with pretty much an assault. Luckily, it has strong acting from Scott — as always — and Rigg answers the challenge of playing against him in her first American movie.

It’s also the first movie of Tracey Walter, who may be one of the few people in this movie to have an action figure, as he was Bob the Goon, a short-lived but long-beloved character in Tim Burton’s Batman.

You can watch this on Tubi.

VIDEO ARCHIVES NOTES: This movie was discussed on the April 18, 2023 episode of the Video Archives podcast and can be found on their site here.

Also called Bluff, High Rollers, The Switch and The Con Man as well as its Italian title, Bluff – storia di truffe e di imbroglioni (Bluff – Histories of Scams and Cheaters), this movie finds director Sergio Corbucci making a transition from violent Westerns like Django, The Mercenary, The Great Silence and The Hellbenders and into making comedies such as The White, the Yellow and the Black, The Beast, Who Finds a Friend Finds a Treasure and Super Fuzz. You know those social media posts that say “four films, all the same director?” Corbucci made movies where a gunfighter’s hands were ruined before he opened a grave and massacred his enemies with a gigantic machine gun, Civil War soldiers keeping a treasure hidden in coffins and a mute hero who dies in front of his lover in an inverse of every Western ever with, well, a movie where a super cop is invulnerable against everything except the color red. It’s a big shift but his movies are united by their quality.

Philip Bang (Anthony Quinn) is expecting his ex-wife Belle Duke (Capucine!) and his daughter Charlotte (Corinne Clery!) to get him out of the high security prison he’s supposed to live out the rest of his days in. But in the middle of the plan, Felix (Adriano Celentano) gets sprung instead. He’s coerced into breaking Bang out — which he does — only to learn that the elder con man might not want to see his former love, as he stole plenty of money from her. That means it’s time for one movie long scam — well, a series of them — as Felix has fallen in love with Charlotte and Bang has reunited his gang.

Writer Dino Mauri directed and wrote Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die as well as serving as one of the writers of one of my favorite Franco Nero movies, Street Law. He wrote this along with Massimo De Rita, who wrote Violent City, The Heroin Busters and Blastfighter.

The tagline was “A comedy of stings and double stings!” so if you’re wondering what movie this should remind you of, it does it twice.