Junesploitation: Ultraviolet (2006)

June 22: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is 2000s Action! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

Kurt Wimmer directed the Brian Bosworth movie One Tough Bastard and wrote the remake of The Thomas Crowne Affair and Sphere before he directed Equilibrium, the first movie of his I took notice of. He created a style of fighting, Gun Kata, for the film and it just stands out from so many of the 2000s science fiction action movies. I was beyond excited for Ultraviolet, but wow it had so many problems that I was sure I’d never see it.

Shot digitally on high-definition video, this movie was Wimmer’s attempt at making a comic book movie. There are even tons of Ultraviolet comic covers to give the idea that we’re in the middle of a much longer story. The basic idea is sometime in the near-future, a super soldier experiment leads to the creation of hemophages, vampiric humans that are stronger and smarter than normal humans. Like mutants…keep that in mind.

The war between humans and vampires leads to the end of civilization. There is now only the ArchMinistry, a powerful corporation and joint world government. There’s a resistance that is fighting back and one of their soldiers is Violet Song Jat Shariff (Milla Jovovich). Her latest mission is to break into a blood bank and steal a weapon that can kill her kind. It ends up being a child named Six (Cameron Bright) who is a clone of Vice-Cardinal Ferdinand Daxus (Nick Chinlund) and filled with a virus that can destroy the hemophages. Despite this, Violet is sentimental and allows him to live despite hating all of humanity.

By the end of the movie, it’s revealed that Daxus and the hemophages are working together to create a new virus that will allow them to control even more of the world. William Fichtner also shows up and if I ever make a movie, that guy has to be in it.

Not a lot of it makes sense, but really, we’re here to watch large battles and gun fights. In the post Matrix world, everyone was making movies like this. I just happen to like this one because, well, it’s fun. Who cares that Six spends most of the movie living in a briefcase? Do I need to know motivations? Rotten Tomatoes said, “An incomprehensible and forgettable sci-fi thriller, Ultraviolet is inept in every regard.”

Um…this is a movie where you watch Milla Jovovich in various cool outfits, she has color changing hair and she shoots a whole bunch of religious zealots when she isn’t racing around on a motorcycle. I mean, you tell me that’s what I’m going to see and I’m going to see it.

Anyways…

Wimmer and Jovovich were locked out of the edit by Sony, who said that the movie was too emotional and it needed to be PG-13. They cut it from 120 minutes to 88 minutes. Because of this, the visual effects are visibly unfinished and use incomplete temp-renders that were never meant to be seen outside of the editing room.

Everywhere in the world, this didn’t do well. Well, Japan loved it. They even made an anime sequel, Ultraviolet: Code 044.

In the very same year, Cameron Bright played Leech in X-Men: The Last Stand. His role is to cure mutants, which is just like this movie. He would play a vampire again once he got older. He’s Volturi vampire Alec in Twilight New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Part 2.

An aside: Gun Kata was taken from Gun Fu. Wikipedia refers to it as a “style of sophisticated close-quarters gunfight resembling a martial arts combat that combines firearms with hand-to-hand combat and traditional melee weapons in an approximately 50/50 ratio.” This martial art first shows up in A Better Tomorrow, directed by John Woo, and gives guns the same style that open hand combat and wuxia movies had within Hong Kong cinema. In the 1990s, it came to America in movies like DesperadoThe Replacement Killers (which had Woo’s star Chow Yun-fat in it) and The Matrix. Today, John Wick has taken Gun Fu as far as it can go, but in 2002, Wimmer would use it in Equilibrium.

After the failure of this movie, Wimmer didn’t direct for years until he made Children of the Corn. While he was recovering from this, he wrote Street KingsLaw Abiding CitizenSalt, the remakes of Total Recall and Point BreakSpellThe MisfitsExpend4bles and The Beekeeper. I hope he gets the opportunity to make another movie and prove his talent to his detractors.

VISUAL VENGEANCE ON TUBI: Storm of the Dead (2006)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

After Hurricane Xiora, the empowered Florida militia shoots a looter who has run into the swamps after he kills two of their men. Sergeant Barnes (Todd Terry) shoots him and learns that he was stealing diapers and baby food, just in time for the man’s voodoo grandmother (Yvone Williamson) to snap his neck.

Lieutenant Hutchinson (J. Todd Smith) and his unit are sent to find Barnes. He’s conflicted, as he joined to honor the memory of his father, who died in Desert Storm. He’s also not so sure that as a black man he should be ordering white men to shoot black people no matter what they’re doing.

Joined by weather reporter Lisa Hicks (Karin Justman) — yes, that happens in this movie — the unit finds two survivors who just so happens to be voodoo slaves to the grandmother.

Directed and written by Bob Cook (Rock-A-Die BabyAnimals), this has people wandering a swamp for most of the movie and delivers its one zombie quite late in the film. My favorite character was Corporal Dani Stevens (Debra Cassano), who ends up tongue kissing one of the privates by force in the bar and laughing at him. She got kicked out of the Marines for attacking her commander and is only in the militia to make her dad happy. Cassano is really good in the part and stands out.

This has an interesting anti-military, pro-looting message that you may not expect and some nice scenery. If you aren’t into movies where people wander aimlessly — I am kind of comforted by it — you will probably not enjoy yourself.

VISUAL VENGEANCE ON TUBI: Gold Digger Killer (2006)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

Imani (Shatara Curry) has a boyfriend she’s putting through college while she works a job and is in school herself. After giving everything to her man, she feels like he doesn’t care, so after advice from her girlfriends — who are all getting abortions at the same time from the same doctor — she gets rid of him and goes to the club, where she meets Flip (Esteban Lastra) who takes her away for the weekend.

The problem is one of his friends watches her ex grab her behind and they assume she’s a gold digger. She’s drugged and assaulted several times, including after they leave by a hotel worker who she follows and murders. She finds herself hunting down all of the men who raped her before realizing that she may never run out of victims.

This is a movie that somehow combines live performances of spoken word with an abortion and a castration. It’s intense and at the same time quite cheap in the best possible sense of the word, feeling real and messy and I love that. Directed by Roderick Giles and written by Jeff Carroll (Holla If I Kill You), it’s in no way perfect but who needs that? It’s instead a film that looks at the war between the sexes and responds with bullets to the head and knives to dicks.

VISUAL VENGEANCE ON TUBI: The Tomb (2006)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

Remember when there were a whole bunch of Brendan Fraser mummy movies? What if Bruno Mattei made his own version of those movies — using the name David Hunt — and filled it with all of the wonderful things that his movies are known for? Well, he did. He sure did.

Over the last few years of his career, Mattei began working with Giovanni “Gianni” Paolucci, who wrote and produced his films Dangerous AttractionSnuff KillerMondo CannibalIn the Land of the CannibalsThe Jail: The Women’s HellIsland of the Living DeadZombies: The BeginningCapriccio VenezianoPrivéBelle da Morire and the sequel to that film. Before working with Mattei, he also wrote and produced Antonio Margheriti’s The Ark of the Sun God and was the producer of Argento’s Dracula 3D (as well as the upcoming Antropophagus II, which will be directed by Dario Germani).

The amazing thing is that now that Bruno has moved on to digital video, he’s able to completely not just rip off movies — this is The Mummy right down to the bad guy who looks kinda sorta like Arnold Vosloo — he’s now able to even more easily copy and paste footage from other films directly into his own. Now, when a major Hollywood film takes a plot point, I get apoplectic. Yet when Matti outright takes entire scenes from other movies, I get overjoyed. Such are the weird ways of how I enjoy film.

That means that while Bruno takes the Titty Twister scenes that were a major part of From Dusk Till Dawn and films his own version, he is just as comfortable with directly taking footage from Army of Darkness and The Mummy and inserting them into The Tomb.

Somehow, the guide that a group of students is using to get through the Aztec pyramids is the reincarnation of an evil priestess and one of those students is the reincarnation of the girl who her lover never got to sacrifice because movie logic demands these things occur. Again, in any other movie, I’d roll my eyes, but I kind of demand these kinds of things from the Italian masters of beyond basement value movies.

Then, to show us all that Mattei does not care at all about the world of Hollywood, he outright takes footage from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I doubt Spielberg had any idea who Bruno Mattei was, but just the sheer “Che palle!” of Mattei brings a tear to my eye. Then, to top that, he also ripped off footage from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!

This isn’t the best movie Bruno ever made — I cannot and will not answer that impossible inquiry — but damn if it isn’t a million times better than any mummy movie Hollywood has made said the black and white Universal days.

The Unknown Woman (2006)

Irena (Kseniya Rappoport) is a Ukrainian sex worker who is looking for a job in fancy Italian apartment building and starts by cleaning the stairs, even though she already has money. Her plan is to get closer to the Adacher family who lives there, starting by becoming friends with the nanny, Gina (Piera Degli Esposti). And then, when that au pair is crippled by a fall — that Irena may have caused — she’s hired for the same role and takes care of Thea (Clara Dossena).

There’s a reason behind her madness. She has given birth to nine children whose theft was the final dignity that she could not bear in her horrific life. Stabbing her pimp, she has come to Italy as she believes that Thea is her child. And if she has to stage a crash that kills the girl’s mother Valeria (Claudia Gerini), that’s just a means to the end. Bad luck follows Irena as the pimp remains alive and wants the money she took from him. Even though she takes care of him and it seems that she will move into the new motherless house with Thea and her father Donato (Pierfrancesco Favino), the police arrest her.

In jail, she refuses to eat. Thea visits her and feeds her, which gives her an urge to survive. Many years later, we see her finally leave prison behind and a fully grown woman is waiting for her. It is Thea.

The Unknown Woman, unlike many giallo, was a huge success. It won David di Donatello awards for Best Actress – Leading Role for Kseniya Rappoport, Best Cinematography for Fabio Zamarion), Best Director for Giuseppe Tornatore, Best Film and Best Music for Ennio Morricone.

Tornatore is best known for Cinema Paradiso and Massimo De Rita may have written an award-winning movie here, but under the name Max von Ryt he wrote Blastfighter and as Max De Rita he penned Blood Link. Actually, his career stretches back into the 1960s with his first credited script being War of the Zombies.

This was Italy’s official submission to the 80th Oscars Best Foreign Language Film category. It lost to The Counterfeiters.

Regardless of high class this is, it’s heart beats yellow blood.

You can watch this on Tubi.

H2Odio (2006)

Alex Infascelli has made some intriguing films. The first of his I saw was his documentary S Is for Stanley, which is about Stanley Kubrick and his personal chauffeur and assistant Emilio D’Alessandro. He also made a few other giallo movies, including Almost Blue and The Vanity Syrum.

Written by Infascelli with Vincent Villani, Olivia (Chiara Conti) and her friends Ana (Anapola Mushkadiz), Nicole (Mandala Tayde), Christina (Olga Shuvalova) and Summer (Claire Falconer) have travelled to a farmhouse where they will undergo a purification ritual and only drink water. No phones, no food, just them and water. Of the friends, Olivia is the one who is most often made fun of, as she’s too sweet. But what a secret she has. Inside her body is her unborn twin Helena, who has left behind teeth in her shoulder. While in the middle of the madness that the water brings on, she tears out those vestigial teeth with her hands. And then it gets worse.

Featuring effects by Sergio Stivaletti (The Wax Mask), this feels like a new take on the f giallo, a movie where what should be a peaceful time of meditation is transformed into horror inside a glass-walled villa. I have no idea exactly how it got to where it got, as it could have been polluted water, the hidden twin, witchery or just plain mental illness. A lot of it feels like an art film with giallo leanings — hey, that sounds good — and some reviewers have outright hated the acting and the fact that nothing occurs for long stretches of time. But when it gets going, it really hit with me. Hopefully you will get the same thing out of it.

You can watch this on YouTube.

SUPPORTER DAY: Kung Faux (2003-2006)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Today’s movie is brought to you by AC Nicholas, who has graciously become a Big B&S’er, a monthly supporter of the site and got to pick an entire week of movies. His idea this time was for a series on movies that started as one film and were dubbed into something else.

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Kung Faux was an action comedy TV series created by Mic Neumann that remixed martial arts movies with popular music and comic book style editing along with video game style visual effects and new storylines that had voice acting featuring contemporary art stars, hip hop personalities and pop culture icons.

Neumann described the creative process as treating the original films like a DJ treats records, “sampling the melting pot of music and demixing pop culture to assemble new collisions of sounds and palettes.” Kung Faux first appeared publicly as a narrative collection of video art film stills derived from the series that exhibited at the original Ace Hotel alongside the works of such artists as Kaws and Shepard Fairey before becoming one of the first shows on FUSE.

As if that’s not enough, the show had music and voiceovers from a diverse array of artists including De La Soul, Guru, Masta Ace, Queen Latifah, Biz Markie, Afrika Bambaataa, Eminem, Kaws, Eli Janney, Craig Wedren, Steve Powers, Aida Ruilova, Mark Ronson, Helena Christensen, Crazy Legs, MF Doom, Quasimoto, Mix Master Mike, Beastie Boys, Petter, Willi Ninja, Information Society, Elephant Man, Jean Grae, Mr. Len, Lord Sear, Roc Raida, Sadat X, Indo G, Ron Van Clief, Harold Hunter, Dimitri from Paris, Above The Law, Grooverider, Stetsasonic, Force MDs, Naughty by Nature, Scribe, P-Money, Curse, Gentleman, Assassin and Fannypack,

Here’s a breakdown of the ten episodes. The descriptions come directly from the listings for the show:

Ill Master: A chronically challenged old homie schools a young gun on the ways of a dunny that has mastered the art of not having to pay protection money.

Boxcutta: A tight cat who exterminates suckas and reps for the real with a style as sharp as a blade until he gets straight gully with a Teflon-don-dadda. Taken from The King of Boxers.

Pinky: Herbs betta recognize a kick-ass kung fu chick named Pinky Jenkins who won’t let anyone stand in the way of a mission to find her M.I.A. master.

Mini Lee: A bi-curious Bruce Lee clone enters the dragon with his own personal psychic hotline which eventually connects him to a whacked-out links lovin’ wanksta. Taken from Bruce Lee We Miss You.

Pimp Stick: Some haters make a move on an original mack’s stack when he breaks north for the annual player’s ball, but his game is tight and the streets is watchin’.

Honey Pie: A good old boy goes on a hunting trip and bags a little more than he bargained for with a sweet backwoods boo & her ill-billy clan. Remixed from Bruce Li in New Guinea.

Dirty Dee: An old school battle cat wrecks shop on the block, forcing the towns #1 break boy to get down on some dirty-deeds done dirt cheap. Original movie: Iron Fisted Warrior.

Funky Bottoms: The hip hop music biz is dog eat dog competition where punks jump up to get beat down, so don’t hate the player, hate the game. The real movie is Amsterdam Connection.

Queenie: From around the way girl to killer queen bee, a local hoodrat has to grow up fast when a Japanese Elvis shakes the family tree with some Jailhouse Rock. The real movie is Life and Death.

Break Boy: Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo lives on in this bizarro style tribute, when a hip hop hating heavy tries to squash the local community center run by an aspiring break master and his #1 pop lockin’ student. This movie is actually Bruce Lee’s Secret.

I’ve also found the soundtrack to the show on Futonrevolution’s YouTube page, which is a wealth of information on this show.

Have you seen this show? What did you think? It doesn’t always work for me but feels like it’d be fun to have on at parties.

Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas (2006)

I’m always kind of interested in when a cartoon revises its characters to become characters from A Christmas Carol. Daffy Duck, yes, I buy him as Scrooge, now running a big store called Lucky Duck and ruining the lives of the other Looney Tunes. Also, because there aren’t all that many Looney Tunes to go around, this has to go deep cut and include characters like Playboy Penguin, Priscilla Pig, Egghead Jr., Henery Hawk and Barnyard Dawg Jr. along with the characters that everyone knows.

Porky is Bob Cratchit, Sylvester the Cat is Jacob Marley, Granny and Tweety are the Ghost of Christmas Past, Yosemite Sam as the Present and Tasmanian Devil is the Future. As for other characters, most of them — Pepé Le Pew, Speedy Gonzales, Marvin the Martian, Elmer Fudd, Wile E. Coyote, Road Runner, Foghorn Leghorn, The Three Bears, Sam Sheepdog, Claude Cat, Charlie Dog, Miss Prissy, Gossamer, Barnyard Dawg, Mac, Tosh, Hippety Hopper, Beaky Buzzard, Pete Puma, Hubie and Bertie  — all work in the store.

Bugs Bunny just starts the whole thing off and keeps coming back to upset the duck. This doesn’t get into the sadness of the Charles Dickens story to the level that A Flintstones Christmas Carol gets into. I mean, that leans into death like no cartoon I’ve seen outside of Japanese ones.

But you know, if you want to put on a modern Looney Tunes and see how they’d treat a classic, here it is. I know that this is where as old man I need to mention that I grew up on the originals and how much better they would be than this, but man, all these battles against the fact that things are always worse and that this was made 17 years ago and there have been worse things since then has diminished my fighting edge.

You can watch this on Tubi.

THAN-KAIJU-GIVING: Gamera the Brave (2006)

Chiisaki Yūsha-tachi Gamera (Little Hero: Gamera) is the 12th Gamera movie and the second reboot. It’s also the first movie in the series made by Kadokawa Daiei Studio after the company purchased Daiei Film. There was no sequel and no more Gamera films until 2023’s Gamera Rebirth animated series.

In 1973, Kousuke (Kanji Tsuda) watched as the town of Shima, Mie was destroyed by several Gyaos until Gamera saved the day, helping everyone to escape before destroying himself to stop the threat.  Thirty three years later, he’s a widower with a son named Toru (Ryo Tomioka). Life is hard and his son worries constantly about losing everyone in his life after the death of his mother.

One day, he and his friends Katsuya and Ishimaru discover an egg near where Gamera was last seen. It soon grows into a small turtle that can spin and fly just like the larger kaiju. He’s just in time, as there’s another kaiju called Zedus who is eating people and destroying cities. He easily defeats Toto who is saved by the government and healed. However, the red stone that is needed to give him his full power has been given to Toru’s friend Mai (Kaho) for luck as she goes into surgery.

Directed by Ryuta Tasaki, who has directed several Kamen Rider movies, and written by Yukari Tatsui, this had some complain that it was too kid-friendly. Maybe they hadn’t watched any Gamera movies before, those that believed all the older movies were for grown-ups.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

UNSUNG HORRORS HORROR GIVES BACK 2023: Minotaur (2006)

Each October, the Unsung Horrors podcast does a month of themed movies. This year they will once again be setting up a fundraiser to benefit Best Friends, which is working to save the lives of cats and dogs all across America, giving pets second chances and happy homes.

Today’s theme: Tony Todd

Directed by Jonathan English and written by Nick Green and Stephen McDool, Minotaur starts in the time of  King Deucalion (Tony Todd). Each year, eight young adults are taken from the village and dropped into an underground labyrinth to be sacrificed to the Minotaur. Theo (Tom Hardy) is still angry that his beloved Fion was sacrificed. When he learns that she’s still alive, he begs his father, the village chief Cyman (Rutger Hauer), to let him be part of the sacrifices along with Danu (Jonathan Readwin), Morna (Maimie McCoy), Tyro (Lex Shrapnel), Didi (Lucy Brown), Vena (Fiona Maclaine), Ziko (James Bradshaw) and Nan (Claire Murphy).

As they are being killed by the beast in the maze, Deucalion’s sister and lover, Queen Raphaella (Michelle Van Der Water) saves them. She also reveals how the monster came to this world. Her mother committed bestiality to create a living god. As the minotaur became stronger, it started killing, starting with Raphaella and Deucalion’s brother. This murder was based on the village that Theo comes from, which is why they have to send sacrifices every year. She sent word that his lover was still alive so that he would come, as she believed that he was the only one who could kill her monstrous half-brother.

And now, the battle has begun.

Beyond Tony Todd, I watched this because Ingrid Pitt is in it.

You can watch this on Tubi.