Directed by Lawrence Lanoff — also Lawrence Unger, the name he used to make Playboy home videos like Playboy’s No Boys Allowed 3: Sweet Sensations, Playboy: Best of College Girls, Playboy: Lusty Latin Ladies, Playboy: Girls of Hedonism, Runaway Bay Jamaica, Playboy: Gen-X Girls, Playboy’s Girls of Mardi Gras, Playboy: Best Kept Sex Secrets and Playboy: WildWebGirls.Com in addition to the name K.T. Summer that he used for Club Wild Side — and written by Sam Rappaport and Khara Bromiley, this seems like a comic book movie is about what happens when McKenna Bravenight (Carmen Electra) — in a Troma movie! — must replace her sister Emma (Shauna Sand, Playboy Playmate of the Month May 1996 and ex-wife of Snake Eater Lorenzo Lamas) as the keeper of a mystic amulet and become The Chosen One.

I just have to quote this line from its Wikipedia: “McKenna’s powers include a thirst for milk and tremendous sexual energy, which she unleashes on her former boyfriend, Henry (Dave Oliver), a cop.”

Like, I get the second one, this is a softcore superhero movie, but a thirst for milk in no way seems like a superpower. I guess when you have the raven as your totem, you like milk? You need strong bones? This also leads to a From Dusk Till Dawn like scene — more like Ninja 3: The Domination — where Electra pours milk down her body for Henry to lick, then she laps up what’s on the floor like a cat, except she’s supposed to be a raven and yet I think someone told her that this is kind of like Catwoman in that it’s bad. I mean, worse.

It’s also bad news for Henry’s latest girlfriend, Nora (Debra Xavier), who gets so upset that she gets into meth. That’s how the evil spirits — I See Good Spirits and I See Bad Spirits — find her and these Native American spirit animals are wolves. Did you know I can’t say the word wolf and just say woof?

Neither of these women are Native American, so this culturally appropriates all over the place. There’s also the Route 33 Serial Killer to catch and he’s played by the director, who was kind enough to make rated and unrated versions of this movie. And I love that the heroine’s name is McKenna Bravenight, which is very comic book, even if her costume is kind of lame. And lamé.

This also has one of the most astounding origins ever. Of course, our heroine has been hearing voices from the crescent medal she inherited from her sister but doesn’t put on her costume for some time. Henry’s ex, on the drugs, hooks up with Cole (Michael Stadvee), a drug dealer who attacks Henry, pisses all over him, tosses him in the back of his truck and makes sweet love to his ex-crackhead lover while he’s forced to watch and in pain. When McKenna Bravenight — I feel like from now on, I should use her full name — comes to save him, both she and Nora get shot by Cole. Left to die, the crescent necklace brings them both back to life. This is how Carmen Electra gets a skintight suit and a metallic half football helmet to fight crime as the avatar of the ravens, not unlike The Crow except instead of all that pesky goth stuff, we get a softcore erotic thriller sometimes, a superhero movie the others.

The same director made a possession movie, Temptress, which stars Kim Delaney. You know that as soon as I read that, I got so excited. That’s because this tickles that weird part of my lizard brain that demands that movies aren’t just dumb, but so dumb they cross over into genius before tripping back into abject insanity. Also: For those hoping to see Electra nude, that’s totally a body double. But you probably knew that.

As for my stupidity, I didn’t realize this was on Tubi and watched it on YouTube, where it was edited to only be part of the screen, squeezed into a too skinny shape and the audio chipmunked all to get past copyright and play online. That meant that the dialogue was completely inaudible, the action moved even more stitled and things were so dark I thought that I had developed glaucoma sooner than planner. Imagine my surprise when I went back and watched this on Tubi. It still wasn’t good, but it was at least a movie you could watch. Then again, I recommend the experience.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sam Raimi was, at one time, mostly known for horror. Of the novels of Scott B. Smith you would think he’d make a movie of, maybe The Ruins would make more sense. That said, A Simple Plan reminds you that he once lived in the same house as the Coen Brothers when all were new to Hollywood. That said, he makes this movie all his own.

Wright County, Minnesota mostly has a feed mill and lots of snow. Hank Mitchell (Bill Paxton) and his wife Sarah (Bridget Fonda) are two of the few college-educated people there. Hank’s brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton) and his friend Lou Chambers (Brent Briscoe) are closer than the two actual brothers are. This is tested when the men find a crashed plane and $4.4 million dollars. Hank wants to turn it in. Jacob and Lou change his mind, saying he should keep it until the snow melts and if no one brings up the money when the plane is found, they can keep it.

They all agree to not discuss the money with anyone except that Hank tells Sarah. She thinks they should take some money back to the plane. On the way, Hank and Jacob are surprised by a farmer on a snow vehicle. In the heat of the moment, they kill him and send his body and vehicle into the icy river.

Sarah believes that the money was a ransom for a kidnapped heiress from Michigan, who was abducted by two brothers by the names of Stephen and Vernon Bokovsky. She tells him that there’s no victim in the crime now, as one of the brothers had to be the dead body in the plane. The plan falls to pieces though when Lou demands his money. He’s been spending too much and might lose his truck. He threatens to go to the cops. Sarah says that they should kill him, a shocking moment as she’s just given birth to their first child.

Sarah says that they should frame Lou for the farmer’s murder by getting him drunk, making him confess and recording it. Jacob is upset that he has to betray his friend and it almost all goes wrong when Lou pulls his gun. It ends up with Lou and his wife Nancy dead and Hank having to spin the story to the police of what exactly happened. The next problem is that Jacob mentioned the plane, so Sheriff Carl Jenkins (Chelcie Ross) makes Hank show him where it is, bringing along FBI agent Neil Baxter (Gary Cole).

This is probably where you should stop reading if you want to watch this movie.

Baxter is, of course, Vernon Bokovsky. Somehow, Hank is able to kill him but now Sheriff Jenkins is also killed. That means that another story has to be told. And that’s when Jacob tells him that he’s tired. He’s either going to kill himself or force his brother to kill him, creating an alibi so that Hank can live free. It turns out that when he tells the story to the real government agents, they tell him all of the money was marked. He burns it in his fireplace, realizing that he will always be haunted by what he has done.

Paxton and Thornton had been scheduled to be in this movie for years. John Boorman was the original director and the film got cancelled. Neither believed they would ever be in the film but luckily, it all came together. This was one of the first movies where Raimi worried more about the performances of his actors instead of the action of the shots.

I miss Bill Paxton. I realize I never knew him outside of the roles he played but I feel like some part of me — I know it’s strange — knew he was a good man. In this, Hank is an ordinary person who somehow becomes a level of evil that he had no idea that he was capable of. Thornton also plays a role that any other actor would treat as a message part. His diminished intelligence is just who he is; he has other smarts that somehow make up for his lack of intelligence.

The Arrow Video release of A Simple Plan has a new 4K remaster from the original negative by Arrow Films, approved by director Sam Raimi. There’s also two new commentaries, one by critics Glenn Kenny and Farran Smith Nehme and the other from production designer Patrizia von Brandenstein with filmmaker Justin Beahm. There are also interviews with cinematographer Alar Kivilo, actors Becky Ann Baker and Chelcie Ross, and on-set interviews with Paxton, Thornton, Fonda, Raimi and producer Jim Jacks. Plus, this set has behind-the-scenes footage, a trailer, a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Matt Griffin and an illustrated collectors’ booklet featuring new writing on the film by Bilge Ebiri and an excerpt from the book The Unseen Force: The Films of Sam Raimi by John Kenneth Muir.

You can order the 4K and blu ray releases from MVD.

In a small town in 1950s Italy, a girl named Lola (Anna Ammirati, who director Tinto Brass met when he crashed his car into her as she was on her bicycle; she told him as a joke that if she wasn’t his next leading lady, she would sue him) rules the libido of every boy and man in town, riding her bike with her rear showing and acting as inappropriate as possible. She may be a virgin, but she doesn’t want to be. Her fiance Masetto (Max Parodi), however, is a traditional Italian man who wants to take a pure woman on his wedding night.

Her mother, Zaïra (Serena Grandi), has married Andre (Patrick Mower), a man who has raised Lola as her stepfather, yet she takes every opportunity to try to seduce him. That’s how Lola is with almost everyone, pushing men to their limits and then shocked when they want to be inside her. As for Masetto, he blows up and screams at her just about any time he’s angry, then goes and makes love to sex workers. He has different rules than his bride but she’s unwilling to embrace the past and looks to the future of how women will be treated in Italy.

There’s a great essay that comes with the Cult Epics 4K, “A Committed Brat: The Career of Anna Ammirati” by Eugenio Ercolani and Domenico Monetti. It explains who Ammirati was at the time and the actress she grew to be. I love that she says that she is the opposite of the “bionic blondes” at the time this movie was made; she looks real, feels real and even the song that she sings on the film’s soundtrack, “Mona Monella,” has an edge that you would not expect from someone who is trying with this film to be a sex symbol.

Along with a strong Pino Donaggio score, this soundtrack features plenty of era-appropriate songs, such as Carla Boni’s “Mambo Italiano,” Glenn Miller’s “In the Mood” and Curtis King Jr.’s “Let’s Twist Again,” a song that plays on a sweaty night with our couple and three American soldiers all interacting in a small bar.

Cult Epics is doing amazing things with these Tinto Brass releases. They’re like my Criterion collection, as they release the movies that I truly care about. The 4K UHD release of this movie has new audio commentary by Eugenio Ercolani and Nathaniel Thompson, trailers, an interview with Tinto Brass, a photo gallery, a double-sided sleeve with the original Italian art, a 20-page illustrated booklet with liner notes by Eugenio Ercolani and Domenico Monetti, a slipcase and lobby cards. You can get this from MVD.

12. THE LIVING IMPAIRED: Insert zombie joke here.

Woody Invincible (Jordan Chan) and Crazy Bee (Sam Lee) are mallrats, stealing from stores, gambling and selling bootleg VCDs probably of movies just like this. Actually, the movie starts with them bootlegging the film that you’re about to watch. They flirt with Rolls (Angela Tong), who works at the beauty spa, fight with cellphone store owner Mr. Kui (Wayne Lai) and do small jobs for their gangster boss, like getting his car. Well, on the way back to the mall, they hit a zombie infected government agent and Woody drinks his soda, which has a bioweapon inside it that turns humans into the walking dead. And oh yeah, they try and hide the body of the dead man, who isn’t dead and is soon turning the mall into Hong Kong Monroeville.

Also called Hong Kong Zombie, this has some fun video game moments and the kind of nihilistic ending that Romero would have loved. Directed by Wilson Yip, who co-wrote the story with Matt Chow and Man Sing So, this may not have much new when it comes to zombies, but once it gets the mall filled with them, it picks up steam and goes for it.

This movie worships Dead Alive and shouldn’t every movie nerd? Amazingly, this got a blu ray release before its inspiration.

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

I’ve never seen any of the movies that director and writer Les Sekely has made like Night of the Living Date, The Not-So-Grim Reaper and The Alien Conspiracy: Grey Skies, but I have seen this and I totally am hunting for the rest.

This movie feels less like a narrative movie and more like someone made a Dark Brothers or Rinse Dream adult movie mainstream, giving it constant blasts of words and images and a ghost man in a closet and vampires who can move through the timestream and random muscicvideo sequences where people are encouraged to “Bite Her In the Butt.”

Most of the other reviews I’ve read for this film are either beyond angry that they endured it, wondering whether or not the humor was intentional or not, or nearly shut it off but stuck with it and still aren’t sure what they have seen.

As you can imagine, these are the movies that obsess me.

Natalie is a vampire who was killed by Buffy — yes, this is intended to be a reference — which has her call to her sister Lorelei (Jillien Weisz) from beyond the grave and demand revenge by killing Buffy’s sister Sue Anne Marie (J.J. Rodgers) and her fellow pledges to the Alpha Omega sorority. One of them is a talented guitar player — she can play “Eruption” seemingly without fingertapping and sleeps with her axe — who has The Man Who Never Calls Back (the director!) on speed dial, hoping to sign to his label and escape college. Another is a nerdy girl named Jenna (Micky Levy). There’s also another who is impossibly tall.

There’s also a Hooded Man who gets some kids to go to the Old Crenshaw Place, where Lorelei has been trapped in a coffin for five years. They’re promised porn magazines and instead of looking in the woods like every other kid in the 80s and 90s did, they find a coffin and a vampire who comes back but isn’t strong enough to bite necks any longer so she must “Bite Her In the Butt.”

Like I said, some folks are going to watch this and see the budget and that it doesn’t look like movies do today — come on, people — and dismiss it. For others, they will savor moments like when a vampire goes up in flames and says the last line from Ms. 45. “Sister!”

I found an interview with Sekely online about this movie and it notes that he also composed the movie for this and considered it his baby. Of the film, he said, “Vampire Time Travelers, in one word, is … fun. A little scary, mostly campy, and even slightly sexy … fun. (We didn’t have the budget to be serious). It’s Woody Allen meets Stephen King … meets MTV. To sum it up … You know when you have a dream, it’s a bunch of strange scenes and events, one after another, that are not connected. Well, Vampire Time Travelers is a lot like that … except the events are connected. Basically … go with it!”

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

When I spoke to Bret McCormick (who made The Abomination, one of my favorite movies) about Repligator, he said “I was trying to match Roger Corman’s record of five films in one year: in my case it was Takedown, Time Tracers, Bio-Tech Warrior, Repligator and (finally) Rumble In the Streets.

I had challenged Keith Kjornes to write the script in a week. This is what he came up with. Keith was a very talented guy. A funny actor and solid writer. He did an interesting film years later — The Devil’s Tomb with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ron Perlman.

I had absolutely nothing to do with the story other than accepting it. At the time I felt it poked fun at the military in the same way my favorite writer, Terry Southern, had done with Dr. Strangelove. The military, by and large, is headed up by guys who like to destroy things — guys who have society’s approval to be thugs. They take themselves very seriously and I think it’s a good idea to poke fun at them once in a while.

It’s a matter of record that I was eager to walk in Roger’s footsteps back then. This was my attempt to make five films in a single year and to shoot one in four days a la Little Shop of Horrors.”

Shot in 3 days on 35mm film at the Remington York Studio in Irving, Texas — with additional footage shot a year later on 16mm with Gunnar Hansen and Brinke Stevens at Aries Productions in Arlington, Texas to increase the run time — Repligator starts with Dr. Goodbody (Stevens) conducting an experiment of the Sexual Hologram Interface Terminal (S.H.I.T.) that allows her to see the fantasies of Private Libo (James Bock). We see a fantasy of his wife and her friend Buffy, as well as him getting to see Goodbody’s, well, good body. 

Pay attention. While you will see this same exact footage again later, this is the only time that Stevens appears in the movie.

After the opening, Colonel Sanders, Colonel Sergeant (Rocky Patterson (Doc in Nail Gun Massacre, R.O.T.O.R.) and General Mills who have come to witness Dr. Oliver (Kjornes, the writer, writing himself into some exciting moments and proving that movies are awesome) and Dr. Kildare’s (Hansen) machine firsthand. Dr. Fields (Randy Clower, Fatal Justice, Bio-Tech Warrior, Time Tracers) invites himself along, hoping to witness an epic failure and gain Oliver’s funding.

If those names don’t clue you into the feel of this movie, Dr. Laurel Hardy’s (TJ Myers, a former Miss Lubbock Teen Texas USA) will.

The machine they get to check out is an organic digital replication double helix genetic coding scrambler on a 1680 wave link with the maximum thrust at about 40 gig. Yeah, I memorized that. It basically turns men into women. So Dr. Oliver adds his mind control and creates a weapon for the government that sends mind-controlled women after enemies. But when the women go back into the machine for a return trip, they turn into alligator women.

Did Jess Franco steal this for 2012’s Al Pereira vs. the Alligator Ladies?

Also: anyone killed by an alligator turns into a zombie. Sometimes a gay zombie. This movie is in no way concerned with offending anyone or everybody.

Repligator has some music that may seem familiar to you. Well, to me. After all, I watch way too many Andy Sidaris movies. The soundtrack was created by Ron Di Uulio, who wrote the song “Return To Savage Beach” and did the soundtracks for the Sidaris movies Day of the Warrior, The Dallas Connection and Enemy Gold as well as Mountaintop Motel Massacre and Honeymoon Horror.

A lot of the crew also worked on an industrial movie called Risky Business: Employee Violence in the Workplace that I really want to see, hoping that it captures the energy of this.

Repligator sounds and is ridiculous. But so what? The world is a dark and horrible place filled with apathy and soul-crushing failure. This is anything but. It’s a movie dedicated to entertaining you in the short time it had to get made and with the low budget it was given. You’ll remember it long after watching a movie that cost thousands of times what this did.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

Ninea Ranks (Keya Smith) entered her life of crime when her man took her on drug deal that fell apart, She hot a man, he went to jail for her where he died and she’s looking for revenge as she leads an all-girl gang made up of T (Tamura Gaston) and Glitter (Dawn Jones).

She’s been going ip against Dion (Tyrone King), who has his own issues with his men Razor (Lewis DaCosta III) and Curtis (Khalid Williams).

This is the kind of movie where every actor was also behind the camera at some point and that it’s mostly the passion project of its director and writer, Randy Williams. It’s taking the 90s gang movie and doing it on the smallest of budgets with a camera that betrays its 1998 origins. And I love it for that. I imagine most of the budget went to Ninea’s wigs, of which there are many.

“Laura non c’è” (“Laura Is Not Here”) was a pop-rock song written and performed by Italian singer Nek. It achieved a huge success in Italy, Europe and Latin America, as well as an entry in the Sanremo Music Festival 1997. It’s about the longing for someone you can no longer connect with and the pain that comes from losing a person.

In 1998, director Antonio Bonifacio (Olga O’s Strange Story, Scandal in Black) and writers Gianfranco Clerici (Murder Rock) and Daniele Stroppa (Delitto Passionale) took that song and made a movie out of it.

Lorenzo (Nicholas Rogers) is a comic book artist whose creations seemingly live in his head, as we see action in a bar — man that music sounds a lot like “Smack My Bitch Up” by The Prodigy — that is later realized by his pencil and brushes. He hears an argument outside his apartment — which has more fog in it than Fulci’s Conquest — and saves a girl from three thugs. She’s Laura (Gigliola Aragozzini), the doomed lover of the song, but he doesn’t know that yet.

Every time it seems like Lorenzo is getting close to Laura, she disappears. There’s a moment in a neon cross filled cemetery where she’s visiting the graves of her parents and tells him that she believes in reincarnation. Our comic book protagonist follows her everywhere, even getting kicked out of her apartment by several men, one of them who he thinks is her pimp. He finally succeeds in a night of romance with her, but wakes up to see track marks all over her arms, which causes him to be the one who disappears.

Little did he know that she was a diabetic and that the pimp was her doctor and that the man who kicked her out was her brother (Amadeus, an Italian DJ and television host). He’s told that she’s died from diabetes and that any time he spent with her was probably a fantasy. But oh wow — a cat that he meets on the street is Laura and the entire time, we’ve been in the world of another comic book. And guess who was drawing it? Nek.

The movie closes with Nek and Laura meeting as the song that inspires this movie plays.

This is honestly a strange film. It’s made by filmmakers with a background in giallo — cinematographer Silvano Tessicini shot Murder Rock, Sensazioni d’amore and Luna di sangue — and it has some of that but it’s also a pop song-based movie. I’m kind of amazed that it’s a real movie.

You can watch this on YouTube.

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Sam Raimi was, at one time, mostly known for horror. Of the novels of Scott B. Smith you would think he’d make a movie of, maybe The Ruins would make more sense. That said, A Simple Plan reminds you that he once lived in the same house as the Coen Brothers when all were new to Hollywood. That said, he makes this movie all his own.

Wright County, Minnesota mostly has a feed mill and lots of snow. Hank Mitchell (Bill Paxton) and his wife Sarah (Bridget Fonda) are two of the few college-educated people there. Hank’s brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton) and his friend Lou Chambers (Brent Briscoe) are closer than the two actual brothers are. This is tested when the men find a crashed plane and $4.4 million dollars. Hank wants to turn it in. Jacob and Lou change his mind, saying he should keep it until the snow melts and if no one brings up the money when the plane is found, they can keep it.

They all agree to not discuss the money with anyone except that Hank tells Sarah. She thinks they should take some money back to the plane. On the way, Hank and Jacob are surprised by a farmer on a snow vehicle. In the heat of the moment, they kill him and send his body and vehicle into the icy river.

Sarah believes that the money was a ransom for a kidnapped heiress from Michigan, who was abducted by two brothers by the names of Stephen and Vernon Bokovsky. She tells him that there’s no victim in the crime now, as one of the brothers had to be the dead body in the plane. The plan falls to pieces though when Lou demands his money. He’s been spending too much and might lose his truck. He threatens to go to the cops. Sarah says that they should kill him, a shocking moment as she’s just given birth to their first child.

Sarah says that they should frame Lou for the farmer’s murder by getting him drunk, making him confess and recording it. Jacob is upset that he has to betray his friend and it almost all goes wrong when Lou pulls his gun. It ends up with Lou and his wife Nancy dead and Hank having to spin the story to the police of what exactly happened. The next problem is that Jacob mentioned the plane, so Sheriff Carl Jenkins (Chelcie Ross) makes Hank show him where it is, bringing along FBI agent Neil Baxter (Gary Cole).

This is probably where you should stop reading if you want to watch this movie.

Baxter is, of course, Vernon Bokovsky. Somehow, Hank is able to kill him but now Sheriff Jenkins is also killed. That means that another story has to be told. And that’s when Jacob tells him that he’s tired. He’s either going to kill himself or force his brother to kill him, creating an alibi so that Hank can live free. It turns out that when he tells the story to the real government agents, they tell him all of the money was marked. He burns it in his fireplace, realizing that he will always be haunted by what he has done.

Paxton and Thornton had been scheduled to be in this movie for years. John Boorman was the original director and the film got cancelled. Neither believed they would ever be in the film but luckily, it all came together. This was one of the first movies where Raimi worried more about the performances of his actors instead of the action of the shots.

I miss Bill Paxton. I realize I never knew him outside of the roles he played but I feel like some part of me — I know it’s strange — knew he was a good man. In this, Hank is an ordinary person who somehow becomes a level of evil that he had no idea that he was capable of. Thornton also plays a role that any other actor would treat as a message part. His diminished intelligence is just who he is; he has other smarts that somehow make up for his lack of intelligence.