Suckered yet again into a Troma film, this time one about seven Catholic school girls who go off to renovate an old house that has a mysterious and dark history. There’s also an art collection, the ghost of a girl killed in the house, nuns, no gore and no nudity, either.
It’s like someone filmed a slasher and forgot to, you know, actually make a slasher.
John P. Finnegan also wrote Blades, a golf-themed slasher that I know I’ll have to sit through one of these days.
After a great opening, where a bride ghost shows a melting face to some spooky synth, I was expecting more. But then there’s no actual death until fifty minutes more.So there you go. If you’re a slasher completist, and yes, I am certainly one, you can mark this to avoid.
Tom DeSimone is a maniac and I say that in the kindest of ways. Chatterbox, Hell Night, Savage Streets, Angel III: The Final Chapter…the dude knows exactly what I want to watch and delivers.
Seeing as he already made two women in prison films, Prison Girls and The Concrete Jungle, DeSimone decided that it was time to make a parody.
Yet this movie is a force of nature. I mean, Wendy O. Williams*, the lead singer of the Plasmatics, plays Charlie Chambliss, the top dog of the reform school who sleeps with Edna (Pat Ast, Halston’s muse and the star of Warhol’s Heat), the head of the ward, for special privileges.
Jenny (Linda Carol, who may have been 16 when they shot this, making her nudity underage) is our heroine, a girl who gets caught in a shootout thanks to a bad boyfriend and ends up becoming the newbie who runs afoul of, well, everybody.
And to make this even better, Sybil Danning plays Warden Sutter, a religious zealot with a radio tower that she uses to blast the Word of God while the girls try to sleep.
Sherri Stoner, who plays Lisa, who would go on to write for Animaniacs and voice Slappy Squirrel. Other actresses** that appear in this are Denise Gordy (D.C. Cab), Tiffany Helm (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning), Darci DeMoss (Friday the 13th Part VI), Michelle Bauer, Julia Parton and Leslee Bremmer (Hardbodies).
The only sad thing I can say about this movie is that Mary Woronov was originally cast to play Dr. Norton. Unfortunately, DeSimone thought she played the role too hard during the first cast reading. Any movie that would have had Woronov, Williams and Danning in the same story may have been too much for my fragile mind to deal with.
*Williams was 36 when she played this teenage role. She also refused any outfits that were suggested for the movie, providing her own clothes and refused to take off her boots, even for the shower scenes.
**Linnea Quigley is on one of the posters, yet isn’t in the film.
A regional New Hampshire film with a synth score that was reedited with new footage by Sam Sherman with that iconic Independent-International Pictures logo at the start of the show?
If you’re wondering, “Is it weird?” My answer is, “Would it be on our site if it wasn’t?”
While filming on this movie originally began in New Hampshire by co-writer Brett Piper as a movie called Graveyard, it was finished by writer-producer Samuel Sherman, the man who formed Independent-International Pictures with Al Adamson.
In an abandoned prison, a doctor is using executed convicts to form a labor force of the living dead. Meanwhile, Jonathan (the one-time Flick and future adult actor Scott Schwartz) has turned his dad’s LaserDisc into a laser gun and decides that he should hunt down zombies with the help of his girlfriend, grandfather, a reporter and a librarian (who was played by Zita Johann, the female star of Universal’s The Mummy, lured out of retirement by Sherman).
There are three versions of this. A sixty-minute version by Piper called Dying Day, an initial take on the footage by Sherman called Dark Night and then Raiders of the Living Dead, which is one of the best carny movie titles ever.
Director James Forsher made the kind of junk I hunted down in the VCR era*, stuff like Ticket to Hollywood and this, a movie that has John Carradine two years before he would become a ghost himself, introducing a mix of celebrities telling stories about being haunted — Elke Sommer, Susan Strasberg, Frank De Felitta (talking about The Stately Ghosts of England, no less) — mixed with clips of movies like The Terror, a long segment from the still at the time public domain It’s A Wonderful Life, Night of the Living Dead, Topper Returns, Andy Warhol’s Dracula, Poltergeist, The Legend of Hell House, The Nesting, Harlequin, White Zombie, Ghosts on the Loose and more.
If you love the kind of William Castle carny ridiculousness that once sold movies, William Peter Blatty is on hand to discuss all the hauntings he saw on the set of The Exorcist. But the best thing here is seeing actual footage of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle discussing Spiritualism.
You may not be as obsessed with Hollywood as me, but you may enjoy this. I know I watched back-to-back watched it with another Forsher doc, Hollywood Uncensored, which has even more celebrities discussing sleaze instead of spooky things. Either way, I’m in.
We’ve already covered this movie, but seeing as how Mill Creek repeats so many movies in their box sets, I wanted to ensure that our site isn’t all repeats too. I also like to get different views on movies.
Former TV reporter Frank Harris broke into movies via doing cinematography for action movies. He took advantage of the VHS rental boom to make his own films in the genre, starting with Killpoint, a movie that he was a one man crew for, working as the director, producer, screenwriter and cinematographer. He also made Low Blow and Aftershock, movies filled with gun, explosions and the kind of actors we love around here, including Cameron Mitchell, Elizabeth Kaitan, Richard Lynch and John Saxon.
This movie has a broken arrow event, as a gang led by Atkins (Stack Pierce, who was in nearly all of Harris’ movies) steal a nuke and a burned-out Navy SEAL (Gregg Henry, The Hunt for the BTK Killer) gets hired by Leslie Nielsen, of all people, to stop him.
There’s a great supporting cast filled with the kind of people I obsessively read about on IMDB, like Jeff Conaway (!), Simone Griffeth (Annie Smith, Frankenstein’s navigator in Death Race 2000), Michael J. Pollard (Four of the Apocalypse), Glenn Withrow (Sweet Sixteen), former pro boxer Mike Gomez and Sally Brown (Crawlspace),
A lot of comedy — not from Nielsen — kind of ruins what this movie could be, but it’s movie fifty of fifty on this Mill Creek set and I wasn’t expecting it to be anything to destroy my mind. That said, it did make me wonder the path that Jeff Conaway wandered from Kenickie to being in a Crown International action movie.
Somehow, this Mill Creek set has a Jodie Foster movie on it. Not a TV movie or something from her past, but a 1986 Jodie Foster movie where she plays Victoria, an orphaned girl who is married to the much older Oliver Thompson (John Lithgow!) and sent away to school. When she comes back, years later, she realizes that her husband and most of his family are all deranged.
A co-production between Australia, New Zealand, United Kingdom and United States with RKO Pictures, this was released in the U.S. as My Letter to George and Shocked in other areas, which is a great title but if I saw it with that name, I would have been furious that such a great name was used to describe a period film.
Perhaps most astoundingly, this was written and directed by Michael Laughlin, who wrote and directed two of my favorite movies, Strange Behavior and Strange Invaders.
Loosely based on that of Adelaide Bartlett, who was put to trial in 1886 for the chloroform poisoning of her husband, this feels like the kind of film where the story of how Foster got on board, much less decided to be a producer, feels like it would be more interesting than the movie that I just watched.
Because we love Deborah Foreman as much as we love innocuous ’80s comedies. So, for its inclusion on its first Mill Creek set, in this case, their Excellent Eighties set, we’re taking another crack at it. Granted, it’s not all very good, but it’s better than most of the lost ’80s comedies of the Mill Creek sets we’ve unpacked this February.
Not only have we watched My Chauffeur more than once — the same goes for Deborah’s work in Valley Girl, April Fool’s Dayand Waxwork. Again, swoon, Deborah Foreman. She recently popped back up in 2020’s Grizzly II: The Revenge. And they should have given her a bigger part — beyond a walk on — in the abysmal 2020 Valley Girl remake — which should not exist. And now that’s she back, Lifetime and The Hallmark Channel needs to put Deborah on the shortlist for their films. I can attest for Sam, as well as myself, that we would watch everyone of them. Yes, even the Hallmark ones. All for the love of Deborah Foreman.
Look, women wearing a man’s suit — going back to Diane Keaton setting the tone in Woody Allen movies — is hot. So our hormones run a wee-bit hot when Deborah Foreman slips into a tux and heels. For she really was the “New Wave Carole Lombard crossed with Shirley MacLaine.” And she never broke through. And instead, we got Jennifer Anniston, who is only Jennifer Anniston by way of her celebrity marriage to Brad. If not for that, Jen would be in Courtney Cox land with the rest of the who-cares Friends cast. At least Deborah Foreman can stand tall on talent alone.
Anyway, Deb is Casey Meadows, who comes to work as a limo driver for Brentwood Limo Services. Brentwood is the “golf course,” if you will — since all ’80s comedies lead back to Caddyshack. Howard “Dr. Johnny Fever” Hesseman runs and E.G Marshall from Creepshow owns Brentwood. And Hesseman’s McBrider hates Casey. The other drivers hate Casey, since, well, driving is a “man’s job.” They even set her up for failure with a troublesome rockstar — and she pulls though and makes the client happy.
Along the way, love blooms between Foreman’s commoner driver and E.G’s son played by Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones — on his way to the late ’80s post-apoc slop that is Driving Force and the early ’90s Basic Instinct wannabe that is Night Rhythms. Penn and Teller show up. Linnea Quigley (still at it in The Good Things Devil’s Do) shows up. Oh, and there’s some shenanigans with an oil shriek that gets Casey fired. And all the loose ends between all of the characters ties up nicely, even though how everyone is “connected” is a wee-bit incestuous. But that was “comedy” in the ’80s.
It’s not the greatest comedy. It’s not Caddyshack. But it’s alright (yuk, yuk!). And you can watch it on Tubi and Vudu for free. Here’s the trailer and a scene clip to sample.
We’ve since taken a deep dive into the career of this film’s writer-director, David Beaird, with a review of his much loved, second feature film, The Party Animal.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
Yes, when people were asked, “Who wants to write for our Mill Creek month?” the battle to see who would get to write about this 1986 Canadian Yannick Bisson vehicle was so brutal that I had to put my foot down and say, “For the good of the site and humanity, let me write about this dog sled movie.”
This review on IMDB proves to me. This movie is so Canadian that you have to don a toque and drink maple syrup while blasting a Helen Reddy/Rush mashup as you pour Molson all over your poutine as you apologize to everyone in earshot to get the full majesty of what this movie is about. To wit: “If you love the Forest Rangers or Rainbow Country, you’ll love this wonderful movie from 1986…Splendid, exciting story, fantastic, Canadian actors, including the young teen-age boy, who went to become Detective Murdoch in Murdoch Mysteries.”
So yeah. Toby hates school and his dad has a dog sled business that’s doing so poorly that he has to keep going outside and shooting the dogs. Somehow, this is a tender family tale, but I’m American and so I only understand when we use guns to shoot human beings.
This movie was nominated for a Genie Award for best cinematography and best song, which would be “Cold As Ice” by Peter Pringle and Kevin Hunter. Pringle would follow this honor by hosting Miss Teen Canada, performing a one-man theatrical tribute to Noël Coward and becoming a theremin player. You know how Don King used to say, “Only In America?” Well, I don’t know who the Canadian Don King is and Don Cherry seems like too easy of a pick, but I would imagine that if there were a Canadian Don King, he’d say, “Who the fuck is Peter Pringle?”
People often say, “I bet you like watching movies all day.” Yes, I do, especially when they are the inverse side to Canuxploitation, that is movies that have no commercial viability whatsoever and have people battling to become provincial dog sled champions. This may be the only movie in that particular genre, which makes me an expert and someday, I’ll do the DVD commentary track for this movie.
Speaking of Canuxploitation, this was directed by Jean-Claude Lord, who also was behind Visiting Hours, The Vindicator and Covergirl. I bet the people around him were like, “You’re finally making a legitimate movie, Jean-Claude, eh?”
If you ever associated Ted Danson and Richard Masur with child abuse, thanks to Danson being in Something About Amelia and Masur in Fallen Angel, this film will redeem both of them, as they are chasing an entire cabal of abusers.
Based on the Jonathan Kellerman novel of the same name, this tells the story of Alex Delaware (Danson, who also executive produced). A Los Angeles-based psychiatrist, Delaware is testifying against an accused child murder who soon dies in a suspicious manner. However, when detective Milo Sturgis (Masur) takes the case, he soon learns that things are much deeper than that.
Rachel Ticotin (Arnold’s love interest in Total Recall), James Noble (the governor on Benson), David Huddleston (Santa from Santa Claus: The Movie and The Big Lewbowski himself), Merritt Butrick (Death Spa), Charles Lane (Arsenic and Old Lace), Scott Paulin (Cat People) and Deborah Harmon (Used Cars) all show up in this.
For a mid-80’s show, it’s pretty great that Masur’s character is gay and not mincing or a stereotype. The ending is pretty intense as well and probably one of the few times you’ll see Ted Danson in an MMA-style situation.
Thanks Mill Creek The Excellent Eighties set for having so many made for TV movies! You can also watch this on YouTube.
Editor’s Note: This review ran on March 9, 2020, as part of our Mill Creek Explosive Cinema 12-Pack of reviews. We’re bringing it back as we unpacked Mill Creek’s B-Movie Blast 50-Film Pack (Amazon). And guess what? Mill Creek includes The Patriot on their Excellent Eighties 50-Film Pack (Amazon) — and Sam, the Movie Themed Drink Mix Master, will be back with another take on the film for our unloading of that box set.Unlike most of the films (well, some of them) on Mill Creek sets (Cavegirl and Brain Twisters, we’re lookin’ at ya), this is actually an entertaining movie — like all Frank Harris flicks — that deserves your time. Enjoy!
Yesterday (again, back to our Explosive Cinema March 9 review) we took a look at two of writer-director Frank Harris’s Leo Fong-starring films: Killpoint and Low Blow (also both on the Explosive and B-Movie Blast packs). The Patriot—which reminds of the later Steven Siegal war-actioner, 1992’s Under Siege—is the third and final Crown International release from writer-director Frank Harris’s resume included on Mill Creek’s “Explosive Cinema” 12-pack.
I remember going to my local, small town duplex to see what was Harris’s best-distributed film—with its splashy newspaper print and TV ads. The film was an early attempt to transition prolific television actor and Brian De Palma troupe-actor mainstay Gregg Henry (1984’s Body Double) into a leading man. You more likely know Henry from his later work on 1998’s Star Trek: Insurrection, The Guardians of the Galaxy franchise (as Grandpa Quill), ABC-TV’s Scandal, and the CW’s Black Lightning. The Patriot also stars Leslie Nielson (Airplane and the Naked Gun franchise), the always-happy-to-see-him Michael J. Pollard (where do I even begin with his incredible resume), and Jeff Conway (ABC-TV’s Taxi; 1978’s Grease).
The plot concerns ex-pro-boxer Stack Pierce—from Killpoint and Low Blow—as an ex-military wacko who steals a nuclear weapon and Henry’s dishonorably discharged ex-Navy Seal gets a chance to redeem himself.
The Patriot is a low-budget ‘80s action movie from Crown International. Now for the younger readers new to B-cinema: that may not mean anything. So just go into this not expecting “explosive,” but mediocre action and you’ll have a fun time with this dependable Frank Harris work. You’ve seen worse from the rip-off reels of ’80s Italian and Philippines cinema.
The film’s soundtrack is composed by . . . well, is there any chance you’d be familiar with . . . well, with today’s state of narrow-playlist repeating American FM classic hits and classic rock radio stations, you may not be familiar with the hits “Thunder Island” and “Skakedown Cruise” by Jay Ferguson. Further back, he was a member of Spirit, which has the ‘60s progressive FM radio hit “I Got a Line on You.” The Patriot is one of Ferguson’s many soundtrack works, which includes The Terminator andA Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child. He currently composes the music for CBS-TV’s CSI: Los Angeles.
Screenwriter Katt Shea’s writing-directing resume includes the direct-to-video potboilers 1987’s Stripped to Kill, 1992’s Poison Ivy starring Drew Barrymore, and 1999’s The Rage: Carrie 2. She most recently directed 2019’s Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase. (As an actress, Katt starred in 1985’s Barbarian Queen.)
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