Death Spa (1989)

I like going to the gym. It’s something I would have hated as a geeky kid, being surrounded by people working out, but today, I really find myself looking forward to doing cardio or situps and even lifting weights. I may hate that my gym serves pizza or that so many people text while they should be doing sets, but at least a demonic woman has never taken my gym over and tried to kill everyone. That happens? Well, have you seen Death Spa?

This little-known gem came to people’s attention after being the subject of an episode of How Did This Get Made?

Also known as Witch Bitch, this feels like the most 80’s movie ever. However, it came out in 1989, which means it feels instantly dated. But hey, Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) is in it!

Michael Evans owns the titular spa. He’s just lost his wife, who had a pregnancy gone wrong and became paraplegic, so she set herself on fire in a field. As you do. Now, she is possessing the Starbody Health Spa. From turning a shower murderous to overloading a computerized Universal style machine to tear a man apart, this is one gym that demands that you spray down the machines and use proper etiquette. There’s also a possessed blender and a freezer with murderous fish, which look like no seafood I’ve ever seen before.

If you’re coming looking for nudity, this movie is packed with it. Oh the late 80’s, when the internet was just a dream and kids found porn in the woods and rented movies like this.

The film also features Merritt Butrick in his last role. He played Captain Kirk’s son in the Star Trek movies and was Richie in Fright Night Part II. And hey! That’s Rosalind Cash from The Omega Man as a police officer!

There’s also a love scene involving asparagus if you’re into that. If you want to watch the whole thing, Amazon Prime has it. Make sure to not skip leg day!

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