EDITOR’S NOTE: Basic Training was on USA Up All Night on March 4, August 5 and December 8, 1989; June 29 and 30, 1990; January 4 and August 31, 1991 and May 15, 1992.

I love that this movie had the working title Up the Pentagon, like the abortive 1980 Mad Magazine movie Up the Academy. It’s the only movie ever directed by Andrew Sugerman, who has executive produced movies like Shopgirl, Death Sentence and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.

Ann Dusenberry, Tina — the beauty queen from Jaws 2 — is Melinda, a newcomer to the Pentagon who is shocked by the way that they sexually harass her. For a few minutes, I was thinking that this 1985 comedy was incredibly woke and ahead of its time.

Then I realized that I was watching a 1985 sex comedy and that Melinda will instead use her sexual wiles to get back at everyone via a campaign of her own harassment and making old men think she’s going to sleep with them.

Angela Aames from Fairy Tales and Chopping Mall — she was also Linda “Boom-Boom” Bangs in H.O.T.S. — and Rhonda Shear of USA’s Up All Night are also in this.

Tying into my love of spy films, Walter Gotell plays a KGB head. This is a role he knew well, what with playing General Anatol Gogol in The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, For Your Eyes Only, Octopussy, A View To a Kill and The Living Daylights. He’s joined by Marty Brill as an American general.

You can watch it on YouTube:

EDITOR’S NOTE: Rambo: First Blood Part II was on USA Up All Night on February 10 and 23, 1996.

When it came time to do a sequel to First Blood, there was a thought that Rambo needed a partner.

Producers wanted John Travolta, but Stallone vetoed the idea. Lee Marvin (who almost played  Colonel Trautman in the first film) was offered the role of Marshall Murdock, but declined.

In fact, that sidekick character is in the first draft James Cameron wrote for this film. Stallone said of what he wrote, “In his original draft it took nearly 30-40 pages to have any action initiated and Rambo was partnered with a tech-y sidekick.”

What ended up on screen was very different.

“Rambo, John J., born 7/6/47 Bowie, Arizona of Indian-German descent. Joined army 8/6/64. Accepted, Special Forces specialization, light weapons, cross-trained as medic. Helicopter and language qualified, 59 confirmed kills, two Silver Stars, four Bronze, four Purple Hearts, Distinguished Service Cross, Medal of Honor.”

Yep — that’s our hero. Given that he kills 74 people in just two days in this film, he’s somehow more successful in Vietnam the second time. But we’ll get to that.

For now, it’s been three years and Rambo is paying for his actions in the original movie when he’s visited by Colonel Sam Trautman. Even though the Vietnam War is over, people remain convinced that POWs have been left behind. The government has authorized a solo mission to confirm if any are alive and Rambo is one of only three men suited for such a mission (who the other two are, I leave up to you, dear viewer, but if one of them isn’t Thunder, I don’t want to know about it).

Marshall Murdock (Charles Napier) is the suit in charge that tells Rambo that all he has to do is take photos, not rescue anyone or engage the enemy. As Rambo drops into enemy territory, his parachute becomes tangled, leaving him with only a knife and a bow. He doesn’t need all those guns, trust me.

A young intelligence agent named Co-Bao (Julia Nickson) and some pirates take Rambo up river, where he saves an American POW who has been crucified and left to die. The Vietnamese troops attack and the pirates betray Rambo, so he kills everyone. Rambo’s extraction is canceled, as Murdock says that Rambo has violated his orders and tells Trautman that he never intended for there to be any rescue — it would be too expensive and no one wants another war.

Rambo is turned over to the Soviet troops who are training the Vietnamese, Lieutenant Colonel Podovsky and Sergeant Yushin. They demand that he read the US government a message to stay away from future missions. Instead, he warns Murdock that he’s coming for him. He escapes thanks to Co and they kiss, only for her to die seconds later.

Rambo then becomes a slasher villain that we cheer for as he wipes out every single enemy one by one. He even steals a helicopter and uses it to destroy Murdock’s office before demanding that the rest of the POWs get rescued.

Trautman then confronts Rambo and tries to convince him to return home, but our protagonist angrily replies that he only wants his country to love its soldiers as much as its soldiers love it.

James Cameron claims that he only wrote the first draft of the script and that Sylvester Stallone made many changes to it. He claims that the star didn’t like that the sidekick got all the cool dialogue and scrapped most of the POWs’ backstories.

When the film was released, the political content of the movie was controversial, with many critics not ready to see any heroism in the Vietnam War. For his part, Cameron commented that he wrote the action and Stallone the politics.

That said — at the time of the making of this film, there were 2,500 soldiers missing in action, so you can see where the sentiments were coming from. There were even reports that Delta Force operatives were in training to try and find those prisoners.

Stallone explained the ending of the film quite passionately: “I think that James Cameron is a brilliant talent, but I thought the politics were important, such as a right-wing stance coming from Trautman and his nemesis, Murdock, contrasted by Rambo’s obvious neutrality, which I believe is explained in Rambo’s final speech. I realize his speech at the end may have caused millions of viewers to burst veins in their eyeballs by rolling them excessively, but the sentiment stated was conveyed to me by many veterans.”

This film was beloved by audiences worldwide just as much as it was savaged by critics. It won Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay and Worst Song (“Peace In Our Time” by Frank Stallone) in the  Razzie Awards. It doesn’t matter — it started an entire genre of military revenge pictures.

Director George P. Cosmatos would go on to work with Stallone again on Cobra, as well as direct the films Leviathan and Tombstone. He was recommended for the film by Stallone’s son Sage, who liked his movie Of Unknown Origin. Of course, Cosmatos’ son Panos would grow up to be the director of Mandy and Beyond the Black Rainbow.

This movie marks a true change from the way American audiences would view Vietnam and its veterans. It could have only been made in 1985, to be honest, and exists within that time to remind us of a completely different era.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Cavegirl was on USA Up All Night on July 14 and 15 and December 15 and 16, 1989; April 6 and May 19, 1990; March 15 and 16, 1991; January 3, March 7 and June 27, 1992; April 23 and August 21, 1993; February 18 and May 21, 1994; July 12, 1996 and November 1, 1997.

As you stared across the shelves of Prime Time Video — or whatever the mom and pop in your town was called — as closing time grew near, you knew that you had to pick a movie. Cavegirl feels like one of those movies that was always there when you needed a rental.

Take it from someone who has seen enough cave and jungle girl movies to do nearly an entire week of them — this is no Caveman* with Ringo Starr. It is no 10,000 B.C. with Raquel Welch. Hell, it’s not even George Eastman in Ironmaster.

Daniel Roebuck, who always gets parts on Rob Zombie and Don Coscarelli movies, is our hero, such as it is. His name is Rex and he goes back in time “25,000 ago to the Stone Age” even though the Paleolithic period really was 3.3 million years ago. But that’s a minor quibble when this movie has a magic crystal that sends him back to the past. And when he gets there, all he wants to do is aardvark with Eba (Cynthia Thompson, Tomboy, Body Count), the Ayla of our story.

Seriously, that’s it. Instead of worrying about screwing up the history of the world, Rex is trying to teach her how to say, “I want you to sit on my face.” He may be evolved, but his definition of consent isn’t. Also, at this stage of evolution, Rex and Eba bam-bamming in the ham is pretty much bestiality.

Stacey Q is in this movie. Yes, the girl who sang “Two of Hearts.” She contributes a song to the soundtrack, “Synthicide,” which is probably the best reason to watch this, unless you’re a fan of direct to video actresses like Ms. Thompson. Actually, that’s a good reason to watch this, I guess.

Director David Oliver Pfeil made the music video for Steely Dan’s “Aja,” the credits for Knight Rider and made the titles for movies like Star Trek VI, Innerspace and Footloose. This was his one and only full movie and he went all out, writing, producing, doing the cinematography and even the aerial camera work for it. He should have realized he was making a movie for Crown International Pictures, who demanded that he insert the locker room scene in the beginning to ensure that his passion project had enough bare breasts.

*That said, in Spain, this movie is known as Cavegirl: Cavernicola 2, making it seem as if it were a sequel to Caveman.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Hot Chili aired on USA Up All Night on July 21 and 22, 1989; September 1, March 8, June 29 and December 20, 1991; May 23, 1992; March 5 and June 5, 1993.

William Sachs may have made There Is No 13, The Incredible Melting Man, Van Nuys Blvd., Galaxina and Exterminator 2, but he may be better known for his ability to script doctor and save movies. Hot Chili is another film he directed and co-wrote with Joseph Golden, who is actually producer and Cannon boss Menahem Golan.

This may remind you of Hot Resort, which has an incredibly similar plot, but then again, teen sex comedies were big money makers and dear to the heart of Cannon, who had ridden a wave from Israel to Los Angeles on the profits of Lemon Popsicle.

Then again, you’d also be forgiven if you think this may be another film, seeing as it rips off a Lemon Popsicle sequel Private Popsicle, as well as the songs from Breakin’ and Rappin‘, because I guess if Cannon pays for something once, they just own it, a trick ad agencies and their clients have been trying to do for years.

Four guys — Ricky (Charlie Stratton, Munchies), Jason (Allan Kayser, Bubba from Mama’s Family), Arney (Joe Rubbo, The Last American Virgin) and Stanley (Chuck Hemingway, Neon Maniacs) — get summer jobs at a Mexican resort but are forbidden from having sex with the guests and therefore must have sex with the guests.

It’s a typical 80s teen sex movie, but what are the factors that may cause you to watch this?

Perhaps it’s the charms of Taaffe O’Connell, who you may recall was assaulted by a worm in one of the most repellant scenes in film history in Galaxy of Terror, a scene during which the one-ton prop nearly crushed her. Or could it be Victoria Barrett, who is in Cannon’s Hot Resort, Over the Brooklyn Bridge, Three Kinds of Heat and America 3000?

Or, if you’re like me, do you love when Ferdy Mayne and Robert Z’Dar are in movies you don’t expect them to be in?

I’m trying to figure out why so many Golam and Globus-related sex comedies have female music teachers who like to have sex. It’s a common theme in so many of them. What is not is everyone’s sexual hijinks being recorded and later shown during breakfast, including Jason’s parents, a senior swinging couple and a BDSM duo from Germany.

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode for Hot Chili here.

I remember seeing the cover to Ghoulies at Prime Time Video and like some kind of snobbery moron, I never rented it. What was I thinking? Did I think it was a ripoff of Gremlins and not worth watching? I was half right, because it is, but it’s way better than it has any right to be.

I mean, does this movie know me? It starts with a Satanic ceremony in which Malcolm Graves (Michael Des Barres, once of the band Detective) tries to sacrifice a child. Instead, he kills his mother Anastasia (Victoria Catlin, Maniac Cop) and sends him away with an assistant named Wolfgang (Jack Nance). Twenty-five years later, the child grows up to be Jonathan (Peter Liapis) and he inherits his father’s estate.

He decides to invite his girlfriend Rebecca (Lisa Pelikan, Jennifer) and friends to explore the mansion. They find an entire basement of occult books and supplies, so they decide to perform a ritual. You know, as you do. They leave when nothing happens but as soon as they walk away, a small creature shows up and before you know it, the ghost of Malcolm has taken over Jonathan and he’s unleashing several ghoulies and the dwarves Grizzel and Greedigut (Tamara De Treaux, who played one of the creatures in Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and was one of several actors who played E.T.).

As Malcolm begins to grow in power, all of their friends — Mike (Scott Thompson, Fast Times At Ridgemont High), Donna (Mariska Hargitay), Toad Boy (Ralph Seymour), Dick (Keith Joe Dick) and Eddie (David Dayan) — are all toast. Luckily, the man who saved him once before, Wolfgang, comes back and battles the evil sorcerer, everyone gets revived and they drive into the sunset with a ghoulie in the backseat.

Directed by Luca Bercovici (who also made Rockula for Cannon) and written by Jefery Levy, this was produced by Charles Band. It was actually started before Gremlins but there was a time when the production ran out of money, which is why it came out after. It was shot at the Wattles Mansion, near the park where Jim Wynorski shot The Lost Empire.

The real stars are the ghoulies, which were created by John Carl Buechler, who did effects for some of the coolest looking 80s and 90s horror films, including Prison, Dolls, The Eliminators and more. The ones that show up in this movie are fish ghoulie, cat ghoulie, rat ghoulie, flying ghoulie and clown doll ghoulie.

The MVD blu ray release of Ghoulies has the 2023 HD Restoration of the film presented in its original 1.85:1 aspect ratio along with archival 2015 audio commentary with director Luca Bercovici, a second archival 2016 audio commentary by Bercovici moderated by Jason Andreasen of Terror Transmission, an introduction by Bercovici, interviews with Bercovici, Ted Nicolau and Scott Thomson, a making of feature, a photo gallery, a trailer, 4 TV ads and a collectible poster. You can get it from MVD, who also has a 4K UHD version.

Here’s hoping they make all four films!

EDITOR’S NOTE: Nothing gives me greater joy than when our site gets mentioned on my favorite podcast, The Cannon Canon. There are a few movies they’ve covered that I haven’t, so it’s time to fix that.

Prince wanted to cast Vanity, leader of the girl group Vanity 6, in Purple Rain, but she left the group before filming began. Instead, she was signed by Barry Gordy to a four-movie contract.

She would be joined by Taimak, a martial artist who had never acted before. He’d studied under “The Black Dragon” Ron Van Clief, who choreographed the scenes where Taimak’s character Larry Green battles Sho’nuff The Shogun of Harlem during a showing of Enter the Dragon. Julius Carry, who had never done martial arts before, learned them as Taimak learned how to be in a movie.

The theater that they fight in was The Victory Theater on 42nd Street, owned by Martin Levine and Richard Brandt. It was the first theater on 42nd Street to show hardcore pornography. It’s a real theater now and lost to the clean-up of Times Square.

Leroy Green becomes Bruce Leeroy and must work on the ability to make his entire body glow with martial arts majesty. If he can find the other master who has the second part of a Bruce Lee medal, maybe he can find that power. He’s challenged by Sho’nuff and his men Crunch, Beast and Cyclone as well as arcade owner Eddie Arkadian (Christopher Murney) and his soldier Rock. They’ve kidnapped Laura Charles (Vanity) and won’t release her until she plays his girlfriend Angela Viracco (Faith Prince) on her video show.

Sho’nuff already has the glow and Leroy has to find his. He also has to learn how to catch bullets, but that seems a little bit easier.

Thanks to the DeBarge video for “Rhythm of the Night” that movie had a lot of people talking about it back in 1985. Gordy used all of his Motown artists to get people talking about it. The Last Dragon was directed by Michael Schultz, who also was behind Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band, Car Wash, Scavenger Hunt, Krush Groove and the Fat Boys video for “All You Can Eat.” Oh man! Also the TV movies Timestalkers, The Spirit comic book adaption and Disorderlies. It was written by Louis Venostra, who also wrote Bird On a Wire.

It’s also an early Ernie Reyes Jr. movie.

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode of The Last Dragon here.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Thanks to Matthew Hale on Letterboxd, I’ve learned that there are alternate versions of this Mill Creek box set. For the sake of completeness and my obsessive compulsive disorder, here’s this missing movie.

A monkey. A girl who can talk to bugs. Donald Pleasence. All directed by Dario Argento. If you don’t immediately say to yourself, “I’m in,” you’re reading the wrong web site.

Within the first two minutes of the movie, you realize you’re watching an Argento film. A tourist misses her bus, somewhere in the Swiss countryside, before she is attacked by an unseen person and then beheaded.

Fast forward a bit and we catch Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, The Rocketeer) arriving at the Richard Wagner Academy for Girls — did I tell you this is an Argento movie? The head of the school, Frau Brückner (Dario Nicolodi, Argento’s wife (at the time) and mother to his daughter Aria, who also co-wrote Suspiria and appeared in Deep Red, Inferno, Tenebre and Opera amongst other films) already sets up an air of menace. Even her roommate offers no relief, telling Jennifer how much she wishes she could have sex with the heroine’s famous actor father. At this point, Jennifer relates a horrifying story about how her mother left her — it’s a moment of pure pain in a film that hasn’t led you to expect it. That’s because it’s a true story. The true story of how Dario Argento’s mother left his family.

Jennifer tends to sleepwalk, which leads her through the school and up to the roof, where she watches a student get murdered. She wakes up, falls and runs from the murderer, ending up in the woods where she’s rescued by Inga the chimp — again, did I mention this is an Argento film? Inga works for forensic entomologist John McGregor (Pleasence). Argento was inspired by the fact that insects are often used in crime investigation to learn how old a body is and worked that into this film. McGregor learns that Jennifer can talk to the bugs.

After returning to the school, things go from bad to worse. Jennifer’s roommate is murdered and a firefly leads our sleepwalking protagonist to a glove covered by Great Sarcophagus flies, which eat decaying human flesh, which can only mean that the killer is keeping his bodies — again, Argento.

At this point, Phenomena pays tribute to Carrie, with the other students making fun of her in regard to her love of bugs. She calls a swarm of flies into the building and collapses, which leads to Frau Brückner recommending her to a home for the criminally insane. Luckily, Jennifer runs to McGregor, who gives her a bug in a glass case that she can use to track the murderer. Again, you know who. The bug leads Jennifer to the same house we saw at the beginning of the film.

Meanwhile, McGregor is killed after Inga is locked outside. True fact: the chimpanzee who played Inga, Tanga, sounds like she was uncontrollable. She ran away for an entire evening of the shoot and later, nearly bit off one of Jennifer Connelly’s fingers.

Let me see if I can sum up the craziness that ensues: Jennifer calls her father’s lawyer for help, who ends up bringing Frau Brückner back into this mess, who tries to poison Jennifer and then knocks her out with a piece of wood,. She then KOs a cop before Jennifer escapes, going through a dungeon and a basement until she falls into a pool that is packed with maggot-ridden corpses. This is the point in the film where you may want to stop eating because it gets rather intense from here on out. As Jennifer escapes that watery tomb, she hears someone crying. That someone is Frau’s son, who was born from rape. Jennifer asks him why she thinks he’s a monster, to which he turns to face her and scares the fucking shit out of her. Seriously, it’s jolting — the kid has Patau Syndrome, a real chromosomal abnormality (it’s makeup in the film, but looks quite true to life). He then chases Jennifer into a motorboat, but at the last second, she calls a swarm of flies to attack him. He falls into the water and the boat explodes and he dies and…whew.

I know this film is 32 years old, but I’m going to put in some spoiler space here because what happens next is crazy.

Jennifer reaches the shore just as her father’s lawyer arrives. All well, all good and then, out of nowhere, Frau cuts the dude’s head clean off. Plus, she’s already killed the cop and she goes absolutely shithouse.

“He was diseased, but he was my son! And you have… Why didn’t I kill you before? I killed that no-good inspector and your professor friend, to protect him! And now… I’m gonna KILL YOU TO AVENGE HIM! Why don’t you call your INSECTS! GO ON! CALL! CALL!”

At this point, Inga the chimpanzee comes out of nowhere and kills Frau dead with a razor. Keep in mind, this is not just one cut. This is a simian that knows how to get murder business done.

Jennifer and Inga hug. Roll the credits.

Phenomena was the last Argento movie to get major distribution in the U.S., thanks (or no thanks) to New Line Cinema, which played it here as Creepers. This version is 33 minutes shorter than the original and has so many scenes so shuffled, it makes little or no sense. Also, unlike other Argento films, Goblin only have two songs in this, as modern bands like Iron Maiden and Motörhead are featured.

I love this movie. It makes little to no sense at numerous times, but you don’t walk into an Italian horror film expecting narrative structure. You hope to see some crazy gore, some interesting death scenes and maggots — all things that this film more than delivers. I’m not the only fan of this flick — the Japanese video game Clock Tower is an homage to this film, even featuring a heroine named Jennifer.

BONUS: We did a podcast all about this movie and you can hear it here:

EDITOR’S NOTE: Cinematic Void will be playing this movie on Thursday, Jan. 16 at 9:00 PM at The Plaza Theater in Atlanta, GA (tickets here) and January 25 at midnight at The Belcourt in Nashville, TN (tickets here). For more information, visit Cinematic Void.

A monkey. A girl who can talk to bugs. Donald Pleasence. All directed by Dario Argento. If you don’t immediately say to yourself, “I’m in,” you’re reading the wrong website.

Within the movie’s first two minutes, you realize you’re watching an Argento film. A tourist misses her bus somewhere in the Swiss countryside before she is attacked by an unseen person and then beheaded.

Fast forward a bit, and we catch Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly, Labyrinth, The Rocketeer) arriving at the Richard Wagner Academy for Girls — did I tell you this is an Argento movie? The head of the school, Frau Brückner (Dario Nicolodi, Argento’s wife (at the time) and mother to his daughter Aria, who also co-wrote Suspiria and appeared in Deep Red, Inferno, Tenebre and Opera, amongst other films), already sets up an air of menace. Even her roommate offers no relief, telling Jennifer how much she wishes she could have sex with the heroine’s famous actor father. At this point, Jennifer relates a horrifying story about how her mother left her — it’s a moment of pure pain in a film that hasn’t led you to expect it. That’s because it’s a true story. The true story of how Dario Argento’s mother left his family.

Jennifer tends to sleepwalk, which leads her through the school and up to the roof, where she watches a student get murdered. She wakes up, falls and runs from the murderer, ending up in the woods where she’s rescued by Inga the chimp — again, did I mention this is an Argento film? Inga works for forensic entomologist John McGregor (Pleasence). Argento was inspired by the fact that insects are often used in crime investigations to learn how old a body is and worked that into this film. McGregor knows that Jennifer can talk to the bugs.

After returning to the school, things go from bad to worse. Jennifer’s roommate is murdered, and a firefly leads our sleepwalking protagonist to a glove covered by Great Sarcophagus flies, which eat decaying human flesh, which can only mean that the killer is keeping his body — again, Argento.

At this point, Phenomena pays tribute to Carrie, with the other students making fun of her regarding her love of bugs. She calls a swarm of flies into the building, and it collapses, which leads to Frau Brückner recommending her to a home for the criminally insane. Luckily, Jennifer runs to McGregor, who gives her a bug in a glass case that she can use to track the murderer. Again, you know who. The bug leads Jennifer to the same house we saw at the film’s beginning.

Meanwhile, McGregor is killed after Inga is locked outside. True fact: the chimpanzee who played Inga, Tanga, sounds like she was uncontrollable. She ran away for an entire evening of the shoot and nearly bit off one of Jennifer Connelly’s fingers.

Let me see if I can sum up the craziness that ensues: Jennifer calls her father’s lawyer for help, who ends up bringing Frau Brückner back into this mess, who tries to poison Jennifer and then knocks her out with a piece of wood. She then KOs a cop before Jennifer escapes, going through a dungeon and a basement until she falls into a pool that is packed with maggot-ridden corpses. This is the point in the film where you may want to stop eating because it gets rather intense from here on out. As Jennifer escapes that watery tomb, she hears someone crying. That someone is Frau’s son, who was born from a rape. Jennifer asks him why she thinks he’s a monster, to which he turns to face her and scares the fucking shit out of her. Seriously, it’s jolting — the kid has Patau Syndrome, a real chromosomal abnormality (it’s makeup in the film, but looks quite true to life). He then chases Jennifer into a motorboat, but at the last second, she calls a swarm of flies to attack him. He falls into the water, and the boat explodes, and he dies, and…whew.

I know this film is 32 years old, but I will leave some spoiler space here because what happens next is crazy.

Jennifer reaches the shore just as her father’s lawyer arrives. All well, all good and then, out of nowhere, Frau cuts the dude’s head clean off. Plus, she’s already killed the cop, and she goes absolutely shithouse.

“He was diseased, but he was my son! And you have… Why didn’t I kill you before? I killed that no-good inspector and your professor friend to protect him! And now… I’m gonna KILL YOU TO AVENGE HIM! Why don’t you call your INSECTS! GO ON! CALL! CALL!”

At this point, Inga, the chimpanzee, comes out of nowhere and kills Frau with a razor. Keep in mind that this is not just one cut. This is a simian who knows how to get the murder business done.

Jennifer and Inga hug. Roll the credits.

Phenomena was the last Argento movie to get significant distribution in the U.S., thanks (or no thanks) to New Line Cinema, which played it here as Creepers. This version is 33 minutes shorter than the original and has so many scenes shuffled that it makes little or no sense. Also, unlike other Argento films, Goblin only has two songs in this, as modern bands like Iron Maiden and Motörhead are featured.

I love this movie. It makes little sense, but you don’t walk into an Italian horror film expecting narrative structure. You hope to see some crazy gore, some interesting death scenes and maggots — all things that this film more than delivers. I’m not the only fan of this flick — the Japanese video game Clock Tower is an homage to this film, even featuring a heroine named Jennifer.

BONUS: We did a podcast all about this movie, and you can hear it here:

BONUS BONUS: Here’s a drink recipe.

Inga and Jennifer

• 1/2 oz. 99 Bananas
• 3 oz. half and half
• 1/2 oz. coconut rum
• 1 1/2 oz. orange juice
• 1/2 tsp. grenadine

1. Pour all of the ingredients in a shaker and do your thing.
2. Pour into a glass and enjoy.

Vahset Kasirgasi (Brutal Storm) was directed and written by Kadir Akgün and is the story of Naide (Nur Incegül) and Cahide (Leyla Akin), two sisters who own the Gul Hotel in a beautiful tourist town in the South of Turkey. I don’t know what type of guests the sisters were expecting, but the loose moral fiber of their lodgers really starts to get to Naide and Cahide (more Naide, to be honest) and Hale, a nude sunbather, is shoved down the steps and impaled on a statue. To dispose of the body, the girls slice it up, cook it and serve it to the rest of the vacationers.

Soon enough, Nalan shows up looking for her dead friend and won’t give up. She gets a room just as more murders happen, like the always drunk and frequently loud Dilek, who make as lesbian pass at Naide who responds by stabbing her and Songül, who dares to be a single mother. Nalan gets kicked out for asking too many questions, but soon brings her friend Kaya as her fiancee and moves back in.

In case you didn’t guess, this movie is at times a shot for shot remake of It Happened at Nightmare Inn AKA A Candle For The Devil and I’m surprised as you that a 1970s Spanish horror movie by Eugenio Martin was remade in the 1980s in Turkey.

The other big star of this movie is the soundtrack which is literally a K-Tel Records best of your favorite horror soundtracks, lifting the disco theme from Friday the 13th Part 3, the drums from Cannibal Holocaust and pieces of Rambo: First Blood Part II, Suspiria, Deep Red and a dance party set to the theme from Ghostbusters.

You can watch this on YouTube.

EDITOR’S NOTE: In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro was on the CBS Late Movie on May 3 and September 26, 1988.

The only movie directed by producer Raju Patel, this is the story of Jack Ringtree (Timothy Bottoms) and Chris Tucker (John Rhys-Davies) in Namanga, Kenya as they try to figure out a tribe of baboons that are capturing and killing people.

The film has this in the credits: “The film you have just seen is a fictionalized account of a true incident which took place in Africa during the serious drought in 1984. The producers wish to make it known that not a single animal was mistreated during the making of this motion picture. On completion of filming the Baboons were rehabilitated to their natural surroundings. The Baboons were captured under the supervision of the Kenyan Ministry of Tourism and Wildlife from the areas where they had been a nuisance to the local population.”

This is kind of like a zombie movie except, you know, with baboons. I wish I could say it was more exciting and wonder how a movie filled with human eating baboons can be slow, but there you have it. At least it has Irene Miracle from Inferno and Night Train Murders in it.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Legend of Billie Jean was on the CBS Late Movie on October 7, 1988.

This movie was a big deal when I was 13 and somehow, I never saw it.

Billie Jean Davy (Helen Slater) and her brother Binx (Christian Slater, the two stars are not related) spend their days in Corpus Christi, Texas swimming in the lake and riding on Binx’s Honda Elite Scooter. As they talk about running away someday to Vermont, you may wonder if they are boyfriend and girlfriend rather than brother and sister, but this movie never goes there. I’ve just seen too many Joe D’Amato movies.

The Davy family have to deal with some bullies led by Hubie Pyatt (Barry Tubb), who steals the scooter and does damage to it. Billie Jean demands money for the repairs from Hubie’s father (Richard Bradford), who ends up trying to use the money to get sex out of her. He ends up getting shot by Binx and the two go on the run, along with their friends Ophelia (Martha Gehman) and Putter (Yeardley Smith, who refused to cut her hair for this movie and is wearing a wig; she was also twenty when this was made and is playing a fourteen-year-old. She strapped her breasts down with Ace bandages to look younger.).

While the shop owner survives, this puts Lieutenant Ringwald (Peter Coyote) on the hunt for the escaped kids while they become folk heroes. Pyatt starts selling merch with Billie Jean on it after the kids become even more famous for kidnapping Lloyd (Keith Gordon), the son of a politician named Muldaur (Dean Stockwell). Kidnapped is what they want the world to think, as she wants to use her new fame to get back the money she’s owed and be forgiven for their crimes. She also decides to shave her head, wear combat boots and be a militant heroine to young girls all over Texas, kind of like Connie Burns without a guitar.

This movie was called Fair Is Fair and man, they sure say that a lot in this. I kind of love it though and for everyone who complains about movies that have strong female heroines, well, guess what? This did it back in 1985. It also has a theme song — “Invincible” by Pat Benatar — and a great soundtrack with Billy Idol, Divinyls and Wendy O. Williams.

Director Matthew Robbins has had an amazing career. In addition to writing The Sugarland Express, The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings and MacArthur, he wrote and directed Corvette Summer, Dragonslayer and *Batteries Not Included. He was an uncredited writer on THX-1138, Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which he worked on as a second unit director. As if that wasn’t enough, he also wrote Mimic, Crimson Peak and Pinocchio for Guillermo del Toro and even wrote several Bollywood films, including 7 Khoon Maaf and Rangoon.

The script was written by Mark Rosenthal and Lawrence Conner, who also wrote Sometimes They Come Back, The Jewel of the Nile, The Beverly Hillbillies, Mighty Joe Young, Planet of the Apes, Mona Lisa Smile, Flicka, Mercury Rising and  Superman IV: The Quest for Peace together.