CANNON MONTH: Private Popsicle (1982)

After Lemon PopsicleGoing Steady and Hot Bubblegum, but before Baby LoveUp Your Anchor, Young Love: Lemon Popsicle 7 Summertime Blues and Lemon Popsicle: The Party Goes On and this movie’s side sequel Private Manuevers,  what else was there to do but to join the Israeli army? That’s what Bobby, Benji and Hughie are up to next. I mean, there is a mandatory draft, so it only makes sense, except that this army allows them to cosplay Some Like It Hot.

These movies are like the Dickie Goodman of teen sex comedies, in that in one scene, you get more needledrops than an Edgar Wright film fest. Just look at the first scene, in which the boys all take turns with a local loose woman — and somehow, this happens in every Lemon Popsicle movie — while Pat Ballard sings “Mr. Sandman” the cucked husband sleeps, only to wake up and chase Hughie to “Charlie Brown” by The Coasters before the boys run to the notes of Bill Hayley and the Comets doing “See You Later, Alligator.*” Yes, just like a Dickie Goodman answer record, but in picture form.

The Sergeant Major is their new end boss and his dubbing makes the lowest grade Italian western feel like a boutique Criterion reissue. I honestly can’t believe that this played in the United States and also am even more incredulous that it took me so long to see it.

If you’re upset by trans humor, homosexual humor, military humor, sex humor, teenage humor…actually, just don’t watch this. You’re just not going to like it. I’d say for Cannon completists only, but come on, that Cannon dragon must be chased.

*Thanks to The Unknown Movies for pointing this out.

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