CANNON MONTH: America 3000 (1986)

EDITOR’S NOTE: This movie originally ran on the site on September 11, 2019. It’s been updated for Cannon Month.

David Engelbach wrote Over the TopDeath Wish 2 and two episodes of the TV shows Lottery and MacGyver. He also wrote the 1984 TV movie Goldie and the Bears, which starred Hulk Hogan. He’s only directed one film — the Cannon Films produced America 3000 — and you’re about to learn all about it.

“Nine hundred years after the Great Nuke. The world man created, he destroyed. Out of the darkness and ignorance of the radioactive rubble emerged a new order…and the world was woggos.”

After a nuclear war in the year 1992 — surprise! — mankind has gone back to the Stone Age and is ruled by Amazon women who keep men as wild animals to be used for labor and sex.

Two young guys, Korvis (Chuck Wagner, who was on TV’s Automan and is in The Sisterhood; he went on to be a theater actor and was a ringmaster for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus) and Gruss run away and find Camp Reagan, the weapons-filled bunker of the President of the United States of America when they aren’t being captured by the Amazonian Comb of the Friscos.

Laurene Landon (who was in the commercials in The Stuff and Maniac Cop 1 and 2), Galyn Gorg (Angie, the nuke addicted bad girl of RoboCop 2), the first Israeli mime and Father Nicholas in The Delta Force Shaike Ophir, black belt Karen Sheperd (The Enforcer from Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) and a monster named Aargh the Awful — who is a Bigfoot with a boombox played by basetball player Stephen Lawrence Malovic — all show up.

With that kind of description, it should be much better than it is. I’m sad to tell you that it drags and that it seems like only Australians, Italians and Filipinos can make proper post-apocalyptic movies.

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