April 14: Tiger Style — Grab a Shaw Brothers film and write about how great it is.

Cheng Jung (Derek Yee) and Wong Lai Fen (Leanne Liu) work at the same police station and start dating. One evening, as they camp on an island, she hears a strange noise and investigates, only to discover a strange green light. Somehow, she knows the island despite never being there and the light eventually knocks her out. When she wakes up, she attacks the kids near their camp with a fork and tries to drown one of them.

Yes, things aren’t normal.

May goes back to being a cop and is placed on a serial killer case by Inspector Wong (Hua Yueh). Somehow, May is able to not only catch the criminal, but shoot him with a bullet that reverse course after being fired, which leads reporter Koo (Ken Tong) to think she’s a superhero. Her new reckless attitude gets her taken off the case, but the two cops that replace her end up falling down an empty elevator shaft.

Everyone that ever was in May’s way must now pay. Like the horney superior who she takes disco dancing and then castrates with a crab. Yes, a crab. Or the holy man whose bird is destroyed and whose face is covered with boils before he’s launched down the strairs. Even an attempt at exorcizing May ends up with her drinking vomit from a toilet and sending a knife into the throat of her aunt.

The spirit that is inside her? Well, she died as a child after being sold to another serial killer, who smothered her with a pillow and then tore her insides out, at which point another completely different guy sold her dead body as goat meat.

Director Yang Chuan also made Hou wang da zhan tian bing tian jiang. If you haven’t seen that, well, get ready. This movie — like that one — is packed with bloody murder, insects, worms, slugs, neon lights and fog, death by toilet paper, nurses killed in showers, ghosts riding people in photographs…it packs in so much that by the end, you’ll be exhausted in the best of ways.

April 11: Upsetting — What movie upsets you? Write about it and share it.

I think that I’m unshockable and then I watch something like Ren she da zhan and man, I had no idea what being shocked was.

Directed by Chi Chiang (who was also the choregrapher for Bruce Lee: The Man, the Myth and directed China Heat and Bruce Lee’s Deadly Kung Fu), who wrote it with Kang-Nien Li and Kuo Jung Tsai, this is a movie that people who hate snaked will be horrified by and those that love them will be destroyed by, so there’s really no one who won’t be brutalized by what these guys put together. I’m not exaggerating when I say that tens of thousands of snakes appear and also not making anything up when I tell you that just as many snakes are murdered on screen, for real, in a movie that looks at Cannibal Holocaust and scoffs, “People are mad that you killed a turtle? Here, hold my San Miguel.”

This Hong Kong/Taiwan film (there’s also a South Korean version called War Between Man and Snakes that has five more minutes and alternate footage filmed in that country) starts with real estate boss Francis Chang ordering his men to kill all the snakes around his new luxury apartment building. What follows is a near-mondo orgy of human-on-snake violence as snakes are chopped, sliced and smashed by excavators and dumped into huge snake graves. This is not CGI, so turn back now, because no one visited this set to see if a movie called Calamity of Snakes was snake-friendly. It’s kind of like all those Italian cannibal movies that show man’s inhumanity to man that were made by being inhumane to man, which seems like, you guessed it, a snake eating its own tail, which is about the only bit of snake violence this movie doesn’t have.

After all that, you’ll hardly be mad that this steals music from Maniac and the same cues as Dawn of the Dead. There’s also some Alan Parsons Project and Keith Emerson, because we all know progressive rock is prime snake murder music. Taking music is the least of this movie’s sins.

It does have snakes run over, destroyed by a mongoose, gassed, hit with rocks, sliced apart with swords and even a giant snake participates in a kung fu battle against a man who lives inside a box of snakes, even keeping one inside his mouth and the snake makes the same sound effects as Godzilla.

What does work is that snakes non-stop kill humans, showing up in bathtubs, when people are making love, when folks are playing mahjong, whenever people do, well, anything. Snakes will show up — the big snake might even be psychic — wherever people are trying to just live their lives, including a moment where they spill forth from an elevator in the exact same way that blood spills out in The Shining.

Footage from this movie was edited into The Serpent Warriors, a movie that stars Earth Kitt, Christopher Mitchum and was the last role for Clint Walker. It was also released in Pakistan as Revenge of the Snakes — thanks Daily Grindhouse — with artwork that rips off The Beyond and let me tell you, I can’t love that enough.

For all the meanness toward reptiles, this movie does not treat its humans any better, as there are numerous scenes of people covered by snakes, snakes are thrown at them, snakes are in their faces and at the end, someone does a burn stunt that in no way looks safe or something that someone survived.

Does it make you feel better that some of the snakes were eaten afterward and not wasted? Yeah, me neither. That said, good for Unearthed Films, who are giving a percentage of all profits from Calamity of the Snakes in all formats to Save the Snakes in continuation of their mission to protect snake populations around the world.

The Unearthed Films blu ray of Calamity of Snakes has the best looking version of this movie ever in three versions: theatrical release, cruelty-free and the absolutely uncensored version. It also has From Shaw To Snakes: The Venom And Violence Of Early Chinese Language Horror, an interview with Chui-Yi Chung and commentary from Nathan Hamilton and Brad Slaton. You can get this from MVD.

April 5: Roger Corman’s birthday — Whether he produced or directed the movie, share a movie for Corman’s birthday.

Using pieces of past Roger Corman-produced science fiction films, Android had a team that believed in it so much that even when Corman said that it wasn’t exploitable, Barry Opper (brother of writer and actor Don, who is in this as the android Max 404) and producer Rupert Harvey bought the rights. It still didn’t really break through, but there you go.

After the Munich Rebellion, all androids on Earth were outlawed. That’s why Dr. Daniel (Klaus Kinski) has goen to space to work on Max 404, his young male android who is already getting too curious and insubordinate. He’s already working on the next level of AI called Cassandra One (Kendra Kirchner). Meanwhile, Max has allowed a prison transport filled with criminals in disguise — Maggie (Brie Howard-Darling, who was in the all-female band Fanny, which predate The Runaways), Keller (Norbert Weisser) and Mendes (Crofton Hardester) — which upsets Dr. Daniel, but once he sees Maggie, he allows them to stay.

There’s a love triangle here kind of, because Max is showing signs of Munich Syndrome and becoming anti-human and Dr. Daniel needs to sexually stimulate Maggie and add the details of her love life into Cassandra One. When the cops show up, Max destroys their ship and tells Maggie that he saved her. They start to make love before Mendes interrupts and Cassandra reveals that Max is also an android. Before you know it, Maggie has been killed and it’s a mystery as to who did it as more cops start to arrive at the space station.

This gets very twist and turn at the end and has a pretty great reveal. It’s not necessarily a great movie, as it tells more than it shows and is quite talky, but any movie where Klaus Kinski is coming on too strong to both human and robotic women is one that I’m going to like.

Director Aaron Lipstadt is still working in streaming TV and podcasts. He also directed City Limits and episodes of everything from Miami Vice to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. This was written by Opper (Charlie from the Critters movies), James Regle (who was the set construction supervisor for Corman’s Forbidden World) and Will Regle.

April 5: Roger Corman’s birthday — Whether he produced or directed the movie, share a movie for Corman’s birthday.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Frederick Burdsall isn’t at work or watching movies while covered in cats, you can find Fred in the front seat of Knoebels’ Phoenix. 

Earlier I offered a review of the Roger Corman-produced outer space shocker Galaxy of Terror, so for the final half of my salute to Roger I’m tackling my favorite Corman production: 1982’s Forbidden World, directed by Allan Holzman and starring Jesse Vint, June Chadwick and the spectacular Dawn Dunlap.

Bounty hunter Mike Colby (Vint) is called to Xarbia to check out Subject 20, which was created in hopes of curing a galaxy-wide food crisis. Too bad they didn’t explain that to Subject 20. After an opening segment with Colby awakening from cryo-sleep to fight off raiders, he receives orders to go to Xarbia where he is met by Doctor Hauser (Linden Chiles) and geneticist Barbara Glaser (Chadwick). They show him to the Biohazard chamber, where he sees the remains of various animals killed when Subject 20 got loose. It has now cocooned itself in the incubator and despite Colby’s insistence on destroying it, they convince him to sleep on it. While they go to dinner, Jimmy (Mike Bowen) is left to clean up the mess and after opening the incubator for a better look gets a face full of Subject 20 for his trouble (They never learn.).

At dinner it’s explained that their discovery, Proto B, can be spliced with anything to make it grow larger, but the scientists refuse to tell Colby what Subject 20 was before it got spliced. Meanwhile, Tracy Baxter (Dunlap) has now discovered what’s left of her boyfriend Jimmy. Doctor Cal Timbergen (played perfectly by Fox Harris) wheels off the body and everyone gets ready for bed (Apparently, they don’t care about the murderous creature running loose.).

While Barbara and Colby “get acquainted,” security chief Earl (Scott Paulin) has a close encounter with Subject 20. Early next morning, Tracy heads to the sauna (Thank You!) and is soon joined by Colby (She apparently wasn’t very bothered by the death of her boyfriend) and Subject 20, who escapes through the air shaft, forcing a search outside the ship. They discover an empty cocoon and head back to the research center, arriving in time to see the mutant head back into the shaft taking Hauser with him. Cal discovers that Jimmy is still alive, if only on a molecular level, and is being morphed into pure protein.

Once back inside, they learn the truth about Subject 20 and they figure out why they have been left alive until now. After a visit from a not quite dead Hauser, the girls hit the shower in a scene that would have gotten me through puberty if it had been made about 10 years earlier. They decide to communicate with it. Barbara has a nice quick chat via computer before being invited to dinner, and as the menfolk come running to the rescue, Cal discovers the solution to the problem. How many more have to die? Will ANYONE survive? Watch, enjoy and find out for yourself.

Not wanting to leave out anyone, I’ll also mention the film also starred Raymond Oliver as Brian. The opening sequence of the movie was shot just after Galaxy of Terror using that picture’s Quest set. The ever-thrifty Roger had rented the property until the weekend and still had a few days remaining, so he had the scene shot and added on to Forbidden World, even though the rest of it wasn’t filmed until about four months later. Gotta love it. They also used the skeleton of the giant maggot for the final shots of the film where you see the mutant barreling through the corridors chasing Tracy (Can’t say I blame him.).

In any event, this is pure cheesy sci-fi at it’s best. Chadwick was smoldering and Dunlap looks magnificent with or without clothes, but the star of this for me was Harris as Doctor Timbergen. He looked and sounded like the proverbial mad scientist and, even though I couldn’t name anything else he was in without looking it up, I will always remember him for this film. Great job. As for Dunlap, she would go on to make only a few more films before leaving the biz and heading back to Texas. Hope she’s doing well.

And as for the rest of you: watch out for missing test subjects and I’ll see you at Knoebels.

April 4: Remake, remix, ripoff — A shameless remake, remix or ripoff of a much better known movie. Allow your writing to travel the world (we recommend Italy or Turkey).

If you’re going to make a female revenge movie, you can’t get a better inspiration than Ms. 45. Except that this movie, directed by Yao-Chi Chen and written by Chia Lau isn’t just inspired, it’s literally the same movie — it’s by Taiwanese talent but set in Hong Kong — with some minor changes.

Hsia Yin is Liang Pi-Ho, a mute worker in the garment industry who is the Thana or this movie, but she has so much to live up to, as Zoë Tamerlis is perhaps one of the most untouchable actresses ever for connecting with a role and making you believe in it. Liang Pi-Ho has to deal with the same indignities, like street gangs accosting her and a photographer who keeps touching her and the man who comes into her apartment to defile her. She deals with things the same way, blasting them with dispassion. Yet Hong Kong doesn’t seem like the end of the world that Abel Ferrara showed off in his film. And when it gets really grisly, the movie deals with censorship by going to inversed white on black.

It also begins with news stories about attacks on the homeless and gives a backstory to Liang Pi-Ho, showing how she’s mute because of the death of her parents. The film also closes with her receiving treatment instead of her decimating a party while dressed as a nun, then being cut down and yelling, “Sister!” See — I somehow spoiled two movies at once.

According to Girls With Guns, Godfrey Ho — yes, you knew somehow he would get involved — released a Westernized version called American Commando 5: Fury in Red and Crackdown Mission that has some white faces and a Satanic cult randomly thrown in.

Also known as Fury In Red, this also has the landlady’s dog replaced with a cat who our heroine feeds parts of her first victim to as well as a nightclub scene with the Human League’s “Love Action” playing on the soundtrack. The Ocean Shores VCD version of the film also has the theme from Ghostbusters and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and I can promise you none of those songs were legally obtained.

In case you’re wondering, at no time does the lead dress as a nun, but the cop on the case does.

I learned about this movie from Ed Glaser, author of How the World Remade Hollywood, which you can buy from McFarland Books. Here’s a fun video he made about it.