Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”
Directed and written by Kevin Willmott, this is a history documentary in a parallel world where the South won and Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation failed. Confederate President Jefferson Davis got British and French aid for the Confederacy, giving them the ability to win the Battle of Gettysburg, destroy Washington, D.C. and capture the White House. Slavery still exists in 2004.
Sherman Hoyle, a conservative Southerner (think Shelby Foote from Ken Burns’ The Civil War) and Patricia Johnson, a black Canadian, tell this story. In the world that we’re watching, Canada has allowed slaves and even Lincoln within its borders, allowing them to savor freedom, which doesn’t exist in the U.S. It’s also why JFK died, trying to make black men free.
If this offends you, realize something: most of the products in it are real products from American history, as explained in the closing disclaimers.
The film’s website goes even deeper: President William McKinley is assassinated by an abolitionist, rather than the anarchist Leon Czolgosz. The CSA wins the space race after recruiting German scientists after Operation Paperclip. Rosa Parks is a Canadian member of the John Brown Underground. Pope John Paul II is wounded in New York by a Southern Baptist gunman. Timothy McVeigh blows up the Thomas Jefferson Memorial and is executed on pay-per-view television. The CSA fights crusades in Kuwait, Iraq and Afghanistan with the express goal of Christianizing the Islamic world and getting their oil.
The sad thing is, this was thought to be silly when it came out in 2004. Watching it today in 2025, it felt like CNN.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Angel Heart was on USA Up All Night on November 7, 1992 and December, 1994.
Before he became known for his adaptations of The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist, as well as his work on The Walking Dead TV show, Frank Darabont wrote the screenplays to Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and the remake of The Blob. This film was the first he’d ever get the chance to direct.
Originally airing May 9, 1990, on the USA Network, this movie was produced under the title Till Death Do Us Part. It’s a very EC Comics-ish story of Clint Goodman (Tim Matheson, Animal House), a contractor who is very much in love with his wife, Joanna (perennial crush Jennifer Jason Leigh, the daughter of Vic Morrow, who took the name Jason in her stage name as a tribute to family friend Jason Robards). Joanna, however, wants out of Clint’s small hometown, where he’s content to live simply and fish with his best friend Sheriff Sam Eberly (Hoyt Axton, Gremlins).
So she does what any of us would do. She shacks up with CortlanVanan Owen, a doctor who has plenty of tropical fish that he’s able to extract poison from. He’s also the guy who keeps performing abortions for her so that she never has to get stuck with Clint’s child. He’s played by William Atherton, who is the go-to guy when you’re making a movie in the 1980s and need someone to be a complete asshole.
Needless to say, the bad guys are comically evil in this one, and Clint is the nicest guy ever, until he awakens in his own grave and has to claw his way back. From then on, this becomes a revenge picture and a pretty decent one at that.
This is one of those films that has been long out of print and commands high prices on eBay. You can always turn to the gray market and find bootleg copies of it, as well as the sequel. It’s one of Becca’s favorite movies, and we watch it pretty often in our house.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Black Ice was on USA Up All Night on July 21, 1995.
It’s still early fall as I write this, and the last thing I want to think about is snow or icy roads, and here I am, watching a movie shot in Winnipeg, where huge snow piles are all over the place.
Called A Passion for Murder in the UK, this stars Russian actress Joanna Pacula as Vanessa, a government agent who is sleeping with a married politician named Eric Weaver (Arne Olsen). After they have a fight, he’s killed when she shoves him out a window, and she has to go on the run, as she’s left out in the cold by her black ops boss. The only person who can help her is Ben Shorr (Michael Nouri), a cab driver.
Directed by Neill Fearnley, whose career was primarily in TV, and written by Olsen and John Alan Schwartz — the Conan le Cilaire who wrote as well as the Alan Black who wrote Faces of Death — the main reason I watched this was Michael Ironside, who plays Quinn, Vanessa’s boss who tells her that she’s a loose end that needs to be killed.
Ben, an author who can’t get a break, has to drive her from Detroit to Seattle, all on back roads. Those roads are all in Canada, and man, they’re cold. And kind of boring. There is a sex scene in a rest stop, where Nouri bends Pacula over a sink and someone accidentally walks in.
The real star here is Michael Nouri’s fake long hair. It looks like they threw yarn at him and just gave p. You can’t stop looking at it.
A killer assortment of short films created by returning filmmakers.
The Blue-Eyed Boy & Mister Death (2024): The description for this says, “Losing a loved one is never easy. Losing a parent can be even harder. Will Cummings had a hole in his heart shaped like his Dad that he tried to fill after the Cancer took him, yet nothing seemed to work. But what if every great once in a cosmic while, on the rarest of occasions, Death felt bad for being a jerk, and gave you one last chance to say those words that you thought no one would ever get to hear? What if you could hear that familiar voice just one more time? What would you say?” A thought-provoking subject, and hey! Vernon Wells is in it!
Wow. This is one emotional movie. It made me tear up a few times as I saw so much of my own life in it. Adam Hampton, the lead, does a really great job emotionally in this, and what could have been a very one-note film has so many levels to it. Well done!
Still (2024): A miraculous discovery in the woods fulfills a despondent woman’s deepest desire, but triggers a nightmarish new reality in Rakefet Abergel’s film Still. Obviously, this comes from a very personal place of losing a child, and this does more to show me what that feels like than several large-scale, big-budget films. Just a raw and unyielding look at how it feels to have a future torn away from you. Great acting, outstanding production values and in no way does this feel preachy. It feels real.
Bart & Bobbi Kill Each Other (2025): Bart (Michael P. King) and Bobbi (London Garcia) have lived together for about thirty years. Now, they have had enough. One of them must leave. Or maybe die. Maybe both of them, if we go by the name of this short, are going to die. Regardless, director, writer and producer Aaron Barrocas has done an incredible job with this short, one that combines sharp dialogue with fun effects and plenty of inventive ways to keep things moving.
The Rewind (2025): “Josh is desperate to get back his wife, Nina. He turns to a new technology that allows users to re-live a difficult moment in the hope of learning important lessons. Impatient for results, he soon discovers that Rewind therapy is not the magic fix he hoped for, and some would put this tech to a more sinister use.” That’s the hype copy for this, but wow, what it ends up being is so dark, and the ending is so brutal that I couldn’t believe it. Such a well-made short that feels like it could easily become a full-length film!
Efflorescence (2025): In this film by Sofia Gaza-Barba, LaLa (Susana Elena Boyce) has turned vegan as an act of love to Johnny (Aaron Fernando Deitz), the latest love of her life. But after binging rare greenery at a flower shop to stop her everlasting hunger, she finds herself turning into a flesh-eating human plant, the exact same night she’s expected to meet her lover’s vegan friends. As her mother reminds her, she’s Mexican and eats meat. She’s changed for all of her boyfriends — including a gamer, as her mama reminds her — and now, she’s turned her back on everything, not eating carne asada. Well, not for long. A lot of fun!
Wreckless (2024): At her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, Lucy (Jennifer A. Goodman) begins to freak out. Filled with worry, she starts to drift and even loses control of her reality. Directed by Timothy Troy and written by Goodman, this doesn’t make Lucy the hero or keep her from blame. It also doesn’t condemn her. It’s a very even-handed depiction of what people going through addiction must go through.
Tepache (2025): Directed and written by Carlos Garcia Jr., this is the saga of Gael (Alejandro Galindo), a legendary medieval dinner theater knight who decides that tonight is the night to win back his true love, the exotic dancer Noel (Stephanie Oustalet). This movie was terrific, not allowing its hero to get away with his stupidity while making what could have been a one-note character, Noel, work so well.
An archaeological dig, potentially the site of Coronado’s City of Gold, does not please everyone as a new corpse is discovered.
Season 2, Episode 11: Murder Digs Deep (December 29, 1985)
Tonight on Murder, She Wrote…
What if Jessica Fletcher went on an Indiana Jones-style adventure?
Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?
Karen Parks is played by Cecile Callan. Most of her career was on TV.
Dr. Aubrey Benton is George Grizzard, a TV movie regular.
Dr. Stan Garfield is David Groh, Rhoda‘s husband Joe. At one point, this guy was on the highest-rated show almost ever.
Raymond Two Crows is Randolph Mantooth from Emergency!
Steve Gamble? That’s Stephen Shortridge, who was on Welcome Back, Kotter.
Man! The Armstrongs, Gideon and Cynthia? Connie Stevens and Robert Vaughn! There’s the starpower!
William Windom is Dr. Seth, as always.
Minor roles are played by Robert Dryer, Jake from Savage Streets, as a guard and Curtis Credel (the Worth Keeter movie Hot Heir) as a Native American.
What happens?
Jessica and Dr. Seth are on a platonic date all the way in New Mexico, digging with the Armstrongs. Joining them are grad students Karen Parkes and Steve Gamble, Dr. Garfrield, who is looking for treasure, Dr. Bento, who is also looking for gold and Native American expert Raymond Twocrows. At night, a Native American dancer keeps trying to scare them away.
The next night, Cynthia gets drunk and shoots at the dancer. He falls down, and it ends up being Raymond, who didn’t die from a gunshot. Yes, this show is a Giallo. Jessica soon shows Seth that Raymond only fell three feet, so that couldn’t be what killed him. It was drowning. In the desert.
The Armstrongs don’t allow anyone to use the radio or go to town to get the police. Jessica decides to look through the caves and scares Seth for the second time this episode, finding a cassette player with tribal chants on it. Someone is trying to scare people off while also leaving relics all around to try to get some more money for the land.
Who did it?
Cynthia, trying to take money off her husband through murder.
Who made it?
This episode was directed by Phillip Leacock and written by Mary Ann Kasica and Michael Scheff.
Does Jessica get some?
I think in this episode, she was testing Dr. Seth to see if he could be a hero and a rough lover. He failed.
Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?
She gets to wear desert dig clothes.
Was it any good?
Sure, it’s alright.
Any trivia?
I love that Raymond ends up being a fake Native American, one of the few examples of evil whitewashing I’ve seen.
Watch when Cynthia shoots at the Native American dancer. Her husband calls her her real name, Connie, not Cynthia.
It’s illegal to dig for relics on Native American reservations.
Give me a reasonable quote:
Jessica Fletcher: Is the weather always like this?
Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Nope. It starts to get hot in a couple of hours.
What’s next?
A former student of Jessica’s becomes involved in a love triangle that ends in murder. Robert Culp is in it, but doesn’t show his dick.
September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre, September 19 and 20, 2025. Two big nights with four feature films each night include:
Friday, September 19: Mark of the Devil, The Sentinel, The Devil’s Rain and Devil Times Five
September 20: The Omega Man, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Grindhouse Releasing 4K restoration drive-in premiere of S.F. Brownrigg’s Scum of the Earth and Eaten Alive
Admission is $15 per person each night (children 12 and under – accompanied by an adult guardian – are admitted free). Overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $20 a person per night. Advance online tickets (highly recommended) for both movies and camping here: https://www.riversidedrivein.com/shop/
My teachers and guidance counselors in high school told me, explained to me, screamed at me: “You’ll never learn anything being obsessed with all of these horror movies!”
I would argue that I have learned plenty, and 1977’s The Sentinel would be my doctoral thesis in “I Live My Life by What I Learned from 1970s Satanic Horror Movies.”
Lesson one: All models live dissolute lives and are mere seconds from an outburst; avoidance recommended.
When we meet Alison Parker (Cristina Raines), she’s a busy New York model. She’s gorgeous. And she’s always batshit crazy, suffering strange psychosomatic issues such as night terrors, insomnia and random flashbacks to all of the times she tried to kill herself. After she moves into a spiffy Brooklyn brownstone — because she wants to see if she can live on her own and not with her wealthy boyfriend, Michael (Chris Sarandon, more on him later). Right away, she starts hearing random noises and meeting people who don’t exist.
That all leads to work-related trauma, as she often passes out while modeling and ends up in the hospital. A young, pre-Law and Order Jerry Orbach is having none of her shenanigans, asking if they can just move her and give her clothes to another model.
Oh yeah — she also hated her dad, who just died. Her first suicide attempt came after she walked in on her ancient pa playing with an entire roomful of prostitutes. And it turns out that her boyfriend is being investigated by the police (played by Eli Wallach and a super young Christopher Walken) for killing his wife. Whew! Needless to say, she’s gorgeous but doesn’t have issues. She has subscriptions.
Lesson two: Catholic priests have crazy secrets that will implode your fragile secular mind.
Only one person — supposedly — lives in the building with Alison: Father Halliran (“Skinny Dracula” himself, John Carradine), a priest so blind that his eyes have gone whiter than Emily from The Beyond. All he does is sit in front of his window and stare into the void. Turns out that Alison’s new home is really owned by a secret society of excommunicated Catholic priests — all the cool ones are — and they guard the gateway to Hell. And that gateway? Yeah, it’s right here in the building. And Father Halliran is the Sentinel, the blind guardian of the abyss.
Why is Alison there? They’ve chosen her because with two suicide attempts, she’s the perfect candidate. The only way she can get to Heaven is by becoming the next Sentinel, because Halliran is ready to die, Biggie style.
Lesson three: If you are in a 1970s Satanic horror movie, DO NOT trust old Hollywood stars.
Alison’s neighbors may start off nice, but they’re all demented. Like the two leotard-wearing ladies who invite her for tea, then begin rubbing themselves like some demented exercise video, while Alison just tries to drink her tea. Seriously, this scene — it should be for shock or titillation — but it’s one of the unsexiest, most hilarious, take this movie out of the DVD player moments I’ve witnessed in a long time. Keep in mind — Beverly D’Angelo of the National Lampoon’s Vacation films plays one of them, the other is Sylvia Miles from Midnight Cowboy.
But it’s old Hollywood royalty that you really need to watch out for. Like Ruth Gordon and Ralph Bellamy in Rosemary’s Baby, Burgess Meredith’s Charles Chazen starts nice, but it turns out he leads the minions of Hell. At least he has a cool cat, right? He has an insane birthday party that Alison runs from, finally telling her real estate agent that the people in the building are driving her insane. Again, turns out no one else lives there. No one else but old Hollywood folks is ready, willing and able to help the cause of Satan. Like the aforementioned real estate lady, played by Ava Gardner. Or José Ferrer, wandering around in a red robe. If someone you recognize from a 1940s flick offers you some tannis root, just say no.
Oh! I almost forgot Psycho’s Martin Balsam is in this as Professor Ruzinsky!
Lesson four: If you are the hero or heroine of a 70s Satanic horror movie, you’re fucked.
Lesson five: Never, ever trust Chris Sarandon — not even in the slightest way
Michael tries to help Alison, discovering the big secret of this film. He breaks into a church office and discovers that the moment people with suicide attempts disappear, they show up as priests assigned to this building. What you don’t find out is that he dies — off-camera — and becomes one of the demons who tries to convince Alison to kill herself and bring Helllll to our world. And just why is he a demon? Because, of course, he killed his wife.
But if you’re aware of Mr. Sarandon’s movie history, you shouldn’t be surprised. The guy is Jerry Dandrige from Fright Night, after all, a vampire who literally fucks with Charley Brewster to his face, in front of his mom, before killing and stealing his best friend and having vampire sex with his girlfriend. As if that dick turn wasn’t enough, Prince Humperdink in The Princess Bride spends an entire movie two-facing the titular princess.
Any time I see Chris Sarandon in a movie, I instantly put up my bullshit filter. I will not trust the man — despite the fact that he’s also the voice of Jack Skellington. If you are a character in a 1970s Satanic shockfest, I implore you to do the same.
Lesson Six: Avoid Michael Winner at All Costs.
I’m joking — I actually love a lot of his work despite the slapdash direction and general griminess of it all. His 70s output from Death Wish gradually becomes meaner and darker and stranger, with the exception of Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who Saved Hollywood. And with that movie — and its preponderance of aging Hollywood star cameos — there’s a good chance at least one of them will go all lesson three on you and slice a pentagram into your chest.
He courted controversy (and was more well known as a restaurant critic and England’s rudest man at the end of his life) here by making, well, an artistic choice. Instead of costumed demons, he simply hired real deformed folks to wander around. It’s either pretty unsettling — or totally awesome, depending on your mindset — to see a crazed Burgess Meredith commanding an army of tumored-faced and genetically challenged real folks to help a girl kill herself.
That said, Cristina Raines felt that Winner was a horror to work with. She claims that she was in tears nearly every day on the way to the set and refuses to watch this film, so as not to stir up any bad memories that remain.
If you follow the above rules, one would hope you survive your film plight. That said, the 70s were a horrible time to be alive, so there’s a very real chance that Satan will turn your happy ending into a downer one and we’ll all have to reflect upon it. Oh yeah — and I love this movie, simply because I grew up Catholic and would read The Pittsburgh Catholic to see which films were given the dreaded O rating, which condemned them for being morally offensive. Just look at the notable films so chastised and damned: Pink Flamingos, Dawn of the Dead, Barbarella, Billy Jack, The Wicker Man…so many films to adore!
EXTRA CREDIT ONE
The Sentinel was written by Jeffrey Konvitz, who gifted the world with the teen romp GORP and produced the sequels to BloodsportandCyborg. Speaking of sequels, he wrote one to this movie titled The Guardian (the alternate title was The Apocalypse) and holy shit — I’m just going to share the description verbatim: “She was the Sentinel, the living guardian of the gates of Hell. She was the sole barrier between humanity and the forces of satanic evil pent up since the Fall from Grace. Hers was the most terrible penance of all; chosen for her sins, she had been committed to a living death, a blind nightmare in which the only reality was the reality of her demonic adversary and the awful powers she had been endowed with to constrain Him. Now her penance is nearly up. For Monsignor Franchino, that means the resumption of the most dreadful task the Church has ever bestowed; once again, he, and he alone, must find and commit a new victor over the guardianship, knowing that at every step the powers of evil will battle to pervert the change-over. For the Prince of Darkness, it means a final chance to unleash his minions on the world and begin at last His long-awaited reign of evil. For Mankind it means…The Apocalypse.” I would watch the shit out of that.
EXTRA CREDIT TWO
If you’re looking for a film that hired Dick Smith just so they could push the R rating to the goriest of limits, this is a decent choice. Abusive dad ghosts get their noses shredded, eyes get decimated, blood explodes out of heads…it’s a shame that Smith didn’t get to create the actual demons!
EXTRA CREDIT THREE
Jeff Goldblum, Tom Berenger, and Richard Dreyfuss all appear in this, but blink and you will quite literally miss them.
EXTRA CREDIT FOUR
Michael Winner almost died from eating poisoned oysters, and his estate was questioned upon his death, as it was discovered he was paying for numerous ex-lovers. I think I’d rather watch a movie about his life than any movie he directed.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Angel Heart was on USA Up All Night on August 13, 1994 and March 17, 1995.
Following the publication of his 1978 novel Falling Angel, William Hjortsberg began working on turning it into a film. His friend, production designer Richard Sylbert (Dick Tracy, The Cotton Club), took the book to Robert Evans, who was running Paramount and was ready to make the film with John Frankenheimer set to direct and Dustin Hoffman in the lead.
That option expired, as did another attempt to get the movie made with Robert Redford. Years later, producer Elliott Kastner met with Alan Parker (Bugsy Malone, Midnight Express, Fame, Pink Floyd: The Wall, The Commitments) to discuss him writing the screenplay. Parker also helped get the movie funded by Mario Kassar and Andrew G. Vajna as part of Carolco Pictures, as long as he was given creative control.
Parker made several changes from the novel, retitling the story Angel Heart, including moving the second half of the tale to New Orleans and advancing the time forward four years to 1955, so the story feels more at home in the 40s than in the approaching 60s. He also worked toward making Harry Angel more sympathetic and Louis Cyphre more realistic.
Harry Angel (Mickey Rourke) is a New York City private investigator who has been hired by Louis Cyphre (Robert DeNiro) to track down a singer named Johnny Favorite, who has been dealing with PTSD from World War II. Even the upstate hospital where Favorite was staying couldn’t find him, as his release was facilitated by mysterious people, and a doctor was convinced to change his records.
Cyphre offers Angel a large sum of money to continue hunting for Favorite. The trail leads him to Favorite’s fiancée, Margaret Krusemark (Charlotte Ramplifiancée the discovery that he had sired a daughter named Epiphany Proudfoot (Lisa Bonet) with an ex-lover.
Everyone that gives Angel info — guitarist Toots Suwho(blues musician Brownie McGhee), Margaret, the doctor — dies horribly. This causes Margaret’s father to demand that he leave town, but of course, he goes back to his hotel room and has rough sex with Epiphany while visions of blood drip down the walls.
So — follow me on this — Margaret and her dad were the ones who took Favorite out of the hospital. And the former singer was a sorcerer who sold his soul to Devilevil to be famous, but tried to get out of the deal by kidnapping a soldier in Times Square and eating his heart to take the boy’s soul. Now, in that soldier’s body, he went overseas and suffered facial injuries and amnesia during his suffering.
If you haven’t realized it yet, our protagonist and Johnny Favorite are the same people and the none-so-cleverly named Louis Cyphre is Devil himself. And everyone dead in the movie? Yeah, our so-called heroes killed them all and then had sex with their granddaughters. Gulp.
Although initially supportive of Bonet’s decision to make this movie, America’s one-time dad Bill Cosby dismissed the results as “a movie made by white America that cast a black girl, gave her voodoo things to do and have sex”. How did that all work out?
De Niro’s performance as Louis Cyphere is supposed to be based on his friend and frequent collaborator Martin Scorsese. For what it’s worth, it so unnerved Parker that he avoided him during his scenes and let him direct himself.
You know, before The Wrestler, so many people forgot just how good Mickey Rke can be. You had forgotten to discover that for yourself by going back and watching this for yourself.
Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”
Yosh (John Candy) and Stan (Eugene Levy) Shmenge came all the way from Leutonia to become the biggest polka band of all time, a career that lasted forever until they retired, which is what this movie is about. It’s also, as the title will tell you, The Last Waltz. Plus, you get the Michael Jackson tribute concert that ruined their career, Linsk Minyk (Rick Moranis) playing a series of road songs and an appearance by The Lemon Twins (Robin Duke, Catherine O’Hara and her sister Mary Margaret O’Hara).
Directed by John Blanchard (Really Weird Tales), this story of the Happy Wanderers first aired on HBO. You get to see so many of the shows that the brothers did, like Strikes, Spares and Shmenges, a bowling show, and the Polka Variety Hour. Plus, hear their most famous song, “Cabbage Rolls and Coffee.”
Nearly everything the SCTV cast did was right on, almost every time. This is perfect —a mockumentary that could convince some that this was a real band.
September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre, September 19 and 20, 2025. Two big nights with four feature films each night include:
Friday, September 19: Mark of the Devil, The Sentinel, The Devil’s Rain and Devil Times Five
September 20: The Omega Man, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Grindhouse Releasing 4K restoration drive-in premiere of S.F. Brownrigg’s Scum of the Earth and Eaten Alive
Admission is $15 per person each night (children 12 and under – accompanied by an adult guardian – are admitted free). Overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $20 a person per night. Advance online tickets (highly recommended) for both movies and camping here: https://www.riversidedrivein.com/shop/
Hexen bis aufs Blut gequält (Witches Tortured Till They Bleed) got the maniacs at Hallmark Releasing all hot and bothered. The ad campaign — “Positively the most horrifying film ever made” and “Rated V for Violence”, plus giving out free barf bags — is evidence of the fact that this got so much of their creativity. Director Michael Armstrong’s first film, the Frankie Avalon-starring The Haunted House of Horror, in no way prepared audiences for this movie, which goes wild in showing the tortures it promises.
Count Christian von Meruh (Udo Keir) is a well-meaning young witchhunter — this comes in the wake of Witchfinder General — who comes to a small town to prepare the way for his boss Lord Cumberland (Herbert Lom) and to investigate the insanity of another local witch hunter, Albino (Reggie Nalder), who uses the threat of witchcraft to have sex with anyone he wants; he now wants Vanessa Benedikt (Olivera Katarina), a barmaid who catches Christian’s eye.
But really, so much of this is the chance to see gorgeous women like Deidre von Bergenstein (Gaby Fuchs) get tortured. It condemns these actions while simultaneously bragging about and reveling in them; such is exploitation. Soon, Christian learns that even his master, Cumberland, is corrupt; even if some people must die wrongfully, they will be martyrs who get into heaven. Mostly, everyone’s goal is money in this world, so who cares if an innocent family is murdered because of a puppet show?
Victoria is the one who gets the villagers to throw off the chains of oppression, and even though this good work happens, it costs her true love, as he’s thrown into a witch catcher and killed, seen as part of the same machine she has rallied them against.
It seems like making this movie was a war, as producer Adrian Hoven had his own ideas and script; he worked with cinematographer Ernst W. Kalinke to film some of his own footage. It’s difficult to determine who made what at this point, but you’ll probably be so confronted by nails used to find the Devil’s spot, tongues being torn out, whippings, beatings, nun assault, and outright killing that you’ll not worry who made what, you know?
Hoven made Mark of the Devil Part II, the official sequel, while in the VHS era, Alucarda was released as Mark of the Devil – Part III; two of the Blind Dead films were repackaged with new Michelle Bauer covers as Mark of the Devil – Part IV and Mark of the Devil – Part V; there are also two American sequels, Mark of the Devil 666: The Moralist and Mark of the Devil 777: The Moralist, Part 2.
Remaking Spider Baby seems to be a thankless task, but it’s one that Dustin Ferguson and crew have taken on.
If you haven’t seen the original, the Merrye family has been cursed with a disease called Merrye Syndrome, which only affects members of their family, hence the name, and causes them to regress down the evolutionary ladder as they grow older. They’re protected by their butler, Bruno, who realizes that he can’t control them for long.
Here, Bruno is played by Noel Jason Scott; the Spider Baby herself, Virginia, is played by Skylar Fast; Ralph, the role that Sid Haig essayed, is played by Cody J. Briscoe, and Elizabeth is played by Emma Keifer. Much like the inspiration, the family is being challenged by relatives who want the home and the estate. What they don’t realize is how dangerous the family can be, including the ones who have regressed into lunacy and cannibalism in the basement.
This has some meta-casting in it, as Beverly Washburn, who played Elizabeth in the original Spider Baby, plays a new character, Meredith. While Ron Chaney, the grandson of another star of the original, Lon Chaney Jr., plays Dr. Skinner. There’s also an opening that introduces a new character, Theresa Merrye, played by Brinke Stevens.
Ferguson has said that he wanted to make this movie because the first one inspired The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and House of 1000 Corpses. In fact, the chance to make a movie like Rob Zombie’s is why he directed this. Spider Baby leans into that Rob Zombie feel, as the credits and theme song sound quite like the singer’s work. In fact, Robert Mukes from that film plays The Storyteller in this version.
I had a few issues with this, as the CGI spider isn’t as fun as the original, the film feels way too yellow, and the credits often have basic typewriter font in black over black images, obscuring the names of the cast and crew. This is probably the best-looking movie of the 140+ that Ferguson has done, and it looks like he applied himself on this, even if it ends with the requisite seven minutes or longer of credits when what we really want is more of the story.
The cast does a good job in this, but I feel for them, as they’re up against a classic with the kind of cast that rarely assembles for one movie. In fact, remaking this movie at all feels like a bad idea; there’s no way to be compared favorably unless you absolutely outdo or change the original, and even then, you’re fighting an uphill battle.
I get the challenges of microbudget filmmaking, that you only have some talent for a day and that you’re trying to get the most you can out of the meager finances that you can drum together. The thing is, Spider Baby cost $65,000 to make ($605,000 in today’s money) and was in no way considered big budget. Yet it has created a quite rightful cult following because it’s weird in a very earned way. It’s just unsettling enough, and often what it alludes to is much scarier than fake blood or a giant spider. While this is an improvement for Ferguson, I hope that he can learn from it and push himself toward original works that we can appreciate for decades to come.
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