USA UP ALL NIGHT: American Drive-In (1985)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: American Drive-In was on USA Up All Night on February 23 and 24, August 31 and November 17, 1990 and May 31 and December 14, 1991.

Krishna Shah made Hard Rock Zombies, which was supposed to be the movie within this movie, which is a movie all about a drive-in, in case you couldn’t figure that out from the title. The film moves from car to car, with each one telling a different story that all adds up to a very low-end version of American Graffiti.

That may not prepare you for the fact that the movie is also about a country girl who continually gets near-assaulted by some greasers and her boyfriend gets put in the hospital but the tonal shifts in this movie are all over the place, so humor intertwines with a female revenge movie and none of it really adds up.

Also, Hard Rock Zombies basically plays in real-time, so since I already saw it, this felt like being forced to watch that movie all over again.

I’m not mad that I bought this movie nor that I’ve endured it. Emily Longstreth, who plays the country girl named Bobbie Ann, was also in Star Crystal, Hardbodies, Gimme an F, Pretty In Pink, Private Resort and Wired to Kill, which is a B&S About Movies all-star list if I’ve ever written one. Speaking of great resumes, another actress who was in this, Mika, is also in Candyman, Hard Hunted, Girls Just Want to Have Fun and Sword of Heaven.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Alligator II: The Mutation (1990)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Alligator II: The Mutation was on USA Up All Night on December 16, 1995, along with Jaws 3 and Orca. You can watch the host segments on the Internet Archive.

More remake than sequel, Alligator II starts with rich villain Vincent Brown (Steve Railsback) dumping some of the Future Chemicals into the sewers, which goes right to the baby alligator from the end of Alligator.

Detective David Hodges (Joseph Bologna) and his wife Chris (Dee Wallace, forever battling against eco horror) realize that all the parts of people are coming from an alligator and try to get a big party at Brown’s casino on the lake cancelled, but you know how it goes. When your mayor is Major Healey from I Dream of Jeannie (Bill Daily), these things happen. Actually, watching movies where small-minded governments ignore ecological terror and shout down people and ruin lives really feels on topic. Maybe a bit too much.

With Hodges and Officer Rich Harmon (Woody Brown) on one side and alligator hunter “Hawk” Hawkins (Richard Lynch!) and his team, which includes his brother Billy (Kane Hodder!), on the other, you know that there’s going to be a lot of people torn apart and wolfed down.

What I did not expect was the lengthy pro wrestling scene, which is filled with movie and wrestling crossover actors, like Professor Toru Tanaka, Alexis Smirnoff, Chavo Guerrero, Count Billy Varga, Gene LeBell and Bill Anderson. The man who would be the next Hulk Hogan, Tom Magee, is also here as a strongman who gets launched by the alligator’s tail.

Director Jon Hess made Watchers, while writer Curt Allen wrote Bloodstone. This movie is pure junk in the best of ways, just scenes and people chewing, Richard Lynch breaking down over the loss of his crew and rocket launches against a monstrous alligator. Watch it in the pool.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Inter-State (2025)

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In this film by Sam Gorman, an idealistic scientist named Bentley McCrissus (Aubrey Clyburn) gets recruited by a tech startup. They claim to be close to creating the world’s first teleportation device. If we’ve learned anything from movie about this, it’s that things that can go from point A to point B through some other dimension end up bringing back other things and ruining lives.

That’s what happens here when an accident happens and the protagonist teleports something back: The Tracksuit Man.

All they wanted to do was figure out how to move packages faster than FedEx and now, they have more than one of these Tracksuit Men coming after them. What started as a dream job turns into something horrible.

This was filmed using the Carnivision™ 4K VHS Digital-Analogue Hybrid Video System. Said to be the future of home video, I feel like it’s something that is part of the universe of this film. It feels like an Empire Pictures movie with less of a budget, and that’s a compliment.

Murder, She Wrote S2 E9: Jessica Behind Bars (1985)

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Jessica visits a women’s prison and is held captive when an uprising occurs because of abuse and murder at the facility.

Season 2, Episode 9: Jessica Behind Bars (December 1, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote…

Jessica teaches a class for a women’s prison on the day it locks down, and the staff doctor gets killed. She becomes the negotiator between the inmates and the police, trying to solve the crime before the cops arrive.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Dixie is played by Margaret Avery, who sure was in The Color Purple, but I’d tell you she’s from Terror House.

Kathryn is Adrienne Barbeau, and if you don’t know her, what are we even doing?

Barbara Baxley is Amanda Debs, also known as Lady Pearl from Nashville.

Miss Springer is Yvonne De Carlo, Lily Munster!

Linda Kelsey plays Mary Stamm. She was in two more episodes of the show and also on Lou Grant.

Janet MacLachlan is Dr. Irene Matthews. She was also in Heart and Souls.

Vera Miles from Psycho and The Searchers is Elizabeth Gates.

Susan Oliver, who played Vina, the green slave girl in Star Trek, is Louise.

Eve Plumb, Jan from The Brady Bunch, is Tug.

Mary Woronov! Yes! She’s Brady.

In smaller roles, Bertha is played by Susan Peretz, Donna Ponterotto is Jamie, Diana Bellamy is the Head Guard, Gay Hagen is the First Guard, Faith Minton is the Second Guard, Jan Stratton is the Gate Guard, and Darlene Conley is Mims. Prisoners are played by Mary Albee, Linda Carlin, Jadie David, Betty Jeanne Glennie, Marilyn Horn, Lorraine Keeling, Kym Washington Longino, Marti Reese and Ilona Wilson, while Reena Bartlett and Cis Rundle play guard.

What happens?

Before Jessica arrived at the prison — and for the 20 years — Amanda Debs has turned being the deputy warden of the West Barrington Institute for Women into a means to accumulate wealth and influence, running a ring of corruption within the prison that includes Dr. Irene Matthews and grocery delivery driver Mrs. Mims. She’s been growing in her power as Warden Elizabeth Gates has been running for state senate.

A new nurse catches on, and Dr. Matthews kills herself — her suicide note says, “I have been thinking about killing myself for some time. I will all my worldly possessions to all the lesbian inmates in this prison.” — and Debs makes it look like a murder, locking everything down, trapping Jessica with her students.

Working with Kathryn, she turns the lights out and also kills Mrs. Mims, then plans to escape before the cops come in. However, Jessica is able to figure that out and saves the day before the cops come in, shooting everyone.

Who did it?

Amanda.

Who made it?

This episode was directed by John Llewellyn Moxey and written by Carleton Eastlake, who mostly wrote for science fiction shows.

Does Jessica get some?

No. I would like to make a sapphic fanfic of this episode, however.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

No. I mean, come on, Jessica.

Was it any good?

Yes. This is a tense one that changes the format.

Any trivia?

The jail is located in The Square of Warriors, also known as Spartacus Square, at Universal Studios Hollywood. Other movies filmed there include Thoroughly Modern Millie, The Blues Brothers, History of the World, Part I, Cloak and Dagger, The Shadow, and The Scorpion King.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Well, I particularly liked the way the gas station bandit was caught. You know, having the getaway driver accidentally shift into reverse and crash into the police car… Now, that showed a great deal of imagination.

Tug: Not exactly. That’s the way it happened.

What’s next?

Cabot Cove is flooded with poison pen letters, which proves hard for the town to handle as Amos prepares to hand the reins over to a new sheriff. Jason’s mom shows up!

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: House of Ashes (2024)

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Meat Friend, a short that director and co-writer (with Steve Johanson) Izzy Lee made, is one of the best short films I’ve seen, so I was excited about this feature.

Mia (Fayna Sanchez) has lost her husband and her baby, which has led to her being jailed in her home, as she lives in a state where miscarriage is murder. Under house arrest, she moves in with her new boyfriend, Marc (Vincent Stalba), and tries to get through things with her sanity intact.

But ah, that Bava lighting clues us in that this is in no way paradise. And Marc isn’t a dream partner, either.

So what happened with her husband, Adam (Mason Conrad), who was found in their animal clinic with a syringe in his neck, a death that caused her to lose the baby and be arrested for his murder, until it was learned that Adam had killed himself? Marc soon loses it over her memories of Adam, demanding she destroy everything with a memory of him attached and then drugging her despite her being on probation. To make things worse, her probation officer (Lee Boxleitner) continually calls her a murderer, and social media personality Lexi ShokToks (Laura Dromerick) is stalking her, hoping to push her into creating viral content.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where this film no longer feels entirely horror. Yes, the ghosts are from the fantastic, but the lack of body autonomy for women isn’t just speculative fiction. This adds a darkness to this film that haunts every frame.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Madhouse (2004)

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Aug 25-31 Natasha Lyonne Week: There’s a new season of her weirdo mystery of the week coming out (I can’t remember the name rn, you can look it up), and she’s been steadily delivering chuckles for decades now.

William Butler was killed in numerous horror movies. In Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, as Michael, the remake of Night of the Living Dead, and as Ryan in Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, he was murdered by some of the main characters of modern horror. He has made several Full-Length Movies since then and wrote Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis and Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave, but he probably hated those just as much as I did, so I won’t say anything bad here.

The patients at Cunningham Hall Mental Facility are being kept as prisoners. At least that’s what some of those patients say, but aren’t they crazy? Intern Clark Stevens (Joshua Leonard) is working for Dr. Franks (Lance Henriksen), who believes that there’s a connection between insanity and the paranormal. For some reason, that gives the guards and nurses the ability to just abuse the patients, like Alice (Natasha Lyonne).

There’s also a killer on the grounds, a secret section called Madhouse, which is where the hazardous people live and perhaps the idea that the doctors are all embezzling funds and giving their patients placebos instead of the real prescriptions that they need.

You’ll see the ending coming. It’s still a feel-good picture.

You can watch this on Tubi.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Tonight and Maybe Tomorrow (2025)

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Directed and written by Michael Smallwood — who also shows up in the beginning of the story as the host; he was Marcus the doctor in the recent Halloween films, the same name he uses in the film — this is about a party at the end of the world.

Within this strange time, Addison (Shivam Patel) and Cass (Shivam Patel) decide to turn it into their first date, making sandwiches together and trying to figure out that now, as the world is running out of time, they’ve finally decided to connect. As that happens, the party goes on as people process what the end of the world means. Is there anything after it? Or is this really how the world fades away?

This has an interesting idea and a cast capable of pulling it off. It’s not perfect, but I think that’s precisely how one of these endtime events would feel. Kind of happy, pretty sad, totally drunk.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: First Drafts: The Outcasts (2025)

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What if you rediscovered the script you wrote when you were 12? And what if you performed it with real actors, without changing a word?

In Michelle Iannantuono’s First Drafts: The Outcasts, actors including Iannantuono, Maddox-Julien Slide, Evan Michael Pearce, Gregory Howard Jr., LG Wylie, JJ Schaeffer, Anna Lin and Michael James Daly do exactly that, bringing these hilariously bad childhood tales to life, while the teacher — Michael Smallwood — reacts to it all.

Iannantuono wrote, “In the most unique film you’ll see all year, First Drafts: The Outcasts, witness the earnest-yet-cringe rebirth of my very first screenplay. From the unhinged team behind Livescreamers, this comedy experiment was simple: dig up the script I wrote when I was 12, hire the best actors I knew to read it cold — no rehearsals, no dialogue changes, just raw reactions — and add in one Michael Smallwood for commentary along the way. This trailer is just a taste of every baffling line, sudden plot twist, and ounce of pre-teen masterwork within First Drafts: The Outcasts. This one is for everyone who has ever looked back at their early work and wondered, “What the heck was I thinking?” Or, if you like The Room as much as I do…maybe this one is also for you. The best news? You can watch it right now! Visit http://octopunx.tv and see the madness for yourself.”

This may be funnier for you if you were a theater kid, but as it is, it’s pretty amusing. It’s definitely a unique idea and I’d like to see even more of these.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Dennis the Menace (1993)

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Aug 25-31 Natasha Lyonne Week: There’s a new season of her weirdo mystery of the week coming out (I can’t remember the name rn, you can look it up), and she’s been steadily delivering chuckles for decades now.

Dennis Mitchell (Mason Gamble) spends time with his friends Joey McDonald (Kellen Hathaway) and Margaret Wade (Amy Sakasitz). He is followed everywhere by his dog Ruff, but to George Wilson (Walter Matthau) — Mr. Wilson — Dennis is Dennis the Menace.

Based on the Hank Ketchum comic strip, which debuted on March 12, 1951, and is still running, this was directed by Nick Castle. Yes, that Nick Castle. It was produced and written by John Hughes. Yes, that John Hughes.

Matthau is perfectly cast in this, as are Lea Thompson and Robert Stanton as Dennis’ parents, Alice and Henry. Plus, you get another great Christopher Lloyd bad guy in Switchblade Sam and Natasha Lyonne as Polly. She’d already been acting for six years, starting as Opal on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.

If you grew up at the right time — my wife was 9 when this was released — this is the perfect nostalgia.

The direct-to-video film  Dennis the Menace Strikes Again is a sequel to this one and features Don Rickles as Mr. Wilson. I kind of love that. I don’t love that Dennis was dropped from Dairy Queen marketing in 2001, as the fast-food ice cream restaurant felt that children could no longer relate to him.

Happier news: There was also another direct-to-video release, A Dennis the Menace Christmas, and a 1987 live-action TV movie, which was later released to video as Dennis the Menace: Dinosaur Hunter. 

In the UK, this was called Dennis because there’s a comic strip called Dennis the Menace and Gnasher, which strangely debuted on the exact same day as the American comic strip.

GENREBLAST FILM FESTIVAL: Sugar Rot (2025)

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Candy (Chloe Macleod) used to be a good girl until the ice cream man delivered to her work and violently took her into the back room, injecting her with something this film never explains, an illness that makes her so sweet that her body becomes cake that everyone wants to devour. How strange that the sickness isn’t venereal disease; it’s a child that makes every secretion taste like dessert, and that no man wants to help her abort it. Instead, they want more of her, from her boyfriend Sid (Drew Forster) to Dr. Herschell Gordon (Charles Lysne)

Directed, written, edited and co-produced by Beca Kozak, this is body horror in a scumbag film made to upset people for a reason. And that’s fascinating, a film that takes bits of The Stuff, rape revenge films, John Waters and the name-checked Herschell Gordon Lewis to present a movie where a woman cuts into the cake that is her stomach to slice away the thing inside her as no one will help her. She must deliver this child, she must become the doll that Dr. Gordon wants, she must endure the plastic surgery ads that promise mothers that they can quickly become sexy again. The only reason people wish to consume her is to enjoy her, and like any good dessert, she’s melting and has a limited shelf life. That’s a great metaphor — better than calling the punk guy Sid — and points to something more here than just a film made to shock.

The most striking aspect is how this movie exploits the male gaze. The women are gorgeous in it, but as Candy starts to fall to pieces, the film does more to objectify her. There are moments where, as her body changes and she becomes larger, she worries that she’s losing her beauty or the ability to be seen by men. The opposite is true, even if it’s not for any good reason.

Another movie that I’ll be thinking about for a long time.

Check out Joseph Perry’s review of this film here.