Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: inAPPropriate Comedy (2013)

Sept 8-14 Sketchy Comedy Week: “…plotless satires, many of which were only excuses for drug humor or gratuitous nudity sprinkled with the cheapest of gags. The typical form was a channel-changing structure, which would go from one sketch to the next under the premise that this was just another night at home watching the old boob tube. The medium is the message, baby!”

In 1999, Vince Offer made The Underground Comedy Movie, and wow… that was a tough watch. Somehow, his success as an infomercial salesman led to an even bigger budget and stars for this, a movie that remakes much of that film without improving any of it.

Vince Offer was born Offer Shlomi in Israel and came to the U.S. as a kid. He dropped out of school, moved to Los Angeles and started appearing on public TV and making his first film. During that movie’s filming, he went bankrupt, so he sold it with infomercials on Comedy Central and earnings from swap meet vegetable chopper sales. He took the skills he learned there and became known as the ShamWow guy. He even feuded with Billy Mays, as that salesman claimed that the offer stole the SlapChop and ShamWow from him.

That’s not the only controversy. He sued the Farrelly Brothers, claiming that There’s Something About Mary stole from his first movie; he sued Anna Nicole Smith for backing out of that movie; his former personal assistant, Jennifer Kosinski, sued him for sexual harassment, including his offering her money for her eggs. He also had a sex worker bite his tongue and not let go until he punched her in the face multiple times, which ended with them being arrested. Oh yeah — he’s also an ex-Scientologist.

Offer had used his connections within the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center International, a group within the church for artist networking, to cast his film. The film was so poorly received that Scientology pretty much cut ties with him, saying that he was violating Scientology rules by spending more on his movie than the church. I love this line I found while researching this: “Statements and evidence were collected and the CoS charged Vince with 23 crimes against Scientology, and he was forced to stand trial in Scientology Court.”

Vince didn’t forget this and sued them with the money he made from his first movie. I wish I could say that either movie was good.

That said, back to this movie. Offer touches app buttons — seven of them, fortunately, as twenty are shown — and this opens up sketches.

The height of humor in this is “Flirty Harry,” in which two-time Academy Award winner Adrien Brody acts like, well, a homosexual Dirty Harry, throwing filthy lines at people like “Go ahead, make my gay.” That’s it, that’s the tweet, as the late James Caan would say.

Rob Schneider, not yet a right-wing comedian, is in this as a psychologist and, later, as a reviewer of pornography along with Jonathan Spencer as the constantly jerking off Bob and Michelle Rodriguez as Harriet, somehow trapped in this film. She’s not the only one. Lindsay Lohan, not yet making her comeback, shot a scene for this when it was Underground Comedy 2010. She’s dressed as Marilyn from The Seven Year Itch, which we all understand, but to drive the point home, someone yells, “You look just like Marilyn!” She replies, “Did Marilyn have an ankle monitor?” as the camera pans down to show that yes, she has to wear an alcohol monitoring device on her shapely ankle. Then, lest this be the end of the infamy, the camera descends to the sewers where Theo Von and Offer stare up at her lady parts, which are in panties, but then a pudendum energy form takes over the screen.

There’s a recurring segment called “Blackass” that takes Jackass and has black men take over the roles. That’s it. That’s the joke, again, except it’s also wildly racist. This sense of humor continues into “The Amazing Racist,” which was bought from a web series and has Ari Shaffir — who celebrated the death of L.A. Laker Kobe Bryant by tweeting “Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today. He got away with rape because all the Hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than they dislike rape. Big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper. I hate the Lakers. What a great day.” — goes around and, well, acts racist. Literally, that’s as far as it gets.

This may be the first time I’ve agreed with Common Sense Media, which wrote, “Parents need to know that InAPPropriate Comedy is comedy with humor that’s beyond unfunny; it’s hateful, racist, sexist, and wildly offensive. Language is extremely strong, with frequent use of everything from “f–k” to “p—y,” and sexual innuendo is constant. Sexual situations are also very briefly shown, and in one sequence, characters critique porn movies. Violence is a minor issue; one character is a cop who shoots a few bad guys, with some blood shown. Bottom line? This is one of the worst movies ever made; don’t waste your time or money.” and “No positive role models; the movie is full of racism and discrimination, negative sexual imagery, and homophobia. During the outtakes at the end, even the actors appear to be embarrassed by what they’re doing and saying.”

This may be as bad as it gets, a non-stop deluge of material that wants to be offensive yet doesn’t even get to that level because it’s so inept. When I hate something, you know it’s bad. It ends with Lohan gunning down the paparazzi, and you wish she’d turn the weapon on everyone who was involved with this.

Don’t watch this on Tubi.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters, Part 2 (1982)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters, Part 2 was on USA Up All Night on August 17, 1991; February 21, 1992 and January 9, 1993.

Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters was 1982’s Jopi Burnama-directed Perempuan Bergairah (Passionate Woman), which was remixed by Troma’s Charles Kaufman. This is another movie starring Eva Arnaz, the Indonesian female action queen of movies like Barang Terlarang (Violent Killer), AKA I Want to Get Even, Violent Killer, Lady Exterminator and Violent Assassin. Also: Once the wife of Barry Prima.

Directed by Arizal (who made I Can’t Hold It and I Can Hold It Long, two movies that feel part of a longer story, plus Special Silencers, a film in which “red pills are obtained from a forest-dwelling mystic, which aid in meditation. However, if used by the untrained, they cause a huge tree to grow in the stomach and burst its way through the skin. This is sold by Troma as “They’re back and they’re more ferocious than ever!  Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters 2! This is the story of women. Women shattered by violence.  Women left alone, the sole survivors of slaughtered families. Women are sold into a vicious and brutal international crime syndicate. Women subjected to poverty, horror and brutal sex. Experience a secret glimpse into the erotic realm of the Asian underworld, where women are a high-priced commodity and anything is available… for a price.

Pushed to the farthest limits of sanity and battered beyond ordinary human capacity, there is one woman who decides to fight against her destiny. She’s tougher than a rabid canine! Braver than a battalion of Bruce Lees! With vengeance pulsing through her veins, she journeys back into her past, kicking anything that gets in her way, settling the ultimate score… swiftly and permanently! Her task is to terminate the misery and sexual torture of her soul-sisters in slavery. She and her fighting female friends are out to topple the power pyramids of the Asian underworld! Fighting ferociously with fists and feet flying, these females are out for revenge!”

Breathless, huh?

Starting with a totally different aspect ratio, this turns into an Indonesian They Call Her One Eye as Arnaz goes from a college girl with a boyfriend out of town to a kidnapped and turned out sex worker who starts to learn how to get revenge. But does that movie have flaming snakes, black magic, a fight scene where its heroine holds a baby the entire time and a soundtrack that is both disco and Indonesian country?

It must be the Troma name, horrible dub, and poor quality of the transfer that are keeping more people from losing their minds over this movie. Let’s fix that. This was beyond entertaining.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Death Dimension (1978)

Also known as Death Dimensions, Freeze Bomb, Icy Death, The Kill Factor, and Black Eliminator, this Al Adamson movie features a cast that gets me excited, as well as Gary Graver’s direction.

Dr. Mason (T.E. Foreman) has created a weather control device. As smart as he is, he’s dumb enough to miss the clues that he’s working for a crime boss known as Santo “The Pig” Massino (Harold Sakata). Instead of saving the world, The Pig plans on blackmailing the world. Dr. Mason deals with this by killing himself. And if you were him, how would you protect the plans? Would you send them to another scientist? A reporter? No, you would save them on a microchip and seal them in the forehead of your assistant, Felicia’s (Patch Mackenzie) forehead.

Felicia is on the run, and soon, the bad guys must battle Detective Ash (Jim Kelly) and Captain Gallagher (George Lazenby).

Does Harold Sakata’s voice sound familiar to you? It should. It’s actually James Hong. Think about that during the scene where he uses a snapping turtle to threaten a woman’s breasts.

There’s also a little bit of Hollywood’s past here, as Terry Moore from Mighty Joe Young and Aldo Ray are in the cast.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: The Day Time Ended (1979)

John “Bud” Cardos has been behind so many movies that others would spit upon, such as The Dark and Kingdom of the Spiders. Now, he’s back with a movie for the hip now generation. It’s time to talk about solar energy. It’s time to talk about the world after this one. It’s time to be bored senseless.

The Williams family has moved to the Sonoran Desert to get away from the dangers of urban life. There’s Grant (Jim Davis, who many would know from TV’s Dallas, but around these parts, we know him from being in Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter), the grandfather. And then there’s his wife, Ana (Dorothy Malone, who won a Best Supporting Actress for Written on the Wind and had to suffer through this film), son Richard (Chris Mitchum, who we know from Bigfoot), his wife Beth and their kids, Steve and Jenny.

The mysteries of this film start small, like the news talking about a triple supernova and glowing things behind the barn. But soon, we learn that the supernova has torn a hole in the fabric of reality, unleashing UFOs and shutting down the electricity in the Williams home. And before you can say “stop motion,” there are miniature lizard creatures that look like they came straight out of Laserblast walking around.

All manner of creatures begin attacking the family, who take refuge in their barn. Then, they’re all beamed up in a UFO and taken thousands of years into the future. The film ends deus ex machina-style with the grandfather saying that the domed city in the distance is why they must have survived THE DAY TIME ENDED.

You know when you see Charles Band’s name on a movie that there are going to be all manner of stop-motion characters. This one delivers. And delivers. And…you get the picture.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Day of the Animals (1977)

William Girder died in a helicopter crash while scouting locations in 1978. If that hadn’t ended his life, who knows the heights of lunacy he would have achieved?

In just six years, he directed nine feature films — Asylum of Satan, The Get ManThree on a Meathook, The ManitouSheba BabyProject: Kill, the astonishing AbbyGrizzly and this movie.

This had to have been the first movie about the loss of Earth’s ozone layer. Who knew it would drive everyone, including animals, nuts? Certainly not the hikers in this tale who turn against one another and try to survive all of the animal assaults.

Steve Buckner (Christopher George, who is fighting with Michael Pataki and George Eastman for most appearances on this site) has a dozen or so hikers who are about to go to Sugar Meadow for a nature hike, even though Ranger Chico Tucker (former NFL player Walt Barnes) tells him that the animals have been acting strangely.

Along for this nature trail to hell are anthropologist Professor MacGregor (Richard Jaeckel, Grizzly), a married couple named Frank and Mandy Young (Jon Cedar, who in addition to being a recurring Nazi on Hogan’s Heroes was also the co-star, co-screenwriter and associate producer of The Manitou and Susan Backlinie, the first victim in Jaws), rich Shirley Goodwyn (Ruth Roman from The Baby!), her son Johnny, teenage lovers Bob Dennins (Andrew Stevens, who was in the Night Eyes films) and Beth Hughes, a former pro football player dealing with cancer named Roy Moore, a magical Native American guide named Daniel Santee (Michael Ansara, Killer Kane from the 1980’s Buck Rogers series as well as the voice of Mr. Freeze), a television reporter named Terry Marsh (Lynda Day George, always ready to scream “BASTARDS!”) and finally, a frenzied Leslie Neilsen in the role of his career as Paul Jenson, an ad executive who acts like every account guy I’ve ever had to deal with in my 24-year-long ad career.

Before you know it, wolves are attacking people in sleeping bags, vultures circle overhead, hawks knock women off cliffs, Leslie Nielsen goes beyond bonkers and kills a dude with a walking stick and threatens to assault women before wrestling a bear and getting his neck torn out, rats attack the sheriff who decides to eat before trying to figure out how to deal with this emergency, dogs turn on the people they loved, rattlesnakes bite people and the military dons hazmats suits to deal with all of it.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, this movie is stupid. And awesome. It’s stupid awesome. And if you only know Nielsen from his later comedic roles, take a look at him in this movie. I love this movie. I don’t care what you think of me.

Here’s the drink to enjoy while you watch this movie.

Tentacle Painkiller

  • 2 oz. Kraken spiced rum
  • 4 oz. pineapple juice
  • 1 oz. orange juice
  • 1 oz. cream of coconut
  • Dash of nutmeg
  • Pinch of salt
  1. Pour rum, pineapple juice, orange juice and cream of coconut into a cocktail shaker with ice. Mix it up.
  2. Pour into a glass filled with ice. Drop in salt to give it the taste of the oceAdd a pinch ofthen top with nutmeg.

You can watch thi,s on Tubi or get the Blu-ray from Severin.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Day Dream (1976)

Hakujitsumu is based on a 1926 short story by Junichirō Tanizaki, which explores the nature of reality.

An artist and a young woman are in a dentist’s waiting room, and the man is too shy to even connect with her. In the same examining room, they’re both given an anesthetic as he imagines that she is being abused and tortured and even chased by a vampire. The uncut Dutch version even has a sexually explicit scene during which the woman is digitally attacked by the dentist.

A significant budget example of a pinky violence movie, this film even dared to show female pubic hair, a major cultural crime in Japan. Most instances — even in the most hardcore of films — are digitally fogged or have a mosaic over them.

Director and writer Tetsuji Takechi was nearly 70 when this was made. He’d already filmed Day Dream once before in 1964, after starting his career in kabuki theater and having his own TV show, The Tetsuji Takechi Hour, during which he reinterpreted Japanese stage classics. His next film, 1965’s Black Snow, saw him arrested on indecency charges and embroiled in a public battle over censorship between Japan’s intellectuals and the country’s government. Takechi won the lawsuit, which paved the way for the pinky films of the 1960s and 1970s.

Black Snow may be more controversial for its themes than its sex: its protagonist is a young Japanese man whose mother serves the U.S. military at Yokota Air Base as a prostitute. He’s impotent unless making love with a loaded gun in his hand, and before long, he’s killed a black soldier before being cut down by several Americans. The film is also fiercely nationalist with Americans — most pointedly the black man who is killed — shown to be nothing but sex-wild animals.

In the journal Eiga Geinjutsu, Takechi said, “The censors are getting tough about Black Snow. I admit there are many nude scenes in the film, but they are psychological nude scenes symbolizing the defencelessness of the Japanese people in the face of the American invasion. Prompted by the CIA and the U.S. Army, they say my film is immoral. This is, of course, an old story that has been going on for centuries. When they suppressed Kabuki plays during the Edo period, forbidding women to act, because of prostitution, and young actors, because of homosexuality, they said it was to preserve public morals. In fact, it was a matter of rank political suppression.”

The remake of Day Dream came a full decade after newspapers would not advertise his movies, and the director was only writing. That film is literally Japan’s first hardcore pornographic movie, and it was a big-budget movie played on big screens.

Yet while Westerners see his influence, in Japan, Takechi was an outsider in the mainstream and pinky world, so he’s forgotten. His right-wing politics clash with the protest ethos within other pinky films, so all in all, he’s lost in many ways.

Female star Kyoko Aizome, who plays Chieko, would gain notoriety from this film and become a star in the worlds of feature dancing (being arrested for indecency due to her on-stage behavior) and hard and soft AV (adult video) movies. According to an article on The Bloody Pit of Horror, she had her hymen surgically repaired so she could lose her virginity again on camera and also had her own King Kong vs. Godzilla moment when she starred in Traci Takes Tokyo opposite an underage Traci Lords.

As for the vampires, the dentist’s assistants (Saeda Kawaguchi and Yuri Yaio) have fangs, and the dentist himself is Kwaidan actor Kei Sato, a mainstream talent appearing in a movie that is anything but. Even after Chieko runs over the dentist and decapitates him, he comes back as a traditional film vampire.

After the original movie was made, South Korean director Yu Hyun-mok remade it as Chunmong (Empty Dream) and was arrested because there was a rumored nude scene. There were also rumors that actress Park Su-jeong had been humiliated by appearing naked on the set. The truth was that she wore a body stocking. Supposedly, the Korean film, which was kept off screens until 2004, is a superior piece of surrealist art.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Date with a Kidnapper (1976)

I recall attending a convention and seeing my first Severin booth, and thinking, “If I start buying these movies, I’m never going to stop.”

I can’t always predict the future all that well, but after my first purchase — Dr. Butcher M.D., in case you wondered — I keep buying something from this label almost every single month.

The films of Frederick R. Friedel set, which also includes Axe and Blood Brothers, are just one of many examples of why I love Severin. Not only have they taken a Video Nasty and a drive-in obscurity and made them look better than they ever have before, they’ve also found almost everyone that worked on these films, gotten their side of the story and explained what actually happened before, during and after they were filmed.

Jack Canon, who the credits erroneously refer to as the kidnapped co-ed, plays Eddie Matlock, who is really the kidnapper. He was also in Axe, Maximum Overdrive and Trucker’s Woman. As the film begins, he’s already taking Sandra Morely (Leslie Rivers) captive. Her father puts an enormous ransom out for her return, so other criminals are now after them both to try and get paid.

Also known as Date With a Kidnapper, this is 75 minutes of a movie where things just happen for no reason, with no set-up or explanation. Axe is a movie where nothing happens for long stretches of time, whereas this is the opposite: a movie where all kinds of things happen, and the Stockholm syndrome is in full effect — although the kidnapper isn’t truly the villain he seems to be at the beginning.

This film looks gorgeous, getting every cent of its budget on the screen, and was shot by Austin McKinney, who worked on all sorts of genre films, from shooting Boris Karloff’s four Mexican films (The Snake PeopleHouse of EvilIsle of the Snake People and Alien Terror), Hot Summer in Barefoot CountyGetting It On and Jaws 3-D to being part of the sound crew on Hellraiser III and A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child to working on the special effects team on movies like Beastmaster 2Escape from New YorkBattle Beyond the StarsSorceress and The Terminator. He was even the uncredited editor for The Beast of Yucca Flats and the production manager for The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

You can get this from Severin.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: If You Don’t Stop It…You’ll Go Blind!!! (1975)

Sept 8-14 Sketchy Comedy Week: “…plotless satires, many of which were only excuses for drug humor or gratuitous nudity sprinkled with the cheapest of gags. The typical form was a channel-changing structure, which would go from one sketch to the next under the premise that this was just another night at home watching the old boob tube. The medium is the message, baby!”

Vincent Canby said it was, “a collection of witless blackout sketches dealing with infidelity, wedding nights, impotence and masturbation, played by a small cast of not very talented actors.”

Gene Siskel called it a “sleazy, unfunny sec comedy” that was so bad that a no refunds sign was posted.

It was a dog of the week five years after it was released because it had staying power.

Yes, it’s If You Don’t Stop It…You’ll Go Blind!!!, which was followed by Can I Do It…’Til I Need Glasses? Directed by Keefe Brasselle, the star of The Eddie Cantor Story, who plays himself in this, and I. Robert Levy, the idea is that there’s the World Society of Sexual Arts and Science, and each year, they give away the World Sex Awards. You know, the Dildies.

Tallie Cochrane was out of town, and when she returned, her husband allowed producer Michael Callie to film in their home. The production crew saw her and asked who she was. She said, “I live here.” When the actress no-showed her nude scene, Tallie ended up being the woman stuck on the toilet seat. She was also in Wam Bam Thank YoU Spaceman.

67 punchlines in 79 minutes, and a few of them hit. This does have Pat McCormick as the master of ceremonies for the awards. Patrick Wright is in this, too. He’s Mr. Peterbuilt in Russ Meyer’s Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens and in Track of the Moon Beast. There’s also George Spencer from Massage Parlor Murders! and Garth Pillsbury from Malibu High and Vixen.

A lot of reviews of this movie say that most of the cast were one-and-done actresses just in it for nudity, but they didn’t look into the depths as deep as I did. Maybe I wasted my time. You tell me.

First off, Uschi Digard is in it as “various big-breasted characters.” She’s in the king of these movies, The Kentucky Fried Movie, as one of the Catholic high school girls in trouble. She’s also one of the most recognizable softcore (and later hardcore) actresses of all time.

There’s also Jane Kellem, who was in The Thing With Two Heads; Herb Graham, one of the white gangsters from The Human Tornado; Alan Sinclair from The Goddaughter and Deep Love; Lew Horn, who was an MC in plenty of things and is a game show host in this one; Russ Marin from The Sword and the Sorcerer; Barry Cooper, who was in Fear No Evil and The Witch Who Came from the Sea; Leon Charles, Boss in The Candy Snatchers; Ina Gold, who had various old lady roles in everything from The Day of the Locust to The Silent Scream; Thelma Pelish, who was also in The Silent Scream; adult actress Maria Arnold, who was in FantasmCountry Hooker and Meatcleaver Massacre; William Hartman, a dialogue coach on Can’t Stop the Music who is also in Steel and St. Helens; Sandy Dempsey, in a ton of adult as Terry Rich, Darlene Saunders, Tiffany Stewart, and Cora Cuze and Jim Drigger, the hanging priest in The Beastmaster.

Then again, this does feature Becky Sharpe, who played adult roles as Joan Brooks, Mona Leasah, Holly Bridges, Dora Douche, and Mona Poll, as well as appeared in Curse of the Headless Horseman as Rebecca Pearlman. Mary Miller, one of the dancers, was in Raw Force and Tiger Commando. And Cathy Hall, one of the girls who sings the song about being a prostitute, was on the season 7, episode 13 Unsolved Mysteries, attending a seance with James Van Praagh.

Who else? Michael Flood, who was in Criminally Insane and .357 Magnum; Nancy Frechtling, who did makeup for both Supervan and The Van; Doug Frey, who was in Five Loose Women and Drop Out Wife; Brenda Fogerty from Fantasm and Trip With the Teacher; Charla Hall, who was in Vice Squad Women and Lemora; Kathy Hilton, who was in Invasion of the Bee Girls and was also Joanne Stevens, Lacy Stewart and Judy Pilot (she was shot by her boyfriend in what was claimed to be a suicide pact which she denied; it caused lifelong seizures that ended her career, but she does show up as Show-Me, the same character name she used in Heads or Tails in the 1986 adult film Honey Buns); Bebe Kelly, the schoolteacher who loves snakes in Fangs; Gary Leibman, a sound guy on The Last House On the Left; Hal Miller, the second actor to play Mr. Gordon on Sesame Street; Gene Stowell from Guess What Happened to Count Dracula? and Rod Hasne, who was The Flash on the Legends of the Super Heroes TV special.

The jokes are rough — sex is a pain in the ass for a gay man -some will absolutely leave you angry if you are too young to remember dirty joke paperbacks. Otherwise, you can watch it as a time capsule of a dirtier yet more innocent time.

You can watch this on Tubi.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Savage Beach (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Savage Beach was on USA Up All Night on March 18 and October 1, 1994; April 21 and December 9, 1995 and September 6, 1996 and November 23, 1996.

Dona and Taryn are back again, this time flying missions as federal drug enforcement agents based in Hawaii. After a successful drug bust, they are asked to fly a vaccine from Molokai to Knox Island. However, they soon run afoul of nefarious forces within the Philippine government and some double agents at home, who are searching for a sunken World War II-era ship loaded with gold.

Meanwhile, a storm forces Donna and Taryn to land their plane on the island, where a Japanese soldier and a samurai named the warrior still thinks that World War II is going on.

Michael J. Shane shows up as Shane Abilene, the next member of the family to be in a Sidaris film. He’s joined by Teri Weigel (April 1986 Playboy Playmate of the Month, adult film star and victim in Predator 2), Al Leong (an Asian actor who continually shows up in films, including Big Trouble in Little China), Lisa London (H.O.T.S.) and making her last Sidaris film appearance, Patty Duffek (May 1984 Playboy Playmate of the Month) who plays Pattycakes for the third time.

None of this makes any sense at all. Are you watching these movies to make sense of them? No. You are watching them to have fun and probably see naked people in hot tubs at least every three minutes. I won’t cast any shame on you.

If you like Savage Beach, good news. Eventually, Andy Sidaris makes his way back here.

You can watch this on Tubi.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Uninvited (1988)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Uninvited was on USA Up All Night, but I can’t find a date when it aired. Do you know?

I love George Kennedy and want to state for the record that he deserved way better than this film, which is a total piece of shit. That said, I’ve proved time and again that my favorite movies to watch are mostly made out of fecal matter, so let’s dish.

Genetic Laboratories has decided to create a poisonous mutant cat that lives inside the body of a cute house cat. Why would they do this? Who knows, but it’s a good thing they did, or we wouldn’t have a movie.

The cat ends up on the yacht of “Wall Street” Walter Graham (Alex Cord, Michael Coldsmith Briggs III of TV’s Airwolf), who is running away to the Cayman Islands to escape the SEC. Along the way, he’s brought his bodyguard (Kennedy) and a bunch of hot girls and their boyfriends. Holy shit, there’s Clu Gulager, Burt from Return of the Living Dead! There’s Austin Stoker (Assault on Precinct 13Horror HighBattle for the Planet of the Apes)! And Rob Estes from USA’s Silk Stalkings!

This Japanese box art should tell you all that you need to know:

Or perhaps you’d like to see the German artwork:

The Uninvited was written and directed by Greydon Clark, who also directed JoysticksWacko and Satan’s Cheerleaders. I would hope that any of those films is better than this. Becca looked at a photo from this movie and said, “Is that a stuffed animal?” Yes, it is. That’s the level of special effects you’ll see here.

There’s also George Kennedy getting bitten by a demonic cat. If that doesn’t make you want to watch this, I don’t know what will.