CHATTANOOGA FILM FESTIVAL 2025: The Harbor Men (2025)

Directed and written by Casey T. Malone, this is about Stephen Doore (Aiden White), a dock worker who refuses to be vaccinated against a strange harbor pathogen in a black and white world of conspiracies. The acting is strong and I understand the understand how we’re still trying to make sense of the pandemic that we all lived through, as well as the waking nightmare that we find ourselves in today. But a hero who refuses to be part of the program feels strange in today’s climate and I don’t know what that says about us, me or this movie. There are a lot of soliloquies that discuss the secrets that are behind the world, but so many of them seem to go nowhere, as does a lot of this film. Yes, there’s a briefcase that has spirals of something inside it. But like this film, it all feels like wisps of what could have been something more. The bones are there, the muscle and flesh covering it let me down.

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Teenage Catgirls In Heat (1993)

June 23-29 Cat Week: Cats! They’re earth’s funniest creatures (sorry chimps, you’re psychos).

Directed by Scott Perry, who wrote it with Grace Smith, this has two guys — a hitchhiker, Ralph (Dave Cox) and a cat exterminator, Warren (Gary Graves)  — up against an Egyptian god who turns cats into human women all set to procreate and take over the world.

Made for Cinemax, this has people dressed as cats, The Great Litter being the name for the end of the world, and yeah, it’s a Troma movie, so it wastes that great title without being interesting or funny. More fun to make than watch, I think.

CHATTANOOGA FILM FESTIVAL 2025: Hacked: A Double Entendre of Rage Fueled Karma (2025)

Less a movie and more a true confession – director and writer Shane Brady and his wife Emily Zercher really did lose money in the same way as a hacker stole $20,000 of their money as they bought their first house  – Hacked is them living out what they wish really did happen. Or as the filmmakers say, ““The first ten minutes of this film are based on true events. The rest is what we wish we could have done to that bastard.”

Mark Rumble (Brady) and his wife Amy (Augie Duke) are getting through the pandemic, even if it means selling vacuums to people they are terrified of. Their kids Freddy (Collin Thompson) and Ralph (Owen Atlas) are unfazed – this is a time to play. They’ve seen through the lies of the world and just want to make their videos. And play a video game that causes them to abuse The Chameleon (Walking Dead’s Chandler Riggs), the most wanted hacker in Florida. In response to the ways that they troll him, he steals the family’s downpayment on a new house. The bank doesn’t care. The police can’t do much. And now they’re living in a motel and Mark is forced to donate bone marrow to make ends meet.

Working with CIA agents Nova (Mia Castillo) and Kate (Katelyn Nacon), they plan on taking down the hacker, who has done so many horrible things, including stealing a giant axe like the one in the game the brothers are obsessed by.

I also enjoyed Brady’s Breathing Happy and this is even better. Richard Riehle as Santa? Two brothers whose videos abuse almost everyone they meet? Revenge on banks and those who take advantage of people? I mean, maybe $20,000 isn’t a lot of money to you, but to the average person, it’s life-changing.

This is the kind of film that I love. It’s what I call a hijinks ensue movie. The idea is basic: a hacker goes after a family and erases their lives and steals their cash. But the rest is in those hijinks: moments of sheer lunacy, goofball over the top humor that you can come into and watch at any time. Hacked is a movie made for lazy Sundays, lying on the couch and coming into it wherever you end up, knowing the great parts about to happen. That’s about as high a compliment as I can give.

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

JUNESPLOITATION: Visa to Hell (1991)

June 24: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Hong Kong Action!

A cop played by Jiu Mou (Lam Wai) wants to catch a criminal, Black Panther, played by this movie’s director, Dick Wei. It gets personal when the killer wipes out the cop’s family. When he finally corners the bad guy, instead of facing up to his punishment, the Triad member jumps to his death. That won’t stop our hero cop, who finds a Taoist priest and goes the whole way to Hell to get his revenge.

In Hell, you can shoot people, which is going to be great when all the people who thought they were following Jesus over the past few years but were in a cult that didn’t follow any of His teachings all die. It’s also awesome news for Jiu Mou, who is fighting ninjas, demons, Dracula and Black Panther, who is working for the Ghost King, a man who runs part of Hell. Also: Hell has a place where you can chill, drink beer and watch women dance.

At least Jiu Mou’s family all get umbrellas and can fly to heaven. Hell looks a lot like Earth, though, and there, everyone has the same problems they had up above. Sounds like Hell, right?

CHATTANOOGA FILM FESTIVAL 2025: Four Evil Deeds (2024)

Directed and written by Richard Peter Hunter, this is , quite simply, a movie about people being bad. Six people give in to their impulses; this can happen no matter your station in life, whether you’re an ex-con trying to get back to a normal life outside of jail or a rich lawyer in a dead marriage.

Shot on digital video, this feels like life being captured, even if the way the screen fades to black instead of a resolution may frustrate some. My issue with it was that the BDSM was used as an indicator of weirdness or sin; yes, it’s someone cheating on their life and at odds with what they preach, but the desires of this lifestyle aren’t inherently wrong. This came off as a vanilla judgement.

It’s exclusively men behaving badly here, from a dry cleaner who misreads signals and touches a co-worker to a minister obsessed with dead mice, a stray cat and pornography. Some of these evil deeds may just be mistakes. Others are sins. I wonder if we’re complicit for judging between them.

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

ARROW 4K UHD RELEASE: Cobra (1986)

Crime is the disease. He’s the cure.

I’ve opined that if we compare the two God-tier action stars—Arnold and Sly—Arnold may have the best overall catalog, but Stallone has the better individual films. One wins the battle, the other wins the war. Or, as he’d say, “Don’t push it, or I’ll give you war you won’t believe.”

Somehow, Stallone was going to be in Beverly Hills Cop and wanted it to be not so funny. Then he wanted to be in an adaptation of Fair Game by Paula Gosling—which got made nine years later, and the less said, the better—and then he ended up making a movie that pretty much is every 80s over-the-top—no pun intended—action movie cliche all in one film.

And you know what? It’s great.

Like, honestly, non-ironically great.

It’s Stallone suddenly deciding what if a slasher movie broke out in the middle of a one cop against the world movie? Zombie Squad cop Marion Cobretti against an entire cult of lunatics called The New World, led by the Night Slasher (Brian Thompson, who had to buy his own ticket to see the film), all to save the life of Ingrid Knudsen (Brigitte Nielsen)? Do you have any idea how many times I watched this movie? Stallone stealing Steve McQueen lines and saying, “This is where the law stops and I start, sucker!” is the kind of thing that made a young me continually watch and rewatch and take notes.

There’s a two-hour-plus X-rated — for violence — cut of this movie that I’m dying to see. Throat cuttings, hands sliced clean off, children discovering said hands, David Rasche getting killed with axes and an extended ending — these are the things I want to see!

Stallone has talked about making a sequel with Robert Rodriguez — as late as 2019 — but it just seems like cutting the robot out of Rocky IV, Sly sometimes likes to play with my heart.

In case you think George P. Cosmatos’ name is familiar, his son — using the royalties from this movie — would go on to make Mandy and Beyond the Black Rainbow. And I’m not the only fan of this movie, as Nicolas Winding Refn used a toothpick in the hero’s mouth in Drive to show his fandom.

So, how is this Cannon? After all, the Cannon logo isn’t anywhere in the movie. Golan and Globus only get a production credit, as it was mostly a Warner Bros. movie, but they got that title in return for voiding a prior agreement the Cannon had with Stallone.

Finally: I am a movie gun nut, so just like another Cannon actor, Charles Bronson, Stallone had his own custom gun made for this movie, a 9mm Colt Gold Cup National Match 1911 that fires Glaser Safety Slugs. This bullet was designed in 1974 in response to the possibility of having to use a handgun on an airplane by the Sky Marshals and having to deal with ricochets on hard surfaces and possible excess penetration. It’s a pre-fragmented bullet that uses a traditional copper jacket, which means that instead of a solid lead core like conventional hollow-point ammunition, it has a compressed core of lead shot.

It does not shoot through schools.

Finally, action movies are mirrors upon themselves. While Cobra reunites Dirty Harry actors Andrew Robinson and Reni Santoni, Sylvester Levay’s song “The Chase” would end up in trailers for Bloodsport and Marked for Death.

The Arrow Video release of Cobra has a brand new 4K restoration of the film from the original 35mm negative by Arrow Films. There are two new commentary tracks, one by film critics Kim Newman and Nick de Semlyen and the other by film scholars Josh Nelson and Martyn Pedler, as well as an archival audio commentary by director George P. Cosmatos. Plus, there’s a TV version of the film featuring deleted and alternate scenes, presented for the first time on home video (standard definition only), a new interview with composer Sylvester Levay, visual essays by film critics Abbey Bender and Martyn Conterio, archival interviews with Brian Thompson, Marco Rodriguez, Andrew Robinson, Lee Garlington and Art LaFleur as well as a making of, trailers, TV commercials and an image gallery. Plus, you get it all inside a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Tommy Pocket, as well as an illustrated collector’s booklet containing new writing on the film by film critics Clem Bastow, William Bibbiani, Priscilla Page and Ariel Schudson and a double-sided fold-out poster.

You can order it from MVD.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Catnado (2022)

June 23-29 Cat Week: Cats! They’re earth’s funniest creatures (sorry chimps, you’re psychos).

Why did I watch this? Well, look at the directors and you can pick out the ones I would be obsessed by: Curtis Everitt, Donald Farmer, Alaine Huntington, Blair Kelly, James M. Myers, Melvin Pittman, Tim Ritter, Jerry Williams and Logan Winton.

That’s right, Farmer and Ritter.

I mean, even on the line that describes it on IMDB, it doesn’t even make the effort: It’s like Sharknado, but with cats.

It’s also an anthology as so much microbudget horror seems to be these days. I mean, cats do abuse a priest in it, so there’s that. I imagine there;s a YouTube category for that. I do have a weakness for stuff like this, usually if it has a Ouija board or is in Amityville or has a shark, but I’m trying to do this cat movie challenge and how many Garfield movies can one man watch?

I expected nothing from this and was awarded in abundence.

The cover looks nice, the actual cartoon isn’t all that horrible, and cats are always fun to watch. There, I’ve said a few nice things. At least everyone got paid.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Chattanooga Film Festival 2025 Red Eye #3: Killer Party (1986)

William Fruet made his directorial debut with Wedding in White, based on a play he had written. The film won Best Picture at the Canadian Film Awards in 1973 and starred Carol Kane and Donald Pleasence. He followed that up with an intriguing string of Canuxploitation films, obviously taking full advantage of those wonderful tax shelter laws that produced so many statistic favorites.

There’s proto-slasher Death Weekend (released in the U.S. as The House By the Lake), Cries In the Night (known better here as Funeral Home), redneck rampage film Trapped (AKA Baker County U.S.A.), SpasmsBedroom Eyes and the kinda-sorta Alien by way of animal experimentation oddity Blue Monkey, as well as episodes of Goosebumps, Friday’s Curse (perhaps better known as Friday the 13th: The Series) and Poltergeist: The Legacy.

That brings us to Killer Party, a movie once named April Fool before the similarly named April Fool’s Day went into production.

College students Vivia (Sherry Willis-Burch, who is also in Final Exam), Jennifer (Joanna Johnson, who was on the soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful off and on from 1987 to 2014) and Phoebe (Elaine Wilkes, Sixteen CandlesMy Chauffeur) are sorority pledges at Briggs College who are in the middle of Hell Week.

They’re warned by their housemother, Mrs. Henshaw, to avoid the Pratt House, then travels there herself to the grave of a man named Allan, who she asks to leave the kids alone before she’s murdered.

On the day of the initiation—this is a similar slasher trope; just witness Sorority Girls in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, One Dark Night and The Initiation, just to name a few—the girls prepare to break in and steal some clothes. We also meet Blake (Martin Hewitt, the doomed obsessive lover of Brooke Shields in Endless Love) and Martin (Ralph Seymour, Surf IIJust Before Dawn), who are interested in Jennifer.

During the hazing, the girls are forced to hold raw eggs in their mouths. Soon, all hell breaks loose, and the lights begin to flicker, and glasses rise off the table. Vivia goes to see where the noises are coming from, which leads to the group finding her getting beheaded by a guillotine. Somehow, this was all a ruse and part of a prank that she decided to play. This part kind of confuses me, as I have no idea how a pledge — or why, to be honest — could set up such an elaborate trick.

That said, that prank becomes the reason why Vivia makes it into the sorority. She’s asked to recreate it at the April Fool’s Day masquerade that they’re throwing at — DUH DUH DUH — the Pratt House. That’s when we learn — via Professor Zito’s (Paul Bartel!) exposition — that Allan died in such a hazing ritual involving a guillotine 22 years ago. That said, Allan may have been way into the occult and conjured an evil force that was behind his death.

Bartel is the best part of this movie. I’ve said that sentence so many times, but it’s incredibly accurate here. Sadly, he doesn’t last much longer, as when he decides to inspect the house, someone in the basement electrifies him. Also, his Zito character is named after Joseph Zito, who directed Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and The Prowler. That’s because the former of those films was written by this film’s writer, Barney Cohen.

During the prank at the part, Jennifer is possessed by a spirit and stops the trick. As the party falls apart, the killing picks up, with Veronica being killed with a hammer, Pam stabbed with a trident, Martin’s head ends up in the fridge while Albert also loses his noggin and then Blake is drowned in a bathtub. Vivia and Phoebe run from all this carnage right into Jennifer, who discloses that she’s possessed by the ghost of Allan.

They try and escape through a window, but Vivia is thrown to the unforgiving earth, breaking both her legs. Phoebe ends up killing her possessed friend by impaling her with a board, but she’s overtaken by Allan just as the police put both women into an ambulance. The movie closes with Vivia screaming that she can’t be left alone with Phoebe.

The quick burst of murder in this film is because it had to be re-edited following numerous MPAA cuts. That’s why the film seems to have no gore and is edited so that the murders have little room in between. In the original cut, there was more time between each kill, as well as plenty more gore, like Pam getting completely impaled by the trident.

If you’re watching this and wondering, “Have I seen Briggs College before?” you have. It’s the same school as 1998’s Urban Legend.

Killer Party was a latecomer to the slasher era, but it’s a quick-moving burst of fun. It’s not perfect, but how many of these movies are?

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

CHATTANOOGA FILM FESTIVAL 2025: Solvent (2024)

I am obsessed with the films of Johannes Grenzfurthner (Razzennest, Masking Threshold), and I was somewhat concerned, as you know how when your favorite band has a new album, you worry if this is the one where they lose it or worse, sell out? That’s how I felt about this. Luckily, my concerns could be laid to rest. This has all the wildness that I expect from his films and then some. While I’d love to see him selected to direct a remake of RoboCop, I don’t think Hollywood is calling anytime soon after this.

That’s a good thing.

Gunner S. Holbrook (Jon Gries!) is an American researcher who is going through a farmhouse in search of Nazi documents. But that’s the least of the strangeness that he uncovers, as Ernst Bartholdi (Grenzfurthner), the man who owns the property, takes him through the moldering home of his grandfather, Wolfgang Zinggl (archival footage by Otto Zucker, Grenzfurthner’s real grandfather), a man who disappeared and left no trace.

The team finds a metal pipe and decides to explore it until leader and Polish academic historian Krystyna Szczepanska (Aleksandra Cwen) has a mental breakdown from being near whatever is inside it, accidentally killing another member, Cornelia Dunzinger (Jasmin Hagendorfer). Everything is shut down, but Holbrook is now beyond intrigued; what he finds won’t just drive him insane; it will transform his body into some kind of rot. We learn that he and Krystyna were lovers, that he went AWOL when he got PTSD from serving in Kuwait and that he’s been a mercenary in Bosnia. Now, he will experience something perhaps no other human has or should.

I had the sheer joy of a long series of conversations with the creator of this art (parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 are posted here), during which he discussed the origins of this film in depth.

“The idea for Solvent came from this moment when I stepped into my grandfather’s old farmhouse after not having been there for ten years. There had been a rift in our family—my mother and her sister didn’t speak for a decade, partly due to inheritance disputes and family drama. When my aunt passed away, her daughter came back to Austria for the first time in twenty years, and we went to see what she inherited. It felt a lot like the story of Solvent.

When I stepped into that house, I could feel the mold attacking my lungs—it was horrendous. The smell was unbearable, and everything was decaying. But I spent some of my best childhood days there, so walking into that house again and seeing what my aunt had or hadn’t done with it hit me hard. I saw it through this nostalgic lens—how it used to look in my childhood, compared to how it was now, in ruins. Something in my brain shifted, and I thought, I need to do something with this. It felt like the perfect setting for a horror story.

I’ve always been fascinated by Austrian history, and the movie was born out of a need to confront Austria’s historical baggage—not in a traditional or sanitized way. The farmhouse, tied to my family’s history, became a metaphor for exploring guilt, complicity, and how the past still seeps into the present. Austria has this unique way of dealing with its Nazi past. When I was in school in the 1980s, we didn’t learn a lot about the Nazi era. The German school curriculum, by contrast, was much more proactive about it. But in Austria, it was as if the country didn’t exist between 1938 and 1945. Austrians were very eager to forget, despite the fact that most of the concentration camps were run by Austrians.

Austria was never good at confronting the past, and I saw this gap in my conversations with friends, their parents, and grandparents. It was as if Austria had this hole in its soul, this thing that no one wanted to talk about. The more time passes, the more people forget. And that’s the core of the film—there’s something in the ground in Austria that never goes away, something that still affects us. It doesn’t matter if you talk about it or not—it will catch up with you. It’s very Freudian, embedded into everything, this festering wound that never heals.”

I usually do my best to avoid found-footage films, as the shaky camera and rules of the form feel nauseating and constrictive. That said, Grenzfurthner’s films are so technically proficient and just plain unsettling, moving and wonderous that I get over myself very quickly. This is yet another triumph for him, a film that begs to be experienced.

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.

JUNESPLOITATION: Knights of the City (1986)

June 23: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is New World Pictures!

Leon Isaac Kennedy is a hero in these parts, and wow, I only thought he made magic like in the movies Body and Soul and the Penitentiary. He wrote this movie, which was produced by Miami Gold, the company owned by Michael Franzese Sr., allegedly a caporegime in the New York City Colombo crime family and son of former underboss Sonny Franzese. The “Yuppie Don” was making $8 million a week when he was sent to jail and has since become a born-again motivational speaker. But for some time, he was partnering with Russian organized crime in a tax scam that allowed the combined criminal group to supply “between one-third and one-half of all gasoline sold in the New York metropolitan area,” and kept 75% of the profit.

Kennedy plays Troy, the leader of The Royals, a street gang who is branching out into being a band, even if Joey (Nicholas Campbell, who was in The Brood and played The Hitchhiker on HBO decades before he got weird and old and dropped racist words on the crew while working on the CBC series Coroner) disagrees. Plus, they have The Mechanics gang taking over their territory and corrupt police officer McGruder (Floyd Levine) ruining everything they try to accomplish. As you can figure, McGruder has sold out to the other gang and jails our protagonists, only for them to meet Twilight Records owner Mr. Delamo (Michael Ansara) behind bars. He believes in them, but his daughter, Brooke (Janine Turner), runs the company. But she soon falls for Troy, which you can imagine thrills her pop.

Can they thrill talent show judges Jeff Kutash and Smokey Robinson? Will they meet Kurtis Blow and the Fat Boys in prison? Will you hear Shannon’s “Let the Music Play” more than once? And what if Breakin’ and The Warriors made a baby? What if that baby was kind of stupid, but you loved it anyway? And why can’t a 37-year-old, Too Sweet, play the leader of a teenage gang? And you know how they made the reverse color Michael Jackson Thriller jacket, and you always wondered, “Who would wear the black and red Michael Jackson jacket that Hills has tons of when the red and black is sold out?” Leon Isaac Kennedy, that’s who.

This has bad guys who live in a tugboat. A dance training sequence. Denny Terrio of Dance Fever. All directed by the man who made music videos for Barlin’s “The Metro,” “Up the Creek” by Cheap Trick, “If You Don’t Want Me” by 1985 Norman Nardini & The Tigers (Pittsburgh represent) and several Celine Dion efforts, Dominic Orlando. This looks like a Filmirage movie — yes, I watched it in Italian, which helped — and has some great-looking scenes in it, because Rolf Kestermann was the DP. He also shot DisorderliesSurf Nazis Must Die and the videos for Chris Issak’s “Wicked Game” and The Coupe de Villes’ “Big Trouble in Little China.” He also directed Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian” video!

Anyways — this is the gift that keeps giving. The balls on this movie! Sammy Davis Jr. was in a scene, and they cut it. Who does that?