CANNON MONTH 3: Star Slammer (1986)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Also known as Prison Ship, Adventures of Taura, Part 1, Starslammer: The Escape and Prison Ship Star Slammer, this Fred Olen Ray-directed film was shot over a few days in a converted grocery store. Some reports say that this was tacked on to the shooting of Biohazard, which thanks to Matty at The Schlock Pit, I know is untrue. I do now know that uniforms came from Galaxy of Terror and other costumes came from Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn

Fred Olen Ray has been namking LEED certified green films since 1986.

Don’t believe me? He saved even more money by using scenes from Battle Beyond the Stars and Dark Star, which at least was somewhat authorized as this movie shares a producer, Jack H. Harris, with that John Carpenter early effort.

Captain Bantor (Ross Hagen), the Sovereign (Lindy Sykes) and the Inquisitor (Aldo Ray) have all come to the planet Arous to stop an uprising, which causes them to cross paths with a mine owner named Taura (Sandy Brooke). She’s had a good relationship with the citizens of this planet, unlike Bantor and his people. When he tries to forcibly take her mine, she fights back and soon disintegrates his hand.

This movie isn’t called Space Mine, you know? So she’s soon taken to Warden Exene’s (Marya Gant) Vehemence, where Taura must constantly battle for her life, yet soon wins over most of the other prisoners and makes a friend in Mike (Susan Stokey). Bantor returns, now insane, and tries to make the prison into a zombie army, which means that Taura has to fight him again.

When a catfight breaks out during a meal, the guards call in the monster from The Deadly Spawn, which is a very frugal and well-received choice. This is broken down into chapters — like Jailbreak 3000 — which I really wish were their own movies and that this had a long and storied history of films. A sequel called Chain Gang Planet was planned. I wish it had been made.

It also has an amazing bad girl named Muffy, of all things, played by Dawn Wildsmith, who was in all manner of wonderful films like The Phantom Empire and Evils of the Night. When we first meet her, she’s torturing a prisoner with leeches — “Daddy, not the bore worms!” — and then takes a bite out of the leeches! Plus she has an eyepatch!

I want to live in this future, a place where John Carradine shows up as a hologram judge, Jack H. Harris’ voice comes out of intercoms, Ray plays a small robot, his son shows up in at least three parts, all of the women have thongs on and yes, that is Bobbie Bresee in a brief scene. There are people who have given this poor reviews and they are sad folks, those you should never party with because they’d stare at you while you smoke a joint and shake their heads.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CANNON MONTH 3: Samon’s Hell Revenge: Unauthorised Jutte Records 2 (1983)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Samon Kamiyama is a yoriki, one of the helper class samurai, working for the Minami-machi magistrate. He’s been sent to investigate the Denzû-machi prison by chief elder Abe Isenokami and is nearly killed when he’s thought to be Mushuku Sahêji, a jailhouse snitch. He’s saved by another prisoner, Sanji, and gets back to learning about shipping improprieties conducted inside the jail by organized crime.

A series of Japanese TV movies about “Samon from the Hell,” this somehow ended up in the ownership of 21st Century. How and why, I have no idea. It was directed and written by Tokuzô Tanaka, who directed several Zatoichi movies and plenty of TV movies, as well as The Whale God.

Has anyone else seen this?

You can watch this on YouTube.

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama 2024 Primer

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on September 27 and 28, 2024. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $15 per person. You can buy tickets at the show but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, September 27 are The RavenThe TerrorThe Little Shop of Horrors and Attack of the Crab Monsters. Saturday, September 28 has The BeyondOperaCemetery Man and A Blade In the Dark.

For a list of all of the movies that have ever played the Monster-Rama, click here.

Here are the two drinks I’ll be bringing Friday!

The Raven (from this site)

  • 1 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. rum
  • 1 oz. blue curacao
  • 1 oz. Chambord
  1. Mix all ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker.
  2. Pour into a glass, then top with Chambord.

Audrey 3

  • 2 oz. Midori
  • 1 oz. triple sec
  • 1 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. lemon juice
  • 2 oz. pineapple juice
  1. Shake it all in a cocktail shaker and pour into a glass.
  2. Feed me Seymour.

Here are the drinks I’ll be bringing Saturday!

Hurricane Emily

  • 3 oz. Malibu rum
  • 1 oz. high proof rum
  • 1 oz. Passoa
  • 3 oz. passion fruit juice
  • 2 oz. orange juice
  • 1 oz. lemon juice
  1. Pour juices over ice.
  2. Mix in your alcohol and stir.

Dellamorte Dellamore

  • 2 oz. tequila
  • 2 oz. cider
  • .5 oz. lemon juice
  • .5 oz. Cointreau
  • .5 oz. Campari
  • 2 dashes orange bitters
  • Dash of cinnamon
  1. Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice.
  2. Pour in a glass and enjoy. Feel free to top with more cider.

Tales from the Crypt S4 E14: Curiosity Kills (1992)

Directed by Elliot Silverstein (Cat BallouThe Car) and written by Stanley Ralph Ross, who developed Wonder Woman for TV, this story has Jack (Kevin McCarthy) find the secret to youth in the woods. He gives it to his friends Harry (J.A. Preston) and Lucille (Madge Sinclair), but they keep it a secret from his wife Cynthia (Margot Kidder).

“Geronimo! So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don’t worry about me, it only hearse when I laugh! Boy, that was good! It’s even better than hang-gliding! Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terra firma, like the people in tonight’s putrid piece. They’re spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going *hack* to nature! I call this fetid fable…”Curiosity Killed.””

Cynthia has abused Jack for their entire marriage, so no one wants her to deage along with them, thanks to the Icarunda bulbs that Jack has found and that Lucille is cooking into a voodoo serum. Harry saved Jack’s life in the war, so he wants to repay him with a new life. Cynthia thinks they are trying to murder her, so when she learns that they are planning to get young without her, she ruins their plans, kills them and takes it for herself. The only problem? She gets mauled to death by a dog, who soon becomes a puppy.

This episode is based on a story from Shock Illustrated #3. It was written by Al Feldstein and drawn by Reed Crandall. This story is actually a revision of “Curiosity Killed…” from Tales from the Crypt #36 which was written by William Gaines and Feldstein and drawn by George Evans.

B&S About Movies podcast episode 49: The Black Room and Club Life

This week, I’m talking about two of the movies by Norman Thaddeus Vane, The Black Room and Club Life. So many of his movies were based on his absolutely wild life and these are no exceptions.

You can get The Black Room from Vinegar Syndrome.

You can watch Club Life on YouTube.

Hidden Films referenced article on the life of Norman Thaddeus Vane and an interview with the director.

You can listen to the show on Spotify.

The show is also available on Apple Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Amazon Podcasts and Google Podcasts.

 

The Substance (2024)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn

Ahhh, to be young again…when going to see a horror movie that you waited months for meant something.

The Substance is a rare moment in recent years where a movie exceeds expectations. The film’s marketing tricks audiences into thinking they’re seeing an elevated horror film and then punches them in the balls like horror movies did in the old days.

Elisabeth Sparkle, star of a popular morning exercise show, ages out of her job. Out of desperation, she turns to a black-market beauty treatment called “the substance,” which splits Sparkle into herself as she is now, and a younger, more “fantastic” version of herself, named Sue.

Of course, the treatment requires a very specific regiment that must be followed and “the balance must be respected.” Sparkle’s consciousness must hop bodies ever seven days without exception. The husk on the floor is set up with an IV drip to keep them going in the interim. Kind of like a corporeal timeshare. It’s not long before the single consciousness splits into two and form a rivalry that ultimately leads to self- abuse.

Demi Moore shines as brightly as she ever did here, carrying much of the film alone in a room by herself. Kudos to the casting director for casting the three love interests to reflect Moore’s own personal life. The nerdy guy she went to grade-school with named Fred (her first husband was a nerd named Freddie Moore), Sue’s hot hookup (an Ashton Kutcher look alike) and a guy who resembles Bruce Willis circa 1996.

Demi deserves an award just for all the practical makeup effects she endured let alone all the closeups of her body. Let’s talk about the close-ups. This film is filled with them. Right now, some freshman film student is licking their lips while writing about the film’s excessive use of the “male gaze.” But it isn’t. The Substance was directed by a woman. So whose gaze is it that lingers lustfully over Sue’s nubile young body in her pink leotard? Why, it’s everyone’s, of course. Every audience member takes away from film what they bring in with them. Women watching this film could just as easily look at the close-ups of Sue and wish they had those thighs.

Internalized misogyny aside, humans are inevitably a visual species. We automatically like attractive people, regardless of whether they’re good people or not. See Ted Bundy, Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise for reference.

I have vivid memories of the first time I ever envied Demi Moore’s hair. It was 1982 when I was ten years old, and I saw her played Jackie Templeton on General Hospital. I’ve loved her fashion sense and her acting ever since, although I never reached her level of awesome hair. Imitation in adolescent and pre-adolescent girls offers them an outlet to explore their own individuality that breaks off as we grow into young adults. In a sense, the substance allows Elisabeth to re-experience this phenomenon in the form of Sue.

Kids are being kids, Sue eventually decides she doesn’t want to go back every seven days as prescribed, and things go awry quickly. But it’s the older version who suffers. Because everything we do to our bodies in youth, we ultimately pay for later in life. Just ask my shin splints.

Along with penning a very smart screenplay, director Coralie Fargeat, herself 48, has clearly done her horror movie homework and absorbed the lessons of Basket Case, The Fly, The Elephant Man, Frankenhooker, Tetsuo and Carrie well. The film never feels preachy or pretentious. It manages to avoid feeling like a tired rip-off, despite using some sets, camera angles, and editing choices that audiences have seen before.

In fact, the art house crowd might feel like they’ve coaxed into a bait-and-switch during the last act, when the film spews more blood than the end of Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive and features a full-blown Elisabeth/Sue Monstro parading down Hollywood boulevard in a frilly blue ballgown. A wonderfully satirical ending that will leave the old-school horror fans cheering for the “monster.”  The level of the makeup effects The Substance brings to the table is outstanding. If you don’t like needles, it’s probably best to steer clear. For the rest, it’s a cringey, goopy and slimy good time.

FANTASTIC FEST 2024: AJ Goes to the Dog Park (2024)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joseph Perry writes for the film websites Gruesome Magazine, The Scariest Things, Horror FuelThe Good, the Bad and the Verdict and Diabolique Magazine; for the film magazines Phantom of the Movies’ VideoScope and Drive-In Asylum; and for the pop culture websites When It Was Cool and Uphill Both Ways. He is also one of the hosts of When It Was Cool’s exclusive Uphill Both Ways podcast and can occasionally be heard as a cohost on Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast.

Humor is subjective, naturally, and writer/director Toby Jones’ AJ Goes to the Dog Park is going to hit like mad with some viewers while leaving others scratching their heads. It’s an absurdist romp that at times feels like Jones and company tried every idea they had to see what would stick, and at other times treads in well-considered philosophical musings.

AJ (AJ Thompson) revels in the simple, quiet life he has carved out for himself in Fargo, North Dakota — where the film was shot — including coasting in a lower position at his family business, enjoying meals with family and close friends, and delighting in time at the local dog park with his pets Diddy and Biff. Fargo’s mayor (Crystal Cossette Knight) suddenly turns the dog park into her dream of a blogging park, which begins a spiral of unfortunate events in AJ’s life that have him going through some serious — comically serious, for the most part, with some dramedy also at play — existential reconsideration of his life.

From meta comments about crying CG tears to a wild third act that I won’t spoil here, AJ Goes to the Dog Park never ceases trying to entertain. Behind the film is a huge heart, and while some jokes may land better with viewers boasting a knowledge of Fargo, there’s plenty of shared human whimsy and wonder to give it wider appeal.

To borrow a phrase from Gorilla Monsoon during his days as an announcer for the World Wrestling Federation, AJ Goes to the Dog Park is a comedy “where anything can happen, and probably will.” If this sounds like your kind of humor, AJ’s mild-to-wild odyssey is certainly worth joining him on.

AJ Goes to the Dog Park screens as part of Fantastic Fest, which runs September 19–26, 2024 in Austin, Texas. For more information, visit https://www.fantasticfest.com/.

CANNON MONTH 3: Scorching Sun, Fierce Winds, Wild Fire (1980)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Also known as Any Which Way You Punch, Duel Under the Burning Sun and Dragon Connection, this stars Angela Ma as a kind of Zorro character, as she’s the daughter of a Warlord Tung and also the masked vigilante Violet. And like so many Hong Kong movies imported to America, this liberally steals the score of Star Wars.

This is set in the 1920s, as warlords like Ma’s father are trying to take their own pieces of the country and gain power. She keeps taking the firing pins from all of his weapons while he has no idea that his daughter is his enemy.

She soon joins with the mysterious Pai Tien Hsing (Peng Tien) as one of her father’s men (Yi Chang) is trying to go into business for himself. He has some poison knives that really create some disgusting kills.

You also get Lo Lieh and Tan Tao-liang as two escaped criminals who work alongside our heroes, even getting caught inside a room that has moving spikes at one point.

In Germany, this was released as Der Gorilla mit der Stählernen Klaue (The Gorilla With the Steel Claw). This does not happen in the movie I watched but I wish that it had.

When 21st Century released it, they called it The Bruce Lee Connection. They also licensed it to Continental Video as Dragon Lady Ninja.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Sex Killer (1965)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

This is the definition of scuzz: Barry Mahon did not put his name on this movie.

Tony works in a mannequin factory and can’t connect with anyone, despite people trying to include him. Instead, he spies on sunbathing women with binoculars until he’s finally motivated enough to murder them, which the stuttery black and white camera of Mahon documents without any viscera, just an oddball not from this dimension detachment.

Of course, once he takes home the heads of one of the mannequins that he’s made, Tony feels a bit better about life. I mean, he’s still a killer and a necrophile. But isn’t it nice that he finally has someone who can understand him?

Made a year before other NYC-based scumtastic murder films like Anton Holden’s Aroused, eight years before Shaun Costello’s Forced Entry and more than a decade ahead of William Lustig’s Maniac — which also has plenty of mannequin-related mania — this movie has no aspirations of being art, yet succeeds in spite of itself. While Mahon can barely focus his camera at times, he somehow made something captivatingly creepy.

The weirdest thing is there’s barely any upsetting violence and no graphic sexual content, but the whole thing feels like the grossest, greasiest, sweatiest nightmare movie. And that, my friends, is the magic of Barry Mahon. You write him off and then he smacks you right in the face with something memorable.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Requiem for a Vampire (1972)

BONUS WILDCARD WEEK (September 22 – 28) Go order something from the SWV website and watch it!

Shot in a historical castle in the small village of Crêvecoeur, Requiem for a Vampire finds director Jean Rollin’s fourth female vampire movie. The castle was nice — it was filled with expensive antiques — but Rollin was more interested in the dungeons that overlooked the entire region.

Marie-Pierre Castel, who starred in Rollin’s The Nude Vampire and Shiver of the Vampires along with her twin sister Catherine, stars and is joined by Mireille Dargent, whose agent was stealing her wages for the movie and Rollin figured that out and got her paid.

They play Marie (Castel) and Michelle (Dargent), who first appear as clowns on the run from unseen pursuers. Their driver is killed and they race into the woods where they are nearly buried alive in a cemetery and then an ancient castle filled with bats and a cozy bed to make love in. The castle is filled with skeletons and a male and female vampire. Of course, the male has designs on them, wanting them for his virginal eternal vampire brides, but Michelle ends up sleeping with another man which ruins those plans and almost destroys her relationship with her true love Marie.

Rollin wrote this in one sitting, piling story beats on top of one another with little care for plausibility or any connection. Then again, when was he any different? Amazingly, this played American grindhouses as Caged Virgins, a title that I guess makes as much sense as anything. One wonders what people thought when confronted by a near-wordless journey of two clown girls trying to shoot everything in their way and setting a man on fire before both finding their way to a vampiric master who finally decides that his bloodline must end.

He was learning however and got past censors by shooting a version where the girls stayed clothed, even when being whipped and while they engaged in a sapphic embrace. Most countries can handle horrific violence; the form of a nude woman is where the problems begin.

This is the only movie I’ve ever seen where a vampire bat goes down on a woman, so for that alone, Jean Rollin has my respect if not obsession.