Directed by Christopher Olen Ray (yes, his son) and written by Eric Forsberg (Mega Piranha), this Asylum film debuted on SyFy on May 10, 2011. If I can say anything nice, it’s that Kevin Nash plays Odin. And oh yeah, Richard Grieco as Loki.

The god of deception has destroyed Valhalla itself to steal the Hammer Of Invincibility and only Thor (Cody Deal) — with the help of the valkyrie Jarnsaxa (Patricia Velásquez, The Curse of La Llorona) — can save everyone.

Released at the same time as the first Thor movie from Marvel, this is another Asylum movie that prominently features brick walls substituting for cities. But hey — Detective Dennis Booker and Big Daddy Cool fighting during Ragnarok. The MCU isn’t giving you that.

You can watch this on Tubi.

I saw someone say the other day, “Where have all the farce movies like Scary Movie gone?” They never went away. They just got smaller. And this is one of them, a movie that dares cast Shawn Michaels as Incredible Master Yoga, who is like the Hulk and Yoda and really this movie kind of made me sad for people like Amy Smart (whose character is kind of in the Incredibles), Simon Rex (whose Dark Jokester is the Joker as Darth Vader and no, that does not make perfect sense) and Tim J. Smith, who openly complains in character that Lando Fury is whatever ethnic character he has to be for whatever scene he is in, from Nick Fury to Black Panther to Lando Calrissian.

I refuse to feel badly for the actor who plays SuperBat, Stephen Rannazzisi, a man who claimed that he went into stand-up to escape New York City after 9/11, claiming that he worked in the South Tower of the World Trade Center at Merrill Lynch on the 54th floor and nearly died. Not only was he never employed by Merrill Lynch, Merrill Lynch didn’t even have offices in the World Trade Center at that point. Kind of takes all the fun out of The League, huh?

Director Jarret Tarnol (Barrio Tales, See You in Valhalla) and writer Richard Dane Scott (My Dog the Champion, Sparkle – A Unicorn Tale) have combined Marvel, DC and Star Wars into a cocktail that in no way goes down easy. The jokes are beyond easy: SuperBat is really Bruce Kent. There’s a bad guy named Lisp Luthor. There’s a naughty and nice side to the Farce. There’s also a character named Beaverine. Thorbacca? Ironing Man Tony Starch? Was anyone even trying?

One time, they brought a stand-up in for a work function and everyone thought they were hilarious except me. As the yuks went on forever, I added up how much this guy cost and how low we were being paid and I realized I’d rather have $1 more than lame jokes using the names of people I worked with. Worst of all, my time was wasted and time is the only finite resource we have. This movie wasted the time of so many people before it wasted my time. It is the worst of all things, entropy, ennui, a supervillain in and out of itself, a Beyonder-level threat to humor, an Anti-Monitor using Shadow Demons to erase your funny bone.

You should avoid this on Tubi.

A live action adaptation of Shotaro Ishinomori’s 1967 adult manga — which in turn came from the manga Cyborg 009 — this movie was made to celebrate its creator’s 75th birthday.

Taking place in the year 20XX, Mylene Hoffman is Agent 009-1, constantly battling the Cold War between the Eastern and Western Blocks as part of the Zero Zero Organization. When she loses her license after a mission gone wrong, she must discover her lost memories.

Sure, you’ve seen it all before, but have you seen a secret agent not named Chesty Morgan who has machine guns inside her breasts?

Director Koichi Sakamoto and writer Keiichi Hasegawa have both worked on the Kamen Rider and Ultraman franchises, but this film allows them to go all out with blood — most of it CGI — and suggestive situations. Well, it’s still a soft R-rated film, so don’t expect Naked Killer. I mean, it does have a sapphic BDSM scene where an evil cyborg has her way with the movie’s heroine, so maybe what I find dirty has a design error.

There’s also a 1969 TV series called Flower Action 009/1 and an anime with the same name that was made in 2006.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This movie originally appeared on the site on October 5, 2021 as part of FantasticFest. It’s now available in select theaters and will be available on demand July 12 from Epic Pictures.

Leynilögga means Secret Log in Islandic, as far as Google tells me, which is a funny joke if true, as this film is all about a tough cop in denial of his own sexual orientation who falls in love with his new partner.

Directed by Hannes Þór Halldórsson, the goalie for Iceland’s national soccer team, it’s all about criminal mastermind Rikki Ferrari (Björn Hlynur Haraldsson), who was once a model before being disfigured. Now, he’s gone full Joker and is on a murder spree that can only be stopped by buddy cop — odd couple buddy cop at that — duo Bussi and Hörđur. Bussi is the tough guy who can barely keep his apartment clean and his face shaved, while Hörđur is a male model cop. Yet the longer they’re together, Hörđur’s looks and Bussi’s repressed homosexuality soon turn their partnership into more than a work relationship. And Rikki starts to blackmail them once he learns their cop secret.

Aren’t all buddy cop movies romcoms when you really get down to it? Instead of all that macho posturing and showing off guns, didn’t you ever wonder if they really just wanted to, well, show off their guns in private? I’ve never seen a coming out in the middle of a brutal gunfight, but hey — that’s the kind of ballistic buffoonery that Cop Secret has in store.

And if the end feels very Nolan Batman, well, director of photography Elli Cassata was a cameraman on Batman Begins.

Based on the H.P. Lovecraft’s short story The Dreams in the Witch House and shot in Indiana’s haunted Hannah House, H.P. Lovecraft’s Witch House is about graduate student Alice Gilman (Portia Chellelynn) hiding in the rat-infested attic of a potentially haunted house to stay away from her abusive boyfriend. She’s also into alternate dimensions, which means that before this movie is over, she’ll scissor with one of the female inhabitants of the house. I mean, she’ll also unlock the gateway to the 4th dimension, a world of evil entities and nightmares.

The movie gets some of Lovecraft’s story in there: the last name of the protagonist is Gilman, Miskatonic University is where she attends class, there’s an attic apartment, it has strange dimensions and geometry plays into the room;s ability to travel to other realities.

Directed by Bobby Easley and written by Ken Wallace, this movie uses its low budget effectively and has moments of genuine hallucinatory quality. Were it shot on film, I might be convinced it came not from our time, which is the best compliment I can give.

H.P. Lovecraft’s Witch House is now available on Digital, DVD and On Demand. You can learn more on the official Facebook page.

In the world of Kryptonita, Superman (Juan Palomino) — referred to as Nafta Super — didn’t end up in Smallville but instead wound up in La Matanza (The Slaughter), a crime-ridden slum near Buenos Aires. Instead of the gleaming Justice League of America, he and his fellow superheroes have become the Nafta Super Gang, robbing rich banks to feed the poor.

Wonder Woman is the transgender Lady Di (Lautaro Delgado), Green Lantern is Faisán (Nicolás Vázquez), The Flash is Ráfaga (Diego Cremonesi), Martian Manhunter J’onn J’onzz is Juan Raro (Carca), Batman is El Federico (Pablo Rago) and Hawkgirl — possibly included as this was made when the JLA cartoon was big — is Cuñatai Güirá (Sofia Palomino).

As they battle the police and other gangs — including one led by this Earth’s Lex Luthor, El Pelado — a piece of kryptonite weakens Nafta Super and as he’s operated on, the cops, the gangs and supervillains Corona (Diego Capusotto) who is the Joker — a police negotiator in this world — and Oficial Cabeza de Tortuga (Pablo Pinto) who is Doomsday try to kill him off once and for all as Dr. Gonzales tries to keep Nafta Super alive until morning.

Based on Leo Oyola’s novel, scripted by Camilo De Cabo, Nicolás Britos, Paula Manzone and director Nicanor Loreti, Kryptonita is a super-powered Assault On Precinct 13 and a way to show Western audiences that these superheroes now belong to everyone. It may not have the CGI of its way more expensive inspiration, but it has something more: big ideas and heart.

Most of the cast returned in a TV series sequel, Nafta Super, which adds La Mishi  (Catwoman), La Jabru (Zatanna), The Glass (Mirror Master), Harley Quinn, Oracle, Sabiola (Brainiac), Javier (Robin), The Executor (Deadshot), Demented Snail (Green Arrow), Tigress of the West (Cheetah), Boquita (Black Canary), Artillery (Deathstroke), Lulu (Carol Ferris), Unicorn Girl (Vixen) and Backpack Flamethrower Man (Firefly).

You can watch the movie on YouTube.

You can watch the episodes of Nafta Super with this playlist from the channel it aired on, Canal Space.