Last House on Massacre Street/The Bride (1973)

The Bride was once called just that — a title that makes a lot more sense. But after Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left, we got a plethora of movies renamed to seem close to that film, even if they’re nothing like it at all. Like this one — which is about when you start getting weirded out by how your new wife seems like a borderline insane daddy’s girl, the best choice of action is to not bang a bridesmaid on your wedding day.

That’s exactly what David does. But he’s just a part of Barbara’s dream life: a perfect house that daddy just for her and a perfect man to fill it. There are a bunch of match cuts that show her kiss her new husband just like she kisses daddy, so if you’re starting to feel weirded out, stick around.

David decides to hook up with his old girlfriend Helen on his wedding day, which is in the very house that his wife has made for them. Barbara stabs the old flame with scissors, walks out in a blood-strewn wedding gown past all her guests and disappears.

David then does what anyone else would. He moves his new girlfriend into the house and keeps working for Barbara’s dad, who has a friendly meeting with him with no anger at all. Well, he does relate a story about how his daughter used to enjoy cutting the heads off of chickens as a child. Of course, a chicken head is soon in the bed he should have shared with his wife. Trust me, things are only going to get worse.

Also, it’s going to get much weirder. I mean it. This is a legitimately strange film. It’s not like Wes Craven, whose film inspired the retitling of this. With his films, I often see an academic studying weird people and making a film versus real weird people who gathered together to make a movie that confounds you on every level.

Those strange people are John Grissmer (who also did another weird movie, Blood Rage, which features Last House on Dead End Street/The Bride as the movie playing in the drive-in that starts the film) and Jean-Marie Pélissié, who only directed this singular movie. This is the kind of strange magic that could only come from the early 1970’s. And much like another freakout from that decade, The Baby, this movie is also rated PG.

You can watch this for free with your Amazon Prime subscription.

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