ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Herbert P. Caine is the pseudonym of a frustrated academic and genre movie fan in Pennsylvania. You can read his blog at https://imaginaryuniverseshpc.blogspot.com.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is one of Sam’s favorite movies and he can and will take any opportunity to talk about it. Read his article about it. 

Exploitation films and fundamentalist sermons are two genres that generally do not intersect. Exploitation cinema deals in graphic sex and violence, the things fundamentalists generally most condemn in modern media. Apparently, no one told Mississippi Baptist preacher Rev. Estus Pirkle and exploitation director Ron Ormond, who combined their dubious talents during the early 1970s to make three religious propaganda films: If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horsemen Do?, The Burning Hell, and The Believer’s Heaven. The films reflect both Pirkle’s harsh interpretation of Christianity and Ormond’s background making sleazy movies.

Pirkle was a Baptist minister based in New Albany, Mississippi. He wanted to make a film adaption of his sermon “If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horsemen Do?” which warned that moral decline in the United States would inevitably lead to a Communist takeover. (The title was taken from a line in the Book of Jeremiah warning that the enemies of the present were nothing compared to the coming tribulations.) Fortunately for him, Ron Ormond had recently converted to evangelical Christianity after he and his family narrowly survived a plane crash in Nashville, Tennessee. Ormond had previously been known for directing Z-grade exploitation films such as Mesa of Lost Women, Untamed Mistress and The Girl from Tobacco Row, which featured the tag line “She was a preacher’s daughter, but wild as a peach orchard hog.” As luck would have it, this filmography was splendid preparation for a film adaptation of Pirkle’s lurid sermon.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horsemen Do? opens with men in military uniforms riding horses down a dirt road. As the credits end, Pirkle, in a voice over, claims he has sources to back up every atrocity story he relates in the film, but that the film transfers their setting to America in order to “emphasize that the same things can and will happen here, if they take over.” The film goes on to intersperse scenes of Pirkle preaching to his congregation at the Locust Grove Baptist Church with graphic depictions of Communists terrorizing Americans. There is also a sub-plot about an errant congregant named Judy, played by one Judy Creech, who is led back to the straight and narrow by Pirkle’s sermon.

The most memorable thing about this cinematic sermon is its sheer brutality, which would have earned it an R if not an X rating from the MPAA had it been submitted for a rating. At the very beginning, Pirkle warns that if America does not undergo a religious revival, his listeners can expect to see bodies piled up in the street, a warning the film reinforces by show us bloody corpses, including those of children, lining the sidewalk of small-town Mississippi. The film goes on to show such edifying sequences as a group of children being forced to murder their father by dropping him via rope onto pitchforks, complete with graphic shots of the father being impaled, bloody forks, and an obese commissar laughing his head off. Communist soldiers force their way into homes in order to rape women, and children caught listening to sermons have bamboo driven into their ears, which for some reason causes them to vomit. In the film’s memorable climax, a young boy, played by Greg Pirkle, Estus’s son and later a Congressional candidate, is beheaded by a commissar after refusing to trample on a picture of Jesus. The boy’s head is shown bouncing and rolling on the ground for at least five seconds, a shot that even today would likely earn the film an NC-17 rating.

The film’s overwhelming ineptitude, however, undermines its impact. It often fails at the basics of filmmaking, a mixture of Ormond’s incompetence and the very low budget. For example, the Communist soldiers’ uniforms have obviously fake armbands. Rather than the red and gold banner favored by most Communist countries of the time period, the armbands are just white cloth with a drawn-on hammer and sickle. Even more embarrassing are the scenes where people are machine gunned. According to Ormond and Pirkle, people struck by multiple bullets aren’t shaken by the impact; they just slowly drop to their knees on the ground, then lie down. The climactic beheading of a child becomes laughable when the commissar slips into an Arkansas accent and yells “You stupid little foo’!” when the boy refuses to renounce Christ.

Its impact also suffers from the ridiculousness of Pirkle’s arguments. Among the “footmen” Pirkle claims will lead to America being taken over by Communism are sex education, Saturday morning cartoons, declines in church attendance, and dancing, which Pirkle calls “the front door to adultery.” The film makes clear that Pirkle viewed these issues in hysterical terms. For example, Pirkle apparently believed that sex education consisted of a teacher encouraging elementary school children to engage in pre-marital sex and explaining the “seven erotic zones” in women. He similarly warns of the potential of cartoons to distract parents from reading their Bibles.

The disturbing thing is, Ormond actually toned down Pirkle’s hysterical tendencies for the film. In the audio recording of the original sermon, posted on YouTube, Pirkle goes on at much greater length about the dangers of the “footmen.” In one segment, he contrasts the virtuous content of the McGuffey Reader, a nineteenth-century teaching aid that he and his father grew up with, which consisted heavily of Bible stories, and the New Our New Friends reader being used in schools of his day He dismisses the latter as being full of “Jack and the Beanstalk stuff” while claiming that one of its stories, about a squirrel receiving a nut from a little boy in a white house, was meant to indoctrinate children into socialism. To put Pirkle’s rant into perspective, the New Our New Friends reader featured the well-known “Dick and Jane” stories. Ormond even apparently persuaded Pirkle to alter the delivery of his sermon; in the original recordings, the reverend’s voice often developed a shrill quality when he got excited.

The film does feature some interesting casting, with the Arkansas commissar being played by Cecil Scaife, who was actually an important figure in the history of rock music. Scaife was the National Sales and Promotion Manager for Sun Records, where helped to promote Elvis Presley, among others. Scaife seemingly turned religious later in life, becoming involved in the gospel music scene and participating in a failed effort to ban references to drug use in music. Other members of Scaife’s family, including his daughter La Quita, also appeared in the film. Later Pirkle-Ormond collaborations also featured some interesting, albeit less savory, cast members. The Burning Hell featured two guest preachers, Dr. Jack Hyles and Rev. Bob Gray. Dr. Jack Hyles was pastor of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, and his tenure was notable for numerous scandals, including having an affair with the wife of another church official. Hyles was also notable for being very controlling of his congregation, to the point that his own daughter later denounced him as a cult leader. Rev. Bob Gray of the Trinity Baptist Church died while awaiting trial on charges of capital sexual battery on children in his congregation. In interviews with the police, he openly admitted to having French kissed young girls.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? can be found in a restored version on the website of artist Nicolas Winding Refn. That said, it might be worth watching the non-restored versions on YouTube, as the poor quality of the film stock in those versions fits the seedy atmosphere of the film.

As movies battles television for the entertainmenty audience, theaters started showing movies so big that they couldn’t play the same on the small screen. Produced by Dino De Laurentiis and directed by John Huston, this was quite the project: make a movie of the first 22 chapters of the Biblical Book of Genesis from The Creation (of everything) and Adam and Eve to the binding of Isaac. It was written by Christopher Fry with contributions by Ivo Perilli, Jonathan Griffin, Mario Soldati, Vittorio Bonicelli and Orson Welles.

What got me watching this? Michael Parks is Adam! Who is the Creator, Tarantino? Anyways, his bride, Eve, is played by Ulla Bergryd, a Swedish anthropology student living who was discovered by a talent scout and on set in a few days. She was only in one other movie before leaving acting for a life in academics.

I mean, this movie is packed with people I love playing roles from the best selling book of all time. Richard Harris is Cain! Franco Nero, who was a still photographer on the set and had never acted before, is Abel! George C. Scott is Abraham, nearly sacrificing his children! Ava Garden was Sarah and she said, “It’s the only time in my life I actually enjoyed working — making that picture.” Stephen Boyd is Nimrod, great-grandson of Noah and not an X-Men villain! Peter O’Toole is an angel? Anna Orso from Day of Anger and Exterminators of the Year 3000 is Shem’s wife! Hagar is played by Zoe Sallis, who was Zoe Ishmail, until Huston decided that she should change her name because of its similarity to the name of Ishmael, her character’s son. Oh well, she was his wife. 1966 everyone. She’s also Angelica’s mother. Anyways, back to the people. Gabriele Ferzetti (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, The Psychic) is Lot! As the Garden of Eden, a botanical garden…

That said, they spend $3 million ($26 million today) on the five sets that make up the Ark. And who will play Noah? Well, after Alec Guinness and Charlie Chaplin turned him down, director John Huston did it. And he was an atheist.

Anyways, I gained new respect for O’Toole when I learned that he was arrested while making this movie. He was on a night out with Barbara Steele and punched a paparazzi.

They planned a whole bunch of these movies and even though it was a big movie in theaters, it cost so much that it still lost $1.5 million.

The first Hollywood film made in CinemaScope, The Robe was based on Lloyd C. Douglas’ novel and was written by Gina Kaus, Albert Maltz and Philip Dunne, although Maltz was blacklisted and his name would not be in the credits of this movie for decades.

Directer Henry Koster knew something about being an enemy of the country himself, as even though he had escaped Germany before the war, he was considered an enemy alien and wasn’t allowed to leave his home at night during World War II. He’d go on to direct Harvey and Mr. Belvedere Rings the Bell.

Marcellus Gallio (Richard Burton) returns to Rome to discover that Caligula (Jay Robinson) is next in line to be Emperor. Despite being a playboy of sorts, Marcellus is in love with Diana (Jean Simmons), yet she is promised to Caligula. The two men engage in a bidding war for a Greek slave, Demetrius (Victor Mature), with Marcellus winning. He frees the man, who stays by his side, bound by honor.

In retaliation, Caligula sends Marcellus to Jerusalem, which is a death sentence. Before he leaves, Diane and Marcellus pledge their love for one another. When he arrives, Demetrius becomes much like Zelig, meeting Jesus (played by second assistant director Donald C. Klune with Cameron Mitchell’s voice) and later Judas (Michael Ansara) moments before he hangs himself. Demetrius begs Marcellus to save Jesus, who has already been judged by Pontius Pilate (Richard Boone), who places Marcellus in charge of the soldiers who will watch over the crucifixion. In fact, Marcellus wins the robe Jesus wore in a game of lots. When he attempts to use the robe to cover himself, he feels great pain and Demetrius curses both him and the Roman Empire.

He runs into the night with the robe and Marcellus descends into madness. He’s sent to destroy the cloth and is promised that he can marry Diane if successful. As he struggles, he soon learns that he believes in Jesus and is introduced to the apostle Peter. Thus begins a journey that will find Marcellus, Demetrius and Diane against the full power of the Roman empire.

When this first aired on TV in 1967, 60 million people watched it. We’ll never have TV ratings like that again. The film also had a sequel already in production before it was completed — despite nearly everyone dying — as Mature returned for Demetrius and the Gladiators.

Richard Burton wasn’t just an atheist who smoked a hundred cigarettes a day on set. He also was having an affair with Simmons, who was married to Farley Granger, who came to the set one day and threatened his life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Herbert P. Caine is the pseudonym of a frustrated academic and genre movie fan in Pennsylvania. You can read his blog at https://imaginaryuniverseshpc.blogspot.com.

When people think of religious scare films, they generally think of Christian productions such as Blood Freak, The Burning Hell or Unplanned. Those with more international tastes may remember Muslim works such as the anti-Salman Rushdie epic International Guerrillas, which ends with Rushdie being incinerated by lightning bolts from a flying Qur’an. However, thanks to a recent review in Shock Cinema magazine, I found a rare Buddhist entry in the genre. The Precious Jade Calendar is a Chinese-language animated TV series that offers viewers a lengthy tour of Buddhist hell. Even though the show appears to be intended for children, reportedly having run in a Saturday afternoon timeslot, it is as bloody as any adult-oriented anime.

This animated series is based off a Chinese text purportedly given to a monk by the rulers of hell in the eleventh century, although as Reed College Professor Ken Brashier notes, there are no known copies of it from prior to the nineteenth century. The Precious Jade Calendar, also known as the Jade Records and the Jade Guidebook, is essentially a tourist guide to hell. It describes the various subsections of hell – called small hells – and the sins that are punished in each one.

The series opens with two young boys at a Buddhist monastery talking. One feels guilty about having accidentally killed young birds in a bird’s nest he knocked down, so they go speak to the head of the monastery, who proceeds to describe hell in all its glory to them. From then on, each episode discusses a specific palace of hell where sinners from a particular category are judged and punished. Every so often, the children ask such cheerful questions as why do so many of the small hells feature tortures that involve tearing out someone’s guts.

The various small hells display an infernal division of labor that would make Dante seem creatively bankrupt. Among the hells the series warns of are “The Small Hell of Blood and Pus,” “The Small Hell Where Brain Is Taken Out to Feed Hedgehogs,” “The Small Hell Where People Are Eaten by Ants,” and “The Small Hell Where People Are Drilled by Purple Red Viper.” Although the series’ animation is limited, with figures remaining largely static other than moving their arms and blinking their eyes, the bloodshed is still quite graphic. Lots of blood splatters across the screen, and hearts and other organs are vividly torn from bodies.

Although Westerners often regard Buddhism as a more tolerant religion than many Judeo-Christian traditions, the variant on display here is as harsh and fear-based as anything preached by Jerry Falwell or Estus Pirkle. In one episode, making or distributing pornography is put on the same level as committing murder or raping teenagers. More troubling is the show’s assertion that disabilities or diseases are the outgrowths of wrongdoing in either this life or a previous life. At one point, the show asserts that infants born with missing limbs or other deformities were cannibals in a previous life. Similarly, one vignette depicts three siblings who mistreat their parents. One ends up getting struck by lightning, another dies of AIDS, and a third contracts cancer. This type of victim-blaming can result in the same type of ostracism that many people infected with HIV faced in the early years of the AIDS epidemic. Obviously, not all Buddhists would endorse this dark vision, but this series should serve as a footnote to Western stereotypes of Buddhism as necessarily a more forgiving religion.

The Precious Jade Calendar is available on YouTube broken up into parts on this channel.

When Jean-Luc Godard’s Hail Mary came out in 1985, the Catholic Church was so upset they talked about it in my little church in Ellwood City and I’d never heard of Goddard before, so thanks for using indignation to make me discover art. In fact, I’d already been turning to the films rated “O” by the Pittsburgh Catholic as films to hunt down, like Dawn of the Dead, Carrie, Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural and many, many more.

What does is say when Benedetta is beamed directly into my living room and presents a take on religion that seems to claim that it can exist hand in hand with sexuality and not a single protest happens? I demand more shock and upsetness!

Well, The American TFP — as well as other Catholic groups — did protest and it was banned in Singapore, but in the 80s, they would have been crying at the altar over this.

Benedetta Carlini was born into a family that seemingly led her into the life of Catholic mysticism, living a childhood filled with devil dogs that attacked her and nightingales — the symbol of carnal pleasure — singing at her command. Her family may have been too poor to pay the dowry — yes, Brides of Christ were literally brides then — and she finally joined a smaller ascetic order of sisters, where a statue was said to have fallen on her as she prayed to it.

In 1614, Benedetta’s life changed as she began to see visions of Jesus, who would battle snakes, scorpions and boars to protect her. The priests believed that she was either mentally ill, being consumed by demons or meeting the Divine, but leading to the former, even when she grew sick for two years and then had the visions return in 1617.

Now, instead of Jesus, she was being attacked by a handsome young man who attacked her with chains and swords, demanding that she leave the monastic life. These visions told her that the Church could not save her soul. A year later, as there was a parade through town, she went into a trance where Mary gave her two angels to guard her and she could see Saint Dorothy. Three months later, she received the Stigmata and as a result, she was one of the few women — if any to be honest — able to give sermons within the Catholic Church.

On March 21, 1619, one of the lead priests summoned Benedetta and told her: “Today is the day of St. Benedict, your saint’s day, go in ecstasy at your pleasure, I give you permission.” The next vision she recieved would be Jesus taking her heart and returning with a new one in three days for her. Nuns who felt her heart said that they could not detect it within her body. To maintain her pureness, Jesus ordered her not to eat meat, eggs and milk products and not to drink anything but water. And maintain her spiritual purity, the Son of Man assigned her a guardian angel, Splenditello, to let her know when she was sinning.

On May 27, 1619 — a Feast of the Holy Trinity — Benedetta claimed that she was married to Jesus himself, as others heard her speak in a different voice. Now, here’s where things get interesting. As stated before, women were to be kept silent at this time and most of all, quiet within the Catholic Church. By having these visions, she was able to have power, agency and voice.

She was investigated by the church multiple times, supposedly died and was resurrected, then was accused of being possessed. Her parents were also said to be demonically taken at some point in their lives and it was also claimed that she was avoiding the diet Jesus had given her by eating salami and Cremonese-style mortadella. More damaging was the discovery that she was causing her own spiritual cuts and wounds, as well as sleeping with a fellow nun, Bartolomea, acts that her guardian angel would say were not a sin.

No one is sure how Benedetta was punished, but the town of Pescia revered her even as she was kept within the convent for the rest of her life.

Basing his movie on Immodest Acts: The Life of a Lesbian Nun in Renaissance Italy by Judith C. Brown, director Paul Verhoeven and co-writer David Birke offer no easy answers. We do see the striking visions of Jesus that Benedetta is given, but it’s left to interpretation if what she sees is the madness of the divine. Virginie Efira is quite striking in the way that she can appear at once in charge and yet be pulled and pushed by the whims of God and man.

The director would not make this movie with the writer who started the project, Gerard Soeteman. He was not involved in the rewrites and filming of the movie due to his growing dissatisfaction with the director’s emphasis on sexual content. Soeteman saw Benedetta as being concerned with a woman’s struggle for power in a male-dominated world, but was disappointed by how Verhoeven had instead concentrated on making a nunsploitation movie.

I was intrigued by the stories of the other women in this movie, as Sister Felicita (Charlotte Rampling) has been the leader of the order with power that exists only inside the walls of their home. Bartolomea (Daphné Patakia) has left an abusive family and sees in Bendetta a partner to change her life and feels left behind — and is permanently damaged as a result of their relationship — as her lover’s power changes her existence.

For a movie that has a budget of every nunspolitation movie ever made all added together, this stays somewhat classy —  I say that in full knowledge that a statue of Mary is carved into a phallus — and presents a world where its heroine can achieve both spiritual and carnal ecstasy. This idea remains incendiary two millenia after the church began. It’s also a film that dares to have a violent and sexually inviting image of Jesus, attacking snakes and inviting the young nun to disrobe and embrace Him as he’s nailed to the tree.

“Sometimes it makes me tremble.”