The Urge to Kill (1989)

Bono Zorro is a famous music producer, or so this movie tells us, but most of the time he’s bringing new ladies into his apartment which is under the control of the proto-Alexa unit named Sensual Environment Control System. Yes, she’s called SEXY and she’s definitely a she. That’s because she’s in love with Bono and she’ll murder every other band aid, groupie and woman in his life to keep him.

This sounds like it could be a very exciting movie but this thing is the very definition of plodding and for some reason, I kind of love that it’s so slow and pointless, a movie where models just lounge around and the dialogue sounds like the first time anyone has ever seen the script.

Writer/director Derek Ford made British smut like Secret RitesI Am a GroupieKeep It Up, JackThe Girl from Starship Venus and was the uncredited director of Blood Tracks. He made this for Dick Randall, whose career has the kind of moments that we can only hope to live through. Starting as a joke writer for Uncle Miltie, it took a failed George Jessel Broadway play to send him to Italy where he figured out that Americans wanted to see some sleaze. So he sent us stuff like Primitive LoveThe Wild Wild World of Jayne MansfieldThe French Sex MurdersThe Real Bruce Lee and so much more. He was the writer of Pieces and Lady Frankenstein as well as the writer/director of The Girl In Room 2A and Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks. Man, just when you think you have scratched everything Randall made, he surprises you with more — Slaughter HighDeath DimensionFor Your Height OnlyDon’t Open ‘Til ChristmasCrocodileKing of Kong Island…what an amazing contribution to our lives he has made.

Anyways, this movie features a woman being killed by a laser to the nipples, another burned by an acid shower and yet one more woman finding her doom at the bristles of an electric toothbrush before SEXY somehow possesses Bono and makes him drown his girlfriend in the hot tub, which is the most 80s way to die.

SEXY is also kind of like Synergy from JEM because she can manifest herself as a body-painted woman and run people over with her car. I don’t think Synergy ever did that, but trust me, it’s a good comparison.

Also: SEXY could be CECS and stand for Central Environment Control System. This movie is so brain-destroying that either answer is correct and you know, this movie is such a mess that you can just sit back and enjoy it. I mean, a naked woman who looks like she has makeup out of Liquid Sky kills and kills and kills in-between ladies taking bubble baths and having BDSM finger-licking sessions that are grosser than watching Peter Hooten eat the Colonel’s eleven secret herbs and spices in Night Killer.

Obviously, this movie has my highest recommendation.

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