Known as Samson vs. the Vampire Women in the U.S., this is one of four Santo films that were dubbed into English and released north of the border. Blame K. Gordon Murray, a distributor of Mexican films whose movies mainly played children-friendly weekend matinees or late night TV thanks to American-International TV.
A coven of vampire women awaken in their crypt after two centuries of sleep. Their leader, Queen Zorina, just wants to go back to Hell with her husband Lucifer — man, I love this movie — and to get here there, Tundra makes a vow to take the granddaughter of a woman who escaped her evil grip.
The only person that can save her is Santo, as his grandfather once saved the day all those years before. To get there, he’s going to have to fight a werewolf and then all of the vampire women, who decide they need to see Santo’s face, but the fun comes up and they all explode into flames. The silver masked man jumps in his convertible and drives away, satisfied with killing monsters for today.
Thunder in Paradise is a direct to video release from 1993 that also served as a jumping off point for a television series of the same name that starred Hulk Hogan as its protagonist, RJ “Hurricane Spencer”. Throughout its short-lived run it also featured other wrestlers, such as Giant Gonzales, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake, Stin, Terry Taylor (Red Rooster) and even manager Jimmy “The Mouth of the South” Hart.
This series and I have an odd history, officially only this movie and 2 other two-part episodes that were made into films have been released in the United States on DVD. The DVD collection was put out by Lionsgate. I did happen to find a complete series release from Carol Media that I bought from Germany but when it arrived I was disheartened to find out that it did not retain its English audio at all, instead the entire series is dubbed into German. I was happy at least to have all the episodes even if they were in German. I have since found an unofficial set that has all the episodes and have been working my way through it.
The film is about RJ Spencer, a former Navy Seal, who along with his partner Brubaker (Chris Lemmon) own a high tech speed boat called Thunder. We’re keyed into Spencer’s military prowess by the movie opening with him and Brubaker invading Cuba to save a defector’s wife and son. RJ frequents Paradise Beach Resort which is owned by Megan Whitaker. Only Megan may not be the owner for long as she must marry within 72 hours or she will lose the entire resort. Fortunately for her RJ is hard up and is facing losing Thunder so she asks him to marry her and she’ll pay off Thunder. The marriage should be believable enough to fool her asshole uncle Edward played her by Patrick Macnee who was John Steed in The Avenger, because her daughter loves Spencer, but Edward is hellbent on ousting the whole thing as fraud. That’s the short of it at least.
There is also a strange brass necklace that RJ found in a shark’s belly that he gifts to Megan’s daughter Jessica, here played by Robin Weisman who doesn’t return for the series itself, that the evil Kilmer (Sam Jones of Flash Gordon) is after. He attempts to steal it from Jessica after RJ and Megan’s wedding by having his beau lure Jessica away from the wedding. The necklace breaks into a bajillion pieces and Sam runs like a bitch and sends in his heavy, played by Giant Gonzales, to manhandle RJ who ran after them when he heard Jessica’s cries.
The necklace it turns out is a treasure map, RJ and Brubaker go after the treasure but Megan insists on tagging along. Kilmer kidnaps Jessica and Kelly LaRew, Megan’s bridesmaid, and makes them draw a map of the islands that the treasure is on. Kilmer catches up to the crew and forces them to hand over the treasure and leave them to die in the cave the treasure was found in. It’s up to RJ who is apparently half whale to find a way out of the cave through an underwater passage that leads to the ocean so he, Megan, and Brubaker can escape and save Jessica and Kelly.
The film and series were both produced by the co-creator of Baywatch as well as Hulk Hogan himself. It’s a cheesy film that serves as a great intro to the series itself. Hell, it was later edited into the first two episodes of the series with a few cuts. Hulk Hogan is featured most prominently in the film, here appearing with an eye patch due to a real-life ski-doo accident, this is explained away in the film as being an injury dealt to him by Kowalski, played by the late Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. They even have a small scuffle during an arm wrestling match in the film. Brutus and Jimmy Hart are also in the film and series. It often feels there isn’t a film that Hulk was in that Brutus wasn’t part of.
Hogan here is it at one of the heights of his career, he had already done Rocky III, No Holds Barred, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Suburban Commando, and Mr. Nanny so he was no stranger to film or acting by this point. I really do feel that Hulk is one of the most important wrestlers turned thespians, his acting (some would say overacting) paved the way for many more wrestlers. I really enjoy his acting, it’s larger than life much like himself. He may be playing to the rafters but it is still a wonder to witness. His turn as RJ Spencer isn’t the most exciting or funny role he has had in his career but no one else could bring what he brings to the character. His interactions with Jessica are sweet and shows he really cares about her even if her mom Megan isn’t too impressed with him. Hogan gets to do some action here as well and I love when he gets to do that. Seeing Hogan shoot out of the hull of a boat on a ski-doo is what film is made for in my opinion.
I have no nostalgia connected to this film so I’m coming at it purely from a guy who loves wrestlers who act stand point but it is one you should seek out if you like Hulk Hogan or Baywatch. You can get it on the Thunder in Paradise collection DVD put out by Lionsgate which is pretty affordable on Amazon. I really do hope that one day we get the series this film spawned on a proper home media release.
Florida filmmakers Sam and Cheryl Siragusa (2017’s Carnival Chronicles, 2018’s E.V.I.E; both sci-fi tales) take on horror in their third feature film with this tale steeped in Scottish folklore . . . about a creepy doll.
A family of the Amityville* variety comes to discover they’re the victims of a centuries-old curse when a rare doll starts wrecking havoc. They’ve obviously never read the handbook: never, ever go into any antique stores or second hand shops and buy old trucks. And that those dolls were wrapped up in black plastic for a reason.
As you can tell by the trailer, below, the production values on this low-budget indie are pretty high. So, if you’re into creepy doll movies — and who isn’t — there’s something for you to stream on a Friday night. To tell more, would plot spoil the fun.
What’s exciting is the Siragusa’s have contracted Caroline Munro and ’80s B-Movie scream queen Linnea Quigley for their fourth feature, the currently-in-production 1315 Wickey Way. Considering Munro was in the ’80s VHS classic Maniac and Quigley was recently in Clownado, you know what that film is shooting for: and we love it. Yes, I am digging on the Siragusas. Good stuff!
You can learn more about An Evil Tale on its Facebook page and watch it courtesy of Wild Eye Releasing across all VOD and PPV platforms, as well as DVD.
* Oh, us and Amityville . . . you have no idea. We review ’em all, with our ever-expanding Exploring: Amityville feature.
Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR company. That has no bearing on our review.
About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.
Think Kaley Cuoco’s Penny from CBS-TV’s The Big Bang Theory with common sense and intelligence — and an emotionally secure boyfriend — and you’ve met University of Toronto particle physicist Siobhan (Victoria Kucher). And unlike the constant “I have a girlfriend” bragging and the “Why can’t I have a girlfriend” whining of her BBT insecure counterparts, Siobhan is in a comfortable, mature relationship with her photographer-boyfriend Sean (Steven Yaffee).
Unfortunately, as with her fellow Big Bangers, she’s a bit self-righteous and passive-aggressive (think Howard Wolowitz’s “I’m an astronaut,” bragging at every opportunity, only less nebbish) and comes to realize she’s outgrown Sean and his free-spirited artschool friends. When she’s offered a physics fellowship at Switzerland’s CERN lab in Geneva and Sean has as an opportunity to attend grad school in Paris, Siobhan feels trapped. They break up, sort of; Siobhan goes off with her more-in-common-in-mind, geeky co-work, Alvin; Sean goes off with DeeDee from his circle of friends.
There are lots of analogies about “particles colliding” and “alternate universes” and “realities,” not just in the scientific sense, but in the relationship sense; that we’re all just particles bouncing around in space and time, always questioning our personal identities and how others determine our identity. This is a movie about how one finds their “voice” in life. And this isn’t a sappy Sandra Bullock time travel romp about a magical mailbox, either.
Skills abound in this feature film writing debut from Sean Gerrard, a graduate from York University’s film program (he’s produced five shorts and worked on several Canadian TV series); he writes with a level of intelligence you don’t see in the low-budget indies we normally review at B&S About Movies. If you’re a fan of human interest dramas like NBC’s This Is Us or ABC-TV’s A Million Little Things — only with a very light, sci-fi twist, there’s something here for you to watch.
The most interesting aspect of the film: Unlike most indies, which shoot it fast, cheap and quick in less than a month — or shorter, Gerrard chose to shoot Space & Time over the course of 11 months to show the “real time” progression of the break up and evolving of Siobhan and Sean’s journey through “space and time.” This is a well-made, intelligent film worthy of your streaming time.
Space & Time is currently available on all the usual VOD and PPV platforms.
Note: That is the clever design of the theatrical one-sheet: we didn’t edit the artwork with the edges cut off.
Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR company.
About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.
It’s Valentine’s Day and Bigfoot is looking for a mate. Even the prostitiute they hired to satisfy him isn’t enough, so he’s soon killing his way through the suburbs in this movie that was released on the Wild Eye Raw label.
BIgfoot, we learn, has a very small member. Yes, if you wanted to see Bigfoot tallywhacker, good news. This movie has the goods. Until now, I’d only seen him rip off cocks in movies like Night of the Demon. Of course, death and nudity and all manner of ridiculousness ensures.
This was written and directed by Brian Papandrea, who also is in the movie as Maverick. He’s an actor when he’s not directing, playing Jesus Christ in Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ.
Your enjoyment of this will depend on the amount of skunk ape love making you enjoy. There is a market for this, after all.
After 1957’s The Aztec Mummy, The Curse of the Aztec Mummy and The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, it would take seven years for Popoca the Aztec Mummy — or some form of him — to return to menace Mexico. That said, U.S. producer Jerry Warren did release the original in the U.S. as Attack of the Mayan Mummy.
Popoca’s origins are much the same as Imhotep/Ardath Bey. He loved the wrong woman and paid for it, being mummified and now back alive, looking for his lost love. Except instead of Egypt, he was on the western side of the world. He was stopped with a crucifix — Mexico is incredibly Catholic — and being blown up real good with dynamite — Mexico is incredibly bloodthirsty.
An archaeologist leaves a secret codex with a professor just before he is killed by the Black Dragons. What would you do if you had such an important mythological relic? Well, I would do the same thing as this smart guy. I’d give it to Gloria Venus and Golden Rubi, the wrestling women of the movie’s title.
He isn’t ready for the Black Dragons to go another step further and kidnap the daughter of the archaeologist they murdered and have her steal the codex, though.
By the end of the movie, of course an Aztec mummy has been freed — we literally wouldn’t have a movie without this happening — and the gang, the mummy and our wrestling women must all have a battle royal.
There are really two Aztec mummies in this one: Xochitl, a female mummy, and her lover Tezomoc who can transform into a snake and a bat, which are totally new things when it comes to the mummified undead, at least to me. There are also evil female judo wrestlers because, well, that’s what was in the aqua that day.
The tagline for this movie was, “WEIRDOS! We dare you to see it!”
Accept the dare. Watch this on Tubi. It’s also on YouTube:
Lucha libre is to American pro wrestling as a movie like Alucarda is to an American possession film. Sure, they’re in the same category, but they’ve gone off into their own strange world where reality — the things we know and see and believe every single day — no longer exists.
Lucha takes the Catholic morality of Mexico to the extreme, with los technicos (the good guys) battling valiantly against los rudos (the bad guys) in matches that are often about technical skill versus brute force. There’s also the idea of putting your manhood on the line, as often there are chop and strike battles to prove who is more macho. And then there are the outfits and masks and characters, with each person exemplifying a different heroic or villainous ideal. When a feud reaches its conclusion, it often costs a combattant their mask — honestly, their face — or their hair.
There has never been a luchador like El Santo. While he began as a rudo, once he achieved his fame, he became the kind of celebrity that Hulk Hogan could only dream of. Santo isn’t a big time pro wrestler; he’s a cultural icon on the level of someone like Elvis Presley. He starred in fifty-two movies between 1958 and 1982, along with winning thirty-eight matches where he put his famous silver mask up against the hair and masks of opponents like Perro Aguayo, Espanto I and II, Black Shadow, Bobby Bonales, La Momia and so many more.
The first Santo comic was released in 1952 and after years of resisting appearing in the movies — the ring was his first love — Santo made his first two films, el Cerebro del Mal (The Evil Brain) and Hombres Infernales (The Infernal Men), in 1958. By 1961, Santo was just as big of a movie star as a wrestler.
El Santo was known to never remove his mask, even in private. When traveling, he made sure to take a different flight from film crews so they would never see his face as he went through customs. The only time Santo removed his hood in public was a week before he died from a heart attack, an action thought to be him realizing the death was near and he wanted to say goodbye.
Lucha libre owns a place in my heart that pro wrestling never will. It means so much more; it’s a passion play in the midst of the squared circle that still draws a huge crowd every Friday night in Arena Mexico.
Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monsters is a piece of magic. Here, our silver masked hero and his sidekick Blue Demon don’t just battle one monster. They battle every single one of them, one after the other, for nearly ninety mind-destroying minutes.
Leading the mob is El Vampiro, a vampire with the temerity to challenge Santo to a mask versus mask match in the middle of the holiest of all holy places, Arena Mexico, and the rudo nature to allow his army of monsters to invade before he loses
There’s also El Hombre Lobo, a werewolf that basically is just a hairy dude with fangs. La Momia, a skinny old man who looks like he could fold with one chop from Santo. Franquestain, who we can only assume is Frankenstein’s Monster with a van dyke! La Mujer Vampiro, who proves that ladies can be just as deadly as their male monster counterparts! El Ciclope, who takes over for the Creature from the Black Lagoon and looks like a beast straight out of Plaza Sésamo! Santo literally beats this dude with an ugly stick for twenty or more unanswered shots in a row while I yelled with madness and glee! There’s also a mad scientist named Bruno Halde and his dwarf sidekick Waldo, who struggle to keep these monsters in one piece. Oh man – I also forgot that there’s an evil clone of Blue Demon to deal with too!
This is the kind of movie that’s perfect for kids — think 60’s Batman mixed with some James Bond — except that there’s also a scene where a wolfman rips apart a kid’s parents in front of him, then does the same to the kid! In Mexican lucha films, rules don’t exist and life is cheap! And I haven’t even got to the scene where Franquestain stomps out a kid’s head. American History X has nothing on lucha monsters!
The end of this movie has Santo and Blue Demon — armed with torches and their pare fists, while wearing tight turtlenecks — murder nearly every monster thanks to the power of the cross and good old fashioned smashing everything. They also don’t even need hammers to stake vampires — our heroes do it with their bare hands.
As our heroes leave the vampires’ castle — leaving it ablaze after the staked vamps fade into nothing — the credits roll. In our overly CGI digital universe, a movie like this is a cool drink of aqua de fresa for what ails you. The best part is that this is just one of the many times Santo would go to war with the forces of evil. You can also watch him battle zombies, the king of crime, Satanic power, Martians, mafia killers, the Bermuda Triangle, karate experts and more.
Viva los luchadores! Viva la lucha! And most importantly, viva El Santo!
This article originally ran in Drive-In Asylum issue #18, which you can get right here.
The tagline on the box “A grin from fear to fear” sums up this sarcastic horror comedy, which serves as the feature film writing and directing debut by visual effects artist Torey Haas (V/H/S Viral). His resume in that field is pretty extensive, so you know you’re getting decent, cost-effective practical effects in this E.C Comics-styled horror tale that wears its Romero-Creepshow influence on its sleeve—well, slimy arm. Think of the Canadian (American syndicated) kids horror anthology Goosebumps seeping into The Walking Dead, and you’re in the Atlanta “neighborhood” (where this was shot).
The original theatrical one-sheets for the film, back when it was known as Invasion of the Dead, carried the subtitle: “Starring Desmond and Jake: Paranormal Exterminators,” so it seems there’s an intended franchise afoot. They’re Ghostbusters-styled supernatural enthusiasts who day-job at a Kevin Smith-inspired video store-quickie mart combo. And an unemployed college graduate discovers her remote country home suffers from a (comical) zombie infestation.
So who you gonna call . . . when you’re afraid of zombies?
This brings back the VHS ’80s memories of its similar brethren in Hard Rock Zombies and Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare, only with a superior level of quality courtesy of Haas’s effective zombie puppets. And the actors are giving it their all and having fun. And the new Neon Dead title fits: this film has a very festive and colorful production design. I had a lot of fun with his retro-romp!
Wild Eye Releasing has given this a DVD reboot along with a free-with-ads streaming debut on TubiTv.
Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR firm. That has no bearing on our review.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
An ambitious young reporter is granted an interview with one of the FBI’s most wanted (the always welcomed Richard Tyson of Eternal Code, Death Kiss, The League of Legend Keepers, and the awesome Three O’Clock High). Upon entering his compound she discovers one of his prized possessions, a serial killer who murders-on-call: HAVOC. Her only hope to stop the bloodshed is a rogue detective (Robert Bronzi, Death Kiss and Once Upon a Deadwood) searching for his daughter. Oh, and there’s a reality TV series subplot about of group of greedy city kids who trek up “Terror Mountain” for a million bucks cash prize that sets off the mayhem . . . and probably deserve a little bit o’ havoc in their lives to wise them up.
If Charles Bronson lookalike Bronzi’s work in Death Kiss was meant to evoke Death Wish and if Once a Time in Deadwood was to evoke a spagetti western Death Wish, then Cry Havoc — with its Bronson vs. Leatherface vibe — is meant to evoke Bronson’s Leo Kessler character in J. Lee Thompson’s From 10 to Midnight. If you ever wanted to see a masked serial killer in a balls-out, woodsy battle royal with a take-no-prisoners cop, then this is your movie.
Do you feel lucky, Jason?
Cry Havoc was released across all PPV and VOD platforms, as well as DVD, on May 5th.
Disclaimer: This was sent to us by the film’s PR firm.
“Once more unto the “Police Academy Week” breach, dear friends! Once more, Sam; for we jam up our VCRs with the VHS dead.“
A film such as Golfballs! solidifies the B&S About Movies celluloid theory: All of the Police Academy ripoffs (reviewed this week) are basically ‘60s beach movies, which are the same thing as Porky’s movies, which are the same thing asMeatballs ripoffs, which are really just Animal House ripoffs. And we’ll multiple that equation with Harold Ramis’s Caddyshack and Robert Zemeckis’s incredibly underrated Used Cars.
VHS image courtesy of eBay/ds2p1s
However, if we go back a bit further into the pre-VHS Drive-In epoch, there was 1979’s Gas Pump Girlsand 1981’s Lunch Wagon and, if we delve into the direct-to-DVD epoch, 1990’s Zoo Radio and 1992’s The Bikini Car Wash Company (did you ever hear of 1984’s The Malibu Bikini Shop 1995’s Bikini Drive-In: you just did). Yeah, you know the T&A drill: It’s all familiar in terms of plot and characters; it’s raunchy, it’s moronic, and it’s all innocent soft-core shenanigans. And, as is the case with most of these films, there isn’t so much a plot as it is a series of comedic skits and vignettes with the thinnest of through lines. The premise of each of these films is somewhat the same: slobs vs. the snobs. And the slobs with the once glorious business that’s now a shell of its former self is being squeezed out of business by the snobs who want to plow down the landscape or city block for condos or push through a highway overpass to benefit their business.
Such is the tale of Golfballs!, which takes a little bit from each of those films and a blatantly steals a whole lot from Caddyshack (right down to a camouflaged Bill Murray clone) and Used Cars—only adding boobs. Lots of gratuitous boobs from the likes of Playboy and Howard Stern’s perpetual radio guest Amy Lynn Baxter and adult film star Jennifer Steele (and a few others X-stars). And there’s jokes about blue (golf) balls and bent “wood,” a farting Chihuahua, cussing grannies, and more golf double entendres about “sticks” and “balls,” vaudevillian spit-takes, shower scenes, and public urination. Oh, and let’s not forget Golfballs!—as well as Porky’s and Caddyshack from which it pinches—was also shot in South Florida . . . and so was 1989’s Summer Job, which, come to think of it, is sort of like, well, Golfballs!, in the ugh-ack-groan comedy department.
Anyway . . . instead of the competing gas stations from Gas Pump Girls, car lots from Used Cars, and radio stations Zoo Radio, we have competing golf courses, with the once glorious and now decrepit Pennytree Country Club run by a kindly old dude and the upscale Bentwood (yuk, yuk!) run by an old bastard. And the old bastard wants to level Pennytree to make way for condos.
Ah, but when the daisy-duke wearing granddaughter (Christy Tummond) of Pennytree’s owner caddies for a heavy-tipping rich creepy guy—and he keels from a heart attack as she picks up a golfball—she knows how to save the club!
So, with her boyfriend (Todd Allen Durkin)—her grandfather’s right hand man at the club—they hit the nightclubs and strip clubs recruiting hot bodies—both male and female—as scantily clad (the women even more so) caddies and the operators of a Topless (Golf) Cart Wash. And it all culminates with the Greasers and the Socs (Where are you, Ponyboy?) having a “winner take all” golf tournament. It’s no plot spoiler to telling you “The Outsiders” win this one.
And you know what? While not original in the slightest, for a low-budget shot-in-Fort Lauderdale indie with a group of amateur theatre actors, this good vs. evil romp isn’t that bad and has some actual laugh-out-loud moments. It’s not great. But it’s not awful. Too bad Golfballs! wasn’t made during the Drive-In heyday of the ‘70s; it would have cleaned up at the box office right alongside the likes of The Pom Pom Girls, The Van, Malibu Beach, H.O.T.S., and Van Nuys Blvd.
Golfballs! is a competently-shot and acted film; it’s unfortunate this ended up being the only feature film by South Floridian commercial director-cinematographer Steve Procko. It’s also the lone screenplay of Robert Small who, regardless of what the IMDb tells us, isn’t the same Robert Small who worked as a writer, director, and producer for A&E’s Biography, Comedy Central’s Pulp Comics and MTV’s Unplugged (once again burned by the IMDb’s digital content managers with their bad film Intel).
All of the local South Florida community theater actors are good in their roles—especially the leads of Christy Tummond and Todd Allen Durkin. While the affable Tummond dropped off the celluloid landscape, Durkin has since built up an impressive resume with recurring roles on the TV and cable series Magic City, Nashville, Drop Dead Diva, Wrecked, and I Am Frankie. He most recently guest-appeared on FOX-TV’s The Resident, as well as making a three-episode arc on ABC-TV’s January 2023 series, Will Trent. Elizabeth Rodriguez, who appears here as one of the “Bentwood Girls,” later appeared in recurring roles in Fear of the Walking Dead (Liza Ortiz) and Orange is the New Black (Aleda Diaz). As we like to say here at B&S About Movies: Everyone in Hollywood has to start somewhere . . . and Durkin and Rodriquez did alright for themselves. And we dig it.
Golfballs! received worldwide distribution on VHS and DVD and has been reviewed on French, German, and Japanese film sites (see? it pays to cast blonde adult film stars). Sadly, because of its content, it has never appeared on any VOD, PPV, or U.S. Cable TV platforms. Used out-of-print DVDs and VHS tapes are out there in the marketplace, but go for between $30 to $40 dollars. Luckily, we found a free copy to watch on You Tube.
Need another South Florida-shot Police Academy-inspired bit o’ hyjinks (aka policesploitation) with another South Florida-bred actor in his feature film-leading man debut? Check out Private Resort. Wanna rock SoFlo style? Check out Incident at Channel Q.
Update: In June 2022, film journalist David Wain caught up with director Steve Procko for some behind-the-scenes production stories on The Schlock Pit.
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