This is Roger Moore’s final Bond appearance and what a way to go — having a love scene with Grace Jones when he’s all of 57 years old. For his part, Moore would say, “I was only about four hundred years too old for the part.” He was not a fan of this movie, as he would later look back and say, “I was horrified on the last Bond I did. Whole slews of sequences where Christopher Walken was machine-gunning hundreds of people. I said “That wasn’t Bond, those weren’t Bond films.: It stopped being what they were all about. You didn’t dwell on the blood and the brains spewing all over the place.”

Walken was the third choice, as David Bowie and Sting almost played Max Zorin, the product of a Nazi genetic experiment who wants to destroy the Silicon Valley. Patrick Macnee — once John Steed from The Avengers — shows up as Sir Godfrey Tibbet and Tanya Roberts plays Bond’s love interest, Stacey Sutton. Dolph Lundgren also has an early role as a KGB agent.

As fuddy duddy as much of this movie feels, at least it has a great Bond song. Duran Duran killed it, pardon the pun, with “A View to a Kill,” which came about when bassist John Taylor, a lifelong Bond fan, drunkenly cornered Cubby Broccoli and said, “When are you going to get someone decent to do one of your theme songs?”

The movie itself is kind of all over the place with horses being given adrenaline and airships and mines. But hey — like I said, Grace Jones pins down Bond and you genuinely worry for Roger Moore’s life. According to Moore’s biography, she had a large black dildo with her in their bed scene.

Roberts was nominated for the Worst Actress Golden Raspberry Award, but she lost to Linda Blair, who appeared in Night Patrol, Savage Island and Savage Streets. Those guys have no sense of taste whatsoever. She was one of the reasons why Moore decided to retire as Bond, as he learned he was older than her mother.

Between None But the Lonely Spy, FX 18 Secret Agent, three appearances as Agent 077 Dick Malloy (Agent 077: Mission Bloody Mary, Agent 077: From the Orient with Fury and Special Mission Lady Chaplin) and this movie, Ken Clark is really the John Carradine of Eurospy films.

Here, he stars in a co-production between Italy, France and West Germany about Dick Hallan, a journalist who gets mixed up in the spy game.

Clark’s co-star is Irina Demick, who was one of Darryl F. Zanuck’s European mistresses who he tried to transform into leading ladies. She’s also in the giallo Naked Girl Killed in the Park.

Loredana Nusciak, who was the girlfriend of Diabolikus in Superargo contro Diabolikus, as well as the Django’s lover Maria, is Madame Tiffany, who is so important to the plot that she’s in the title.

The Tiffany Memorandum was directed by Sergio Grieco, who also was behind the Agent 077 films. Despite how ridiculous and meandering it gets — as most Eurospy films sometimes do — it does have a wonderful Riz Ortolani soundtrack.

Jess Franco wrote the script and music for this movie, so between that and me watching over a hundred Eurospy movies in a month, I just had to tackle this. Brett Halsey in the main role? Added bonus.

For my money, Alberto De Martino made the best non-Bond Italian Bond film with OK Connery. He also covered so many genres in his career: giallo (The Man with Icy Eyes, Carnal Circuit, The Killer Is On the Phone, Strange Shadows in an Empty Room), gothic horror (The Blancheville Monster), peblum (The Triumphs of Hercules), Spaghetti Westerns (100.000 dollari per Ringo, Django Shoots First), the occult (Holocaust 2000, The Antichrist) and even superheroes (The Pumaman).

Alberto is joined by co-director Sergio Grieco, who would go on to make plenty more Eurospy films like Argoman the Fantastic Superman, The Tiffany Memorandum and The Fuller Report.

This is third and final episode of the CIA Secret Agent 077 series. Dick Malloy is played again by Ken Clark, who totally lived the Rick Dalton life.

Perhaps sensing that these films needed more than just a male hero, this film is named for Lady Arabella Chaplin, a professional killer and fashionista played by Daniela Bianchi, who just three years earlier played Russian Bond girl Tatiana Romanova in From Russia WIth Love. She also appears in De Martino’s OK Connery.

She’s the best thing in this movie, which begins with her dressed as a nun, walking into a church to machinegun some spies pretending to be monks before stripping her habit down to a swimsuit. All movies should start this great. Beyond wearing a ton of amazing outfits in this — she’s a fashion designer hitwoman, after all — she also dresses as an old woman with a wheelchair filled with guns.

Helga Line is also in this, which you can say about just around every other Eurospy movie of this era. This is not a bad thing. So does Ida Galli, who was in plenty of other movies under plenty of other names like Arianna, Evelyn Stewart and Isli Oberon. She’s in Fuci’s The Psychic, The Sweet Body of Deborah, Footprints On the Moon, The Bloodstained Butterfly, The Case of the Scorpion’s Tail, The Whip and the Body and so many more.

Villain Kobre Zoltan — who seeks to steal nuclear missiles from a submarine on the ocean’s floor — is played by Jacques Bergerac, who was the fourth husband of Ginger Rogers.

The first Austin Powers film was a modest success, but this was a monster, earning more its first weekend than the first film did in the entire time that it was in theaters.

After getting married to Ms. Kensington in the last film, it turns out that she’s one of the fembots. She attempts to kill Austin before self-destructing. Our hero grieves briefly before realizing that he’s single. And then we’re off to more hijinks.

Dr. Evil’s plan this time is to go back in time to 1969 and steal Austin’s mojo. Our hero also goes back in time — meeting CIA Agent Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) — before battling younger versions of Number 2 (Rob Lowe instead of Robert Wagner) and Frau Farbissina (still Mindy Sterling).

This film also adds Verne Troyer as Mini-Me, who is as much based on Knick-Knack from The Man with the Golden Gun as he is Majai, the miniature form of Dr. Moreau from the 1996 version of the film.

When Graham was asked to audition for the role, at Mike Myers’ request, she was saved from what she saw as a potential career-ending mistake. She was seriously considering accepting a major part in a softcore lesbian movie after not having any film roles for a year and a half. The first thing she did after getting paid for this movie? Buy a copy of the movie in which she would have appeared.

Thanks to the suggestive title, this movie has multiple titles all over the world. In Argentina? Austin Powers: The Seductive Spy. In Brazil? Austin Powers: The Agent Bond In Bed. Finland: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shoved Me. France? Austin Powers: The Spy Who Pulled Me. Germany? Austin Powers: Spy in a Secret Missionary Position. Iceland got even dirtier with Austin Powers: The Spy Who Nailed Me. In Japan, it was Austin Powers Deluxe. Norway was Austin Powers: The Spy Who Spermed Me. And Poland was softer with Austin Powers: A Spy Who Never Dies.

While this was in theaters for a long time following, Austin Powers impressions were all the rage. Perhaps more people cared about a parody of Bond than Bond himself, if only for a short period of time.

Director Jamaal Burden made the 2018 movie Elves which has nothing to do with the Nazi elf epic Elves. Now he’s made a movie called Abominable that has nothing to do with the cartoon Abominable.

A research team is looking for a special plant that medical research believes can cure almost anything. Of course, much like every movie that influenced by The Thing or Alien, a previous expedition didn’t go so well. Now, the yeti that killed the last team is on its way for these guys, too.

Abominable is available on demand and on DVD April 14 from Uncork’d Entertainment.

DISCLAIMER: We were sent this movie by its PR team.

One year later, One Missed Call 2 continues the story of cursed cell phone calls.

Kindergarten teacher Kyoko Okudera and her friend Madoka Uchiyama are eating at the restaurant where Kyoko’s boyfriend Naoto Sakurai works. The chef, Mr. Wang, gets one of the cursed calls from his daughter’s phone, which immediately sets his face on fire.

Yumi Nakamura — the survivor of the first film — is still missing ever since she killed Hiroshi Yamashita a year before. Now, the killings are about to start all over again.

These cursed cell calls are happening all over Taiwan, always leaving behind traces of coal. The truth is that Mimiko has not been stopped and neither has her reign of terror.

The second of these films is directed by Renpei Tsukamoto, who has spent much of his time directing TV miniseries.

This film is available on the One Missed Call Trilogy release from Arrow Video. Not only does it have all three films in high-def 1080p, it also features plenty of extras for each film. This one includes an alternate ending, the making of the movie, a short film by the director entitled Gomu, deleted scenes and a music video.

DISCLAIMER: This set was sent to us by Arrow Video.

When Octopussy came out, I was 11 years old and in full James Bond fever. I’d been watching all the old ones on ABC and HBO whenever they were on and playing the Victory Games James Bond 007 role playing game. I was probably more excited for this movie than anything else that year.

That same year, Bond would also be back — as would Sean Connery — in Never Say Never Again. This is the 007 movie I saw in the theater. I saw that one on HBO.

British agent 009 is killed, but abe to reach the British Ambassador, where his body shows up dressed as a circus clown and carrying a fake Faberge egg. This draws 007 into the orbit of Afghan prince Kamal Khan (Dr. Arcane from Swamp Thing), who has been smuggling Russian treasures to the West with the help of a circus owned by Octopussy (Maud Adams, who was also in The Man with the Golden Gun).

The title comes from the Ian Fleming short stories compendium Octopussy and The Living Daylights. Hardly any of the plot of the short story Octopussy was used, with the auction scene taken from The Property of a Lady and other parts from Moonraker.

Much like Connery, Moore began to tire of playing 007. His original contract had only been for three films, which ended with the The Spy Who Loved Me. The producers even started looking for a new Bond, with Timothy Dalton as a suggestion and tests being filmed with between Maud Adams and both Michael Billington and James Brolin. Yet once Never Say Never Again was announced, Moore was brought back.

Octopussy herself was supposedly going to be played by Sybil Danning, Faye Dunaway, Barbara Carrera, Persis Khambatta and Susie Coelho. Seeing as how Maud Adams was already doing those screentests, she was brought in and darkened her hair to play the Indian-born Octopussy, depsite being Swedish.

This movie is also the first time I ever saw my father swear. We took one of our neighbors to see it, who may have never even seen a film in the theater before by the way he behaved. He kept asking my dad if James Bond was going to die, until completely infuriated, my father blew up. It still makes me laugh to this day.