There are people that say there’s no such thing as a perfect movie. Those people have never seen Death Race 2000, a film that’s packed with pop culture references, ultraviolence, black humor, political commentary and great character moments.

After the “World Crash of ’79”, the United States government declares martial law. To keep the people happy, the Transcontinental Road Race is created. It’s a race across the country — ala Cannonball Run — except that drivers score points for killing people.

This is the twentieth race and each driver has their own character and themed car, including the mysterious champion Frankenstein (David Carradine, Kill Bill) who has been torn apart and rebuilt so many times, no one is sure what parts of him are real any longer; Machine Gun Joe (Sylvester Stallone, Rocky), a Chicago gangster who calls people mashed potato and will even drive over his own pit crew for points; Calamity Jane (Mary Woronov, Night of the Comet), a tough cowgirl; Nero the Hero (Martin Kove, Kreese from the Karate Kid!) and Matilda the Hun (Roberta Collins, Eaten Alive, Caged Heat), a Nazi. They each have a navigator who is also generally their sexual partner.

Covering the race is a parody of network news coverage — that would become even more true in today’s Fox News and CNN climate — which includes loudmouth Junior Bruce (Don Steele, Rockin’ Ricky Rialto from Gremlins), Harold, who is pretty much Howard Cosell and Grace Pander, the gossip columnist who refers to everyone as her close personal friend.

Meanwhile, Thomasina Paine, the great great great great and maybe even great-granddaughter of American Revolutionary Thomas Paine is sabotaging the race to rebel against the President. These revolutionaries have even placed Annie, Thomasina’s granddaughter, into the race as Frankenstein’s new navigator. That said — the government keeps covering up all of the deaths of the racers and blame it all on the French — who have already destroyed the country’s phone system — one of director Paul Bartel’s (Eating Raoul) favorite jokes. In fact, the film was packed with even more silliness before Roger Corman chopped out most of the strangeness that Bartel loved so much.

Everyone but Machine Gun Joe and Frankenstein are left in the race. Before the final day of the race, Annie learns that Frankenstein isn’t even the original man — he was a ward of the state who was raised from birth to compete in the Death Race. When he’s used up, another will take his place. And he’s closer to the spirit of the rebels than Annie would ever think — he plans on using his fake right hand to blow up the President. Of course, that was the plan. But Annie saves Frankenstein using this “hand” grenade in the final battle

Frankenstein is injured, so Annie takes his place and tries to stab the President. But her own grandmother shoots her, as she wants revenge thinking that the champion Death Racer had killed her granddaughter. And this all takes place after the President declares war on the French and appoints Frankenstein to lead his armies!

The real Frankenstein recovers and runs over the President to the roar of the crowd. He becomes President, marries Annie and runs over Junior Bruce as he puts an end to the Death Race.

This film may have been remade (and there are several sequels to that franchise) and Corman finally put out Death Race 2050, his own sequel to the film, in 2017. But do we need anything else when the original is so epic? It’s so much fun, punctuated by moments of sheer lunacy. Viva la Death Race 2000!

Remember how awesome the video store was? MVD sure does and their Rewind Collection series is here to celebrate “cult classics and more from the video store” with blu ray and DVD collector’s sets loaded with special features. Many of the films in this series — which are numbered and come in a slipcase that looks like an actual beat up rental box — haven’t been released on blu ray in North America and some have never even been released on DVD!

The first MVD Rewind release I’ve had the chance to watch is 1988’s Bram Stoker’s Shadowbuilder. It’s all about an evil archbishop and his followers who have brought a demon to our world with the hopes of destroying it. It’s able to turn anything to shadows which fade away in the light, but that very same demon is also afraid of light. Yet with each kill, it grows stronger and harder to kill, as well as gaining the power to control dogs.

Now, the demon has a young boy in its crosshairs, as that child has the potential to be a saint. Killing him will open the doorway to Hell and allow more demons loose into our realm of existence. Luckily, a renegade priest named Jacob Vassey (Michael Rooker from Guardians of the Galaxy, but I’m certain readers of this site can name many other films he’s been in) is ready to battle the Shadowbuilder. And hey! There’s Tony Todd with long hair and an eye patch (he’s also amazing in the making of feature, with every word out of his mouth sounding like poetry)! There’s also a really interesting section where actor Andrew Jackson, who played the Shadowbuilder, talks about how the voice of the villain came to be.

I’m certain that in 1988, having the Catholic Church be the bad guys felt pretty edgy. But today? I think today we can all accept that they’re probably housing Shadowbuilders. Also, if you’re guessing that this story has little to do with the original story, then you were renting movies in the 1980’s too! That said, the making of feature explains exactly how the original tale inspired it, including writer Michael Stokes, who has gone on to write for the kid’s show Paw Patrol!

Director Jamie Dixon keeps things moving. He only has one other directing credit to his name, the TV movie Bats: Human Harvest. However, he’s been the visual effects supervisor for films such as Prometheus, The Chronicles of Riddick, Titanic and so many more.

Beyond the great packaging (complete with poster and reversible artwork) and 1080p transfer, MVD really brings it here with the special features, including commentary from the director and features like its visual effects, child star Kevin Zegers, who was also in the Air Bud series and The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, and the aforementioned making of the film.

Diabolik DVD has this release as well as the entire MVD catalog. This was just released on August 28, so hurry and grab it today! It hits all the buttons here — Michael Rooker, occult horror, killer dogs, a cool looking bad guy…it’s as if it was made for this site!

Disclaimer: I was sent this movie by its PR team, but as you know, that has no bearing on my review.

From the first scene in this film, a journey across the world with propaganda messages across familiar landmarks and a gun battle that feels like a First Person Shooter, Gamer feels way more dated than a movie that came out nine years ago.

Gamer is a world of what the late 90’s and early 2000’s saw as our future: blips, ultraviolence, video games, nu-metal and reality TV. I hate to say that for the most part, it’s gotten a lot of it correct.

In 2034, Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, Dexter) invents self-replicating technology that replaces brain tissue, allowing people to control one another and see through their eyes. Called Nanex, Castle uses this technology to create Society, a virtual life game ala Second Life (remember that?). His next idea is Slayers, a game that allows people to control prisoners on death row as they battle in a gladiator arena. Any Slayer that survives the game thirty times gets their freedom. But that’s never happened.

John “Kable” Tillman (Gerard Butler, 300) is the most popular Slayer there is. He’s made the record for survival — 27 matches — all controlled by Simon (Logan Lerman, The Perks of Being a Wallflower), a rich kid and superstar gamer.

Meanwhile, Humanz (they are from the streets, as the z will tell you), an anti-Slayers organization, hacks the Gina Parker Smith (Kyra Sedgwick, Singles, Hearts and Souls) Show when Castle makes an appearance. Their voice comes from Brother, played by Ludacris. Remember when I told you this movie was firmly of its time?

Castle is more concerned with the fact that Kable might win Slayers, so he brings in a new player, Hackman (Terry Crews, The Expendables), a psychotic inmate who is not controlled by a player and who suffers no lag time.

There’s also a guy named Freek (John Leguizamo, Spawn) who befriends Kable. And oh yeah, Kable’s wife Nika (Amber Valetta, What Lies Beneath) is a Society avatar who is rich from being part of the game but can’t get their daughter, Delia, back.

Holy shit, the Society game. It’s every late 1990’s teenage daydream on crack and filtered through pure scum and not in a good, fun Eurohorror way, either. There are characters like Vaginablender and mostly players either have sex or rollerblade or rollerblade while having sex.

There’s a horrible scene here where Simon talks to his female fans, including Stikkimuffin, his sister SISSYPUSS, a girl with a tongue that’s been pierced 25 times or so and two British twins named Kumdumpstaz. It looks like it was filmed inside a bottle of Mountain Dew and then someone jacked off all over it.

Meanwhile, the Humanz contact Kable and Simon, warning them that there’s no escape. Instead, they modify Kable to control himself again. Simon is labeled a cheater, has all of his assets frozen and the FBI investigates him (Keith David shows up!).

Kable heads to the Humanz’ HQ, but he refuses to be part of the fight. Instead, he finds and rescues his wife before meeting up with the talk show host — who is really helping the Humanz. Once his nanites are deactivated, Kable remembers that he was tested on while in the military and Castle mentally controlled him, forcing him to kill his best friend.

Of course, the main bad guy in the movie was the person who stole Kastle’s daughter.

Of course, he goes to get her back.

Of course, Castle has already killed all of the Humanz.

Castle reveals that he has a brain that is 90% nanites and thanks to an airborne virus, he’ll soon control the whole country. Hackman then attacks, but Kable kills him quickly. But Castle stops our hero, as his nanites have been reactivated.

But wait! Gina and Trace (Alison Lohman, Drag Me to Hell) have survived and hack their way in. They reveal the secrets of Castle to the world and allow Simon to have control of Kable all over again.

Just in time — Castle was trying to get Kable to kill his own daughter, but Simon and Castle are now battling for control. Finally, Tillman tells Castle to imagine being stabbed, which allows him to break his control and kill the final boss. Then, he deactivates both Slayers and Society.

Finally, the Tillman family walks down a country road when the words “Game Over” appear. I’d ask if this was all a dream, but I’m not certain this movie is ready to make a narrative jump like that.

Gamer comes from the team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who were also responsible for Crank, Crank: High Voltage, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and The Vatican Tapes. Whereas the Crank films feel like gleeful bursts of anarchy, this is a movie made by a mainstream studio that seeks to bite the hand that feeds. And unlike a film like They Live that escapes from the big budget process, this film takes so much glee in showing us the Slayers and Society worlds that you tend to wonder which side of the coin they are falling upon.

Also — Michael C. Hall appears to be in a completely different movie than everyone else. It’s like he wanted to sing and dance through an entire scene, so they said, “Hey, why not?”

Oh man — I also forgot that there’s a scene where Kable fills up a car by drinking gasoline, then puking and pissing into a gas tank. If this makes you want to watch this film, have at it!

It’s hard for me to explain the cultural behemoth that The Gong Show was when it debuted. Originally airing on NBC from June 14, 1976 to July 21, 1978 (and in first-run syndication from 1976 to 1980), the show was basically a talent contest with celebrity judges that graded the talent and could gong — meaning they’d have to stop their act — those who had no talent to speak of.

Sure, there were clunkers, but the show also featured real talent, such as Andrea McArdle (Broadway’s Annie), Cheryl Lynn (disco hit “To Be Real”), Paul Reubens and John Paragon (who would go on to become Pee Wee Herman and Jambi the Genie), Police Academy’s Michael Winslow, Boxcar Willie, Oingo Boingo (which had future composer Danny Elfman in the band), actress Mare Winningham and more.

But more famously, there were reoccurring characters like the Unknown Comic (he wore a bag on his head) and Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, as well as risque acts like the Popsicle Twins, who basically performed oral sex on, well, popsicles. They are considered the main reason why the show was moved from NBC to syndication (and one of the times when creator Chuck Barris said he began to reconsider his career). Of note, the other reason NBC canceled the show, judge Jaye P. Morgan flashing her breasts, appears in this film uncensored.

Barris is an interesting character study himself. He wrote the song “Palisades Park,” as well as creating The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game. He never intended to host the show, but did so to save it. Watching his appearances today, you’re reminded that while there weren’t as many entertainment options in the 70’s, there was plenty of coke. Where life gets really wild is that in his book Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, he confessed that states that he worked as a CIA assassin, killing 33 people while acting as a chaperone on The Dating Game‘s big vacation dates (although the CIA denies this and Barris even later stated that the novel was his fictionalized account of how his life would have been different had he become an agent).

Which brings us to 1980’s The Gong Show Movie.

Written by Barris and Robert Downey Sr., the film is all about a week in the life of the show (including a nervous breakdown which Barris may have really had at one point, of which he said, “I had a small nervous breakdown out there, doing strange things. When I see films of the last shows, I was walking around, busting up [studio] flats on the air. That was the behavior of a host who was bored to death.”).

Indeed, Barris starts the film exhausted and miserable, in direct juxtaposition to his manic on-air character. The first song, “Sometimes It Just Don’t Pay to Get Up,” (which was, like all the movie’s songs, written by Baris) sets up the defeatist tone. Barris is overwhelmed by the attention the show brings him as well as the work it takes to get the show on the air.

We see a quick glimpse of the show — hey, there’s the Unknown Comic, there’s Hard Boiled Haggerty, there’s Tony Randall — just so we remember why we’re here. Yet even in the moments where the film tries to be fun, a man named Melvin and his chicken dance leads to a heart attack after Barris makes the man do encore after encore. Even when Barris tries to atone by visiting the man in the hospital, he is faced with a constant barrage of people wanting to try out for the show — including the sick man!

What was it about the 70’s that led to the need to see our heroes get shat upon? Think of the trials that Rocky endured in his sequel or Altman’s Popeye whose miserable life includes the fact that he hates spinach?

The film then descends into auteur — or maybe vanity — territory as Barris attends a country music recording session which turns into a montage. He watches a man abuse his wife and intervenes, only to have them both attack him (a bit taken from Buster Keaton’s Our Hospitality). And then, a discussion with his girlfriend ends up with him being attacked by two men whose mother he had gonged (character actor par excellence Vincent Schiavelli is one of them).

Another montage of clips follows, including Danny Devito singing, a group of girls in Alice Cooper makeup, a priest swearing, old women with falsetto voices, eggs being smashed and poured onto people, a crucified man singing “Please Release Me,” the infamous Popsicle Twins performance and Jaye P. Morgan’s baring her breasts uncensored.

Barris is harassed about the content of the show by his boss as he leaves. He sneaks into a restaurant where the maître d’ Raoul (Rip Taylor!) gives him a table inside the kitchen and the cook forces him to listen to a song. Meanwhile, another man is cooking naked in the background. The new boss finds him at dinner and follows him the whole way into the bathroom, where an excited fan pisses on Barris.

The boss even follows him to his house, where he interrupts breakfast in bed. This is followed by a montage of people waking up, with the Unknown Comic waking to his bag headed wife and Jaye P. Morgan in bed with numerous men.

Barris then meets with Morgan to discuss her behavior and that she acts too dirty on the air. Then it’s time for another montage of people getting ready for the show shot cinéma vérité style. Then Della Barris, Chuck’s real-life daughter, shows up and announces her plans to marry NBA star Bill Bridges. It’s at this point that I discovered that Barris’ love interest in the film, Robin Altman, was really his girlfriend at the time. In a 1980 People article, Barris said, “Robin used to work in our accounting department, but she was going with someone else, so I had to play it just hugs and kisses and copping a little feel. Then I threw my back out, and she came over with these heating pads because she had the same problem. We’ve been living together ever since.” The 70’s and 80’s, everyone!

Then it’s time for another montage, which ends with a pause on Barris’ face that stays on screen for way too long to hammer home the host’s nervous breakdown. Barris meets a doctor who he tells just how much he hates The Gong Show and how he needs to do something meaningful. She tells him that he needs to get away.

Somehow, Barris telling a joke leads to an argument which leads to him breaking up with his girlfriend. Which, of course, leads to another montage. Actually, it’s just one scene of him alone in the park with sad music. No, I take that back. It’s time for another montage, set to another listening of “Sometimes It Just Don’t Pay to Get Up.”

But Barris can’t escape The Gong Show. Even heading to a small diner in the middle of nowhere leads to the waitresses auditioning. So he heads to the airport and tries to fly out of town. A guy walks right up to him in line (Phil Hartman!) with a gun, because pre-9/11 these things just happened.

Barris takes a one-way ticket to Morocco and walks into the middle of the desert. If you think you’re not going to get a montage, you haven’t been watching this movie. We get view after view of Chuckie Baby crossing the desert to the tune of a sad piano.  Finally, a helicopter lands and his boss gets out. Everyone wants him back and the USC Trojan marching band appears, marching over the dunes (seriously, after playing on a coked up Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk,” this is not the strangest thing this school band has ever been involved in). Everyone in Barris’ life comes out to sing a big musical number, including Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. Everyone thanks him as they sing “Don’t Get Up for Me.”

How does it all end? Another montage of show clips that ends with a man farting out a candle, which causes the new boss to faint. Did you expect anything different?

This is a film packed with cameos and character parts, like Mabel King (Mama from What’s Happening!), Harvey Lembeck, Ed Marinaro, baseball star Steve Garvey, Jamie Farr, Rosey Grier, Kitten Natividad and Taylor Negron, who must show up for a cameo in every movie made in the 1980’s.

You can watch this as a time capsule. You can watch it as a fascinating study in determining the difference between an auteur film or a vanity project. Or you can just be happy to see uncensored clips from the show. If you were born after The Gong Show graced the airwaves or have no interest in celebrity-obsessed 70’s pop culture, none of this will make sense.

The Gong Show Movie was in and out of theaters in less time than it took you to read this article. It did play on HBO, but wasn’t released on VHS. It finally came out on blu ray from Shout! Factory in 2016.

One of the coolest parts of doing this site is having filmmakers reach out to us. For example, this email: “My name is Matt Frame, director of ‘Camp Death III in 2D!’ Enjoyed your Friday the 13th Part III review and thought my film might be up your alley. It’s a comedy/horror parody of ‘Friday the 13th Part III 3D.’ We just completed the film and are about to launch our festival run. We’d be honored if you would consider watching the first 5 minutes of the film and/or the trailer. If you dig what you see then feel free to watch further.”

Good news, Matt. We watched the whole movie!

Matt sent us the link for his “$35,000 Canadian opus,” which he also told us, “someone described it as ‘the most horrible GOOD movie I’ve ever seen’ so bear that in mind.” I told him that I spend good money on Claudio Fragasso movies that no one in the United States knows or cares about, so there was a good bet I’d love whatever he did.

For someone like me that not only spent an entire week reviewing the entire Friday the 13th series, loves Sleepaway Camp and can count the slashers in my DVD collection in triple digits, Camp Death 3 in 2D! hits all the right buttons. It also helps that its gory heart in firmly in Caddyshack and Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker territory. Sure, there’s a narrative here, but the film works best as a collection of sight gags. Those are my favorite kind of films, where the description is as simple as “a family goes on a vacation, hijinks ensure” or “there’s a golf tournament, hijinks ensue.”

Camp Crystal Meph has reopened…again. Yet the scurvy and male pattern baldness ravaged death machine known as Johann Van Damme can’t be stopped. Head Counsellor Todd Boogjumper has a dream to convert the camp into a rehab center for adults who are either completely stupid or unable to contain their violent impulses. Joined by his Uncle Mel (who once was talked by the trees into fighting a lake), his guitar playing girlfriend Rachel and other counselors, the camp opens again. But now, the killings begin again. Is it Johann? Is it a copycat? Is it the squirrels who roam the camp and try to kill Uncle Mel every few minutes?

Crowdfunded in 2014, this movie took 14 months to shoot all over British Columbia. It looks awesome and is also a film unafraid to use B roll cutaways to establish mood (and then establish, establish and establish again). One of the ways it was funded was by director Matt Frame setting a world record by non-stop walking for 24 hours and 109 kilometers with a coconut strapped to his waist.

If you’re looking for gore, look no further. This one features around 80 onscreen deaths that Joe Bob Briggs would have a field day describing. Sure, there’s some computer aided stuff, but there’s also plenty of practical blood spraying here. Between all the red stuff and the frequent allusions to a whole red rainbow of slashers and other films, there’s plenty to enjoy here.

How funny is it? Well, that depends. My sense of humor runs toward The Kentucky Fried Movie variety as much as it does Mr. Show and SCTV, so I liked a lot of the jokes. You’ll also find more to like here the more 1980’s movies you’ve seen. It’s also completely unafraid to be beyond politically incorrrect in its humor, so if you’re eaisly offended, you might want to find another movie (or get a little more open minded).

Thanks for sending this our way, Matt. You’ve made our day! For more info on the film, head on over to its Facebook page!

As a large ship drifts into New York City, you may wonder, “Am I watching Zombi?” No, you’re watching Contamination or Alien Contamination, but the similarities may be international. Both films shared the same production offices and director Luigi Cozzi (Starcrash, Hercules) was so impressed that he wanted to hire the same cast, but only ended up with Ian McCulloch.

The ship is packed with large containers of coffee, which really hide green eggs that pulsate and make droning sounds. The crew of the ship is more than just dead. They’re in pieces and the rescue team soon discovers why. The eggs tend to explode, spraying acid all over the place that’s toxic to anything human. As soon as it touches them, they explode in glorious slow motion bursts of red food color and Karo syrup.

The military soon links the green eggs with a recent mission to Mars that caused one astronaut to disappear and the other, Commander Hubbard (there’s Ian McCulloch!) to become a drunk. He joins Colonel Stella Holmes and New York cop Tony Aris (Marino Masé, The Red Queen Kills Seven Times) on the case, which takes them all the way to a Columbian coffee plantation (well, the movie was funded by Columbia cocaine dealers) and Hubbard’s old partner, who is now in the thrall of a gigantic alien cyclops (!).

Originally intended as a straight sequel to Alien, this movie enters James Bond territory at times and is not afraid — at all — to wipe out characters left and right. It also has a scene where a green egg menaces a girl in the shower, which should be frightening yet comes off as hilarious. That said, this has a loud Goblin soundtrack that makes this seem like a much better movie than it is.

But hey — who can hate a movie with dialogue like this?

NYPD Lt. Tony Aris: Jesus Christ, the whole world is going to be wiped out and all this broad’s worried about is getting changed!

Colonel Stella Holmes: Listen, Aris, if I have to die with the rest of the world then I want to have a proper dress on and clean underwear.

That’s better than the first few minutes of the film, where almost the entire dialogue is muffled. But hey — you can either choose great dialogue or awesome gore. Guess which one you get here?

Want to see it for yourself? Shudder and Amazon Prime both have this streaming and you can get the Arrow blu ray at Diabolik DVD.

UPDATE: You can also watch this with commentary from Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder.