Look, if all director and writer Nathan Rumler (Fangboner, Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ) had done was write this movie’s tagline, “For God’s sake, get off!” and never even made the movie, we’d be fine.
However, I made a deal with a lesser demon to get Arrow blu rays for free, which means that now I must review every Amityvlille movie or pay for their latest releases with something worth way more than my paycheck.
Cathy (Corella Waring, CarousHELL) has done the unthinkable. She’s bought a marital aid at a yard sale, which may be the most wrong of the many wrong things in this movie. The more she and her girlfriend Roxi (Mallory Maneater) use the titular evil wand upon one another, the more chance that the demons that possessed the residents of 112 Ocean Avenue will find their way into their loins. And their souls, I guess.
Also, the vibrator can talk.
Also, there’s Spanky, a possessed ventriloquist dummy that rips off a man’s face and then has sex with a woman.
Also, there’s a murder scene juxtaposed with a sex scene.
Also, a character asks “Perform an exorcism on my (slang for part of anatomy).”
Also, two characters take mushrooms in the woods for real and in real time we watch them wander all over the place.
Meanwhile, Chad (Rumler) — the ex-boyfriend of Cathy — and his partner Mallory (Emily Hilborn) are kind of cosplaying Friday the 13th the Series except they are hunting down all of the cursed objects from the DeFeo house and only have one object left. Yes, the magical vibrator.
That said, in no way is this movie for anyone easily offended by, well, anything. It’s exactly what it promises to be and much, much worse. It’s a grimy, gross and upsetting movie that’s definitely going to have an audience. And well, I guess I’m in it because I have to see every Amityville movie and write them up if I want that UHD of They Call Her One Eye without suffering in Hell for all eternity.
Mitigating factor: a male cover version of the spraying amputation in Tenebre, copious amounts of well-done gore and people who are all obviously having fun making this. Honestly, this movie gave me the same feelings I had watching Cannibal Holocaust and that says to me that despite watching every Bruno Mattei and Joe D’Amato movie this year, I am still human after all.
The Amityville Harvest might be set in Amityville — which is more than so many in the series can say — but it also has a vampire that encounters a documentary crew so it was none of that whole “is it supernatural or not?” questions that the series usually deals with. Then again, there have been Amityville sharks and werewolves now, not to mention Amityville Vampire.
This time, the aforementioned documentary crew visits the home of a man who says that he has a story to tell about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. It turns out that Vincent Miller (Kyle Lowder, who was on Days of Our Lives as Brady Black for two decades) is a former Confederate soldier turned vampire who doesn’t show up on anything the crew records, which is a nice touch.
There are also ghosts and zombies, in case this movie needed more things to happen, as well as Yan Birch from The People Under the Stairs and the face of Pazuzu Eileen Dietz.
It’s also one of three Amityville movies that Thomas J. Churchill has directed and written for Lions Gate, who really seem like they should be above such matters. That’s probably why everyone watches — and talks about — the director’s 2014 movie The Day of the Living Dead.
I guess there’s something for everyone unless you’re, you know, looking for an actual Amityville movie.
Produced by Danny Glover, who stars as Mark Walker, The Drummer is a series of interconnected stories that show exactly how war impacts those that fight in it.
Walker is a Vietnam war vet and advocate for those with PTSD who works in a coffee shop called The Drummer, a place where soldiers can freely discuss their feelings with a man who has lived the same life they have.
Glover said of the film, “My brother was a Vietnam vet, given to the recent announcement that there are more veterans suicide than soldiers killed in Iraq makes the film TheDrummer more timely than ever.”
For only making two movies, director and co-writer (with Jessica Gohlke) Eric Werthman turns in a movie that’s rich with drama and reaches to tell the viewer just how rough life is for those that have to shut off living in hell.
I have to thank Bradley Steele Harding for recommending that I watch this while also realizing that his suggestion that I watch this film is like something out of Japanese horror. I’m now obsessed by Cybela Clare and not only want to watch all of her movies, I want to know where she came from, where she’s going and if she wants me to mix her some drinks.
Her Instagram is a mix of images from the film and selfies, telling me not much. According to a 2009 Philadelphia Inquirer piece, she’s from the Rittenhouse Square neighborhood of Philadelphia and paints her as an outsider artist.
But let me tell you, you don’t make this kind of movie without being a believer. And this isn’t a “so bad it’s good” laugh off — I don’t believe in that “so bad” term — but more an exploration of exactly what this movie is all about.
The other info I’ve found comes from IMDB: Cybela is fluent in six languages, an Ivy League graduate and former Drama Tutor at Harvard University. She’s also a member of the Explorers Club and has traveled the world documenting international wildlife rescues, which have been incorporated in several of her films.
Starting with a quote from Arthur Schopenhauer, who said that the phenomenal world was the product of a blind noumenal will, this movie already sets itself up to be anything like the millions of conspiracy docs that litter Tubi: “All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident.”
So alright. Let’s move past making fun, let’s not argue and let’s accept this movie. Good? Great.
Man, I have so many questions, so consider this my attempt to reach out across reality and ask Cybela to answer them:
Why is this movie a documentary sometimes and a narrative other times?
Why exactly are aliens coming to our planet?
If people want to cover this up, how have you been making movies for over a decade and been able to post them to Tubi and Amazon Prime?
Have you ever seen Tribulation 99?
Did you pay for this movie all by yourself?
Did this play in a theater?
What are your filmmaking influences?
How many birds do you have?
Did this movie really cost $2 million?
How do you stay so happy-go-lucky in the face of danger?
Is Baby Rainbow still around?
If you ever listened to Coast to Coast when it mattered, you’ll recognize people like Jim Marrs (who wrote Crossfire, one of the sources for Oliver Stone’s J.F.K.), Nick Pope (who ran the UK Ministry of Defence’s UFO desk), UFO researcher Robert Salas, abductee Carrie Boyer, Richard C. Hoagland, Canadian politician Paul Hellyer, Lt. Col. USAF Donald Ware, Linda Moulton Howe, George Filer, original Roswell investigator Stanton Friedman, Clifford E. Stone and more. They all appear in this to add their thoughts as the story moves from narrative to documentary. There’s also a psychic artist named Yanni who is working with the aliens in the hope of saving the humans by revealing the secrets to Cleo which she will tell us through this film.
Yanni Posnakoff is also a real person who sees angels and is devoted to painting 10,000 of them in his lifetime. So is he real? Or is he part of the story? Are any of us real?
There’s also a flashback to when Cybela was abducted as a child and lost her bird Spooky, as well as plenty of moments where we learn the connection to her bird Baby, who is played by her bird Baby Rainbow. It also becomes a spy adventure as well as a real-life version of Footprints on the Moon with no Klaus Kinski to abuse our heroine.
I’m sure by now that you’ve heard of my theory of movies that feel like they were beamed to us from another dimension, a place where they think they’re making a movie about humans but obviously have no clue how humanity acts. This movie goes beyond those men in black-made films to somehow become an auteur absolute film that we cannot hope to understand if we’re not its creator, perhaps even more baffling than a movie like The Astrologer. This feels like it was made for no one other than the bird-loving heroine at its heart and yet she has decided to bestow this gift upon us.
I don’t want to understand this movie better. I want it to baffle me for the rest of my life.
Please watch this on Tubi or Amazon Prime and help me figure it out.
“The Belle Witches have to revisit their magical talents to deter the evil Dominique Marcom from trying to raise the demon Botis into the world.”
You may read the sell line from this and wonder — a movie with an alternate title of Witches of Amityville Academy — “Is this an Amityville movie?” And i”m wondering, “Are all movies Amityville movies?” Because at this point, I feel like I’m in a non-Faustian bargain. I feel compelled to watch all of these movies and really get no reward.
After receiving an acceptance letter from Dominique’s (Amanda Jade-Tyler, who is in the upcoming Amityvole Scarecrow 2 and oh no, I have to watch that one as well) prestigious Amityville Academy for witches, Jessica (Sarah T. Cohen, who was in Hellkat and Medusa) soon learns that only the Belle Witches can save her from a demon. A demon named Bortis who is also known as Otis — I am not making that up — and is discussed in the Lesser Key of Solomon as a President and an Earl who initially appears as a viper before changing into a sword-toting, fanged and horned human who likes to talk about the past, present and future. He also rules 60 legions of demons.
The good witches of this movie all definitely shop at Ann Taylor Loft and Pottery Barn because they look late 40s attractive upper class — I’d say South Hills but yinz aren’t all from Pittsburgh — and they just like to chill and sip on tea and gossip. Sam (Kira Reed Lorsch, Chained Heat 2001: Slave Lovers and on Playboy’s Sexcetera before being an early internet adult adopter and creating Married Couple Live with her husband in the early 2000s), Ellena (Brittan Taylor, Space Girls in Beverly Hills) and Lucy (Donna Spangler, who was The Coal Miner’s Daughter in the wrestling group POWW and also played Hugs Higgins in the Andy Sidaris movie Guns, Mee-Shell in Dinosaur Valley Girls and Katanna in Space Girls in BeverlyHills) are those Belle Witches and they’re fabulous.
Director Rebecca Matthews (The Candy Witch, Pet Graveyard) and writer Tom Jolliffe (Jurassic Island) have done the impossible: they’ve made a non-Amityville Amityville movie that didn’t make me question why I do this. I’m all for a web series of the Belle Witches where they bemoan the closing of Chicco’s in their mall or battle a series of zombie Karens or just sit around and drink tea and talk about their husbands.
There are movies that pleasantly surprise you. Then there’s this third feature film by the Lammiman brothers, Dallas and Greg: Greg’s the writer; Dallas is the director. The “surprise” behind the film: it eschews the usual apocalypse trappings of man battling the prophesied Beast of Revelations.
Instead — with an influence of such Young Adult Films as The Hunger Games and Divergent franchises, but with the scrappy-inventivness of a Roger Corman ’80s space opera, e.g., Battle Beyond the Stars — we get a science fiction updating of the tale of the Mayflower. That fabled vessel and its passengers left England in 1620 to separate themselves from the Church of England, so as to find religious freedom; they eventually ended up in a “new Promised Land” in America, where they established the Plymouth Colony on the coast of Massachusetts.
The first Mayflower carried persecuted believers to the new world. The second Mayflower carries them to space.
Now, the new Mayflower II will transport persecuted Christians to an established utopian colony on Mars. However, as with most secular science fiction films dealing with “utopias” — for me, since I recently reviewed it, the Italian sci-horror import, Crucified (2021), comes to mind — that “promised land” is more corrupt and oppressive than the land the downtrodden left behind: this one overlorded by a defacto-styled Antichrist named Nero.
The questions the film ponders: As a believer, where do you stand with God? Faced with persecution for your beliefs, will you chose to follow the authority of man or rise up in revolt and remain faithful to God? Which is the greater fear in your life: God or man?
The Lammiman’s “Christian Sci-Fi” production from 2012, set in the future of 2050.
Needless to say, we are up against-the-budget, here, so, as with most Christian films: the main goal is to spread the world of the Lord, while providing wholesome, alternative entertainment for those off-put by secular science fiction films. As such, and referring back to films such as the Kendrick brothers’ (of Sherwood Pictures fame) really fine Flywheel: we’re dealing with a lot of first time actors and crew members, some professional; others volunteers, so the acting is rough in spots; some thespin’ better than others.
There’s very little in the way of shot-in-camera practical effects (what film today really has them), and what practical effects there are, well . . . the weapons look like (expertly) retrofitted Nerf rifles and pistols — and probably are (the lightning-bolt disruptor rays are decent, as are the holograms and touch screen controls; the surveillance drones are production-solid). There’s not much in the “futuristic” costuming department, but what little there is — in the way of the old, retrofitted hockey-motocross geared-up soldiers gag, and the off-the-Nutcracker-costume-rack military dresses — it looks just as good as any VHS’er of the video shelf ’80s or the Syfy Channel (before the double “y”) direct-to-DVD romps of the ’90s. The space ship interiors aren’t as effective as an old Roger Corman ’80s space opera, but certainly better than, and not as goofy-chinzy as, an Alfonzo Brescia ’80s Star Wars rip (Star Odyssey). The CGI work, however, while not exactly Star Trek: The Next Generation — but wants to be — is (very) effectively close to the style of that series.
As for the story . . . well, if you’re into secular science fiction, and appreciate obscure, low-budget productions (such as my recent “Outer Space Week” reviews of Hyper Space and Space Chase, for example), you may be willing to watch. But even I have to agree: the woe-is-me, Christians-are-perpetually-persecuted plotting is a bit hokey-to-swallow. But we are dealing with the tale of the Mayflower meets the prophecies of Revelations, and, as far as Christian believers are concerned: that future threat is real and they’re committed to that belief. And you have to respect that spiritual focus.
And this film from the Lammiman brothers is an equally committed film. And a commendable one at that. And I appreciate their focus on creating wholesome, yet relevant, entertainment. I am glad I discovered Mayflower II, by accident, as I descended down a Tubi rabbit hole. I enjoyed watching it and I await the Lammiman brothers’ next, ambitious production.
You can watch Mayflower II on the Christian Movies You Tube portal or on Tubi. You can also stream it ad-free on Amazon Prime’s Dove portal. We love it when those who worked on the film find our heart-felt reviews and enjoy them — and clear up the bad web-Intel. Thanks, Lyndall!
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
In preparation for the first human mission to Mars, six volunteers take part in the ultimate dress rehearsal, living inside a year-long NASA simulation to understand the effects of isolation on the human mind. Red Heaven puts you right in there with them.
The creative team behind this film, Lauren DeFilippo and Katherine Gorringe, were intrigued by the human side of traveling to the red planet, or as they said, “…the intensity of living in a place that is totally inhospitable to us as a species all the while being completely isolated from everything you’ve ever known. We felt that was the most fascinating part, yet it was being repeatedly overlooked in the race to get to Mars.”
They found the answer with the Hawai’i Space Exploration Analogue and Simulation (Hi-SEAS), where six people would enter a small dome and be isolated from the rest of the world for an entire year as if they were on Mars. This crew was filmed for the entire year and DeFilippo and Gorringe spent five years editing the film.
The result is an intriguing film that presents what it really would be like and how people would be impacted by so much time cut off from the rest of the world. This is incredibly relevant in our pandemic world, right?
Red Heaven is available now to rent or own on AppleTV and Altavod courtesy of Utopia.
Starring and produced by award-winning actor Andy Lau (House of FlyingDaggers, Infernal Affairs, God of Gamblers), this film finds the actor playing former bomb disposal officer, Poon Shing-Fung.
Despite suffering from amnesia and the loss of his leg in an explosion five years ago, he still becomes the top suspect of a terrorist attack called Vendetta and must also evade the police and stop a terrorist group from destroying Hong Kong. That said, this movie is a new story and has nothing to do with the first movie, so you can come in fresh.
Directed and written by Herman Yau (the first Shock Wave, Ip Man: The Final Fight), this film debuted at the top of the global box office, grossing $63.9 million in its opening weekend.
Beyond Lau, one reason is the action choreography by Li Chung-Chi, the same man who is famous for The Legend of the Drunken Master, Twin Dragons and Rumble in the Bronx.
Also known as Shock Wave: Hong Kong Destruction, this movie starts with Hong Kong Airport exploding and only gets more action-packed as it moves to action scene to action scene. Lau is in his sixties but can still get you cheering for his high energy work, much less doing so much of it with just one leg (thanks to some solid CGI).
If you miss the old days of Hong Kong action, you may want to give this a try.
Shock Wave 2 is available on demand on Xfinity, Spectrum, Cox, and other cable systems, as well as DirecTV, Dish Network, AT&T U-Verse and Sling TV.
Tormented by recurring nightmares of a place she has never been, Marlene becomes tormented by the idea that this place could be real, so she has a breakdown. Her daughter Mona follows the same path her mother was on and ends up in Stainback, a small village with a big secret and a population as obsessed as her mother.
The Sonnenhugel Hotel leads to ultra vivid dreams for both mother and daughter, dreams of the suicides of multiple men and visions of strangulation. Meanwhile, the kindly hotel owner Otto actually dreams of bringing Germany’s power back in ways that are frightening in today’s political climate.
Michael Venus has only made shorts before this, but this is a confident blast to the brain filled with murder, strobing lights and abrasive metal when it isn’t about long and languid dreams of death.
You can also stream this movie on the Arrow player. Visit ARROW to start your 30-day free trial. Subscriptions are available for $4.99 monthly or $49.99 yearly. ARROW is available in the US, Canada, the UK and Ireland on the following Apps/devices: Roku (all Roku sticks, boxes, devices, etc), Apple TV & iOS devices, Android TV and mobile devices, Fire TV (all Amazon Fire TV Sticks, boxes, etc), and on all web browsers at https://www.arrow-player.com.
When a flashy promoter (Brian Baumgartner, Kevin from The Office) sells sound man Erik (Andrew Eakle) — who has a rant on Christian rock in this movie that must be heard to be believed, because it goes way beyond just Petra and Stryper — and his favorite local Christian hair metal band 316 on a bus tour in the summer of 1986.
Can they deliver on their desire to make Jesus famous while becoming rock stars? And will their friendship survive?
I was struck by just how much I enjoyed this movie, as it got across what it feels like to be in a band beyond just the joy of playing on stage. Additionally, the struggles between fame and faith felt feal here while keeping the movie focused on being pretty funny.
Judd Nelson plays a minister whose daughter yearns for the open road. And you know, I can’t believe that this movie went from “I guess I’ll watch a few minutes” to making me emotional at the end after learning about where her journey takes her.
Even if you know nothing about the world of 80s religious metal, you have to admire a movie that has a band whose most well-known song is “Commando for Christ.”
This movie is now available digitally. You can learn more about Electric Jesus on the offical site and Facebook page.
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