Guns (1990)

I wonder, after doing an entire week of Andy Sidaris movies, if these quick descriptions of what they’re all about at the beginning of each article are starting to seem repetitive. To wit: a new enemy appears and menaces gorgeous male and female secret agents who use inventive weapons and double entendres to defeat them. It’s not me who is repetitive, I fear. And I have like eight more Sidaris movies left to get to! I should just shut up and get in the hot tub before more killers show up.

A brutal murder in Las Vegas starts off this adventure, which brings in new villain Juan “Jack of Diamonds” Degas, played by Erik Estrada. Donna returns, again played by Dona Speir, but Taryn is missing in action.

Degas wants to smuggle next-generation technology weaponry into the United States, but he’s decided to do it through Miami, which means that he needs to get the L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents out of the way, starting with Donna and newcomer Nicole (Roberta Vasquez, who was Pantera in Picasso Trigger).

This bad guy takes things even further by kidnapping Donna’s mom, which means that he’s going to die like all Andy Sidaris villains: at the end of a rocket launcher. Yes, there are also remote controlled boat bombs, double crosses and ninjas. You just kind of expect these things by now. What you may not expect is an incredibly young Danny Trejo to show up as one of the henchmen, which was a cool surprise.

Edy from past films shows up again as a lounge singer who performs several times, including a song all about, well, guns. And there’s fine dialogue such as “Hiya my ass!” as a ninja is shot and Donna screaming “Don’t just do something! Stand there!”

I recommend not watching these films until it’s so absurdly late that it’s become early. They work best that way.

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