In the small town of Pakoe, a woman is decapitated by a killer wearing swimming goggles and a burlap sack. He’s already killed before and chances are, he’s going to kill again unless sheriff Carl Carson can stop him. Soon, the killings will pile up and the killer will get cocky and taunt Carson via phone. But just who is he?

The Night Brings Charlie came late to the slasher cycle, coming out in 1990 from director Tom Logan (Shakma) and writer Bruce Carson.

Everyone believes that the killer is Charlie Puckett, a disfigured gardener who has to wear a mask similar to the description of the killer. He’s brought in for questioning but refuses to talk until he speaks with Walt, the coroner who served with him in Vietnam. Carson has doubts about the confession, so he sets a trap for the killer, who ends up being Walt. Yep, back in Vietnam, he killed a girl and was discharged. Now, his urge to kill has come back.

But wait – Walt says that Charlie a killer too. He helped kill the girl back in the war and he’s killed everyone else after the second victim. Now, Charlie is coming after the kids in town and there’s a chance to Carson won’t be able to save them in time. So who is the killer? And can anyone be saved in time? And how awesome is it when people are set on fire?

This isn’t an easy movie to find, so I’d like to thank friend of the site John S. Berry for sending it my way.

Say what you will about Claudio Fragasso. From the films he co-wrote with his Rossella Drudi for Bruno Mattei, like Robowar, Zombi 3, Rats: Night of Terror, The Other Hell and Shocking Dark to the films he’s either co-directed or directed, such as Scalps, Troll 2 and Beyond Darkness, he’s created movies that you can see as inept and strange that were made by someone who has no understanding of how human beings think, act or speak. Or you can see it my way — they are works of pure genius, the fruits of a demented mind that doesn’t need to be grounded by such concerns as budget, traditional storytelling or common sense.

Fragasso saw this as a tense psychological thriller with little to no gore and the original cut of the film resembled his vision. However, the producers wanted more violence, so they brought in Bruno Mattei to add the gore. Those very same producers also retitled the film Non Aprite Quella Porta 3 (Don’t Open the Door 3) so that it would appear to be another film in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series (yep, this is getting into La Casa/Demons territory).

Within the first eight minutes of this movie, we’ve seen nudity, aerobics dancing on stage while a director has a near meltdown of amateur acting proportions, the killer disemboweling two women and the director falling off a balcony to her death, all set to some of the most chipper synth turns you’ve ever heard. Buckle up — this movie gets even weirder from here.

The film picks back up after the quick credits to introduce us to Melanie (Tara Buckman from Silent Night, Deadly Night; The Cannonball Run; Joe D’Amato’s Blue Angel Cafe and Never Too Young to Die, the kind of credits that make you royalty around these parts), who is tooling around in a flimsy negligee while some dude picks up her daughter Clarissa and delivers her to another woman. Soon, she’s furiously typing and smoking in a sweater that reveals one shoulder, all while she’s wearing a blue scarf. She also has a teddy bear on her desk that the camera focuses on, which is yet another Fragasso directorial tic.

It seems like our heroine has two phone lines to handle all the calls she gets, which are mostly harassment from her ex-husband. One dude that calls her is so upset that he smashes a glass in his hand while bellowing, “Melanie? Melanie! MELANIE!”

What soon follows is one of the most batshit moments I’ve seen in film (imagine how much that statement covers), as Melanie gives herself a breast exam in front of a mirror while saying, “Well here you are, Melanie Beck. This is you. You have a daughter, you’ve got a marriage on the rocks and nothing but gray skies ahead.” Soon, another phone line rings and another voice says, “You’re a fine looking woman, Beck. Just begging to be fucked senseless.”

Imagine if Cobra Commander called you and wanted you to talk him off. That’s the Night Killer. Let’s talk about the villain of this film. He has a face kind of sort of like Freddy, but instead of attacking you in your dreams, he relies on the aforementioned obscene phone calls. He also has a clawed hand, but instead of sharp razor-like knives, he has bendy rubber fingers. They’re either really sharp or he’s really strong because he keeps punching women through the stomach in an insert shot that looks like the same effect every single time.

Melanie calls the police for advice and trust me, these cops are second to the dumb fuzz in Stagefright. Officer Gabrielle asks for her phone number, to which Melanie tearfully replies, “I have two lines.” The cop is unfazed. “Give me both numbers.” Dialogue like this is why you have not only Fragasso but his wife Rossella writing your script.

The cops tell her to lock herself in the house and not let anyone in, but this being an Italian horror movie, they’re going to rip off that “the calls are coming from inside the house” moment from Black Christmas at the very beginning of the film, instead of waiting for the end. The Night Killer is in the house and horny!

The Night Killer may not be able to haunt your dreams, but he can certainly imitate voices, as he calls the cops back as Melanie’s husband and then survives getting shot at by her. He then whispers more sweet nothings before kidnapping her for eight hours. Why doesn’t he kill her? Who knows!

We cut to a hospital where a cop and a fake Dr. Loomis named Dr. Willow are discussing the case. She’s seen the killer’s face, but now she can’t remember who he is and even the fact that she has a daughter. And now we have a reporter wearing an outfit that can best be described as Italian cowboy ala 1990, as she interviews the next door neighbor who had the gift for Melanie’s daughter, who shows off the scar the Night Killer gave him and discusses how he and his wife have temporary custody of Clarissa. His wife then tops every bad performance you’ve ever seen in a Fragasso film with a line reading that can charitably be described as vapidly morose. This is also when we learn that Clarissa’s dad was a cop kicked off the force for excessive violence.

I remember in seventh grade English that our teacher told us that in a mystery story, there’s no extraneous information. Everything could be a clue and that we had to learn to listen for them and discover how each small piece of the puzzle adds up to the solution to the crime. Obviously, she had never seen a Claudio Fragaasso film, where red herrings are thrown with the force of Major League Baseball fastballs right at your brainstem.

Note: Nearly every woman in this movie wears a fur coat.

With that in mind, we catch up to Melanie who is driving around in her convertible when Axel (Peter Hooten, who we all remember was the 1970’s Dr. Strange, as well as appearing in the truly ridiculous Slashed Dreams/Sunburst, Orca, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Just a Damned Soldier with B&S About Movies all-star Mark Gregory) drives up to her and starts sexually harassing her. He follows her into a women’s bathroom where she pulls out a gun and forces him to disrobe, then flushes all of his clothes down the toilet. If you learn anything from Night Killer, this is where you will learn that Peter Hooten has massive balls. I’m not talking nerves of steel. I’m worried that his massive testicles are about to burst that purple thong he’s wearing.

There are times in my life where I laugh so hard that I lose consciousness, where it feels like I can see through the very fabric of reality and I need to hold onto this plane of existence so that I don’t push my soul into another plane. One of these moments happened during this scene, as Axel chases after Melanie in his boxers. A guy at the front desk looks up and says, “Hey bud, what happened to your clothes?” Axel replies, “I got molested…in the little boy’s room!”

Melanie follows this moment of insanity by going to the beach, setting up a blanket, laying out all of her booze and the biggest prescription pill bottles you’ve ever seen in your life and proceeding to overdose. Axel arrives just in time and fully dressed, taking her into the seawater, which he claims is the only cure.

Axel: What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Melanie: Committing…suicide…

Axel: Well you gotta drink seawater so you can throw up all of that shit you’ve been taking!

Melanie: Are you…crazy?

Has Claudio Fragasso discovered the hidden secret to the opioid epidemic? Is it having Peter Hooten get you in a doggy style Heimlich maneuver while making you ingest H2O and NaCL as stirring synth music plays?

Keep in mind that we are literally one third through this movie and it’s already blown my mind numerous times. Folks, this is why you watch Italian ripoff cinema.

We cut to a dinner party where a drunk blonde girl is talking to a mysterious stranger. “You want me to go with you? Where? I wasn’t born yesterday. If a stranger asks for something, there’s a rat in somewhere. What my mama used to always say. But seeing as how I could never stand the sight of the old lady, I’ll come out with you and risk the unknown. To hell with the old bitch, here’s to the unknown!”

Melanie wakes up in a strange hotel room as more synths play.

We then cut right back to another room that’s filled with paintings of the Night Killer that look like the work of a small child. Our villain then takes that blonde from the bar into his apartment, puts on his mask and glove, and she says, “What are you doing?” Again, indulge me as I transcribe this dialogue.

Night Killer: Do you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

Girl: Sure. Ah. I get it. I’m Little Red Riding Hood and you’re the big bad wolf. You know, I think I’m just a little tipsy.

Night Killer: Go on with the story.

Girl: Oh grandmother, what big claws you have.

Night Killer: All the better to hold you with.

Girl: What a nutcase!

Night Killer: Don’t stop.

Girl: OK. Granny, what a big, ugly mug you have. Well? Now you’re the one who’s stopped. Oh, why grandmother. What big schlong you have. I don’t like this game anymore. Please take me home.

That’s when the Night Killer murders her by repeatedly shoving her face into liquid latex before he, of course, punches her through the stomach. It’s his signature move, after all! He then fondles her and tells her dead body that now, they’ll make love and he kisses her.

We cut back to Melanie locked in the hotel room with Axel, who comes in with a fresh box of KFC and her clothes dry cleaned. How long was she out? He goes through her pills (“Valium. Syringe. A gun! Barbituates!” which is dialogue that sounds like a Queens of the Stone Age song.) Melanie then puts a gun to her own head, to which Axel replies by eating fried chicken right in her face. “Takes balls to kill yourself. And the only person with those around here in the right place? Yours truly.” Yes, Peter Hooten. We’ve seen your giant massive beanbag, so we’ll agree.

Axel somehow gets her gun and puts it in her mouth, telling her he’s going to kill her when he says so, when she least expects it. He tells her that he’s her master and she lays down on the bed. They make a pact as he puts a switchblade up against her face. He then decides to go out and let off a little steam, leaving her locked up with all his fried chicken.

We then cut to an aquarium, where a doctor checks an overflow valve. The Night Killer shows up, slowly chasing her before feeling her up and ripping open her blouse. She screams and runs as he gives ever so slowly chase. I’ve seen plenty of girls run in slasher movies, but never one as lazy as this. She soon pays by taking the Night Killer’s big move backward.

Melanie isn’t doing well. She’s written “I kill you kill me” on the mirror in lipstick. Axel comes back to tie her to the bed as we get long shots of Hooten slicing up fabric against his manly chest.

More news footage follows as we see a press conference interrupted by the victim from the aquarium being loaded into an ambulance. “The maniac tore her into pieces and fed her to the fish. It’s enough to hurt my stomach thinking about it!” yells a cop. Hey look! It’s Claudio Fragasso as a reporter hitting the cop car window, trying to get more of the story!

We’re back to Melanie and Axel in bed, as he kisses her and she asks to be untied. Somehow, this movie went from A Nightmare on Elm Street to Fifty Shades of Spaghetti. Or, more likely, The Devil’s Honey. Of course, they make love.

Another press conference follows as the media wants to know where Melanie is. Dr. Willow fills them in, as he explains how the Night Killer has impacted Melaine’s life.

Dr. Willow: Melanie Beck is living in a state of dissociative schizophrenia, triggered by the trauma of the experience she was forced to undergo. The poor woman went through the most traumatic ordeal that a human being can experience. A clinical examination of the patient revealed an inordinate amount of seminal fluid. The pure evil of the violence that was put upon her has unhinged her mind. The patient now has a very fragile grip on reality.

There’s also an insane theory by the doctor here where he believes that she gave in during her eight-hour ordeal so that she could survive and now, she’s punishing herself and wants to kill herself as the result. It kind of reminds me of that scene where all the old men discuss how a woman should behave in The Entity. The doctor claims if she goes through the same ordeal again, she’d be back to normal. But then, the psycho would recognize her and kill her.

One of the few movies that Lee Lively, who plays Dr. Willow, was in other than Night Killer was the Barbara Streisand vehicle The Prince of Tides, a fact that pleases me inordinately.

Peter Hooten is all sweaty and drinking outside the hotel room when Melanie decides to put a bullet into her mirror, leading him to do a spit take. No normal human being would ever make a movie that combines all of the words I’ve just said above this other than Fragasso.

The cops find Melanie’s car, but now they’re arguing with Dr. Willow, who had a plan to catch the Night Killer that has gone to hell.

Another press conference. Another fur coat. Now, the police reveal that they think the Night Killer has abducted Melanie. We cut to a Christmas tree as the next door neighbor watches the press conference. And the manager of the hotel calls the police to tell them he’s found Melanie.

The black cop gets to the hotel just in time to get jumped. And the next door neighbor grabs a gun and decides to go out after the Night Killer. Dude, seriously, I’m in the dark. Is he her ex-husband? Is the kidnapper her ex-husband? And now the neighbor’s wife is going crazy! How many red herrings can one movie have? When Fragasso at the helm, the number is beyond comprehension.

Melanie has on yet another fur — and the largest hat ever — as her kidnapper makes a taunting call to the cops, leading to her escaping. The tension is, well, not palpable, but there sure are a lot of f-bombs.

Now we have a multiple person chase with Melanie running, the kidnapper chasing her and the neighbor saying that he’s trying to help her as a sad saxophone plays and the kidnapper screams, “NO!”

The neighbor tells Melanie to lock herself in the house — that worked so well last time — while he gets help and her daughter. She watches as a man calls her from a pay phone outside her window. It’s the Night Killer! He’s back! She’s shocked and screams, but come on. Who else would it be? The phone rings again and there he is — back in the house. The Night Killer reveals himself to be the next door neighbor, who we finally learn is named Sherman. He claims that his wife is right, that she’s a bitch in heat and Mrs. Beck is the reason why he’s scarred for life.

We flash back to how he tortured her, which is the same way that Axel treated her. So wait — was Axel a cop and maybe even her ex-husband doing the same torture so that Melanie would remember who the killer was? What kind of cops and psychologists are these people? Also: all of these memories appear in a weird haze with liquid effects over everything.

Melanie comes on to the Night Killer, telling him how much she missed how he touched her, kissing him and cooing in his ear. She finds his knife and stabs him right in the cockmeat. Axel arrives just in time, jumping through a glass window and firing multiple bullets into Sherman. Melanie and Axel embrace, so I guess he is her ex-husband?

If you think this movie is going to end without more press conferences, you haven’t been paying attention. Dr. Willow says that Mr. and Mrs. Beck were guinea pigs and they had to make her relive this all to find the killer. Seriously, these are the worst cops and people ever. Axel Beck isn’t just getting his job back, he’s getting a promotion. And now, he’s back in bed with his wife and daughter. Seems like a happy ending, right?

Nope. Clarissa interacts with a gift box in the slowest of motion, carrying it lovingly up the steps as we catch up with the Becks in bed. Now, Clarissa is jumping up and down on the bed, ever so languidly unwrapping the gift. You just know what was inside the box — the Night Killer’s mask.

Clarissa is wearing it, as she ends the movie by saying, “Do you recognize me Miss Beck? I’m back. Just for you. Just for you!” and laughing.

Not since the end of Rats: Night of Terror has Fragasso pulled off an ending this audacious. Some would say moronic. Not me. After all, the Night Killer had to give Clarissa that gift before Axel kidnapped his own wife, knowing that they would kill him and Sherman/Night Killer would have to somehow teach her — or maybe his wife did it — how to talk like the Night Killer. Or maybe the mask is possessed? And why did he switch from claws to a switchblade and gun?

This movie is utterly confounding. This is why traditional movies end up boring me, because they make too much sense. If you’re looking for narrative jumps that leap into orbit, if you’re seeking out the unhinged, if you have ever wanted to watch a movie that goes from Elm Street to giallo to pre-Seven box related ending five years before that film was released and if you watched Troll 2 and said, “But what if the same people made a movie that makes even less sense?”, please consider this a strong recommendation.

Want to see it for yourself? You can order it like I did from Cult Action.

UPDATE: Of course, Severin put this out. I feel like I have to make some kind of blood sacrifice to pay them back at this rate.

I wasn’t ready for Mirror, Mirror. I had no idea it’d grab me, thinking it was just another clone of The Craft. But nope. It’s something else entirely.

Megan Gordon (Rainbow Harvest) is the new girl in school, a shy and withdrawn goth who is taunted and treated like shit by everyone other than Nikki and Ron, a popular girl and her jock boyfriend. Now here’s where this movie stands out. Megan isn’t one of those fake Hollywood versions of what they think goth is. She honestly looks insane in so many of her outfits, wearing tiny hats and headdresses that Vulnavia would be proud to put on. Her hair is shaved in weird places and even when she has to wear her tennis uniform, she looks incredibly out of place and uncomfortable. In short, if I was 15 years old, I would be making her the perfect mix tape.

Megan’s dad has recently died, which is why she and her mother Susan (Karen Black!) have moved. In their new home, she finds an antique mirror in her room which keeps returning even when it is taken away. Oh yeah — her dog dies too, for some reason on top of the kitchen counter, and Willaim Sanderson (The Rocketeer, TV’s Newhart, Fight for Your Life) shows up as a weird pet undertaker who starts dating Susan.

Megan learns that the mirror gives her magic powers, which she uses to get revenge. But despite the warnings of the antique dealer who was in charge of the house’s furnishings (Yvonne De Carlo!) that the mirror grants its powers at the cost of the user’s life, Megan grows more and more addicted to having the power.

Soon, Megan starts to get everything she wants. And when she doesn’t, she kills everyone in her way. Along the way, she inverts the sexual predator role, going after the men in the movie with so much passion that they often beg her to slow down or to leave them alone.

I’m not saying this is a perfect movie. There’s an extra long sandwich-making scene that feels way off script. But Megan killing Ron is quite intense, as is the way she murders her rival in the shower. And not since 1988’s remake of The Blob has a sink been so murderous.

By the end of the movie, Megan has lost control of the mirror and it starts killing people she didn’t want it to go after. I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the scene where the mirror is coated with blood, leading to Megan making out with her own reflection.

The end takes the sisterhood between the two main characters to a frightening conclusion when seen through the mirror’s reflection.

For a straight to video 80’s horror movie that was followed by three sequels, this is much better than you’d expect. You can find Mirror, Mirror on Shudder and Amazon Prime!

At 3 AM, my mind works like this: “Sam, there is a movie that rips off Coma and has Linda Blair in it. We must not sleep. We must watch this.”

Director Alec Mills only did one other film, Bloodmoon, but he was a camera guy and cinematographer on several Bond films like License to Kill and Moonraker. I would assume, after watching this movie, that he did the parts that are really boring, like the travelogue footage when Bond makes it to another country.

I’m on a quest to watch every Linda Blair film, so this is part of that Quixotic endeavor. Here, she plays Maggie Healey, an American who learned to be a nurse and moved to Australia where she gets a drug-addicted rich boyfriend who likes to draw pictures of her on his sailing ship. I’m not making any of this up.

She becomes a nurse at this clinic where they advise long-term sleep therapy. Being in a medically induced coma for two weeks sounds awesome and I fully endorse whatever these wacky Aussies are doing. Unfortunately, all of the bare-breasted women and men in pajamas that they have sleeping Michael Crichton-style end up killing themselves. The drama!

I really need to get around to planning a Linda Blair week. If you want to watch it yourself, it’s on Amazon Prime.

You know what Gordon Sumner said. The Russians love their children too. None of that comes up in this movie. But it seemed like a great opening.

The U.S. and Russia have already fired most of their missiles before this movie even begins, with most of humanity dying in the process. In order to finish World War 3 with no more bloodshed, each country picks their best soldiers and sends them to battle to the death in Virginia.

Sgt. Tom Batanic (brother of director David Prior, Ted) and Sergei (Robert Z’Dar, Maniac Cop) spend most of this movie fighting one another with all manner of weapons before going mano y рука. Just as they decide to stop fighting, the mysterious forces that run the world blow up the building they’re in. Yep — the U.S. and Russia have been working together the whole time. But good news — our heroes have survived and the FBI saves the day.

Thrill to a decimated world that actually looks like an office park! Swoon to the forced romance between Batanic and Lt. Tavlin! Become sure that this is just as shitty of a movie as Killer Workout, another Prior directed film! Discover the true fact that Robert Z’Dar was once a Chippendales dancer!

It’s on Amazon Prime. But come on. There are so many better films to watch.

Have you ever seen a pro-life horror movie? No? Well, then you’ve never seen The Suckling!

A teenage couple goes to a whorehouse to have an abortion — because you know, that’s where you go. After they flush the dead fetus down the sewer, it finds some radiation and comes back to life as an unstoppable monster. It covers the entire house in placenta, then kills the johns and prostitutes one by one.

Is it any good? Fuck no, it’s a horribly bad movie. But aren’t those the best? You bet. I loved every minute of this film, one that starts with an intro like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that makes it seem like this could have really happened. Throw in some ill-advised dream sequences, the worst fashion choices ever and special effects that are way better than you’d think and you have a great movie to watch in the middle of the night.

Also known as Sewage Baby (“all he wanted was a cuddle”), the film ends with the monster going back inside its mother’s womb. She goes into an insane asylum, but when some horny orderlies try to rape her, the monster returns. This entire paragraph may be the scummiest I’ve written since starting this site.

Today’s version of the video store, Amazon Prime, has this up for free if you’re a Prime member. I wouldn’t rush to watch it, but I wouldn’t skip it, either.