The Suckling (1990)

Have you ever seen a pro-life horror movie? No? Well, then you’ve never seen The Suckling!

A teenage couple goes to a whorehouse to have an abortion — because you know, that’s where you go. After they flush the dead fetus down the sewer, it finds some radiation and comes back to life as an unstoppable monster. It covers the entire house in placenta, then kills the johns and prostitutes one by one.

Is it any good? Fuck no, it’s a horribly bad movie. But aren’t those the best? You bet. I loved every minute of this film, one that starts with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre intro that makes it seem like this could have really happened. Throw in some ill-advised dream sequences, the worst fashion choices ever and special effects that are way better than you’d think and you have a great movie to watch in the middle of the night.

Also known as Sewage Baby (“all he wanted was a cuddle”), the film ends with the monster going back inside its mother’s womb. She goes into an insane asylum, but when some horny orderlies try to rape her, the monster returns. This entire paragraph may be the scummiest I’ve written since starting this site.

Today’s version of the video store, Amazon Prime, has this up for free if you’re a Prime member. I wouldn’t rush to watch it, but I wouldn’t skip it, either.

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