Beyond being a historian of exploitation films, Frank Henenlotter has made some outright insane movies like Frankenhooker and Basket Case. What other kind of mad genius would hire horror host Zacherle to be a worm named Aylmer, who creates drug-like relationships with his hosts while demanding to eat the brains of everyone they love?

That blue phallic worm secretes a highly addictive hallucinogen directly into the brain, forcing Brian to leave behind his life, his girlfriend and any hope of normalcy, all while being pursued by the old couple that had imprisoned the parasite and who know way too much of his history, leading to some of the longest and most hilarious expository dialogue I’ve seen in a film.

During the fellatio scene — yes, a woman puts Aylmer inside her mouth — the crew walked out, refusing to work on the scene.

There’s a great moment where Duane and Belail from Basket Case meet Brian on a train before he ends up killing his girlfriend. I realize that’s a spoiler, but nothing can prepare you for this movie. It’s truly one of a kind.

You can watch this on Tubi or on Shudder with and without commentary by Joe Bob Briggs.

Steve Guttenberg is gone, off filming Three Men and a Baby. That’s the cover story, because he not only turned down the lead role, he said no to all of the sequels that came after. Years later, he would say that he regretted this decision and has been trying to make a comeback for the series.

Sadly, the producers replaced him with Matt McCoy as Sergeant Nick Lassard, the grandson of series regular Commandant Eric Lassard (George Gaynes). Bobcat Goldthwait and Tim Kazukinsky also did not return.

The elder Lassard is a central character, as he’s due for mandatory retirement due to the machinations of the villainous Captain Thaddeus Harris (G. W. Bailey) and his henchman Lieutenant Carl Proctor ( Lance Kinsey). Can the boys in blue save their boss? Of course. Come on. This is Police Academy.

Before he retires, Lassard is chosen as Police Officer of the Decade and brings his favorite students, including Hightower (Bubba Smith), Jones (Michael Winslow), Tackleberry (David Graf), Hooks (Marion Ramsey), Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) and his newest graduate Officer Thomas “House” Conklin (Tab Thacker), along for a vacation to Miami Beach. Janet Jones — soon to be the wife of Wayne Gretsky — is also on hand as Officer Kate Stratton.

In between the many gags at the police convention, Lassard unwittingly takes a bag of stolen diamonds. The finale of the film, where Lassard has no idea that he’s part of a real hostage situation, is one of the funniest moments of the franchise.

I love that the Police Academy movies have great actors n them as the villains. This time, that would be Rene Auberjonois, who surely deserves better but is a game sport. In an interview, he would say, “Why I choose to do things is a mystery to me sometimes. I’ve done things that, on the face of it, you think, “Why would anybody do Police Academy 5?” I had to look at the role, and see if there’s a reason to do it. I did it because it was an opportunity to play a character that nobody else was ever going to let me play. I had a great time doing it, don’t regret it for a moment, and I’d do it again in a minute.”

As a side note, I’d like to call out that there was a Police Academy stunt show at Australia’s Warner Brothers Movie World which was was also one of the longest-running stunt shows in the world, with over 18,000 shows performed. The show also ran in their Germany location and if this website is any indication, the Madrid location still has this show running. Police Academy lives — even 26 years after the last film.

When Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol was released, critic — and star of Myra Breckinridge — Rex Reed said, “If they make another Police Academy movie, I’ll leave the business.” Producer Paul Maslansky would say when this movie was released, “Reed’s one of the reasons I’m making Police Academy 5. I expect him to be a man of his word.” Sadly, Rex kept at it.

Yes, Nico Mastorakis, the same maniac who made Island of Death, Blind Date and The Zero Boys, made a Police Academy ripoff. It also checks off another box with an appearance by Phillip, who is pretty much James Bond. Also, because this is Mastorakis, there’s some full-frontal nudity.

Also, Mastorakis never meant to actually direct the film, but after seeing that some of the dallies, he fired the original director and took over.

Gerald Okamura, the Hard Master from the first G.I. Joe movie and one of the hatchet men in Big Trouble In Little China, is Chiba, a man who owns a ninja academy in Topanga Canyon. His enemy owns Beverly Hills Ninja Academy. And just like Camp North Star and Camp Mohawk, they must battle.

There’s a mime, a klutz, some attractive women, a wiseacre and all the things you expect from this genre. Is Police Academy ripoff a genre? It is now.

Becky LeBeau, whose IMDB resume has Joysticks, multiple David Lee Roth videos, Hollywood Hot Tubs, Back to School, The Under Achievers, Not of This Earth, Rock-A-Die Baby and both Munchie movies, is in this. That alone should give you reason to find a copy of your own.

Also: a band on the soundtrack is called The Piggy Dicks. That is now my favorite band name ever.

Also known as Heavy Metal Summer, this movie seems to be about Johnny Rocket and drummer Louis, who are on their way to Los Angeles to be part of the Sunset Strip hair metal scene in the three years they have left before “Nevermind” comes out.

It’s also about Eve (Kim Myers, A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2) trying to win the Weewankah Wilderness Challenge so she can go to college. She’s helped by Linnie (Jennifer Inch, Screwballs) and Marsha (Isabelle Mejias, Julie Darling in the flesh!), but more. importantly, those two just want to hook up with guys.

This movie from Screwballs director Rafal Zielinski, who also made Last Resort, the one with the Coreys, not the one with Charles Grodin, and Recruits. Somehow, he was able to get Ted Nugent to show up for this movie, which shows how close Detroit and Canada really are. Actually, the movie is set in Michigan, despite being filmed up north. And by up north, I don’t mean Northern Michigan.

Man, that’s a joke you’d only get if you were from Michigan, which may be another reason why this movie isn’t so well known.

You can watch this on Amazon Prime and Tubi.

Sam (Christopher Atkins, The Blue Lagoon) and Max (Perry Lang, The Hearse) inherit the Grimm Mortuary and Academy, but as these things go, they must graduate from it to actually own it. Trying to keep them from achieving that goal is the current owner, Dr. Paul Truscott (Paul Bartel) and his assistant Mary (Mary Woronov), who want to keep the school and mortuary because they both suffer from necrophilia.

I often discuss the perfect check the boxes of movies. Between Bartel, Woronov and a hijinks comedy, I was sold.

Directed by Michael Schroeder, who also worked with Bartel for the movie Out of the Dark, this movie sets up a slapstick crew of students, like one that yearns to bring dogs back from the dead and an effeminate singer played by Stoney Jackson, Phones from Roller Boogie.

Making this movie nearer to my heart is an appearance by Dona Speir, who made so many of the Andy Sidaris movies so much better.

James Daughton (Greg Marmalard from Animal House), Nedra Volz (Moving Violations), Tracy Walter (Bob the Goon!), Wolfman Jack and Cesar Romero all appear. This movie isn’t for everyone and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The band that plays in this movie, Radio Werewolf, was Radio Werewolf, who advocated vampirism, socialism and black-humored lyrics about Nazism. Their co-directors were Nicholas Schreck and Zeena Lavey Schreck, the daughter of Anton Lavey.

You can watch it on YouTube:

Stuart Margolin did more than play Evelyn “Angel” Martin on The Rockford Files. He directed plenty of TV shows and this 1988 Police Academy takeoff.

George Newbern (Poochinski!) is Uptown and Christopher McDonald (Shooter McGavin in a rare babyface role!) is Mad Mike, two, well, paramedics who get moved from uptown to the streets and come across a corpses for cash scam.

Karen Witter, Playboy’s March 1982 Playmate of the Month plays Danger Girl, a woman so sexually adept that she girls nearly every man that she sleeps with, like Ray Walston of all people, who starts the film up being dominated by her. If you ever wanted to see Mr. Hand get mahandled, this would be the movie for you. I won’t judge your kink.

That is Leigh Hamilton from Hocus Pocus playing the dispatcher, but not her voice. Listen hard — it’s really Sally Kellerman. Lydie Denier — a Zalman King vet — always shows up.

Three years after Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins, this pilot was made, starring Jeffrey Meek as Remo and Roddy McDowall as Chiun.

It’s based on the novella “The Day Remo Died.” Chiun feels that his student is becoming complacent, so he hires an assassin to teach him a lesson. What Chiun doesn’t know is that the killer wants to become Chiun’s student and will stop at nothing to kill Remo.

Andy Romano, who played Eric von Zipper’s henchman J.D. in sixties beach movies, is in this, as is Judy Landers from Dr. Alien.

This movie didn’t air until 2009, when the Encore network finally played it. The one other time it did air — August 15, 1988 — a speech by President Reagan cut off the first forty five minutes of the movie.

It’s nowhere near as good as the original film. But hey — if you love Remo Williams like I do, you can watch it on YouTube:

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This movie originally appeared on our site February 21, 2019. The new Arrow Video release of the film is the perfect time to bring it back up and get more people to watch it. It’s also streaming on Shudder.

After Easy Money, Saturday Night Live veteran James Signorelli directed one more film. This one — starring Cassandra Peterson as her Elvira character.

In 1981, six years after Sinister Seymour, the producers of LA’s Fright Night decided to do another show and asked Vampira — Maila Nurmi — to help them with the project. There were creative differences — supposedly Nurmi wanted Lola Falana to play Vampira — and soon the station just did the show themselves (for her side of the story, please watch Vampira and Me).

Peterson had already lived a crazy life before she auditioned and won the role of the new horror host. She was a Vegas showgirl at 17, briefly dated Elvis, played a showgirl in Diamonds Are Forever, posed for men’s magazines like High Society, tried out to be Ginger in a new Gilligan’s Island, was on the cover of Tom Waits’ album (she claims that she doesn’t remember but it totally could be her), played in rock bands in Italy, ended up in Fellini’s Roma, joined the improv group The Groundlings and then ended up as a DQ on KROQ.

Is this Elvira?

Anyways, back to Elvira. The station allowing her to create the image of her character. Originally, she wanted to look like Sharon Tate in The Fearless Vampire Killers, but ended up with the punky and busty look we’ve all come to know and love.

Before the first episode even aired, Normi sued, claiming that Elvira was too close to her character. I’ll leave it up to you, dear reader, but they are quite similar. However, her Valley Girl delivery and sarcastic tone was a real difference and Elvira went from local star to pop icon, which led to this, her first movie.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark quits her job in LA after the station’s new owner has a #metoo moment with her. She wants to start an act in Vegas, but needs $50,000. Luckily, her great aunt Morgana has just died and she has to travel to Fallwell, Massachusetts to claim the inheritance.

So what does she get? A mansion, a recipe book and Morgana’s pet poodle, Algonquin. But once she’s in town, she learns that no one is allowed to have fun and she sets out to change everyone’s grey demeanor. Oh yeah — and her uncle Vincent just wants the cookbook — which is a book of spells — and he also wants to sacrifice her so that he can take over the world. Thus, magic battles ensue, Algonquin becomes a rat at one point and the town’s morality club gets hit with a sex spell that gets them all arrested for indecent exposure.

Fellow Groundling Edie McClurg shows up as one of the villains, as does former Grease and Taxi heartthrob Jeff Conaway. Other Groundlings in the film are Lynne Marie Stewart, Deryl Carroll, Joseph Arias, Tress MacNeille and John Paragon.

Scripted by Sam Egan and Paragon, who is better known as Jambi and Pterri from his Pee-Wee’s Playhouse days, along with Peterson, this movie’s entertainment level will depend on how much you love puns and Elvira.

The Arrow Video release of this film features a brand new restoration of the film from a 4K scan of original film elements. Plus, you get an introduction to the film by director James Signorelli and commentary by him.

There’s also commentary by Elvira’s webmaster Patterson Lundquist, Cassandra Peterson, Edie McClurg and writer John Paragon, as well as a newly-revised making of feature, Too Macabre – The Making of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, and another on the making of the Pot Monster. You also get trailers, storyboards, image galleries, reversible art and a collector’s booklet featuring writing by Kat Ellinger and Patterson Lundquist.

You can buy it right here.

DISCLAIMER: Arrow Video sent us this film.

If you’re going to make a second Gor movie, by all means, call up John “Bud” Cardos. Bud started his career as a child actor, a rodeo rider and a bird handler before appearing as a biker in movies like Hells Angels on Wheels, Psych-Out and Satan’s Sadists. Eventually, he’d start directing movies such as Kingdom of the Spiders, Mutant, The Day Time Ended and The Dark.

While drinking alone one night — thinking about all the adventures he had in the first film and that he actually talked to a real live woman — Professor Tarl Cabot (welcome back Urbano Barberini) meets an even bigger loser than himself, Watney Smith. Before you can say strike out, they’re blasted back to that magical planet of thongs.

Cabot and Talena (man, did everyone sign contracts for the sequel? Because Rebecca Ferratti is back, too) reunite. Her father King Marlenus (Larry Taylor also signed one of those contracts it appears) married a girl named Lana (yes, she was in the firts movie briefly and she’s played in both by Donna Denton) and is stepping down from his throne. Of all the men in Gor, he picks the accounting professor from Earth to assume the crown.

Of course, Lana and Xenos — yes, Jack Palance is back — frame our hero, try to kill Talena with female gladiators and toss young Watney aside. I think the dude is missing a t in the front of his name.

All manner of hijinks ensue and if you thought the first Gor was rough, well, at least that one had Oliver Reed in it. There’s one funny scene here, though. The main bad guy — the Hunter — is told that Lana killed the king and he’s like, “Oh OK” and kills her without even thinking about it. Who knew it’d be that easy to defeat these villains?

I guess this movie was shot pretty much right after the original, because surely horndog boys would want more of the world of Gor. Before the internet, horrible movies like this were all we had. It was a rough time to be alive. When people remember the 80’s, I don’t recall them quite so fondly.