Philippine War Week II: Platoon the Warriors (1987)

Take the 1984 Filipino movie Diegong Bayong, get some footage from Hong Kong, throw it in a blender and boom, you have Platoon Warrior or Platoon the Warriors and yes, if you’re wondering if this has something to do with Godfrey Ho of course it does.

Jack Barlow (Anthony Alonzo) has lost his son, father and mother to a gang who puts the cherry on the top of the Death Wish cosplay sundae by assaulting his daughter.  And that would be the Diegong Bayong parts, as he gets one gang to kill another gang which seems, well, nothing like either PlatoonThe Warriors or anything Death Wish.

There’s also a two and a half minute love scene from that movie repurposed, remixed and reused here and — of all things — set to Kraftwerk.

Somehow, this trailer is a billion times better than the actual movie.

This movie is also not the Michael Dudikoff vehicle Platoon Leader.

It’s…man Godfrey Ho and his crew are wild because this is such a puzzle of so many things jammed together that I have no idea what I’m to get out of it. I was expecting an 80s jungle film and I got something else but then it went back to the jungle.

Look, in the Philippines, they make spaghetti with banana ketchup and cut up hot dogs and that makes more sense than what I just watched.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Philippine War Week II: Top Mission (1987)

So, before we get into this Godfrey Ho joint, let’s clear up the title confusion: Do not confuse this with the ex-The Dukes of Hazzard John Schneider bomb that was Cocaine Wars (1985), which became known as Top Mission in the overseas markets. And don’t confuse this Godfrey Ho joint with another of Ho’s chop shop joints, Top Team Force (1989), which is a film about the Hong Kong mafia that also aka’d the marketplace as Top Mission Exterminator.

So, before we get into this Godfrey Ho joint, let’s clear up the stock footage confusion: Most of the nifty action comes from William Mayo’s third feature film, Diablo Force (1986). Where the rest of the footage comes from . . . well, probably two to three more films that we can’t track down . . . forever lost in the vaults of Tomas Tang’s Filmark International Studios and K.Y Lim’s Silver Star Productions.

Oh, we should mention that Uncle G is deploying the name of Henry Lee for this run through the jungle. Okay, that’s all settled. Let’s load ‘er up!

Two covers. Twice the junk.

The leading lad here is Cameroon-born African actor Alphonse Beni, who made his mark in the international VHS marketplace with his vanity set piece, Cameroon Connection (1985; with Bruce Le), and Richard Harrison’s like-minded piece, Three Men on Fire (1986). Beni is one half of a biracial C.I.A duo (the other is the one-and-gone Kurt Eberhard) — both complete with ninja warrior skills — sent into the jungles to rescue a professor, who has developed a laser weapon. He’s been kidnapped by a fellow, rogue C.I.A agent who’s set up his own terrorist organization. Along the way there’s a plane hijacking, a couple of double crosses, bad dubbing, a jailbreak, bad editing, and a showdown inside a music club.

Adding to the Steenbeck reels of confusion: The same year Top Mission was released, Alphonse Beni also starred in Ho’s Fire Operation (1987) and Phillip Gordon (Strike Commando, The Siege of Firebase Gloria, Battle Rats, Kill Zone are a few of his 20-plus credits), who starred in Top Mission, co-stars, once again, with Beni.

Now, we can’t find any jungle Intel that states Fire Operation is an alternate title to Top Mission or if one is a recut-reimage of the other (see Ho’s analog chop socky of Devil’s Dynamite vs. Robo Vampire). But we’ll lay down our pesos on the green felts of a back-room Manila gambling joint that Beni never signed on for a film called Fire Operation and footage from Three Men on Fire and Ninja: Silent Assassin (1987), as well as Top Mission, is how Beni came to “star” in that Godfrey Ho production . . . where ninjas are so skilled, they, apparently, can be air-dropped into chopper blades!

Top Mission . . . incognito?

You can figure it all out with the full film of Top Mission and the trailer for Fire Operation on You Tube.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Philippine War Week II: Super Platoon (1987)

This Godfrey Ho Philippine Namsploitationer to cash in on all things John Rambo is actually a pre-John Rambo Hong Kong action-joint known as Black Warrior by Tomas Tang. Tang, by way of his Filmark International Studios, is a name you see oft-mentioned on Ho’s end product since a lot of Tang’s stuff, such as Devil’s Dynamite, ended up as a reedited Ho joint, such as Robo Vampire. In fact, you could dedicate an entire WordPress site just on the wealth of Ho-cum-Tang flicks. Adding to the bola ng katituhan is the fact this also slopped through the VHS marketplace as a sequel to Jungle Rats, aka Jungle Rats 2: Black Warrior. And since the covers are the same, well, now you know from whence all of that stock footage for Jungle Rats, came. Where’s Romano “Rom” Kristoff? Well, he’s not, here. . . .

Compare to Jungle Rats and be amazed!

As in Jungle Rats: we have another reconnaissance team assigned to trek through the jungle borders to rescue a group of soldiers and a couple of American Red-Cross civilians — civies acting as double-agents feeding Intel to the military — taken captive and imprisoned by the Vietcong. Yes, as in several of these movies: the soldiers’ jungle guide is . . . a woman . . . and all of the usual stock footage bridges and hut explosions, ensues . . . as no plot or character, develops.

Apparently, one by the name of “Glenn Clegg” wrote this tumpok ng tae, but I’m pagsusugal’in my pesos that an anglicized, expatriated American actress Sally Nicholls (aka Nichols) script-cobbled (Mission War Flame) this one for Godfrey Ho — who is here, depending on the VHS print you see, as “Christ/Chris Hannah” to “direct” this mess. Who are actors Barry Hyman, Kevin Brooks, and Rachel Sheen: your guess is as good as ours.

If you can figure it all out on You Tube and let us know, thanks! But to help you out . . . no, Platoon Warriors is, in fact, a completely different Philippine-made warsploitationer. And the Michael Dudikoff vehicle Platoon Leader — which we didn’t get to this week — is another completely different film. Well, except for the recycled war footage. . . .

When you can’t evoke Sly Stallone, there’s always Oliver Stone.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Philippine War Week II: Mission War Flame (1987)

Godfrey Ho. He’s Joe Livingstone. He’s Willie Palmer. He’s Charles Lee. And here, he is Bruce Lambert behind the camera and Eric Coleman behind the typewriter. You’ll also notice the name of Sally Nicholls credited for “dialog” on many of Godfrey’s films. Well, someone had to thread together Ho’s piecemeal efforts into coherency. And she’s a real person, not an alias — an actress whose work dates back to the ’60s with Lon Chaney, Jr. And you’ll notice notable Hong Kong action star Tao Chiang — 187 credits strong since 1968, with his most recent film, Yang Jingyu, out in 2019 — starring here.

Now, we have to note — taking into account that acting in Philippine cinema is like checking into the Eagles Hotel California: once you sign on the dotted line, you never leave the industry. Especially on the line with Silver Star Films, for they will keep recycling that footage into movie after movie after movie.

So, when you begin dissecting Ho and Chiang’s joint resume, going back to The Deadly Silver Ninja (1978), Ninja Thunderbolt (1984), and Fatal Command (1986) — for nineteen films total, prior to the making of Mission War Flame — you begin to wonder how many of these films did Tao Chiang actually “act” in and how many was he “spliced into” for proxy-stardom? And how much of those films — as well as Mission War Flame — did Godfrey Ho actually shoot. Just look at that opening artillery-filled prologue. A Godfrey Ho production employing all of those extras — and artillery cannons? Nope. Not buying it: it’s from another film. But what film: that is the question. Nothing here looks like it was originally shot, sans some linking materials, but even that is questionable. And all of the footage looks like it’s from 1977 — or earlier — than the 1987 release date of the film.

So, that stock Vietnam war film footage has run the villagers from their jungle mountain enclave. Now we are into the Ho-shot footage — we think — with a bunch of Americans in non-military camouflage lined up to spout some dubbed dialog as they prepare for a mission, aka “the war flamers” of the film. One of our soldiers lets us know, “I am not afraid of anything. Not even war itself.”

Forward! March!

Now we have some Asian actors — probably from another film, as well — as they mount up for the U.S. soldiers’ attack, that is, “the footage” from the other film.

Now, with a third batch of mismatched footage, we’re meeting the family of Paul, a young Vietnamese doctor recruited — against his family’s objections — into a U.S. Marine-backed military force that will go up against the Viet Cong — from that previous batch of spliced-in film — that took over a hill and ran off those villagers. In fact, it’s not just Paul. Apparently, you can just be walking down a dirt road with your girlfriend and you’re “recruited” into the fighting force. Here’s your papers. Report for duty. You’re helping us take back that hill.

Oh, and there’s the tanks that finally appear at the end. Trust us. Godfrey Ho didn’t rent any tanks and it’s from another film.

The “human drama” comes from the fact that Paul and the other recruits love the glory of fighting for their country. Paul’s wife calls him a “monster,” you know, just like with the “Return from ‘Nam” movies made in America. And this is where the B&S About Movies editorial board allows us to drop “ensues” into the review. Only, nothing ensues . . . as this has none of the all-out action assault of most of the other “Philippines War Week” entries we’ve covered this week and back in August during our first tribute to Philippines war flicks.

Ah, but Godfrey comes through in the end. Paul and the two other saps that got recruited into the fight, struggle to raise the American flag on the recaptured hill — only to die in a hail of sniper fire. Now, that would be a heartbreaking ending in another film. Here, the “message,” if any, about the cost of war, and honor, and glory, is lost. For this is just plain bad — and criminal — that this patch job of obscure South Asian films from the ’70s was marketed in the backwash of First Blood and Commando. There’s not even martial arts to wow us. Just a whole lot of “uggghs” and “aihyaaaahs” as bodies fall under hails of squibs.

There’s no trailer to share because, for there to be a trailer, there needs to be a “story” to cut into a trailer with a narrative arc to tell you what the film is about in the first place. But we did find a copy of Mission War Flames on You Tube — but more for you to fast forward through than actually watch. But we know you’re a celluloid masochist . . . Aihyaaaaah!

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

Lady Beware (1987)

There are a small number of movies in the subgenre that I invented and I don’t know who has to approve it. They are known as Yinzer Giallo. These are movies made in Pittsburgh that must follow these rules. We will test Lady Beware against them.

First off, is it a Giallo?

Has there been a murder, or is the lead character a fish out of water being stalked by someone and exposed to threats of psychosexual violence?

Yes: Katya Yarno (Diane Lane, making her second Pittsburgh/Western PA film appearance, as I always consider Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains as taking place somewhere in the Pennsylvania rust belt called Charlestown here, which is the same town as Slap Shot, so I guess it’s Altoona) is a fashion designer who has gotten the most desirable of all Steel City fashion jobs. She’s a window dresser at Horne’s.

Jennifer Woytek

A quick note: Horne’s was a regional department store chain based in Pittsburgh that, at its height, had twelve locations. The best known was downtown — it’s now offices for Highmark — on Penn Avenue and Stanwix Street. It was a seven-story department store with a famous Christmas tree still lit as part of Pittsburgh’s Light Up Night. You can also see another Horne in Dawn of the Dead, which inspired the character of Ben Joseph Horne on Twin Peaks, as co-creator Mark Snow went to Carnegie Mellon.

Other than creating the window displays for their rival store, Kaufmann’s—which leads to the yinzer term for minding your business, “Does Hornes tell Kaufmann’s their business?”—having this job would have been the job in 1987.

Anyways…

Katya is a small-town girl in a big city, which is funny because Pittsburgh is the smallest city. That said, her window dressings are pretty sexual and filled with allusions to BDSM, which leads to Jack Price, a married and obsessive maniac, starting to stalk her and call her with incredibly sexually depraved phone calls.

So, while there’s no murder or black gloves, there’s plenty of stalking. Katya may not feel guilty for her window scenes, but numerous men outside are positively scandalized and probably ran up to St. Mary of Mercy on Stanwix for absolution.

A Yinzer Giallo aside: Much like Rome, the kinda sorta birthplace by way of England and then Germany for the main Giallo form, the large number of Italian — and Italian — immigrants to Western Pennsylvania makes Catholicism and its morals central to growing up here for many people.

Is there high fashion, beautiful people and abundant nudity?

There’s a ton of fashion in this. The costumes were designed by Patricia Field, who would be much better known for creating the clothes for The Devil Wears Prada and Sex and the City, a job she got after impressing Sarah Jessica Parker years before in the movie Miami Rhapsody.

As for the nudity, the one scene in which Lane is nude was supposedly taken while she was unaware.

Director Karen Arthur (The Mafu Cage) told the Los Angeles Times, “Some distributors asked for more sex, so they took outtakes of Diane Lane standing there naked and incorporated them into the film. To me, that that’s exploitative. They printed up negatives where I never said print. I, as a female director, would never exploit a woman’s body and use it as a turn-on.”

The director nearly removed her name from the movie but didn’t think it was fair to the actors, who couldn’t remove their names and do an Alan Smithee.

To be a Pittsburgh Giallo, the film must accomplish all of the above — when possible — and also:

Be true to its Pittsburgh roots, meaning that the movie must be filmed here while speaking directly to the experience of growing up in the city.

This is true because this movie could have made up any store and chose Horne’s. Now, we can debate the industrial loft that Katya lives in—maybe it’s in the Strip District—but the fact that she has a bathtub in the middle of the room is very actual to the stylistic ideal of the Pittsburgh toilet, which is just a toilet in the basement with no walls, sitting there for very unprivate moments.

If filmed here, it must reference Pittsburgh and not have the city stand in for another town.

Executive producer Lawrence Mortoff had produced the 1984 Nastassja Kinski-starring Maria’s Lovers in Pittsburgh, so he brought the movie to the City of Bridges, getting 28 shooting days, mainly in Dahntahn and the North Side.

It must feel authentic, which helps several films on this list as they are movies with moments that only make sense when you’re a lifelong Pittsburgher.

True to 1987, Pittsburgh Magazine shows up to report on the windows. And while there are few Steelers jerseys and bottles of Iron City, Katya does go on a date to the Grand Concourse, which, other than LeMont, would have been one of the better places for a date back in the late 1980s.

Speaking of Pittsburgh, look for locals like Chef Don Brockett (who appeared on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and was legally bound to appear in every movie made in Pittsburgh, as he does in Silence of the Lambs and Flashdance), Steel City stage legend Bingo O’Malley, and Audrey Roth (Mr. Roger’s friend Miss Paulifficate) in this.

Verdict: Yinzer Giallo

Sadly, this movie escaped its director, who had worked on it since the late 70s. In the same Los Angeles Times article, Arthur said that the movie had “100 homes, 17 drafts, and eight writers” while being upset by the film’s production team at Scotti Brothers: “The purse-holders are men, and they attempted to make Lady Beware into a violent picture. I’m not interested in making a picture where a woman gets beat up. I want to show how a lady deals with this kind of insidious violence. A policeman can’t help.”

Starting with the success of Leif Garrett — their record label also had James Brown in the late 80s, Felony, Survivor and “Weird Al” Yankovic — Scotti Brothers moved into movies and TV — they were involved in the production and distribution of Baywatch — and made the films The ResurrectedEddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!Eye of the Tiger (well, that makes sense seeing who was on the label), In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro, He’s My Girl, Stealing HeavenThe Iron Triangle and Death of a Soldier.

Who is to blame? One of three Scotti brothers who produced this, Tony, would play Tony Polar in Valley of the Dolls; I don’t see any gossip about him. As for Mortoff, in addition to producing movies in nearly every genre, he directed one film, 1993’s Deadly Exposure. None of these things point to anyone, but regardless of who was to blame, Cotter Smith’s performance was cut down — he’d return to Pittsburgh to be in the series Mindhunter — and all of Viveca Lindfors’ parts were cut. She’d also come back to be in Creepshow and North of Pittsburgh.

However, this heavy-handed interference made the film confusing. And, look, Giallo can already be hard to understand.

It’s a shame because Lady Beware does have some moments where you can see that it has the hope of being a great film. The close — using mannequins to attack the male aggressor — suggests a more heroic female Maniac, which is an interesting turn.

SLASHER MONTH: Nightmare Weekend (1987)

Made by the French in Florida — because why not — Nightmare Weekend is all about that tale as old as time, a brilliant computer scientist whose super computer can transform the personalities of bad and disobedient people. He asks one of his friends to test it on a group of debauched young women, but before you can say direct to video, they’re all mutants.

The professor also has a shut-in daughter named Jessica who discusses losing her virginity with her puppet George who makes most of the decisions in her life.

How Henri Sala got to Florida, why it was made and why I watched it are all beyond me. Life is a mystery and everyone must stand alone. Despite the Troma logo appearing, I soldiered on and kind of ended up enjoying myself.

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome.

SLASHER MONTH: Terror Night (1987)

Cameron Mitchell, Alan Hale Jr., Aldo Ray and Dan Haggerty all in one movie? Are you trying to give Bill Van Ryn a heart attack, Nick Marino?

Actually, Marino may not have even directed this. Instead, it may have been a combination of Fred J. Lincoln (who in addition to playing Weasel Podowski in The Last House on the Left directed 310 movies like Garden of Eatin’ and A Place Beyond Shame and also owner Plato’s Retreat at one point) and the eyepatch-wearing Andre DeToth, who shot House of Wax in 3D despite not being able to see in three dimensions.

A bunch of no good kids — hey look, effects expert William Butler and there’s Michelle Bauer and adult star Jamie “the Brat” Summers — sneak into the mansion of Lance Hayward (John Ireland), who has gone mad and loves to dress up as his old characters and kill people.

This movie sat and collected dust for twenty years before it finally escaped. All of the old footage in it had copyright issues, so it’s back to no one talking about it. Seek it out, check it out, enjoy the old Hollywood killing.

SLASHER MONTH: Lunchmeat (1987)

Lunchmeat is not pretty — although it does have Kim McKamy, the actress who would one day become Ashlyn Gere, in the cast — and it looks like it was filmed by the same gigantic home camcorder that your dad once used to tape your prom.

Directed, written and produced by one and done auteur Kirk Alex, who drove cabs for years to raise money for this movie, which tells the story of Paw and his three kids: Elwood, Harley and Benny, the gigantic man on the cover of the VHS release.

The kids that are fated to die first have to eat human meat within the burgers of Wilbur’s Bar and Grill and then they’re off to be part of a USDA Grade — trust me, that’s the lowest grade that can be legally sold to humans — remix of Texas Chainsaw Massacre that isn’t as good as even Blood Salvage. If you’re gong to remake something already made, make it weirder. Make it different. Do something.

For everyone proclaiming this murderdrone, all the killing happens off screen and at no point did I use this movie to find a higher plateau of reasoning. I sure tried, however! Maybe I have such a disdain for movies that instill a distrust of the Southern accent, particularly when this movie takes place in California.

SLASHER MONTH: Death Nurse (1987)

The health care crisis and the rising silver wave of seniors in the need of extended ambulatory care are major worries that our society will be dealing with for decades. What does not worry or deal in this would be Nick Millard’s 1987 Shot On Video scummiest Death Nurse, which gives us the Shady Palms Clinic, which is run by the brother and sister team of Doctor Gordon Mortley and Nurse Edith.

Their John Waters-style plan is to take in physically and mentally ill patients that no one wants, do surgical experiments and then keep billing for their care. The only patient that has survived their madness is Louise Kagel, who is always drunk and regularly services the ungood doctor sexually.

There are so many problems in the way they do business. Why would they believe that a dog’s heart would work inside a man’s? Why would they have a cat running around that would steal that heart? And then, they throw the body to the rats, which means more and more rats arrive, as if this is one of those we replaced this predator with this predator and now we need a new predator situations and when the law sends an EPA man down to check, they stab him because no one keeps track of government agents, right?

Everyone has to pay, whether they eat rats, get injected with poison or just get stabbed. The bodies pile up, the cops find the bodies and we end with Edith just sitting on the couch, knowing the end is coming soon.

I kind of love that this movie has 35 minutes from Criminally Insane in it, so that when I watch Death Nurse 2, I know that I will think I’m, well, insane and that I’m rewatching the same movie. Because I will be, if you think about it.

This is a movie made for…someone. I don’t know who. But I’m very afraid of them.

SLASHER MONTH: The Stay Awake (1987)

A South African slasher set in a Catholic girl’s school. The Stay Awake has a killer that is either a cat or a rat headed human being and you know, that’s the first time I’ve seen that in a movie, much less one where the slasher is felled by a thrown javelin. So, you know, despite the ineptitude of the film, the bad acting and the goofiness of having a title that invites headlines for negative reviews, I soldiered through this and finished my tour of duty.

Also: the rat/cat/lizard thing is the ghost of serial killer William John Brown, who is killed in America in 1969 but for some reason goes to Europe for these murders, despite making Elm Street claims of tracking down the children of the people who put him in the gas chamber.

Also also: a stay awake is like a lock in and you raise money by working out all night.

You can watch this on Tubi.