WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Clegg (1970)

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Also known as The Bullet Machine, Clegg Private Eye and Harry and the Hookers, Clegg was directed by one of my favorite British scum directors, Lindsay Shonteff, the same man who brought us Devil Doll, The Second Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World, License to Kill, The Fast Kill, The Million Eyes of Sumuru, Night, After Night, After Night, Permissive, Big Zapper, No. 1 of the Secret Service, Licensed to Love and Kill and so many more. He even made two SOV movies, Lipstick and Blood and The Killing Edge. Born in Canada, he went to the UK to make movies and did what he loved until the day that he died, closing out his life on the last day of production of his final film, Angels, Devils, and Men.

Ex-policeman and private detective Harry Clegg (Gilbert Wynne) is hired by Lord Cruickshank (Norman Claridge) after the rich man gets a threat on his life. Clegg may be the hero, but his inner dialogue includes lines like “I’m a private eye. Also a cold-blooded killer, a liar and a thief. My big problem is, I’ve been a loser since the day I was born.”

A sex worker named Suzy the Slag (Gilly Grant, School for Sex) is killing off old rich men with beartraps, guns and her sexual charms. Maybe she’s just mad that the filmmaker chose such a poor and misogynistic name for her. Sometimes she strangles men, lets them get their breath, then drowns them in her bathtub. A former adult actress, Suzy, serves as the killer for Wildman (Gary Hope), who has waited twenty years for his revenge on these rich guys.

Wildman also has five lollipop girls — Susan Killington, Laura Beaumont (who went on to write for Thomas the Train), Hannah Leek, Susan Babbage and Felicity Leach — who may be in their 20s but are dressed like teenagers or younger, all sucking on lollipops more than once in this film.

This isn’t great, but it has a gross charm to it. That’s a compliment.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: The Children (1980)

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The best thing that I can say about this movie is that nearly every person in it is a horrible person. There are cops that don’t do their jobs well, expectant mothers that smoke and other parents that couldn’t care less if their kids have come home yet. Even the lovely people in this movie only exist to be snuffed out. This is the blackest of comedies and also the most nihilistic of films.

Jim and Slim, a couple of workers at the Ravensback chemical plant, decide to finish work early and head to the bar, neglecting the pressure gauge warnings and allowing a cloud of yellow toxic smoke to escape.

That yellow cloud finds its way to a school bus full of innocent children who are so well behaved that they even sing a song to compliment their bus driver. Suddenly, the bus passes through the yellow cloud, and the kids get turned into zombie-like monsters with black fingernails.

The townspeople only think the kids have disappeared, so they shut the town down and try to keep out any outsiders until things clear up. Boy, this town…there’s Billy the local sheriff, who is in over his head. There’s Harry, his deputy, who only seems to want to get it on with Suzie (and who can blame him, what else is there to do in a small town?). And then there’s Molly, who runs the general store and is also the police dispatcher, because that makes sense. She’s played by Shannon Bolin, a singer who was once known as The Lady with the Dark Blue Voice in the 1940s.

Even though this was made in 1980, it’s both woke and exploitative enough to give zombie Tommy two mommies. One of them, Dr. Joyce, is among the first to be burned alive by one of The Children. Not the last — as the kids all come home, they burn their parents and most of the town alive.

I guess John is our hero, and his wife, Cathy, is pregnant (and pats her stomach and says, “Sorry…” before smoking a cigarette), so he’s obviously worried about her. That’s when this movie shifts into one that totally lives up to today’s theme. Kids get killed left and right with impunity. Roasted in closets, zombified hands chopped off, shotgunned…it’s pretty much open season on children. And when The Children die, it sounds like a cat in heat.

After all that, John falls asleep and wakes up to deliver his wife’s baby. We get a peaceful scene of the many, many dead bodies with the children all lying there looking peaceful and not dismembered. That’s when John noticed that his newborn child had black fingernails.

Director Max Kalmanowicz only has one other credit, the weirdo sex comedy Dreams Come True, where “a young couple masters the supernatural art of astral projection which allows them to travel through dreams, explore their fantasies and make a whole lot of love.” Hopefully, nobody cuts off a ten-year-old’s hand in that movie.

Shout out to The Bloody Pit of Horror for the alternate posters.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Chesty Anderson, USN (1976)

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Chesty Anderson is a WAVE (Woman Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service) in the U.S. Navy and the lead character in a movie that promises that you will see bare breasts. That’s 1976, I guess, and Shari Eubank is the right actress for this. A former cheerleader and homecoming queen at Farmer City High School in Illinois, she was only in one other movie and what a movie: Russ Meyer’s Supervixens. After this movie, she quit acting and moved back home, where she became a drama teacher. And she’s a way better actress than most people would be in a sexploitation film, but man, Supervixen is your drama teacher? The world is fascinating.

While this movie is a snooze — how can a movie named Chesty Anderson, USN be boring? — It does have a fun cast. It left Scatman Crothers ill-prepared for dealing with Kubrick, as one can only assume every scene is done in one take; I’ll bet there were fewer takes in this entire film than in one scene of The Shining. Timothy Carey is devouring scenery and being a lunatic as a mobster, while Ilsa, Dyanne Thorne, is in this as a fellow WAVE. At the same time, Joyce Mandel (Wham Bam Thank You Space Man), Uschi Digard (so many mammary-based movies), Rosanne Katon (Bachelor Party), Marcie Barkin (Fade to Black), Connie Hoffman (Naughty Stewardesses), Dorrie Thomson (Policewoman) and even Betty Thomas show up. Fred Willard, too, as Chesty’s square boyfriend.

Chesty’s sister has been killed after taking photos of Senator Dexter (George Dexter) in drag, which gets organized crime involved. And a man-eating plant is part of the story.

Yet through all this — a movie with all of these people — it’s very PG. And look, I’m not demanding sin, but in a film with this cast, even the shower scenes could be watched on regular television. It promises you vice and gives you virtue. Well, not much, but you get the point.

Director Ed Forsyth also made Superchick, Caged Men, The Ramrodder and more, while writer Paul Pumpian mostly worked in animation after this, and this is the only film for his co-writer H.F. Green.

This was initially released by Atlas Films in 1975, then rereleased by Flora Releasing and Coast Films. Thanks to Temple of Schlock for that, as well as the knowledge that this aired on TV as Anderson’s Angels. How much did they cut? It was also rereleased by 21st Century.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: MSG: The Messenger (2015)

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Aug 4-10  Stoner Comedy Week: I don’t gas reefer anymore, but I love it when people in movies do!

Writer, co-director, co-cinematographer, co-editor, songwriter, stuntman and star Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, who made his debut in this film. Ram Rahim has also released several music albums and other films, which “typically revolve around himself and his teachings. Many of these are based on social issues and the promotion of God’s worship.” At the age of 23, he was selected as the leader of the Dera Sacha Sauda sect by Shah Satnam Sing, which was a surprise.

His life is, well, complicated. Sure, he’s organized drives for blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol screenings and tree planting that have been recognized by Guinness World Records, as well as the world record for most people sanitizing their hands simultaneously. He’s worked to eradicate forced prostitution.

But as of 2017, the Indian Film & Television Directors’ Association (IFTDA) and the Cine and TV Artists Association (CINTAA) banned Ram Rahim from future work in Indian film and television for “criminality and moral turpitude.” That’s because he was convicted of a 2002 rape in 2017, which led to 200,000 of his followers going wild in the streets. In 2019, he was convicted of the murder of journalist Ram Chander Chhatrapati, who was trying to find answers on that same 2002 sexual assault. This comes after years of conflict with Sikh and Hindu groups, including him dressing as their deities and tearing pages from their holy books. And oh yeah, the forced castration of 400 members of his religious group so that they could be closer to God.

This may be the most separate the art from the artist review ever, as a result of reading all this after I watched the movie.

Guruji (Ram Singh) is a spiritual leader who has taken on the job of eradicating drug use and gender issues from society. It also has 1.3 million extras — good luck updating the IMDB — including a musical number that has 125,000 performers lighting thousands of candles.

Reviews were not kind: “It is not possible to be prepared for the sensory assault that is MSG: The Messenger,” “Watch it only if your survival depended on it,” “…excruciatingly awful only for non-believer,s” and “Three hours of torture so painful that you start laughing at yourself.”

Gurunji may be a superhero. Or a super villain. He never drives the same car twice. He has Superman’s flight and strength, but also mind powers, like telepathy, telekinesis and mind electricity, which is a thing. Are those enough powers? He’s like when a kid first rolls up a character in a game like Champions and keeps adding things. He also has a special elixir that can cure any disease. And a talking lion. I’m shocked he didn’t add “I have triples of the Barracuda and the Road Runner.”

He can also rap.

Perhaps his kryptonite is his lack of fashion sense, but his main enemy is a terrifying killing machine named Mike.

Yes, you read that.

Despite my disgust with the auteur’s real life, I also have to say that this guy has millions of followers — that’s how this came out in theaters in Canada — and made several more movies, and despite the fact that this is three hours, you know I’m going to watch the rest of them.

Imagine Neil Breen, if Neil Breen had the power to make men cut their dicks off.

You can watch this on YouTube.

EUREKA! BOX SET RELEASE: TERROR IN THE FOG: THE WALLACE KRIMI AT CCC

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As Italy made Giallo and America had Hitchcock, West Germany had Krimi. Freely adapted from works by the British crime writer Edgar Wallace and his son Bryan Edgar Wallace, they combined the traditional murder mystery with horror. Masked and gloved killers stalked their victims like ghosts in the fog of London, starting with Face of the Frog and The Crimson Circle, before producer Artur Brauner launched the CCC Film series of Krimi.

Now, Eureak! has a box set with six examples:

The Curse of the Yellow Snake: A mysterious cult wishes to lay its hands on an ancient artefact that has been brought to London from Hong Kong.

The Strangler of Blackmoor Castle: A masked murderer stalk the grounds of a vast British estate – one who brands his victims’ foreheads with the letter M.

The Mad Executioners: Who should we be more afraid of? The killer or the gang of hooded vigilantes?

The Phantom of Soho: A sleazy nightclub is surrounded by death!

The Monster of London City: Is Jack the Ripper back in London?

The Racetrack Murders (AKA The Seventh Victim): Everyone who knows the racehorse Satan seems to die!

Krimi and Giallo both mean mystery novels to the respective readers of Germany and Italy. While the films they inspired share similarities, they each have their own unique feel. It’s also an ever-changing-back-and-forth trade between these genres, as they increase in bloodshed and masked killer excess as they go on — and I mean that in all the best of ways.

This set is a perfect companion to Eureka!’s Mabuse Lives! Dr. Mabuse At CCC: 1960-1964 set. Each of these releases is nearly a film education in a box, as Tim Lucas, Kim Newman and others open up your mind to blind spots of film that you may have never dared explore. This is beyond a recommendation.

This limited edition of 2000 copies comes inside a hardbound slipcase featuring new artwork by Poochamin with a 60-page collector’s book featuring a new introduction to the Wallace krimi cycle by film writer Howard Hughes, a new essay on Edgar Wallace and Bryan Edgar Wallace by crime fiction expert Barry Forshaw and new notes on each film by Holger. All five films presented in 1080p HD from 2K restorations of the original film elements undertaken by CCC Film.

Extras include new introductions to each film by genre film expert and Video Watchdog founder Tim Lucas; audio commentaries The Curse of the Yellow Snake and The Phantom of Soho by Kim Newman and Barry Forshaw; commentaries on The Strangler of Blackmoor Castle, The Mad Executioners and The Racetrack Murders by Kevin Lyons and Jonathan Rigby and commentary on The Monster of London City by Kim Newman and Stephen Jones. Plus, there’s a new interview with Alice Brauner, producer and managing director of CCC Film and daughter of Artur Brauner and a video essay by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas exploring the influence of the Wallace krimi on the Italian Giallo and American slasher film.

You can get this set from MVD.

EUREKA! BOX SET RELEASE: TERROR IN THE FOG: THE WALLACE KRIMI AT CCC: The Racetrack Murders (1964)

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Das siebente Opfer (The Seventh Victim) was released in English speaking countries as The Racetrack Murders. Based on a novel by Bryan Edgar Wallace, it’s one of several films — hey, we covered a bunch this week — by Rialto Film, who had succes making movies based on the books of his father, Edgar Wallace. This comes from Murder Is Not Enough.

Directed and written by Franz Josef Gottlieb, this is all about how the son of a British racehorse owner and a bookie work together to ruin the odds of his father’s thoroughbred, Satan, being a winner. Insurance fraud is more important to the Krimi, where the Giallo would just kill you. No, the German movie bad guys want to take your diamonds. Or cash. And then kill you. Or, if you’re watching this movie, throw a snake at a horse and then watch it’s jockey die as the result!

This is part of the Terror In the Fog box set and has extras including a new introduction by genre film expert and Video Watchdog founder Tim Lucas and audio commentary by Kevin Lyons and Jonathan Rigby. You can get it from MVD.

EUREKA! BOX SET RELEASE: TERROR IN THE FOG: THE WALLACE KRIMI AT CCC: The Monster of London City (1964)

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Who would have thought that a series of Jack the Ripper-style murders would happen at the same time as a new play about the infamous Whitechapel murderer was playing on the London stage? And what if the actor,  Richard Sand (Hansjörg Felmy), who plays Jack becomes a suspect in an example of the ultimate in Method acting?

Director Edwin Zbonek and writer Robert A. Stemmle have adapted another Bryan Edgar Wallace story, this reveals to us thatthe actor may have been insane and an alcoholic in the past, but does that make him a killer? Isn’t he trying to settle down with Ann Morlay (Marianne Koch)? I mean, who wouldn’t want to? So why is he maybe killing sex workers?

Producers Releasing Corporation released this in the U.S. along with The Phantom of Soho. There’s not just a great poster, I’ve also found the pressbook.

This comes at the time when the Krimi and the Giallo were trading back and forth. You can see the influence of Blood and Black Lace, as well as the exploitation film expectation that there had to be nude female flesh. Regardless, it works and creates quite the picture, which has a great killer reveal at the end.

This is part of the Terror In the Fog box set and has extras including a new introduction by genre film expert and Video Watchdog founder Tim Lucas and audio commentary by Kim Newman and Stephen Jones. You can get it from MVD.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Interstella 5555 (2003)

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Aug 4-10  Stoner Comedy Week: I don’t gas reefer anymore, but I love it when people in movies do!

This is a movie with many audiences.

  1. People who love Daft Punk and want to hear the songs from Discovery along with visuals, including songs like “One More Time,” “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” and “Something About Us.”
  2. Those who love anime and want to see a new film by Leiji Matsumoto (Space Battleship Yamato, Space Pirate Captain Harlock, Galaxy Express 999) and don’t need dialogue to guide them through the anime archetypes and story.
  3. Stoners who are super high.
  4. All of the above.

Hi, that’s me, number four.

Keyboardist Octave, guitarist Arpegius, drummer Baryl and bass player Stella have been kidnapped by Earl de Darkwood, a music producer who takes bands from other planets and brings them to Earth as his slaves. Now known as The Crescendolls, three of them are saved by space pilot Shep, who gives his life to free them from their programming.

As The Crescendolls win the Gold Record Award, Stella — still mind-controlled — is saved by the band, who free her and head to Darkwood Manor, where they learn that Darkwood has a plan called the Veridis Quo, which has him getting 5,555 Gold Records and ruling the universe. Their record is the last and Stella is nearly sacrificed before Darkwood and his followers are cast into a pit.

The entire planet of Earth sends the band back home, where Shep is remembered. Or maybe it was all a dream of a child, listening to a Daft Punk album.

Daft Punk said, “The music we have been making must have been influenced at some point by the shows we were watching when we were little kids.” I love that when they started to become famous, they went all in on their influences. I got to see this in a theater at earsplitting volume, and it was perfect; yes, maybe what we had in the parking lot made it even better.

EUREKA! BOX SET RELEASE: TERROR IN THE FOG: THE WALLACE KRIMI AT CCC: The Phantom of Soho (1964)

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Based on a novel by Bryan Edgar Wallace, this Franz Josef Gottlieb-directed and Ladislas Fodor-written movie takes place in a sex den in Soho, the Sanisbar, which is ruled over by wheelchair — and not just for respect — bound crime domme Joanna Filiati (Elisabeth Flickenschildt). There are a bunch of murders by someone in glittery gold gloves — this isn’t a Giallo! — and a skull mask, so Joanna is trying to hush it up and keep Scotland Yard off the case, as it will bring people running to arrest her.

Chief Inspector Hugh Patton (Dieter Borsche) and would-be Jessica Fletcher Clarinda Smith (Barbara Rütting) are on the case. This has film noir, jazzy clubs, plenty of fog and feels like London twenty years earlier more than Germany. There’s also a great camera move as the viewer is forced to spin along with the girl on a knife thower’s wheel. It might make you throw up your spätzle! This is what happens when a yacht called the Yolanda sinks and the survivors think they get away! Even better, this played in the U.S.!

This is part of the Terror In the Fog box set and has extras including a new introduction by genre film expert and Video Watchdog founder Tim Lucas and audio commentary by Kim Newman and Barry Forshaw. You can get it from MVD.

EUREKA! BOX SET RELEASE: TERROR IN THE FOG: THE WALLACE KRIMI AT CCC: The Mad Executioners (1963)

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Based on White Carpet by Bryan Edgar Wallace, The Mad Executioners has fog — so much fog — and a serial killer who loves to cut the heads off of beautiful women. A mob is organized by a secret court — The Mad Executioners, anyone — forms and starts to hang anyone they think could be the killer. The rope they use comes from Scotland Yard’s crime museum.

John Hiller (Hansjörg Felmy) is assigned to these cases, and it’s personal because his sister was one of the victims. How bad does he want to solve this? His fiancée, Ann Barry (Maria Perschy), is used as bait for the killer, but gets kidnapped, and Hiller has to beat the mad executioners to the killer so he can save her. Plus, there are mad scientist moments and a horse-drawn carriage that brings criminals to be tried by the mystery court.

This combines krimi, Gothic horror and Giallo all in one delicious dish. Dig in!

This is part of the Terror of the Fog box set and has extras, including a new introduction by genre film expert and Video Watchdog founder Tim Lucas and audio commentary by Kevin Lyons and Jonathan Rigby. You can get it from MVD.