Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Carlos Tobalina was born in Peru, moved to Brazil and came to the U.S. in the 1950s. After selling cars, he started Tobalina Productions, Inc. in the 1970s and started making adult films, often using the name Troy Benny, which he showed at the theaters he owned with his wife Maria Pia Palfrader, like the Mayan Theater, the  X Theater on Hollywood Boulevard and the Star Theater. He battled obscenity laws and sadly killed himself in 1979 after finding out he had liver cancer. In his life, he made an early adult film, Infrasexum, as well as Marilyn and the Senator, Jungle Blue, Lady Dynamite and the non-sex film Flesh and Bullets which failed to get him into mainstream movies.

Dave (Blair Harris) and Fernando (Fernando Fortes, a crew member who was brought into the film as, well, he looked like a foreign exchange student) are roommates and even when Dave tries to help him with girls, he ends up hooking up with both of them. He buts Fernando a book, Sex Through Hypnotism, and learns how to use it to sleep with every woman who comes his way, starting with a neighbor before getting the pizza girl — an inverse of traditional adult! — and then an entire wedding party. But when his parents send his arranged wife from his home, will he stop sleeping with American women now that he has the power?

Fernando played the same role in I Am Always Ready and Champagne Orgy. You know, Dave has some advantages to his friend. He has a super patriotic shag van, good looks and doesn’t masturbate into Fanta cans. Oh yeah — he also asks for consent and doesn’t hypnotize a whole bunch of women and have a high speed series of lovemaking, which is edited a lot like A Clockwork Orange, ending with Fernando’s heart giving out from all the pickling the prime meridian.

Stay with this, because somehow, some way, it rips off the end of Carrie. Amazing.

Obviously, Coke didn’t pay for that product placement. And yes, that is a crew member just standing there in Dave and Fernando’s apartment.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

The only film by Frank Spokeman and the lone film by writers Robert Selmers and Herb Wheeler, Teenage Fantasies is the American cover version of Germany’s Schoolgirl Report and the one advantage that we have over German filth films is that our side has Rene Bond, which is a lot like having all the nuclear warheads.

Filmed at the Eugene Hotel in Eugene, Oregon, this starts with a square up scroll, in which the filmmakers want you to know that thanks to the pill and porn chic, the teenagers of 1972 finally have fantasies. And now, we’re going to get to see them re-enacted.

Most of the scenes — a teenage threeway, a girl interested in aggressive sex, the tradesman’s entrance — are your basic sex stories. Where this shines is when Suzanne Fields (Flesh Gordon) does a JOI scene a half century before internet porn and whenever Bond is on the screen, taking man after man as she introduces each segment. She’s got on fake eyelashes, blue eyeshade and looks like what I can only assume angels appear like, minus how the Book of Ezekiel described them as wheels with eyeballs all over them and four faces.

The only other performers who are not one and done are Carmen Olivera (A Clockwork Blue).

This was filmed by Andy Romanoff, who started as a production manager as Herschell Gordon Lewis’ films before shooting A Taste of Blood and Something Weird. He went on to work as a still photographer on Switchblade Sisters and The Swinging Cheerleaders, the Louma crane op on 1941, Can’t Stop the Music, One from the Heart, Wolfen, Friday the 13th Part 3, The Entity, Something Wicked This Way Comes, To Live and Die In L.A., Stop Making Sense, the Warrant video for “Cherry Pie” and Sweatin’ to the Oldies 3.

Teenage Fantasies also had its own psychiatric consultant, Dr. Roland W. Thaxter. I have no idea what he did on set.

But anyways, Rene Bond forever.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Bob Chinn and John Holmes made a bunch of these Johnny Wadd detective movies, like The Blonde in Black Lace, Tropic of Passion, The Danish Connection, Liquid Lips, Tell Them Johnny Wadd Is Here, Tapestry of Passion, The Jade Pussycat, Blonde Fire, China Cat and The Return of Johnny Wadd. This is the second in the franchise, after 1971’s Johnny Wadd.

Sheila (Heather Starr) starts the movie engaging in a solo bedroom rodeo before a mysterious Asian man (Chinn) slices her throat. Johnny Wadd shows up, as Sheila was a lost flame, and her man Alex (Alex Elliot) claims that she was killed. Wadd finds a lotus, which is a clue, and heads off to meet with one of her friends — after we get a flashback of Wadd and Sheila — who claims to be a lesbian but is soon attempting the labor of administering an oral review to Holmes.

Another lady, Suzie (Andy Bellamy), reveals that she’s Alex’s lover and that he’s a heroin dealer and that’s what led the Asian man to kill Sheila. This leads to a kung fu battle that really is more like a slap fight, but hey, you get awesome footage of Los Angeles in 1971 and it’s less than an hour.

Only John Holmes in the 70s would have a moment where he drops his pants and the theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly plays.

This cost $750, actors were paid in sex and Holmes made $75. Also, some weirdo posted this goof on IMDB: “When the assassin cuts Sheila’s throat, the knife doesn’t make contact with her skin.”

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Bat Pussy was found in the storeroom of the Paris Adult Movie Theatre in Memphis, Tennessee in the mid-1990s John Michael McCarthy (Damselvis, Daughter of Helvis) and let loose on the masses — well, the maniacs that like to watch strange adult films, like you and me — by Something Weird Video.

There are no credits. No one knew who made it. No one has any idea who the actors in it are. What they do know is that this is a movie where quality is damned, where the dialogue is seemingly written by aliens or creatures from another dimension, and the sex that does happen feels like it’s barely successful.

In Gotham City, Buddy and Sam are having sex after he gets inspired by an issue of Screw magazine. Now, the movie has been set up to show them doing some frickle-frackle, but mostly they shout obscenities at each other as if they were Peter J. Haskett and Raymond Huffman screaming “Shut up, little man!” instead of lovers.

This is an example of the dialogue:

Buddy: Hey! Hey! Put a dick right there in your god-damned mouth! That’s what you gotta do! Tickle your god-damned tonsils! Tickle your god-damned tonsils on that mother fucker, while, see. You don’t know how to suck a dick, do you? Hey! You ain’t answered yet!

Sam: How can I answer with a mouth full of dick?

This is topped by her saying, “Hey, lemme tell you something!” and farting on him.

Wait, this is a Batman parody?

Meanwhile…

Bat Pussy’s Secret Warehouse Hideout is where Dora Dildo is waiting for her “twat to twitch,” letting her know that someone is going to shoot a dirty movie in her Gotham City. She changes into her Bat Pussy outfit, jumps on a Space Hopper and bounces across town.

We cut back occasionally to Buddy and Sam, who keep on arguing while he struggles to get erect.

Buddy: I read my horoscope today.

Sam: What did it say, fuck you?

Buddy: My horoscope says I’m supposed to fuck you in the nose, in the ears, in the mouth, and in the pussy.

Sam: My horoscope said to get another man.

Buddy: I’ll shoot that motherfucker!

Finally, Bat Pussy arrives, gets naked and joins in with our redhead freckled lumpy couple. Buddy proclaims, “Batwoman!” until Sam corrects him. They have the most awkward threeway you’ve ever seen and I hope you haven’t seen this much. This is both the greatest and worst movie you’ve ever seen, but if you can endure it, you can do anything. I believe so much in you.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Directed by Mort Shore, whose only other credit is having the footage from this film being stolen and used within The Confessions of Linda Lovelace, The Love Witch is actually the movie inside this movie, as a Southern court presided over by Harry Reems (who is also the district attorney, the defense attorney and the sheriff) tries to determine whether or not that film — about women on a yacht with several boorish men — is obscene.

This was produced by Leonard Kirtman (director of Carnival of Blood), Phil Parisi, Morton Schwartz (the director of The Zodiac Murders), Louis “Butchie” Peraino (who ran Bryanston Pictures which owned Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as well as the producer of The Devil’s Rain as James V. Cullen, Legacy of Satan as Lou Parrish and oh yeah, an alleged associate of the Colombo crime family and one of 43 people indicted in 1980 as part of the FBI MIPORN pornography investigation) and Shore.

The Love Witch is a boat and the women include Ann Marshall, Linda Del Toro, Cathy Parker, Ami Nitrate and Francine Baker and they hook up with Marc Brock and Robert Sargent. Of the women, only Marshall was in another film, the Sean Cunningham directed Case of the Full Moon Murders.

I love that there’s a performer named Ami Nitrate.

This is kind of boring, other than Reems having fun, but still feels more honest than the movie that took its name, Anna Biller’s The Love Witch.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Directed by Harry Lewis, who was a photographer of nude models until he was arrested for taking nude photos of an underage girl. His lawyer got the judge to give Lewis five years probation instead of time in prison. One of the terms of his sentence was that he had to start taking college classes. At UCLA, he took courses on directing, producing and filmmaking which led to him making hardcore loops and Visions of Clair. In the 1980’s, Harry and Elliot Lewis became the Lewis Brothers of Detroit, a group of adult filmmakers that also included Ken Gibb. They made fifteen hardcore movies before Lewis retired from making movies.

“Boom Boom” Ray Welles (Ben Dover) is an adult producer who is dealing with organized crime in the shadowed shape of Big Jim Thornton while sleeping with his girlfriend P.L. Smithe (Chris Cassidy), dealing with his director Bob Chappe (Blair Harris) and trying to explain to his sound guy John Simpson (Jesse Adams) how to get the best possible sound design out of their shot in one day productions. Then he finds the director’s trained bear’s head in his bed, which is a Godfather reference in case you didn’t get that this movie liberally steals that film’s score (along with Psycho‘s Bernard Herrmann soundtrack).

This line is also said numerous times: “Maximum velocity and top range!”

It’s not great, but still better than what blue movies have become today.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

First off, this movie has the amazing gift of a totally stolen soundtrack that includes parts of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly; at least three Beatles songs (“I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” “Good Day Sunshine” and “Yellow Submarine”) and the song that inspired Little Peggy March’s “I Will Follow Him,” Franck Pourcel’s “Chariot.”

This is the story of Pamela Goodnight (Judy Angel), who is looking for her best friend Carla. She calls her college sweetheart Wayne (James Mathers) and they spend a good chunk of the film baking the potato instead of looking for their friend, who has already been sacrificed to the dark one by Manheim Jarkhoff (George “Buck” Flower!) and his coven, which includes Boris, who has already been burned at the stake once, and Edith the witch. I mean, all Wayne has to say to set her mind at ease is, “You just let me be your daddy.”

As they descend into the Hollywood Hills, they learn that Jarkhoff runs Satanic Pictures, an adult studio devoted to making sinful cinema. He tells them that Carla was a speed freak on her way to an early grave before she burned up in a car that she never knew how to drive. In the midst of their investigation, Edith falls for Wayne and sneaks into his house as a black cat, then into his bed.

Before it’s all over, the cult has taken Pamela, Edith has fallen in love with Wayne and therefore must age into a skeleton and Satan himself shows up, wearing only the finest of Ben Cooper masks.

Edith looks like Susan Atkins when she was dancing in Anton Lavey’s Nude Witches Revue before she met Manson, in a time when the Church of Satan and a bunch of girls all living at Spahn Ranch seemed idyllic and we hadn’t yet learned of the Satanic Panic.

Also: The opening title cares are amazing.

“Night of the Warlock was filmed in its entirety in the hills above Hollywood, California by Satanic Films, Inc. whose involvement in the bizarre and the occult have gained the company a certain “notoriety” among the witchcraft groups and “covens” throughout the nation.

In the last sixteen months, the officers of Satanic Films, Inc. have received over 140 overt threats of violence and destruction if they continued to reveal the results of their research into the subject of witchcraft through the media of film.

Night of the Warlock is probably the most comprehensive and revealing film on the entire subject of the occult practices as they are pursed today by the disciples of the entity referred to as the “King of the Darkness.”

It is singular to note that since the release of Night of the Warlock, all six of the principals of Satanic Films, Inc. have met with violent death by fire — The Distributors”

This is also the only movie you’ll ever seen where George “Buck” Flower is naked except for a cape as he sneaks into the bedroom of a 70s porno blonde and gives her the stinkfinger while an instrumental of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” plays.

1971 was a wild year and I can only imagine the audiences that saw this. It’s not really all that arousing, which is my favorite kind of adult film, one that is more out to just be oddball or upsetting. Although Edith’s Michael Aquino eyebrows are doing something to me…

You can get this movie as part of AGFA’s Smut Without Smut: Satanic Horror Night from Vinegar Syndrome. It also has Hotter than Hell, Sacrilege, Satanic Sexual Awareness and The Devil Inside Her.

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Jeanne Silver was born in Tempe, Arizona with a missing fibula in one leg , which meant that the bottom half of it had to be amputated. After running away to New York City at the age of 16, she danced in clubs — she had already started that back home at 15 after being busted several times for burglary — before posing for adult magazines and performing in adult films.

Directed by Alex De Renzy, this is a collection of scenes with Jeanne that doesn’t shy away from showing off her leg. It begins with her looking at her own centerfold in Cheri before looking right at you, the viewer, and saying, “My name is Long Jeanne Silver and I’m handicapped and horny! Due to a quirk of nature I was born with a bigger dick than John Holmes, and baby, you better believe I know how to use it!”

When this played Hollywood sin palaces after Mike Weldon bought it, people kept walking out and what seemed like a sure-fire sensation wasn’t drawing. That’s because the scene where Jean takes a young man’s backside offended people. Go figure. Johnny Legend, the future director of My Breakfast With Blassie, had the job of figuring that out and then going from theater to theater to trim that moment of onscreen gomorrahy.

Today, Silver is alive and well in Arizona. She even showed up in Clownado a few years back. Her kindness is something to take notice of, as she routinely keeps in contact with her fellow actors and even handles funeral arrangements for them. She never forgets a birthday, either.

As for this film, you may be offended by it, but it shows that everyone has a right to sexual expression. If anything, Jeanne’s birth defect didn’t handicap her. Instead, it just opened her world to some wild adventures.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

All hail León Klimovsky, who directed this absolutely deranged movie and co-wrote it with Solly Wolodarsky. “The brain of a man… the body of a woman… the sexual horror story of our time!” That isn’t all of it. Man, this starts wild and gets even stranger.

An engineer named Ernesto (Manuel de Blas) is out on the town with his friend and some ladies when he gets injured in a car accident. He wakes up in a hospital room where former Nazi doctor Adolfo Berger (Narciso Ibáñez Menta) takes his brain and places it into the body of Leda (Alexandra Bastedo, The Blood Spattered Bride), a gorgeous woman. The doctor wants to keep him/her prisoner in a hospital room so that he can prove that he’s the first person to perfect this surgery.

What’s wild about this movie is that while Leda gets to live out some of the fantasies of Ernesto — yes, there is a lesbian scene, there’s also a scene where he whips Adolfo’s wife and nurse Lydia (Gemma Cuervo) and she likes it — but the truth is that this sets itself up as sleaze and then, just as you’re savoring the sin, it reminds you of the male gaze, how women are mistreated in the world a half century after this movie and that most people are no closer to understanding gender change now.

Ernesto also wakes up to a world where his wife Mary (Maria Silva) has already moved on to marry his best friend weeks after he has disappeared. There are also moments that when Leda is being pushed around by men, we see her as her male self. It’s a really intriguing way to frame what’s happening inside her, even if she’s a murderous maniac at times who sets a hospital on fire to kill the doctor who put her in this state.

Actually, I have lost track of the pronouns and apologize.

In Italy, this was known as Super Sexy Vamp, a title doesn’t really match what we are watching. That said, Leda quickly learns how to become a femme fatale. She engages in an insurance scam that Mary was planning and even picks up her former dead body, which has to be weird and yet she wants money and that worry never even is discussed. She’s already spent most of the movie learning that she can have the same qualifications as a woman that she did as a man and only find work as a secretary or in manual labor. If she can use the body she’s been given to get ahead, she has no issue.

Then, because this was 1974, this has to end with a downbeat ending. Or maybe evil in any sex needs to be punished. Or sometimes shock endings just are demanded.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers (September 1 – 7) We all know Frank Hennenlotter as the director of the Basket Case films, Bad Biology, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker, but he’s also a cinematic curator of the crass! An academic of the pathetic! A steward of sleaze! A sexton of the sexual and the Sexy Shocker series is his curio cabinet of crudity. Skin and sin are mixed together in these homegrown oddities, South American rediscoveries, and Eurohorror almost-classics. Your mind may recoil with erotic revulsion at the sights contained within these films, so choose wisely!

In around an hour, Frank (Doug Leith) and Marion (Dwan Marlow) get married, go to Vegas on their honeymoon, take in a Tex Ritter show, then head off to an island where a maniac with a club foot (Anton von Stralen) stalks her and waits until he leaves. Then, he unleashes his fury on the newlywed bride while her husband goes to get supplies.

Also known as Ecstasy On Lovers’ Island, it has Frank coming back only to get choked out and his wife having to stab the man whose feet we see for most of the movie — over and over — to survive. Maybe that strange man was just upset that Marion had an internal monologue saying things like “God really knew what he was doing when he made the sun!” and was hoping this was a nudie cutie and she wouldn’t disrobe.

The “Directed By Perri” is Peter Perry Jr. He also made Kiss Me Quick!, My Tale Is Hot, Mondo Mod, The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet and the seventh Taboo. He also edited Blood of Dracula’s Castle and Horror of the Blood Monsters. He has a Joe D’Amato level amount of other names, including Dick C. Crane, A.J. Gaylord, Arthur P. Stootsberry and Seymour Tuchus.

You can watch this on Tubi.