THE FILMS OF BRIAN DE PALMA: To Bridge This Gap (1969)

Early in his directing career, Brian De Palma made this documentary with Ken Burrows. It concerns the discrimination faced by African Americans in the 1960s and the work that it took to establish legal and social precedents that bridged the gap between hard-earned legal victories and the implementation of laws to protect them.

This doesn’t have much of the style that De Palma would come to show in his career, but to be fair, it’s a documentary. This is more about the left wing roots of the director and how he wanted to help document a moment in our country’s history that for some reason, it feels like we’re never going to move past. The fact that people had to fight to be, well, people keeps going.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Chattanooga Film Festival 2023: Dangerous Visions

Dangerous Visions is the horror and science fiction shorts showcase as part of the Chattanooga Film Festival. I’m super excited to check these out!

Tell Alice I Love Her (2023): Directed and written by Jamie Carreiro, this takes place years after a world-changing disaster. A woman on a critical mission through the wilderness is bitten by a zombie, which forces her to make a final choice. I really loved the editing in this and how it took the idea from the Starship Troopers book to its bloody extreme by having a machine that senses contamination and automatically severs limbs to protect its wearer. I’m hoping that there’s more to this story than just this short.

Fetal Position (2023): As pro-life troops amass outside and attempt to shut down the clinic, they have no idea that there’s a man (William Tokarsky, the killer from Too Many Cooks) inside attempting to get the alien out of his body. Directed and written by Joseph Yates, this short is just the hint for a full-length film promised in the credits. This gets wild in a hurry and has a flying insectoid alien baby that feels straight out of Night Train to Terror, which is probably the nicest thing I’ve said about a movie in weeks. I also loved the alien mom’s makeup and the UAP at the end looks pretty odd in the best of ways. I’m definitely all in for whatever comes next from Fetal Position. To learn more, visit the official Facebook and Instagram pages for Fetal Position.

Glitch (2022): While FaceTiming her daughter Emily, a mother (Heather Langenkamp, free from Freddy but perhaps not from supernatural evil if this short has anything to do with it) keeps seeing someone else on screen, as well as getting emails of her daughter sleeping and unaware that something is creeping on her. Even worse, when Emily finally sees it, the creature can only be watched on video. Directed and written by Rebecca Berrih, this has a solid crew of talent, including Charles H. Joslain  (he worked on Weird: The Al Yankovich Story) and Izzy Traub (Ender’s Game) on visual effects, Nancy Fuller (The HuntCry Macho) editing and Marianne Maddalena as executive producer (she’s produced tons of films from Shocker and The People Under the Stairs to the Scream franchise). This is quick and quite effective horror.

No Overnight Parking (2023): Directed and written by Megan Swertlow (who was also part of the anthology Give Me An A), this slasher short has plenty of star power, as the woman being stalked — in the wake of leaving her husband — is Alyssa Milano and the husband is French Stewart. As she walks to her car, located deep in the bowels of a gigantic underground parking garage, she learns that she’s locked in and that she’s not the only person here. Screams soon emerge and she’s suddenly under attack by a masked and gloved killer. I really loved how no matter how much blood and gore Milano gets caked with, she’s still checking. her makeup and teeth in the car mirror. Small touches like that elevate this to more than just a short with stunt casting.

Vexed (2022): When Penelope (Rachel Amanda Bryant) hits it off with Molly (Tiffany Sutton) after they mutually have dates go wrong, you get the idea that this is a meet cute comedy. But when they get back to Penelope’s place, you start to wonder if this will be a murder mystery. Nope. Things get even stranger, if that’s possible. This feels like just one scene from something much larger, but with what we’ve been given, it’s still pretty good. This was directed by Gene Blalock (Seize the Night) and written by Bryant, who has a good ear for dialogue.

Seaborne (2021): A seaside home invasion? That’s what happens to Hannah (Dana Melanie) and her son Lucas (Joshua Weatherby) but what comes into their home is from beneath the ocean and in no way human in director and writer Dylan Ashton’s short. James Ojala’s (Death Rider In the House of Vampires, 2012) practical creature effects are the best part of this film, as is the editing by Daniel Johnson. It’s pretty wild how much this cribs from A Quiet Place and Aliens, but you know, steal from the best. It looks gorgeous and moves well, as well as having lots of suspense as it takes notes from those films. A pretty fun short and this would have been fun to see with an audience; a full length would be interesting if it deviates from the expected and the past.

Mickey Dogface (2022): Now this is how you make a short. On Halloween night, three friends — Colleen (Glori Dei Filippone), Tony (Andrea Granera) and Eddie (Jack Russell Richardson)  — listen to a cassette of a Wolfman Jack-sounding DJ that was recorded on the night that singer Mickey Dogface, once known to the locals as Rooney Mario (Rob Christie), died. As we hear Mickey speak the intro to a song, “When I was just a little boy, my mama would tell me, you’re the most beautiful of all God’s creatures. And I know so deeply in my heart that someday you’ll be a star. Just don’t pay them any mind. They don’t know what you are.” The tapes comes to a stop and Mickey’s house is up in flames as he’s burned alive by three townies who were all killed the next night.

The legend says that Mickey’s ghost still roams the woods and if you sing his song, in the ruins of his house, he’ll come for you. So the girls challenge Eddie to do exactly that while their friend Sean (Matt Weir) waits to scare him all over again, just like the taser on the hay ride.

Except that maybe the legends are true.

Directed and written by Zach Fleming, this has really great costume design by Meredith King and some fun miniatures by Sophie Porter-Hyatt. There’s so much greatness in this — the shot going around the van as it sits in the woods as the girls tell the story is perfect — that I was a little let down by the reveal inside the van. No spoilers but it could have cut before the explosion effect and just had a more subtle scare.

This feels like a short meant for more, so I am dying to get more.

The Inverts (2023): Director, writer and star Evan Jordan has put together something strange and wonderful here, a movie that feels like the kind of odd documentaries I let play all night on Tubi. Jordan also made TS-17: The Truth About V.H.S., another conspiracy-based short, and this one gets very uncomfortable and near Fulci as the chip inside its creator is within his eye, which means self-conducted surgery. Now, the opposite universe feels a lot like Fringe or Counterpart, but you know, this short is so creative that I feel like a jerk for even saying that. Actually, I didn’t say it. My invert version did and he doesn’t watch anything except blockbusters and is a jerk all the time instead of just part of the time.

Splinter (2023): There’s more world-building in this quarter of an hour than in several movies you’ll see in theaters this year. Benjamin (Brooks Firestone) has spent most of his life on an airplane that almost never lands. That’s because when his feet touch the ground, he spreads rage like a virus, a splinter onto the world, controlled only by the Vatican and his caretakers Morgan (Yetide Badaki) and Chris (Moon Bloodgood).

Then a mid-air collision forces the plane out of the sky and while in an airport, people become monsters as soon as Benjamin takes his first steps on the ground.

Directed and written by Marc Bernardin, this is a near-perfect slice of horror and speculative future fiction told beyond effectively.

Stop Dead (2023): Directed by Emily Greenwood and written by David Scullion, this a short and sweet piece of horror. Detective Samantha Hall (Sarah Soetaert) and her partner  Nick Thompson (David Ricardo-Pearce) stop Jennifer (Priya Blackburn) as she walks down a deserted road, telling them that if you stop, you die. Hall stops her with a taser and watches her die in front of her, then her partner, before whatever is in the shadows (James Swanton) emerges and forces her to walk the whole way through the credits, which was an inspired idea.

They Call It…Red Cemetery (2022): Director and writer Francisco Lacerda has seen the same Eurowesterns that I have — there’s a line that directly references Cemetery Without Crosses — and he uses it so well in this story of two men who meet in a cemetery for one last standoff. Rolando (Thomas Aske Berg) has a gun wrapped in rosary beads and Jose (Francisco Afonso Lopes) has one good eye, but they both want the treasure that so many have died for.

I have to tell you that I can make it through nearly anything in any horror movie but my real life terror is seeing someone put money in their mouth. This movie has extended scenes of a man eating silver dollars and I nearly threw up while watching it. There’s no way that it will upset you as much as it did me.

This looks and feels like the movies of the 60s that I love so much and it feels like it’s made with love.

Memento Mori (2022): In 1983, a scientist in isolation resurrects a dead colleague in director and writer Izzy Lee’s short film. And by short, like a minute or so. By the time we get to the end of the scientist (Megan Duffy) learning. that she’s brought back a specter, the film comes to a close. Ah well — always leave them wanting more, right? Seeing as how Lee made Meat Friend, I have plenty of good will for her work and look forward to her next project. If you’ve seen 13 Minutes of Horror: Sci-Fi Horror, this is part of that anthology. I feel strange even rating a number on this because it looks great and is so well-produced, even if it just comes to a big stop.

Keep Scrolling (2023): A young girl scrolls too long and ends up in starring in a haunted live stream in this family production of sorts, as it was directed and written by Luke Longmire, who plays the father. Amelia Longmire plays the young girl and Autumn Longmire is whatever that is on the other side of the internet. This has some great scares — I can only imagine how it played to a live audience — but the end feels like perhaps one beat too many. But man, that face on the other end of the phone that can see you? Horrifying.

Dead Enders (2023): Directors Fidel Ruiz-Healy and Tyler Walker, who wrote this movie with Michael Blake and Conor Murphy, have made some magic in this. Gas station clerk Maya (Skarlett Redd) has pretty much given up once all her friends go off to college. Now she works all night in a Luckee’s in a town that’s always on fire and going through earthquakes thanks to fracking. At least she gets to make fun of her manager Walt (Jeff Murdoch) and get cheap Lone Star at the end of work.

It’d be, well, kind of a pointless existence if it wasn’t for the mind-controlling parasites that the drilling has loosened onto the populace, aliens from inside the crust of our world that have already prepared a sales presentation to show you why you should just give up and give in.

Every moment of this is perfect — the neon lighting, the “Have a Luckee day” voice that greets every customer and the sleazy cops (Joseph Rene and Lilliana Winkworth) — but the best part is that the ending feels straight out of Demons.

Gnomes (2022): Joggers have no idea that they’re about to enter the world of murderous sausage making gnomes who lure them in with mysterious glowing mushrooms. This movie has shocking amounts of gore and I say that lovingly; director Ruwan Suresh Heggelman, who wrote this with Jasper ten Hoor and Richard Raaphorst, knows how to keep things moving as fast as possible. We’re here to watch gnomes eat human beings and we get it. Oh do we get it.

I don’t even want to know what kind of Smurfs movie Heggelman could make. The horror. The horror.

The Chattanooga Film Festival is happening now through June 29. To get your in-person or virtual badge to see any of these movies, click here. For more information, visit chattfilmfest.org and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

THE FILMS OF BRIAN DE PALMA: Woton’s Wake (1963)

Directed and written by Brian De Palma, this stars Willian Finley as Woton Wretchichevsky, a disfigured man who hides under a cloak and mask. He spends most of his time either sculpting steel and garbage works of art or hunting down young lovers and murdering them with the same blowtorch that he uses to create. Like the young woman who emerges from his artwork and runs away as he tries to show his love by pointing the flames her way.

This feels like German Expressionist by way of Lynch by way of Japanese wildness by way of a student film that was probably not meant for us to study sixty years later. Regardless, it’s fascinating. Finley was already a force of nature even here in his first movie and the wild soundtrack is near perfect.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Chattanooga Film Festival 2023: Salute Your Shorts

Salute Your Shorts is the student and Tennessee filmmaker showcase as part of the Chattanooga Film Festival. There are some great films here, so get ready to dig in!

Stephen King’s All That You Love Will Be Carried Away (2023): Based on the Stephen King short story, this is the tale of Alfie Zimmer, (John Ennis) a middle-aged traveling salesman, contemplating suicide in a scummy motel somewhere in the middle of Nebraska. During his lonely trips across America, he has saved graffiti that he has seen in a notebook and now regards them as friends that offer him some distraction as well as something that speaks to him. He then decides to hide the book and if he’s going to kill himself, he leaves it to fate. If the lights of a farmhouse behind the motel appear in the snow before he counts to sixty, he will write a book based on the things he’s seen written on the walls. If not, he will throw away the book and put a bullet in his mouth. Well, in the book, that’s how it ends. This has lights appearing in twenty seconds is the bet and this film gives away what happens next while King doesn’t reveal the fate of Zimmer. Directed and written by Bolen Miller, this film is a fine addition to the many Dollar Baby — King takes only a dollar for student filmmakers to make one of his stories — adaptions of this yarn.

Punch the Boss (2023): Directed by Taryn Grace and written by Matt Webb, this short sets up the eternal conflict in nearly every workplace. If you hate your job, shouldn’t you just go ahead and punch your boss in the face? Pete (Webb), Cory (Cory Davison), Les (Jay Heselschwerdt) and Doug (Chris Maloney) wonder the very same eternal question, especially when they can trace all of their life’s woes to their leader, Johnson. Can all of our problems be solved with violence? And what happens when you finally rise up with fists and you find out that perhaps you’re not quite as tough as you thought you were? There’s some fun camera work here on the way to the boss’s office that is nearly POV and the character work is quite solid for a short of this length.

Solitude (2023): Directed by Trevor Hancock, Solitude is all about a man named Brett who just wants a weekend of absolute, well, solitude. Yet the person next door won’t give him a moment’s peace, constantly pushing him further and further away from the self-care and quiet he so desperately needs. Sometimes, the only way to achieve peace is through an insane act of violence. Maybe that’s me saying that. Perhaps it’s the voices in Brett’s head. You have three minutes in this short to figure out the answer for yourself.

Don’t Look Too Far Ahead (2023): This was an utterly gorgeous short that is so different than usually what plays at fests. It tells the story of Miami native and first-generation Haitian-American college basketball athlete David Jean Baptiste. He talks about how he may not have had the same monetary advantages of his fellow players, but he knew that he had athletic gifts that could not be bought. I really enjoyed that he remember something a teacher once told him, that he was more than just a basketball player. Looking at his life online, you can see that he was on the Dean’s and Honor’s List nearly every year that he attended The University of Chattanooga and won the prestigious Blue Award from the Chancellor’s Office for campus leadership and service. This film sets up his last home game as he reflects on where he has come from and wonders what the future holds as he plays guard for the Rogaska Crystal team in Slovenia. I really liked a lot of the choices that director Nattalyee Randall made with this film and it gave me such a sense of joy and hope.

Greenhouse (2023): As a flower farmer (Morgan Sharpe, one of the film’s writers with Marah Bates, who also dances in this short) begins to grow her first crop, she finds that the critical voice in her head is paralyzing her and nearly costing her ability to enjoy the fruits of her harvest even as they are grown. Directed by Rachel Porter — who is a “fledgling flower gardener by hobby”, this is a meditation on “the daily struggle to persevere amidst self-doubt, learning to face our fears, and choosing to sit with the dark spaces within ourselves.” I really found a lot to consider and think about in this one’s short run time and will use what I have learned as I push to create more and better works. You can learn more at the film’s official site.

After Hours (2023): Directed by James Ross, this short feels like part of a much bigger project or at least I hope that’s the case. As a night shift security guard and custodian work their way through the small hours, something strange is happening. All they have on their side are the surveillance cameras and a walkie-talkie as they come nearly face to face with something unseen, something vicious and something out for their blood. Really enjoyed the sound design and how this was shot. Here’s hoping for more.

Anya (2023): Directed and written by Chris Davies, Anya hints at the potential for so much more. Something horrifying has emerged from the forest sometime in the 70s, definitely on Halloween night and most assuredly with no good will. Tava Hill is Anya, a young woman whose future is tied to this creature. Anya is just a bit under six minutes long and the opening scare record that informs us that Halloween is about death and revenge, well…that sets up something great. Nearly every moment of this is perfectly art directed, scored and lit. I can’t wait to see what Davies is up to next. Why does Anya have a diary? Who was the woman that came from the woods? And how does it all tie together? I need to know more!

Crossing Tides (2023): Directed and written by Gabriel Henk, this short is about how a recently widowed older woman copes with the loss of her husband. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, as my mother went from being in the same house as my dad for 52 years to now being alone with just two cats since his loss. How do adjust to the silence? Time passes and she starts to see her husband more and more as this film moves to its expected conclusion. That said, it’s well made and definitely brought up some thoughts and emotions.

Harmonious (2023): Two friends — played by Lainey Mackinnon and Madison Beehner — have given in to greed and decided to summon a demon (David Sircusa) in the hopes of achieving their desires. But there’s a big difference between the idea of bringing a demonic force to life and what it will demand from you when it becomes a real and actual event. Directed and written by Valery Garcia through the Florida State University College of Motion Picture Arts, this also feels like it could be expanded into a feature.

Netneutral (2023): Two co-workers, Jackie and Simone (Kendel Legore and Mak Johnson) sit outside their work on a break and discuss Jackie’s recent alien abduction and how her views on humanity and even her own life have been forever altered. Simone is, well, skeptical. Directed and written by Edwin Loughry, this has a very open feel with large stretches of urban exploration mixed in with the deep talk. Interesting idea even if the execution isn’t perfect.

Retribution (2023): A year after the end of the American Civil War, a bounty hunter who was once a priest and an emancipated slave he’s been hired to track down and bring back for a hanging stop to rest. They get none, as a mysterious man comes to their camp and changes their entire dynamic. Directed by Ava Marie Howard with David Smith and written by Howard, this was a production of the Film Crew Technology at Columbia State Community College. I was hoping for a little more to happen and some of the acting needed a bit more work, as it was wooden in parts, but the idea is solid and there’s definitely something here.

The Businessman (2022): Lola (Liviya Meyers) is on the way home from school when she meets a salesman (Steven Gamble) who looks to instill the fear of financial insecurity into her and convince her to sell ancient fashion magazines for him. Director and writer Nathan Ginter also made Last Seen and this has some great atmosphere and a genuinely strange feel throughout, feeling at once modern and out of time.

What if capitalism itself was the monster of a supernatural movie out to coerce teenagers to do its occult bidding? That’s this movie and it looks, feels and plays out so well.

Morse Code (2022): A University of Southern California project directed by McKenzi Vanderberg and written by Maurizio Ledezma, this unique short is about Stefani (Dia Frampton), a young woman who is haunted by the death of a loved one. She hopes that her childhood hobby of communicating in Morse code can help them speak, but the void of death perhaps is not one to speak with. This short looks fabulous and tells a tight and terse story quite well, even having plenty of suspense along with an emotional punch. Well done. You can check out the official Instagram of the movie to learn more.

Saint Frankenstein (2015)

Director and writer Scooter McCrae made this short in 2015 and it’s been the last film he’s put out. It makes you hungry for something else because it’s just so effective in this short form and McCrae needs to keep on making his incredibly vital and unique films.

W.A.V.E. starlet — and maker of the incredible Limbo — Tina Krause is Carla, a sex worker who has been invited into the room of Shelley, played by Melanie Gaydos, the Dark Angel from Insidious: The Last Key and Jug in Vesper; Gaydos was born with ectodermal dysplasia, a series of rare genetic disorders that affects the development of skin, hair and nails. Additionally, she is partially blind. Beyond acting, she has modeled and is in two videos for the band Rammstein. Her voice in this is by Archana Rajan.

As the two engage in wordplay that goes from foreplay to near combat, Shelley relates her origins and how she has come to be who and what she is, all while both women appear in states of undress. Her body is covered in scars no one should survive, like an autopsy slice through her chest and a head that’s barely stapled together. Yet as these two dance with words, it all builds to a dark conclusion.

As Russ Meyer once said, “While violence cloaks itself in a plethora of disguises, its favorite mantle still remains…sex.” McCrae’s films depict dead worlds on the very precipice of destruction, overstimulated characters dealing with too much death, too much pain and way too much desire. This is no different yet so much more assured.

Also: A Fabio Frizzi score!

This was originally intended to be in the film Betamax but it was turned into a short all on its lonesome. It’s near perfect, a staggering work that I can’t wait to see more of.

Possibly in Michigan (1983)

Made with funding from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Ohio Arts Council, video artist Cecelia Condit’s nightmarish short has had many lives: as an art project to help her heal from her past, as a scare tactic shown on the 700 Club and as a viral video that got shared without context and was rumored to be a cursed film.

Starting with her film Beneath the Skin, Condit uses her video work to attempt to deal with the cycles of violence that she felt were all around her and so close to her. That’s because, for a year, she dated Ira Einhorn, the Unicorn Killer, who was also one reason we had Earth Day. The entire time that they dated, the rotting body of his ex-girlfriend, Holly Maddux, was in a trunk. A trunk that Condit constantly walked past, one assumes.

It made it onto religious television because, beyond being about the self-destructive behaviors of men toward women, it also looks at female friendships and love. Its lead characters, Sharon and Janice, may be a couple. Or they may just be supportive women. Or both. Who are we to put any bounds on their relationship?

It’s become a viral sensation several times, as teens try to copy its strange musical numbers and send it to one another as a curse straight out of The Ring.

Our ladies are just trying to shop for perfume — this was shot at Beachwood Place in Beachwood, Ohio, where Condit sat outside the building manager’s office until she was allowed to shoot there; she was given twenty-minute blocks of time, which was a challenge — when Arthur begins to stalk them, a man whose face changes with a series of latex masks.

Arthur is the kind of Prince Charming who shows his love to women by hacking them to pieces; his always-changing face is a way of showing the roles that abusive men have taken in their relationships. We also discover that Sharon is attracted to violent men but also likes making them think that violence is their idea. Regardless, love should never cost an arm and a leg.

The songs, written and performed by Karen Skladany (who also plays Janice), are insidious in the way that they worm their way into your brain. This is the kind of weirdness that is completely authentic in a way that today’s manufactured social media creepypasta weirdness cannot even hope to be a faint echo of.

As frightening as this can be, it’s also a film about absorbing — eating a cannibal is one way, right? — and getting past the worst moments of life without being destroyed by them. This also lives up to so much of what I love about SOV in that while we’ve been taught that the 80s looked neon and sounded like a Carpenter movie, the truth is that the entire decade was beige and sounded like the demo on a Casio keyboard. This doesn’t nail an aesthetic as much as document the actual 1983 that I lived within, minus the shape-changing cannibal and singsong happy tale of a dog in the microwave.

Consider this absolutely essential and one of the most critical SOV movies ever.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Blonde Death (1984)

Teenage Mother may have been 9 months of trouble, but Tammy the teenage timebomb is eighteen years of bottled-up frustration about to explode.

Vern (Dave Shuey) and Clorette (Linda Miller) have moved Tammy (Sara Lee Wade, who was a set dresser from Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and Return of the Living Dead and worked in props on Lady In White and was also in Darkroom) from Mississippi to California and now that she’s off the farm, she’s never going back.

But despite the Baptist veneer, maybe Vern’s a little turned on when he spanks Tammy and how he used to let her wear mommy’s high heels and walk all over his face. Mother isn’t much better, giving forced enemas to her daughter as punishment, so is it any wonder that when tammy meets Link (Jack Catalano) she goes all Mallory Knox and the two of them are in and out of bed when they’re not killing everyone in their way and oh yeah, staying away from one-eyed obsessed girlfriends and prison boyfriends and dead bodies stinking up the joint, but these two make anything a party.

After all, Tammy says, “By the fourth day Burt was starting to stink pretty bad. But we even turned disposal of his body into a fun-packed afternoon.”

References to Richard Gere being a coprophagy fantasy object, a last girlfriend who stood up on the rollercoaster and lost her head and an audacious final beat that was filmed — with no permit, come on, this is a $2000 SOV blast to your brain — inside the Magic Kingdom.

The James Dillinger who made this was really James Robert Baker, who left a “stifling, Republican Southern Californian household” to explore speed, booze, art and his hidden homosexuality as his father sent a private detective on his tail. He ended up going to UCLA for film and made two movies, the one we’re talking about and Mouse Klub Konfidential, which tells the story of a Mouseketeer who becomes a gay bondage pornographer and came so close to celebrating Nazism that the 1976 San Francisco LGBT Film Festival was scandalized and may have caused Michael Medved to abandon his dream of film making and instead become a film critic or whatever the fuck he is.

After five years of writing scripts, he was already burned out on Hollywood and started writing novels like Adrenaline, in which two lovers on the run battle homophobia and the oppression of gays in a Republican-dominated America; Fuel-Injected Dreams, which is about Phil Spector; Boy Wonder, the oral history of Shark Trager, who was born in the back seat at a drive-in movie and became a filmmaker and Tim and Pete, in which the lead characters deal with the AIDS crisis by planning to kill Reagan. That book was so controversial that he was labeled “The Last Angry Gay Man” and he couldn’t find anyone to publish his later books.

Baker ended up killing himself with carbon monoxide in his car, just like two of the characters in this movie, which is a tragedy. After his demise, he became better known and Testosterone became a movie in 2003.

This gets compared to John Waters a lot but I think that’s because it’s the easiest comparison to make. People really talk like this, this kind of filthy explosion of violent noise and you can hear the need to be heard in every word. Now, you may have to strain to hear it, as the video quality is, well, shot on video in 1984 but you should lean in as close as you can.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

Down and Out in Vampire Hills (2022)

Vampire Penelope (Dawna Lee Helsing) and her thrall Harold (Ken May) are a good lesson for all would-be vampires out there in the world. That’s because despite getting eternal life, life itself keeps on happening, including the need to find a job, earn a living and pay for where your coffin rests. Living in a tent is rough when you expect a castle to be where you lure victims, you know?

Directed by Craig Railsback and written by Heather Joseph-Witham, this movie has Penelope having to take on jobs that are beneath the queen of the vampires, such as dog walker and car washer. As you can imagine, death follows and everyone that crosses her path has to pay, even if it’s just an accident that they get dispatched. Throw in a vampire hunter trying to take out Penelope and perhaps a rival for Harold’s devotion and you have plenty to savor in this almost-too-quick twenty-two minute short film.

I’ve been watching a ton of 80s and 90s shot on video films and wondering where the people who pushed to make their own movies in this format went to today and why people weren’t pushing for their own creative films, seeing as how the tools to shoot movies are easier to come by today. That’s why I’m glad I watched this, as it has a lot of fun inside it and sure, the effects aren’t perfect, but that’s so much of the charm.

JEAN ROLLIN-UARY: The Far Country (1965)

A couple becomes lost around the rubble, bricks and suddenly closing in maze of buildings in a place they have never been that becomes more confusing and also much more confining within just sixteen minutes of running time, but just like that idea of a second in the afterlife being thousands of years in our human experience, that sixteen minutes gives director and writer Jean Rollin time to stretch out and drug our your brain and create a rough pass at a movie that goes even further and gets so much more right, The Iron Rose.

Things would get better, as well as more obtuse and at the same time more layered. That said, the discordant jazz, black and white cinematography and idea that language doesn’t work any longer are powerful and sets us up for something that will grow and fester.

DISMEMBERCEMBER: A Visit To Santa (1963)

This is a combination Pittsburgh and holiday movie at the same time, as it was made by Clem Williams Films, an industrial films company that rented cartoons, popular movies and industrial films to high schools and colleges. They also made money distributing highlight films from the Steelers, Pirates and other Pittsburgh-based sports teams and sold all of their inventory to Kit Parker Films in 1985 with Clem himself retiring to Florida.

It’s also without a doubt the most yinzer yuletide movie ever made, as we first start in the home of Dick and Ann as their mom prepares them for bed and her quiet calm down speaking voice crackles with the patois of Pittsburgh, our local tongue one created from trying to yell over the blast furnace. “Yinz kids better go to bed before Santy comes dahn here tonight and not leave yinz no gifts,” she intones before refusing Dick’s request for water and acquiescing to his wish to tell his father good night. Dad’s in 1963 Pittsburgh did not put their kids to bed or even speak to them because they were either in the mill or drinking afterward.

Ann then wonders, “Did Santa get the letter we sent him?” We then see the letter, which is inside the mittens of Kris Kringle himself. Santa sits in a mid-century bachelor pad with a large leather La-Z-Boy which seems nothing like anything you’ve ever seen in any Christmas story, much less a Santa who has a magic helicopter or elves like Toby, who responds to the commands of Santa by saying, “Your words are my command, Santa.”

I mean, is it any wonder that Santa lives in a capitalist society where he himself rules over the proletariat eternal children, commanding them on a whim to fly to the Steel City to pick up two strangers and brag about his toy empire?

Santa’s location is actually a store called The Famous — thanks to the amazing Tube City Online web site — at the corner of Fifth and Market in McKeesport, once the center of industry and shopping and today what can charitably be called a ghost town. The holiday village is the ground floor of the also now gone Penn-McKee Hotel.

The magical McKeesport of a better time.

The crazy thing is I recognized this parade route because when I first started my life as a pro wrestler, the rookies all had to participate as part of the Pro Wrestling eXpress float and walk the parade route. An early Saturday morning, before the show, carrying a banner, throwing candy to kids who whipped it back at us and laughed. You pay your dues when you’re green.

There’s also a scene with Santa arriving on the Gateway Clipper and also him arriving — via rocket ship! — at what was the then one-year-old Olympia Shopping Center, a gleaming vision of the future up on Walnut Street.

This film is filled with terror, beyond the wonderful visions of holiday McKeesport, such as finding out that dolls are “fun to wash, to dress, to spank,” that little boys are bored by dolls and that when little girls play house they “cook and scrub the whole day long then serve a TV dinner.”

Dick may also be a budding hollow-eyed monster, as he watches a train set, he asks Santa, “Santa, do these trains ever wreck?” Santa nods and Dick can barely contain himself in reply, intoning “Garsh, that’s fun. Oh, no wrecks today.”

As Dick and Ann prepare to leave, Santa suddenly realizes the reason for the season, as the war on Christmas had not yet been fought and the man who coincidentally was given the dignitary title of Saint Nick says, “So glad you came. The entire Christmas celebration is to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ hundreds of years and the wonderful spirit of Christmas.” This ensured that Catholic schools throughout Allegheny County would come back over and over to rent this from Clem Williams.

Then, the film descends into Lynchian-madness decades before that was a thing, as the kind of Hammond organ that used to blare through malls trying to get you to come in and buy an organ kicks into full holiday hysteria and the man playing Santa stares coldly at the screen and just keeps saying, “Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas to all! Merry Christmas!” even after the audio stops playing.

There’s also an aside that Santa is too large to fit into some chimneys now, as a movie for kids about Santa, one to make them happy, fat shames the man who gives of himself to help make the season special.

At one point, the parade goes past what is now a Dollar General, the same place where last year there was a Santa display that had him carrying a gun and a baseball bat. Times have certainly changed, even if McKeesport still puts on a Salute to Santa parade every year.

You can watch this on YouTube.