Sept 15-21 Mockumentary Week: “Ladies and gentlemen, by way of introduction, this is a film about trickery – and fraud. About lies. Tell it by the fireside, in a marketplace, or in a movie. Almost any story is almost certainly some kind of lie. But not this time. No, this is a promise. During the next hour, everything you hear from us is really *true* and based on solid facts.”
Yosh (John Candy) and Stan (Eugene Levy) Shmenge came all the way from Leutonia to become the biggest polka band of all time, a career that lasted forever until they retired, which is what this movie is about. It’s also, as the title will tell you, The Last Waltz. Plus, you get the Michael Jackson tribute concert that ruined their career, Linsk Minyk (Rick Moranis) playing a series of road songs and an appearance by The Lemon Twins (Robin Duke, Catherine O’Hara and her sister Mary Margaret O’Hara).
Directed by John Blanchard (Really Weird Tales), this story of the Happy Wanderers first aired on HBO. You get to see so many of the shows that the brothers did, like Strikes, Spares and Shmenges, a bowling show, and the Polka Variety Hour. Plus, hear their most famous song, “Cabbage Rolls and Coffee.”
Nearly everything the SCTV cast did was right on, almost every time. This is perfect —a mockumentary that could convince some that this was a real band.
September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre, September 19 and 20, 2025. Two big nights with four feature films each night include:
Friday, September 19: Mark of the Devil, The Sentinel, The Devil’s Rain and Devil Times Five
September 20: The Omega Man, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the Grindhouse Releasing 4K restoration drive-in premiere of S.F. Brownrigg’s Scum of the Earth and Eaten Alive
Admission is $15 per person each night (children 12 and under – accompanied by an adult guardian – are admitted free). Overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $20 a person per night. Advance online tickets (highly recommended) for both movies and camping here: https://www.riversidedrivein.com/shop/
Hexen bis aufs Blut gequält (Witches Tortured Till They Bleed) got the maniacs at Hallmark Releasing all hot and bothered. The ad campaign — “Positively the most horrifying film ever made” and “Rated V for Violence”, plus giving out free barf bags — is evidence of the fact that this got so much of their creativity. Director Michael Armstrong’s first film, the Frankie Avalon-starring The Haunted House of Horror, in no way prepared audiences for this movie, which goes wild in showing the tortures it promises.
Count Christian von Meruh (Udo Keir) is a well-meaning young witchhunter — this comes in the wake of Witchfinder General — who comes to a small town to prepare the way for his boss Lord Cumberland (Herbert Lom) and to investigate the insanity of another local witch hunter, Albino (Reggie Nalder), who uses the threat of witchcraft to have sex with anyone he wants; he now wants Vanessa Benedikt (Olivera Katarina), a barmaid who catches Christian’s eye.
But really, so much of this is the chance to see gorgeous women like Deidre von Bergenstein (Gaby Fuchs) get tortured. It condemns these actions while simultaneously bragging about and reveling in them; such is exploitation. Soon, Christian learns that even his master, Cumberland, is corrupt; even if some people must die wrongfully, they will be martyrs who get into heaven. Mostly, everyone’s goal is money in this world, so who cares if an innocent family is murdered because of a puppet show?
Victoria is the one who gets the villagers to throw off the chains of oppression, and even though this good work happens, it costs her true love, as he’s thrown into a witch catcher and killed, seen as part of the same machine she has rallied them against.
It seems like making this movie was a war, as producer Adrian Hoven had his own ideas and script; he worked with cinematographer Ernst W. Kalinke to film some of his own footage. It’s difficult to determine who made what at this point, but you’ll probably be so confronted by nails used to find the Devil’s spot, tongues being torn out, whippings, beatings, nun assault, and outright killing that you’ll not worry who made what, you know?
Hoven made Mark of the Devil Part II, the official sequel, while in the VHS era, Alucarda was released as Mark of the Devil – Part III; two of the Blind Dead films were repackaged with new Michelle Bauer covers as Mark of the Devil – Part IV and Mark of the Devil – Part V; there are also two American sequels, Mark of the Devil 666: The Moralist and Mark of the Devil 777: The Moralist, Part 2.
Remaking Spider Baby seems to be a thankless task, but it’s one that Dustin Ferguson and crew have taken on.
If you haven’t seen the original, the Merrye family has been cursed with a disease called Merrye Syndrome, which only affects members of their family, hence the name, and causes them to regress down the evolutionary ladder as they grow older. They’re protected by their butler, Bruno, who realizes that he can’t control them for long.
Here, Bruno is played by Noel Jason Scott; the Spider Baby herself, Virginia, is played by Skylar Fast; Ralph, the role that Sid Haig essayed, is played by Cody J. Briscoe, and Elizabeth is played by Emma Keifer. Much like the inspiration, the family is being challenged by relatives who want the home and the estate. What they don’t realize is how dangerous the family can be, including the ones who have regressed into lunacy and cannibalism in the basement.
This has some meta-casting in it, as Beverly Washburn, who played Elizabeth in the original Spider Baby, plays a new character, Meredith. While Ron Chaney, the grandson of another star of the original, Lon Chaney Jr., plays Dr. Skinner. There’s also an opening that introduces a new character, Theresa Merrye, played by Brinke Stevens.
Ferguson has said that he wanted to make this movie because the first one inspired The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and House of 1000 Corpses. In fact, the chance to make a movie like Rob Zombie’s is why he directed this. Spider Baby leans into that Rob Zombie feel, as the credits and theme song sound quite like the singer’s work. In fact, Robert Mukes from that film plays The Storyteller in this version.
I had a few issues with this, as the CGI spider isn’t as fun as the original, the film feels way too yellow, and the credits often have basic typewriter font in black over black images, obscuring the names of the cast and crew. This is probably the best-looking movie of the 140+ that Ferguson has done, and it looks like he applied himself on this, even if it ends with the requisite seven minutes or longer of credits when what we really want is more of the story.
The cast does a good job in this, but I feel for them, as they’re up against a classic with the kind of cast that rarely assembles for one movie. In fact, remaking this movie at all feels like a bad idea; there’s no way to be compared favorably unless you absolutely outdo or change the original, and even then, you’re fighting an uphill battle.
I get the challenges of microbudget filmmaking, that you only have some talent for a day and that you’re trying to get the most you can out of the meager finances that you can drum together. The thing is, Spider Baby cost $65,000 to make ($605,000 in today’s money) and was in no way considered big budget. Yet it has created a quite rightful cult following because it’s weird in a very earned way. It’s just unsettling enough, and often what it alludes to is much scarier than fake blood or a giant spider. While this is an improvement for Ferguson, I hope that he can learn from it and push himself toward original works that we can appreciate for decades to come.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The Annihilators was on USA Up All Night on April 15, October 11 and November 25, 1989.
You know, I’ve wanted to watch this movie because the dude on the cover has a facemask on and is carrying a crossbow. That never really happens in the film, but at least it’s entertaining.
At the end of the Vietnam War, the soldiers known as The Annihilators — Sgt. Bill Ecker (Christopher Stone, The Howling), Garrett Floyd (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs), Ray Track (Gerrit Graham!), Woody (Andy Wood) and Joe (Dennis Redfield) — undertake their final mission, during which Joe is critically injured saving his friends.
Years later, Joe works at his father’s Atlanta convenience store, which is under attack by a street gang led by Roy Boy Jagger (Paul Koslo) and his gang, The Rollers, which ends up costing him his life. His father then begs Bill to teach the neighborhood how to fight back, which pretty much consists of the guys ineffectually shooting at the gang members, and neither side being really able to hit one another, all while trying to stay away from the cops.
Known as Action Force in Europe, this movie would have been much better if I had just watched the poster and gotten high. Well, I learned my lesson, The Annihilators.
Charles E. Sellier Jr. directed this. Yes — the producer of so many of my favorite Sunn Classics films! It was his last time directing after a career that included Encounter with Disaster, Silent Night, Deadly Nightand Snowballing. He also created The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams.
This movie was made at the same time as Invasion U.S.A. and shared the same stunt team, who worked on this movie during the day and with Chuck Norris at night.
EDITOR’S NOTE: American Gigolo was on USA Up All Night on December 27, 1997.
American Gigolo was always fascinating to me as a kid, as my mother wouldn’t let me in the room when it was on. As a result, knowing that it was “dirty” made me want to see it even more.
Directed and written by Paul Schrader, it’s about Julian Kay (Richard Gere), an escort for rich older women. Now, we know this is a fantasy, and I’m sure that affluent elderly ladies like to have a man, but I think we all know that most male escorts are for other men. But let’s get over that and explore the movie.
Along the way, he starts to fall for a senator’s wife, Michelle Stratton (Lauren Hutton), but soon finds himself being hired for a job he never does: BDSM sex with Mr. Rheiman’s (Tom Stewart) wife Judy (Patti Carr) while the old man watches. Julian tells fellow sex worker Leon (Bill Duke) that he never wants another call like that; Leon tells him that when he ages, these affluent old ladies won’t like him any longer.
Meanwhile, as Julian satisfies Lisa Williams (K Callan), Mrs. Rheiman is murdered. Detective Sunday (Héctor Elizondo) believes that Julian did it, but his alibi — sleeping with another man’s wife — puts his sense of morality to the test. He refuses to say where he was, and at each turn, evidence is planted, and he starts to realize that he’s being set up.
I love this quote from Schrader: “The character in Taxi Driver was compulsively nonsexual. The character in American Gigolo is compulsively sexual. He is a man who receives his identity by giving sexual pleasure but has no concept of receiving sexual pleasure.” Indeed, in one sscene-Julian is full frontal nude, a rarity even today, and he goes on about how being able to please women is the one thing that he knows makes him worthwhile. Schrader would revisit the themes of male sex workers in 2007’s The Walker.
The main reason I wanted to see this as a child was the music. Giorgio Moroder and “Call Me” by Blondie? Amazing. This also set the tone for style for the new decade, as Gere’s Giorgio Armani suits and Hutton’s Aldo Ferrante outfits established the look that so many would emulate.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Bad Girls Dormitory was on USA Up All Night on September 2, 1989; May 5 and November 23, 1990; May 4 and August 16, 1993; April 16 and August 14, 1993.
Tim Kincaid also made The Occultist, Mutant Hunt, Breeders, Robot Holocaustand lots of male-focused porn as Joe Gage. This is his women-in-prison film and it has a young women-focused behavioral unit run by Miss Madison (Marita, in her only film, with an accent that feels comedic).
Paige (Natalie O’Connell) is fresh off the bus and gets caught up in a vice bust. Marina (Teresa Farley) was left behind by her friends when the cops busted their coke party. Eula (Renata Cobbs) has been there for a while. And now, they’re fodder for the WIP grist mill, subjected to dirty touches by Dr. DeMarco (Dan Barclay) and Nurse Stevens (Rebecca Rothbaum) and prison attacks. You know how it happens.
A social worker named Ron (Rick Gianasi) is trying to fix things and gets a tour of the prison, but mostly he just gets to see naked female flesh because, well, you’re not watching this to learn about social reform. You’re there to see Jennifer Delora from Deranged and Deadly Manortake a shower with LeeAnne Baker and Debbis Laster. You can hang your head in shame after you read this. Lori (Casey Zuris) ends up having sex with the social worker, and yeah, she killed her last guy after his friends tag-teamed her, so treat her right.
Are there bad girls? You know it. Lisa (Jennifer Delora) and Rebel (Donna Eskra) — who tell the doctor he’s the worst lay ever and inform his nurse that she “doesn’t want a bitch, she wants a man” — are the ones who beat up the good girls and keep the plot moving. There’s also Dottie (Kate McCamy), who responds to a threat by saying, “If you make me get up, I’m going to be twisting some tits.” There’s also Gloria (Sherry Hoard), who is pregnant and doesn’t want anyone to know. Rebel gets assigned to her and screws a guard while she’s having a miscarriage. Cinema.
There are so many girls in the Bad Girls Dormitory, and I may have lost track of a few. This also looks nothing like any other prison that I’ve seen. But hey, I haven’t ever been in a Bad Girls Dormitory.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Heartbreak High was on USA Up All Night as Crunch on May 9 and October 16, 1992; June 19 and December 10, 1993.
Also known as The Kinky Coaches and the Pom Pom Pussycats, this has the City High Moose, led by Coach Bulldog Malone (John Vernon), playing the Johnson High Eagles, coached by Alan Arnoldi (Robert Forester), for the Chester W. Hick Cup. Malone sends Weasel (Paul Backewich) to film the other team’s plays and that’s the least of the cheating that goes on.
Everyone is either screwing each other over or screwing each other, all while sportscaster Jack McGuire (Norman Fell) comments on everything.
This is a co-promotion between Sandy Frank and Astral (thanks, Canuxploitation!) and that means there are a lot of North of the Border stars, like Kimberly McKeever from Scanners as the Eagles quarterback, Thom Haverstock from Terror Train as the City High QB, and Christine Cattell (Bedroom Eyes) as a cheerleader.
Director Mark Warren directed numerous TV shows, including Benson, The Dukes of Hazzard, Big City Comedy, The Wolfman Jack Show and more.
Sept 8-14 Sketchy Comedy Week: “…plotless satires, many of which were only excuses for drug humor or gratuitous nudity sprinkled with the cheapest of gags. The typical form was a channel-changing structure, which would go from one sketch to the next under the premise that this was just another night at home watching the old boob tube. The medium is the message, baby!”
Directed and written by Ben Stiller, this points to the promise that he had before making big budget movies. Here, all sorts of people find stories of Presley to tell and Stiller even plays a hairdresser possessed by his spirit. Jeremy Piven and John Cusack sell hamburgers in the shape of the King’s head. You even get the music video for Mojo Nixon’s “Elvis Is Everywhere.”
“Elvis is in your jeans
He’s in your cheesburgers
Elvis is in Nutty Buddies!
Elvis is in your mom!”
Just an incredible selection of quick hits. Could Elvis golf? I don’t know. I don’t care. I still laughed.
An insane and eclectic collection of animation, comedy, music, and whatever else to wake your ass up.
Pile – Born at Night (2025): Directed and written by Joshua Echavarria, this is a video for the song by the Boston band Pile. Stereobar describes their music as a “philosophical exploration of existential nihilism, wrestling with the idea that perhaps there is no ultimate enlightenment or end to human suffering.” This black and white video matches the song so well — nearly a mix of light and dark, softness and noise. I’d never heard this before and came away really liking it.
Froggy Style (2025): This was directed and written by Jonathan Riles and is basically non-stop animation and images of frogs, well, having sex. The frogs are also gay. Such is life. If you’re upset about the frogs being gay, you’re probably Alex Jones.
Purple Patrol (2025): In Jessica Q. Moore’s film, “a vigilante trio summons an otherworldly being to help protect the queer community.” Pinkle (Oliver Herfact), Winkle (Charlie Wo), Dot (Dick (Richard)) and The Dyke (Sapphrodite) are ready to keep people safe from the straights. Great music, great message, and it looks really good along the way.
The Litterbug (2025): Park Ranger Charlie (Lillian Alexander) and her recruit, Casey (Lillian Alexander), track down a serial litterer known as “The Litterbug” (Travers Britt), who turns out to be not a man, but something else. Something horrifying. If anything, this has made me not want to throw any trash out the window of my car ever again.
Christ Dance (2025): Directed by and starring Taylor Nice, this takes the music of Life Appreciation Renewal and creates a black and white canvas for this noise and sound. I’m sure that someone, somewhere, will be offended.
The Fly Squatter (2025): This movie by Vincent Vinãs claims that the original soundtrack was deleted during the 1980s Sergio Mendes disco craze. Through a mix of low-budget filming, costumes, dubbed dialogue and use of stock footage, this tells the story of a war between humans and flies, a battle that I feel like I’ve been in forever.
Burned Cans for Aluminum Children (2025): “The distant sound of church bells signals the beginning of an apocalypse.” With that description, I’m excited for Robert Kleinschmidt’s film. Good news. If you like to see cute claymational characters blow up real good and suffer in many other ways, this is for you.
Pizza Time Pizza (2024): This movie by Nicholas Thurkettle has pizza that comes to you based on your thoughts and what you want. They know your name. They know what they must know to fulfill their purpose. I was wondering why destiny and quantum theory were coming in with pizza — “the truth can be unsettling, but pizza brings comfort” — but then again, I realize that when I’m high, I want pizza. Actually, I’m not high now, and I still want pizza. This movie gets it; in a world of infinite diversity and complexity, pizza is perfect. I loved this. So much. Seriously, what an ideal short.
The Time Capsule (2025): Four childhood friends reunite to dig up a time capsule after 30 years… and encounter some unexpected visitors. Made by Michael Charron, this made me consider what I would have put in a time capsule in 1995. I would not have placed a Wendy’s Value Meal into it, hoping that it would last that long, but I have seen that fast food hamburgers do take forever to go away. I just had a Double Baconator the other night, and it may be inside me forever, if this movie has given me any insight. Well done.
Tortured Artist (2025): “An aspiring artist struggles with negative self-talk and unfair comparisons with his peers. Can his only fan save him from himself? It’s Art Attack gone very wrong in this crude comedy short.” Hey kids — would you like to see a clown shit all over a canvas for two minutes? Good news! You got it! Sometimes, art can be painful, and this shows us that. It has some great animation, and wow, the sound effects!
VHX (2024): Directed and written by Scott Ampleford and Alisa Stern, this film features a collection of VHS tapes gathering dust on a shelf, wondering why some are picked over others, only for one of them to come back as a zombie. This made me miss the times when all I had were tapes with handwritten labels, bootlegs of movies that were nowhere near 4K, fuzzy blasts of weirdness, mix tapes, utter strangeness that could fall apart at any moment because VHS was so fragile. I loved this!
Alpaca (2024): Filmmaker Sylvia Caminer has taught me that there’s a whole social media just for alpacas. Additionally, you should not feed them chocolate, as it will cause them harm and potentially lead to your own demise. Who knew that I could be terrified now of alpacas? Thanks, Syvia, and your co-writer, Matthew Wilkins! I really loved Fernando Martinez in this, who gets to say things like “Tap in, alpaca fam!” Just a hilarious — if frightening, I mean, there’s an alpaca down the street from me and now I’m eyeing him — movie.
There are no trigger warnings and there are no safe spaces within this collection of WTF shorts.
Sugar Tits (2025): Director Heath Benfield has created something, well, crazy. A teeth-obsessed killer kidnaps a new victim to complete his deranged masterpiece, Sugar Tits, a doll with real human parts and teeth. This movie has seen some reviewers calling out unpleasant, but it’s a slasher movie, you know? So if it’s beyond over the top, who cares? This feels like it could be a whole film packed with this level of insanity.
Wanker (2025): Directed and written by Lorenzo Mazza, this is the story of a boy who just wants to sit in his bedroom and well, jerk off. But soon, he must leave all that behind and make his way into the outside world. I don’t want to say I get it, but you guys know me. I get it. We all have to wash our hands and get out there into a very scary place sometime.
Take It to the Grave (2024): Director and writer Jamal Hodge, holy shit! This was incredible. I honestly don’t want to spoil much of it, but the story of how a couple met, hooked up and fell in love is quite different from the way that Carmello (Jahlil T Hall) and Dawn (Adwoa Duncan Williams) remember. He’s confessing to Father Clemens (Tony D. Head). She’s telling her friends (Anna Mayo and Brenda Raquel) the big news. Somewhere, there’s true love. I had so much fun with this and was so stunned with each twist and turn in it. It has to be a trust story, right?
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