Alfred Sole was an architect who dreamed of making movies. His first film, 1972’s Deep Sleep, which starred Deep Throat‘s Harry Reems and The Devil In Ms. Jones‘ Georgina Spelvin, was made for only $25,000. However, it was ruled obscene and pulled from theaters. His second film — the one we’re about to cover — may not have done well at first thanks to spotty distribution, but thanks to Brooke Shields’ popularity and multiple re-releases under multiple titles, like Holy Terror, Communion and The Mask Murders.

Sole wrote the film with his neighbor Rosemary Ritvo, an English professor with whom he often discussed films. A Catholic herself, they would talk at length about the church in between discussing theater and horror films. Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now was a huge influence, as is evident by the yellow raincoat worn by the film’s villain.

The film is set in 1961 in Paterson, New Jersey, the director’s hometown; as such, much of it was based on his childhood. In fact, Mrs. Tredoni is directly based on a woman who lived next door to his grandmother, who would look after the priests.

While Sole claims he had never seen any Giallo before he made this, Alice, Sweet Alice is perhaps the most giallo of all American films before DePalma would make Dressed to Kill.

The film begins with Catherine Spages (Linda Miller, the daughter of Jackie Gleason and the mother of Jason Patric) visiting Father Tom with her two daughters, nine-year-old Karen (Shields) and twelve-year-old Alice (the astounding Paula Sheppard), who are students of St. Michael’s Parish Girls’ School. Father Tom gives Karen his mother’s crucifix as a gift for her first communion, making Alice jealous.

Alice is a wild child, her hair barely tied back, constantly in trouble for all manner of mischief. Is she a bad girl or just a misunderstood little girl dealing with the specter of her parent’s divorce in 1961, a time when this rarely happened and in a heavily Catholic neighborhood where this would indeed be judged? Her antics include wearing a clear mask and repeatedly frightening and threatening her sister.

This all ends on the day of Karen’s first communion, when someone in the same school raincoat and mask as Alice kidnaps the young girl, strangles her, rips the crucifix from her neck and then sets her body on fire inside a church pew. This is insanely brutal and lets the viewer know that this movie is unprepared to take it easy on you.

At the same time, Alice enters the room and attempts to receive communion while wearing her sister’s veil. It’s never really established where she found it or whether or not she knew it belonged to her sister. There are no easy answers here.

Catherine’s ex-husband Dominick (Niles McMaster, Bloodsucking Freaks) returns for the funeral and fulfills the Giallo role of a stranger pushed into becoming the detective. Furthering the giallo narrative, the ineffective Detective Spina takes over the case, pursuing the lead that Alice is the killer thanks to Catherine’s sister Annie’s suspicions. This lead seems even more apparent after the killer attacks Annie, and Alice is found at the scene, wearing the same clothes.

Alice is sent to a psychiatric institution where it’s revealed that she’s been in trouble numerous times in school, a fact that Father Tom has concealed as he believed he could solve her problems.

The killer tightens her noose around Alice’s neck by luring her father to an abandoned building,g where she gets the jump on him, beating him with a brick, binding his body and pushing him off a ledge. Before he dies, he’s able to swallow the crucifix that the killer had stolen from his daughter. That’s also when we learn who the killer is, way before the film is over: it’s Tredoni, who sees Dominick and Catherine — and by extension, their children — as sinners due to their premarital sex and divorce.

Alice may have been eliminated as a person of interest, but the danger remains. On a visit to Father Tom, Catherine learns that Tredoni lost a daughter on the day of her first communion, which taught her that children pay for the sins of their parents. In her grief, she gives herself over to the church. Her feelings about her calling are confirmed when Father Tom misunderstands her confession.

Finally, Alice’s scheme to leave cockroaches all over, frightening landlord Mr. Alphons,o neatly ties into Tredoni sneaking in to kill either her, Catherine or both of them. Alphonso is stabbed, and the mad older woman runs to the church. Father Todd assures the police he can handle her, but even his mercy and the church’s teachings fail in the face of mania.

The end of this movie shocked me out of my theater seat. It’s visceral in its intensity, and the ending—where Alice walks away—is even more harrowing.

It’s rare to find a movie that completely destroys an audience. Alice, Sweet Alice did that when it played here to a packed house as part of a Drive-In Asylum night of film.

In these modern times, Alice takes on a whole new light. Nearly every male in the movie treats her blossoming womanhood as an invitation, from the lie detector operator who says that when he bound her breasts with the machine, it looked like she wanted it to the guard at the children’s home who silently watches her as she meets with her parents. Perhaps even more disquieting is that Sheppard was 19 when this was made. Her only other film appearance is in the equally bizarre Liquid Sky, which is a shame, as she was incredible in both of these equally strange movies.

Alphonso DeNoble, who plays the grotesque Mr. Alphonso, also appeared in Bloodsucking Freaks. While his main career was as a bouncer at a gay bar, as his side hustle, Alphonso would dress up as a priest and hang around cemeteries, where widows would ask for a blessing, and he’d indulge them for a monetary donation.

This film truly lives up to the ninth Satanic Statement: Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! And the Satanic Sin of Herd Mentality is obvious. From the actual church, “…only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you.”

Also, Alice posits that even the pre-Vatican II Catholic Church of 1961 was finding itself ill-equipped to understand the modern world and that people—from the old like Tredoni to the young like Alice—would suffer. It’s women who do most of that suffering, constantly propping up the male members yet never able to ascend to the power of the clergy unless they want to be second-best sisters.

Even 43 years after its debut, Alice Sweet Alice has the power to destroy. It’s a near-perfect film that demands introspection and multiple viewings.

BONUS CONTENT:

This article by Bill Van Ryn of Groovy Doom and the horror and exploitation fanzine Drive-In Asylum provides an even better look at this film.

I also had the opportunity to discuss this film with Alfred Sole’s cousin, Dante Tomaselli, the maker of the astounding Desecration.

The Arrow Video 4K UHD release of Alice, Sweet Alice has a brand new 4K restoration by Arrow Films from the original camera negative, as well as three cuts: Communion; Alice, Sweet Alice and Holy Terror. There’s new commentary by Richard Harland Smith and archival commentary by co-writer/director Alfred Sole and editor M. Edward Salier; interviews with composer Stephen Lawrence and actor Niles McMaster; First Communion: Alfred Sole Remembers Alice, Sweet Alice; Sweet Memories: Dante Tomaselli on Alice, Sweet Alice; a location tour with Michael Gingold; deleted scenes; a split-screen version comparison; a trailer and TV commercial; an image gallery, including the original screenplay; a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Gilles Vranckx and an illustrated collectors booklet featuring new writing on the film by Michael Blyth. You can get it from MVD.

A passion project of stop-motion master David Allen, it was unfinished due to his cancer death. In 2023, Full Moon and former Allen associate Chris Endicott finished the movie, which is filled with “100% hand-rendered, stop-motion special effects.”

This started as Raiders of the Stone Ring, a movie developed more than sixty years ago by Allen, Dennis Muren and Jim Danforth. That was almost bought by Hammer, as was another film the trio wanted to make, Zeppelin vs. Pterodactyl. Years later, Allen wanted to make this with writer Mark McGee as either The Glacial Empire or Primordium: The Arctic World. Settling on the name The Primevals, it was finally bought by Charles Band after special effects artist Steve Neill shared it during the making of Laserblast.

If you ever saw any Empire Pictures coming soon ads, The Primevals were always in them. Then, when Full Moon started, it got filmed, and the hard work of animation began, even as money woes hurt the studio. In 1999, when he died, Allen left Endicott the film elements, storyboards, stop-motion puppets and all of his equipment.

Luckily, this was finally finished in 2023, and now, after a theatrical run, it’s on DVD.

Deep in the Himalayas, a gigantic creature has been killed,d and Dr. Claire Collier (Juliet Mills) thinks that it is a yeti. Wanting to see one of them alive, she goes on an expedition with Matt Connor (Richard Joseph Paul) and big-game hunter Rondo Montana (Leon Russom) to get the truth. That said, this has caused so many wild things to happen — Who operated on the brain of the yeti? What technology is hidden in the mountain? Are those lizard people? — that you’ll love it. Trust me. Get over the fact that stop-motion looks jerky in a world of CGI. Shut your brain off, and enjoy something unironically for once.

I’ve wanted to see this movie since it was always in magazines—Cinefantastique had it on the cover! — and now that it’s in my house, in my collection, and I can watch it at any time? Sometimes life isn’t so bad. Man, those lizard men are great. Where are the toys for this movie?

You can get this from MVD.

I think about Jess Franco and Lina Romay a lot. I’d like to feel that they had a great relationship — they were together for years — and they lived up to the title of this movie, The Voyeur and the Exhibitionist. Working together on this as co-directors, Lina sits in an apartment, in front of posters of Mick Jagger and Lou Reed, and for 54 minutes, she gets horizontal with Mari Carmen G. Alonso (who performed as Rossy Pussy in this and another Franco movie, Para las nenas, leche calentita) and another man while the exhibitionist watches and makes a mess of himself.

An early Spanish X film — Franco and Romay made ten really fast to get ahead of the censorship ending — this has no real story other than someone likes to watch and someone likes to be watched. Lina says, “Maybe I look like a maniac, but it’s a game that amuses me.” She’s the power bottom, the real one in control, as the male gaze only can see when she performs for it.

This is the magic of Jess Franco, that he can cause people to write long and hopefully poetic write-ups on movies that are really just dirty sex. Do we want them to be more than they are or are they more than they are I can’t answer, but like always, I think about Jess and Lina growing old together, two perverts who found each other’s yum in a world where that rarely happens.

American Gigolo was always fascinating to me as a kid as my mother wouldn’t let me in the room when it was on. As a result, knowing that it was “dirty” made me want to see it even more.

Directed and written by Paul Schrader, it’s about Julian Kay (Richard Gere), an escort for rich older women. Now, we know this is a fantasy and I’m sure that affluent elderly ladies like to have a man, but I think we all know that most male escorts are for other men. But let’s get over that and explore the movie.

Along the way, he starts to fall for a senator’s wife, Michelle Stratton (Lauren Hutton), but soon finds himself being hired for a job he never does: BDSM sex with Mr. Rheiman’s (Tom Stewart) wife Judy (Patti Carr) while the old man watches. Julian tells fellow sex worker Leon (Bill Duke) that he never wants another call like that; Leon tells him that when he ages, these rich old ladies won’t want him any longer.

Meanwhile, as Julian satisfies Lisa Williams (K Callan), Mrs. Rheiman is murdered. Detective Sunday (Héctor Elizondo) believes that Julian did it, but his alibi — sleeping with another man’s wife — puts his sense of morality to the test. He refuses to say where he was and at each turn, evidence is planted and he starts to realize that he’s being set up.

I love this quote from Schrader: “The character in Taxi Driver was compulsively nonsexual. The character in American Gigolo is compulsively sexual. He is a man who receives his identity by giving sexual pleasure but has no concept of receiving sexual pleasure.” Indeed, one scene — in which Julian is full frontal nude, a rarity even today — he goes on about how being able to please women is the one thing that he knows makes him worthwhile. Schrader would revisit the themes of male sex workers in 2007’s The Walker.

The main reason I wanted to see this as a child was the music. Giorgio Moroder and “Call Me” by Blondie? Amazing. This also set the tone for style for the new decade, as Gere’s Giorgio Armani suits and Hutton’s Aldo Ferrante outfits established the look that so many would emulate.

The Arrow Video 4K UHD and Blu-ray release of American Gigolo has a 4K remaster from the original negative by Arrow Films, plus extras such as commentary with film critic Adrian Martin; interviews with Paul Schrader, Héctor Elizondo, Bill Duke, editor Richard Halsey, camera operator King Baggot, music supervisor and KCRW DJ Dan Wilcox and Professor Jennifer Clark; a trailer; an image gallery and a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Tommy Pocket. You can order it from MVD.

Detroit narcotics cop Nick Tellis (Jason Patric) is recovering from an undercover operation gone wrong. In the hopes of getting a desk job, he agrees to return to active duty as the partner of Detective Henry Oak (Ray Liotta) as Oak looks into the death of his partner, Michael Calvess. The film goes into what it’s like to be a cop, as the decisions often end up with lives ruined — the cops, the criminals and even the bystanders. That’s why Tellis wants to escape this world, unlike Oak, who wants to destroy the dealers who he feels addicted his friend and partner.

Director and writer Joe Carnahan couldn’t get this sold until Ray Liotta found it and became the star and producer. What a loss that would have been if this just faded away. This totally changed the way that I see Patric, as he’s so powerful in this, working against Liotta, one of the best actors of his era. Nothing in this makes me ever want to be a cop, as it feels like being in the end of the world every single day. Even if you save someone, as Oak did with a child prostitute, you have to protect them every day and even cover up their crimes. Nothing ever works out. No one understands. And the next day, it starts again.

What a powerful and bleak film.

The Arrow Video 4K UHD of Narc has a new filmmaker-approved 4K remaster, immersive Atmos audio and hours of previously unreleased on-set interviews and brand-new bonus features, such as an archival feature commentary with director Joe Carnahan and editor John Gilroy (which is incredible, I watched it with the film and it’s packed with information); a new introduction from Carnahan; interviews with Carnahan, director of photography Alex Nepomniaschy, actor Krista Bridges and costume designer Gersha Phillips; promotional featurettes; press kit interviews with Carnahan, Ray Liotta, Jason Patric, Diane Nabatoff, Alex Nepomniaschy and William Friedkin; a trailer and image gallery.

Plus, you get a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Nathanael Marsh, a double-sided poster featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Nathanael Marsh and an illustrated collectors’ booklet featuring new writing by Michelle Kisner, a new interview with producer Diane Nabatoff and archival interviews and articles. You can order it from MVD.

Based on the works of Edogawa Ranpo, this anthology film features four different stories told by manga artists and directors. It’s a strange film that looks gorgeous and feels incredibly dense.

“Mars Canal, by Suguru Takeuchi, starts the film. A wordless episode, it has a nude man wandering a wasteland and longing for a lover long gone.

“Mirror Hell” was directed by Akio Jissoji (Tokyo: The Last Megalopolis, Ultra Q: The Movie) has Ranpo’s Detrective Kogoro Akechi (Tadanobu Asano) trying to solve a mystery, as women are turning up with burned faces and a mirror figures into the solution.

“Caterpillar” was directed by pinky director Hisayasu Satō and has its lead, a war hero, return home deaf and without limbs, dependent on his wife for everything. All he can do is see and her beauty stands in contrast to the way that she treats him.

Manga artist Atsushi Kaneko directed the final story, “Crawling Bugs,” as an actress is kidnapped by her limo driver.

I’ve never seen any of the work of any of the filmmakers in this and they’ve really created something unique. It’s definitely something different and if you love aesthetically pleasing films that also strive to upset you, good news. This one will do the trick.

The Arrow Video Blu-ray release of Rampo Noir has new audio commentary by Japanese film experts Jasper Sharp and Alexander Zahlten; new interviews with directors Suguru Takeuchi, Hisayasu Sato and Atsushi Kaneko, cinematographers Masao Nakabori and Akiko Ashizawa and Yumi Yoshiyuki; premiere and making-of features; a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Luke Insect and an illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing on the film by Eugene Thacker and Seth Jacobowitz. You can order this from MVD.

I have to speak with pride for my Italian filmmaking countrymen: they do not give a fuck.

Any other movie these days that would put a child in danger would not do what director Enzo G. Castellari and writers Tito Carpi, Gianfranco Clerici, Vincenzo Mannino and Leonardo Martín do in this movie.

When the question is asked, “Does this go too far?” I assume Castellari laughed and drank another shot of J&B, delirious in the director’s chair.

Castellari claims he saw Bullitt and wanted to make this, but he probably was thinking of The French Connection. I mean, Fernando Rey is in it, just to assure us that, yes, this Italian movie will be stealing a lot from that movie.

But who cares? This is the story of a tough cop, Vice-Commissioner Belli (Franco Nero), battling perhaps even tougher bad guys, the kinds of drug dealers that’ll blow up their own men just to take out a few lawmen. These new criminals are so disgusting that even the the old-school organized crime bosses like Cafiero (Fernando Rey) try to take them out, only to learn that some of their most loyal men have decided to work for the other side.

Even after all the work it takes to convince Commissioner Aldo Scavino (James Whitmore) that he has a case, Belli must watch as the old man is killed. Soon, the new mob beats his lover Mirella (Delia Boccardo) into submission and then well…runs his daughter over with a car.

Any other movie would hold back from this and do it off-screen.

Welcome to Italy.

In Erica Schultz’s The Sweetest Taboo: An Unapologetic Guide to Child Kills In Film, she refers to this scene as one of the best ever made: “…High Crime’s car death is definitely top tier.” It’s shocking, so wild that I had to rewind it to ensure I had just seen what I thought I had. So when Belli goes wild, killing off everyone in his path — and looking suave doing it, I’m secure enough in my manhood to say Franco Nero is smoldering — we understand. I mean, we just watched his kid fly over the roof of a car and get run over.

When I was researching this movie, I saw that someone on Letterboxd referred to its soundtrack as dull and plodding. I want to go total Inspector Belli on that person, throwing the kind of slaps that an Italian action hero is known for. I was humming along the entire film and it’s been trapped in my head ever since. I don’t know how anyone could watch this and not fall in love with this movie.

The Blue Underground release of High Crime has so much. It includes a 4K UHD and Blu-ray with the film on it, along with three commentaries (Castellari; Nero with Mike Malloy; Troy Howarth, Nathaniel Thompson and Eugenio Ercolani); interviews with Castellari, Nero, Massimo Vanni, Roberto Girometti and Oliver Onions (Guido and Maurizio De Angelis); a featurete by Eurocrime! director Mike Malloy; an alternate ending; a trailer; a poster and still gallery; and the soundtrack on CD.

Get it from MVD.

I must tell you, any movie that starts with Lesly Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me” playing while a girl blasts a room full of possessed nuns and priests to chunks with a shotgun, I’m probably going to love that movie. That movie would be The Convent, which explains that Christine (Oakley Stevenson in her youth, Adrienne Barbeau in the present) believed that these nuns and priests were forcing her to have an abortion and that they were abusing children. She’s lived hidden in a house for years, never coming out, becoming an urban legend. The church becomes vacant and a place where people whisper ghosts congregate.

Clorissa (Joanna Canton) is the next in a long line of sorority pledges who must go into the church and spray their Greek letters inside. Along with her brother Brant (Liam Kyle Sullivan), goth best friend Mo (Megahn Perry), stoner Frijole (Richard Trapp), cheerleader Kaitlin (Renée Graham) and frat boys Chad (Dax Miller) and Biff (Jim Golden) — each is a stereotype of what you expect from a horror movie, which allows this film, directed by Mike Mendez and written by Chaton Anderson, to turn things on you — they decide to enter the church.

After police officers Starkey (Coolio) and Ray (Bill Moseley) bust them for smoking up inside the former religious area, everyone runs, except for Mo. She’s hiding from the police so that she doesn’t screw up her probation. She promises Frijole sex — she gives him her panties as insurance — if he doesn’t tell the police where she is. As she hides inside the frightening house of the holy, he makes plans to come back and get his stash and, perhaps more importantly, to get laid, as Mo is a virgin.

Surprise! Mo is kidnapped by Satanists named the Lords of Hell. Led by Saul (David Gunn), who also works at Dairy Queen. While he and his group are mall goths that she sees right through, they really do plan to kill her and bring Satan into our world. She’s stabbed but soon becomes possessed by an actual demon who quickly kills everyone but Saul and Dickie Boy (Kelly Mantle).

Clorissa runs away and comes to Christine for help, who laughs it off, as no teenager is a virgin today. Well, the real issue is that Clorrisa’s brother Brant is one, as is Dickie Boy. Luckily — or maybe not — Dickie Boy plans to have sex with Brant so that they can both survive, but he’s soon turned into the Anti-Christ, the role that Christine’s son was to fulfill. She blows up the church and takes everyone out but Clorissa and Brant. And, well, that cute little dog. But he couldn’t be a demon, right?

Shot on sets from Leprechaun 5: In the Hood and feeling like Demons American Style, this is filled with blood, gore and one of my favorite things in movies, reshoot wigs. They’re all over the movie, so make a drinking game where you spot them. That said, this is a lot of fun. And it’s one more entry on a potential Letterboxd list of horror movies with Coolio in them (Dracula 3000, Red Water,  Leprechaun 5: In the Hood, Pterosaurus and he did play a demon on Charmed once).

The Synapse 4K UHD and Blu-ray release of The Convent has a new 4K remaster of the uncut version supervised and approved by director Mike Mendez, as well as cast and crew audio commentary; a commentary by the Lords of Hell, Saul and Dickie Boy; a video tour of the locations; a making-of; an electronic press kit; liner notes from Corey Danna; a deleted scene and outtakes; a still gallery and trailers. You can get it from MVD.

Joseph Prince (Colin Firth) somehow scores the beyond-beautiful Cynthia (Lisa Zane), a bad girl who might seem out of the league of a park ranger/artist. On the night of their honeymoon, she disappears. He spends days, months, and years looking for her while being laughed at by his best friend Elijah (Billy Zane, and yes, he and Lisa are sisters; consider then the Ivan and Rada Rassimov of this kind of sort of Giallo) makes fun of him.

This leads him to the big city, where he tries to locate her by pictures of her tattoo—nearly getting murdered by Danny Trejo—and meets another of her past loves, Jenny Purge (Lisa Blount), a woman with whom she made BDSM art films. Oh, Joseph, you barely knew this woman and kept getting shocked that she ran drugs and had a girlfriend. And is that the Log Lady as a nun? Sure is.

There’s also a scene where Joseph goes to see Parasite, The Head Hunter and The Evil Below in the theater, which I want from my erotic thrillers.

Directed by Andre R. Guttfreund (who won an Oscar for short In the Region of Ice and primarily worked in TV, directing episodes of Knots Landing) and written by Michael Ferris and John D. Brancato, who would later write The Net and Catwoman, this is the dumbest of the dumb movies, and for that, I loved it. It wants to be neo-noir or Giallo or something, yet it has a scene where Mr. Darcy and Machete discuss what a succubus is. Where else will you get that movie drug?

You can watch this on YouTube.

In Italy, when erotic thrillers became big sellers on cable and video, old masters came back, like Martino and Mattei, to make Giallo movies that were softcore or adult thrillers or whatever title people wanted to sell them as. And in America, I wondered, why didn’t the names of the past come back? Brad Sykes recommended this one to me. As the credits started, Lee Frost’s name came up, and I instantly jumped from my chair and fell to the ground like an old person who needed a Life Alert. Rolling around and yelling as I struggled to get up from the weight of my office chair, I started laughing like a lunatic.

Fuck yes, Lee Frost!

Like the Italian masters — lunatics — I worship, Lee Frost used a ton of names, like David Kayne, R.L. Frost, F.C. Perl, Elov Peterson, Les Emerson, Carl Borch, Leoni Valenti, no, and so many more. He started with sexploitation like Surftide 77 and the baffling in a good way The House on Bare Mountain before going deep into roughies like The Defilers, The Pick-Up and The Animal, as well as American mondos like Mondo Bizarro, Mondo Freudo and The Forbidden.

Just like Italian exploitation fiends who jumped from trend to trend depending on what was hot, Frost made Westerns (Hot Spur, The Scavengers), biker films (Chrome and Hot Leather), occult movies (Witchcraft ’70), horror (The Thing with Two Heads), hicksploitation (Dixie Dynamite), Naziploitation (Love Camp 7), blacksploitation (The Black Gestapo) and porn. Yeah, you knew that was coming. But Frost made A Climax of Blue Power, the kind of adult movie that looked at porno chic and said, “What if we made something that upsets everyone that sees it?”

Somewhere in here, Frost had the time to write Race With the Devil.

How can we make this better for me? What if it were an Emanuelle — well, Emanuelle Griffith — movie? And what if Shannon Whirry played the role?

She’s a supermodel, yes, just like so many of the many Emanuelles that we have come to love. She’s also a female empowerment person who gives TED talks to other women about how men have to give up their control of the world, saying, “Good morning, ladies, and welcome to a man’s world!”

This enrages Richard Tate (Michael Christian, oh wow, Eddie from Poor Pretty Eddie), who kidnaps her and forces her to be debased. Detective Sam Weston (Bo Svenson) is looking for her, as is Sergeant Jim Lytel (Tony Burton, Apollo Creed’s trainer). Along the way, Rip Taylor plays a travel agent, Francine York is the leader of the feminist club that has Emanuelle speak, Whirry has to cover herself in butter to get through a dog door naked and then decides to drink water out of a toilet. It’s like Lee Frost hadn’t made a movie in more than a decade, because that’s true, and he decided to get it all out of his system because this was the last movie he’d make.

Yes, a captive Whirry, forced to eat fancy meal while watching a stalker on a monitor, long monologues from both leads and the kind of quality that lands a movie on a video store shelf with masking tape and a magic marker warning you that you have to be 18. And even if you are, you should watch this in the shower to save time because of how many times you’ll need a shower.

What would make it the absolute number one and the best? What if Lee Frost has a cameo? There’s also a song called “Feminazi March,” written by Frost, which combines sexploitation and Nazis, two things he definitely got boners over.

I don’t know who this movie is for other than me, but for all my complaints that erotic thrillers aren’t out on DVD, MVD has you covered. You can get this from them, along with the Julie Strain movie Midnight Confessions.