Category Archives: Movie reviews

CBS LATE MOVIE: So Fine (1981)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: So Fine was on the CBS Late Movie on April 26 and October 18, 1988.

“The Unknown King of Comedy,” Andrew Bergman wrote Blazing Saddles and The In-Laws, which led him to this movie, which wasn’t a success. He also made The Freshman, Big Trouble, Fletch, Oh, God! You Devil and Striptease. Not a bad career!

Bobby Fine (Ryan O’Neal) is a professor of English at Chippenango State College. The head of his department, Chairman Lincoln (Fred Gwyne), let’s him know that he’s up for tenure. Yet he soon discovers that his dress-making father Jack (Jack Warden) is millions in debt to a loan shark named Mr. Eddie (Richard Kiel), who sends his underlings Eddie’s henchmen (Tony Sirico and Michael LaGuardia) to collect. They take Bobby, who has agreed to run the company, and threaten him. He’s only interested in Mr. Eddie’s wife, Lira (Mariangela Melato, Kala from Flash Gordon).

Their infidelity leads to Bobby wearing a pair of her jeans as he escapes the mansion, fixing the ripped back with a piece of clear plastic. Buyers who see him think that he intended these jeans to look this way. Called So Fine Jeans — and giving men a view of butt — they become huge. Everything works out and Lira gets to do opera again, as Eddie is defeated.

Producer Michael Lobell had his firsthand experience in the garment industry, as his father made dresses and he made Mod clothes himself. He claimed that he told the idea of this to Bergman and costumer Santo Loquasto came up with the pants.

The results? Pauline Kael said that it was a “…visual insult: crudely lighted and framed, and jumping out at you.”

A Warner Bros. press release claimed that Gail Robinson of Denver, Colorado won a search to find ”the girl who best suited to wear a pair of So Fine Jeans.” The competition’s prize? To be in the movie. Nope. She’s not in it.

At least the pants almost got made. In 1996, Joanne Slokevage filed a patent for a garment rear that made cut-out areas on the rear of various bottom garments that could be revealed with a glap. The patent was unregisterable and in her filing, she did include information on the movie So Fine.

Well, OK at least they got Ennio Morricone to do the music.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Night of Terror (1972)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Night of Terror was on the CBS Late Movie on September 15, 1975 and August 3, 1977.

Linda Daniel (a super young Donna Mills, years before she was a star on Knots Landing and had her own eye makeup video, The Eyes Have It) is in the crosshairs of Brian (Chuck Connors), a killer who wants something that Manning (John Karlen) has but has no idea what it is. So instead, he’s coming after Linda and her roommate Celeste (Catherine Burns). He causes a car accident that kills Celeste — spoiler — and puts Linda in a wheelcahir and that’s still not enough.

Capt. Caleb Sark (Martin Balsam) puts her up in a beach safehouse, but if we know anything about killers after Wait Until Dark, we understand that there’s no stopping Brian from getting what he wants.

Director Jeannot Szwarc started his career on episodes of Ironside, It Takes a Thief and Alias Smith and Jones. His career would expand into TV movies and finally theatrical features like Bug, Jaws 2, Supergirl and Santa Claus: The Movie. He kept directing all the way to 2019, at the age of 82, working on episodes of Gray’s Anatomy, Castle and Bones. This was written by TV vet Cliff Gould and shot by Howard Schwartz, who won an Emmy for his work. He was the director of photography on shows like Cliffhangers!, The Incredible Hulk TV movie and theatrical releases including Futureworld and Batman: The Movie.

Shout out to Night Killer star Peter Hooten and Agnes Moorehead for showing up as Bronsky!

You can watch this on YouTube.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Mag Wheels (1978)

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July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Man, the 70s.

Steve (John Laughlin) has a van.

Steve wants Anita (Shelly Horner).

Steve’s girlfriend Donna (Verkina Flower, who was also in The Capture of Bigfoot, The Witch Who Came from the Sea and Drive-In Massacre; she was also the costume designer for Top Dog and worked in the wardrobe department for Midnight, Frightmare, They’re Playing With Fire and Silent Night, Deadly Night) gets angry and tells the cops that Steve is a cocaine dealer and tells his friends that Anita was the one who set him up. They decide to sexually assault her, and she’s saved by lady truckers. Yes, this happens. Anita was also roughed up by her boss at The Boogie Bowl earlier, and she still came to work the next day.

The 70s.

Keep in mind that the rest of the movie features van sploitation, sex comedy hijinks, and a pillow fight war. And then, you get the gang rape and an ending that serves chicken race gloom and doom. Well, it looks like Anita is dead when she drives her dad’s station wagon off a cliff, but Steve yells, “She’s alive!” which is as convincing as when that ADR told us that Duke was going to live in the animated G.I. Joe: The Movie.

This was re-released as Summer School, long after the culture had died out due to gas prices. You know. The 70s. Today, too.

Director and writer Bethel Buckalew was a production manager on Deep Jaws, The Love Butcher, Lady Cocoa, The Black 6, Miss Nymphet’s Zap-In, and The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet before directing Southern Comforts, Below the Belt, Country Cuzzins, A Scream In the Streets and Sassy Sue. George Barris, the maker of many custom cars, produced this one and also appears, along with several of his family members. He’s a shop owner; his wife, Shirley, is a housewife. Their son, Brett Barris, did stunts. The other son, Shotzi Barris, is a van driver, and Joji Barris is a van driver’s wife.

The skateboarders? Those are the Z-Boys.

The best character? Kim, played by Lynn Kuratomi, practices martial arts because it’s the 70s — did I say that before — and she’s Asian, but she’s still wonderful, despite this classic Hollywood cliche.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Sol Madrid (1968)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Sol Madrid was on the CBS Late Movie on March 8 and November 9, 1972, September 26, 1973 and January 30, 1975.

Also known as The Heroin Gang and The Secret File of Sol Madrid, this is based on Fruit of the Poppy by Robert Wilder. Directed by Brian G. Hutton (Where Eagles Dare, Kelly’s Heroes) and written by David Karp, it stars Man from U.N.C.L.E.‘s David McCallum as the titular character.

Small-time crook Harry (Pat Hingle) is trying to escape with half a million dollars of stolen organized crime money, taking his girl, Stacey (Stella Stevens), to Madrid. Hitman Dano Villanova (Rip Torn, who replaced John Cassavetes, who was “sick” but really walked off the set; he would later say “Ricardo Montalban is to improvisational acting what Mount Rushmore is to animation.”) is hired to murder him, while drug dealer Emil Dietrich (Telly Savales) and a crooked cop named Jalisco (Ricardo Montalbán) are making a deal to move tons of heroin into the U.S. Sol Madrid must deal with all of them.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a Eurospy, but it doesn’t have the gadgets. It does have Stella Stevens.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Twilight of Honor (1963)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Twilight of Honor was on the CBS Late Movie on February 16 and June 5, 1972, April 11, 1974 and January 14, 1976.

Boris Sagal directed The Omega Man and died while making the miniseries World War III when he got out of a helicopter the wrong way in the parking lot of the Timberline Hotel in Portland — where The Shining exteriors were filmed — and the blades hit him in the head. He died five hours later. He also made this movie, which was written by Henry Denker and based on the book by Al Dewlen.

David Mitchell (Richard Chamberlain) is a widowed lawyer in a small city in New Mexico who is called in to be the public defender for an alleged murderer named Ben Brown (Nick Adams) who has been charged with murder. He’s up against Norris Bixby (James Gregory), with whom he shares a mentor, Art Harper (Claude Rains). No one gives Ben a chance, not even David, as he’s already confessed to the crime and in a small town like this, no jury will listen to him.

Harper reveals that he’s the reason why David got the case, as he’s too ill to try the case, but thinks that Ben deserves justice. Art’s daughter, Susan (played by Joan Blackman, also known for her role in Pets), serves as his secretary and love interest; she has pined for him ever since he was married.

After meeting the wife of the defendant, Laura-Mae Brown (Joey Heatherton), David learns that she was abused by him and hopes he dies in the gas chamber. But what is the truth? Yes, Ben may have killed off-duty cop Cole Clinton (Pat Buttram), but the cop was making time with Mrs. Brown, which could make this a justifiable homicide. But since the town loves Clinton and most of his wealthy friends are serving on the jury, there’s no way this can be won.

Mrs. Clinton (Jeanette Nolan) asks to meet David and reveals that yes, her husband slept around. If he drops the adultery charge, she will ask for mercy for the accused. She wants to keep her daughter (Linda Evans) from finding out what kind of man her husband really was. The lawyer refuses.

The truth is complicated, especially given that Laura received the reward for turning in her husband and is now sleeping with a member of the state’s legal team. Ben may have his issues — being suicidal, maybe loving the wrong woman — but he’s not guilty.

Chamberlain was a big star from the Dr. Kildare TV show, so this was his first role on the screen. It was controversial, as the novel was considered too adult for the clean-cut actor. As for Nick Adams, he excels in this role and was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. He went on one of the highest-profile campaigns ever, but lost to Hud actor Melvyn Douglas. The public embarrassment led to Adams being offered fewer roles, an increase in the actor’s depression and may have played a role in him ending his life.

In the UK, this was renamed” The Charge Is Murder and was paired with Children of the Damned for one weird double!

You can watch this on YouTube.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Where the Boys Are ’84 (1984)

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July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Twenty-four years before, Connie Francis, Dolores Hart, Paula Prentiss, George Hamilton, Yvette Mimieux, Jim Hutton, and Frank Gorshin learned about Where the Boys Are. There were no topless scenes in that movie. There are in this one.

The last movie directed by Hy Averback — who kept directed TV for a few years after this; he also made I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!, Chamber of Horrors and The Girl, the Gold Watch & Dynamite — and the first Tri-Stars Pictures release, this reimagines the virginal beach film for a post-sexual revolution world, as four girls — Carole (Lorna Luft), taking a vacation for her preppie boyfriend Chip (Howard McGillin); Jennie (Lisa Hartman), who has liasons with a classical pianist (Daniel McDonald) and a rock star (Russell Todd); Sandra (Wendy Schaal), looking for Mr. Right and Laurie (Lynn-Holly Johnson), who wants to make love to a real man — go to Fort Lauderdale and stay with Aunt Barbara (Louise Sorel) and her friend Maggie (Alana Stewart).

Yes, Judy Garland’s daughter, grown-up Tabitha Stephens/Cathy Geary Rush from Knots Landing, Bonnie Rumsfield from The ‘Burbs and Bibi Dahl/Lexie Winston from Ice Castles are trying to get laid, just like the boys in the other teen sex comedies.

One of the boys in this is the future Shooter McGavin, Christopher McDonald, and another is Howard McGillin, the longest-running Phantom of the Opera. This was produced by Allen Carr, who managed to continue making movies after Grease 2 and Can’t Stop the Music. There was a party every day and the weed smoked in the beach scenes? Real.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CBS LATE MOVIE: You’ll Never See Me Again (1973)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: You’ll Never See Me Again was on the CBS Late Movie on January 21, 1976, August 22, 1978 and July 4, 1978.

Many films have been made based on the stories of Cornell Woolrich: The Leopard Man, The Mark of the Whistler, Night Has a Thousand Eyes, Phantom Lady, Rear Window, The Bride Wore Black, Seven Blood-Stained Orchids, Cloak and Dagger and I’m Dangerous Tonight are just a few. This is another, directed by Jeannot Szwarc (The Devil’s Daughter, Jaws 2, Bug, Somewhere In Time) and written by William Wood (Haunts of the Very Rich) and Gerald Di Pego (Sharky’s Machine).

Ned (David Hartman) and Vickie Bliss (Jess Walton) are newlyweds who get into an argument. He shoves her, she leaves, yelling, “You’ll never see me again.” He expects her back that night. She never comes home.

The next day, he goes to see her parents, Will (Ralph Meeker) and Mary Alden (Jane Wyatt). Strangely, he’s never met them before. Yet they can’t answer any of his questions, whether it’s about where their daughter is or about her childhood. Are they even her folks?

The cops start to get the idea that maybe Ned killed his wife. After all, he’s constantly going into a rage. However, the truth is that he blames himself for Vickie leaving. He’s their top suspect, so he has to escape custody and try to find the truth, kind of like he’s trapped in a giallo. The ending? Amazing.

Hartman would go on to host ABC’s morning news show Good Morning America, so for me, he was the man who told me my news before school. It’s disconcerting to see him screaming at people and getting into fights with the police.

In 1986, Juan Luis Buñuel, Luis’ son, directed a UK TV movie based on the same story.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Brother On the Run (1973)

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Directed and written by Edward J. Lakso and Herbert L. Strock, Brother On the Run has Billy (Kyle Johnson) and Frank (Gary Rist) on the run — one is black, the other is white — and they hide out after a job gone wrong with Billy’s sister Maud (Gwenn Mitchell), who lives next to Professor Grant (Terry Carter). The title comes from, of course, these brothers on the run despite the teacher trying to help them. He also has sex with two women before he gets to that help.

Lasko wrote The Power Within, Back to the Planet of the Apes, Mr. Tease and His Playthings and tons of TV, while Strock directed Monstroid, The Crawling Hand, The Devil’s Messenger, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, How to Make a Monster, Blood of Dracula and, yes, so much TV.

What they made here is about as good as you’d imagine, as two middle-aged white guys try their hands at blacksploitation.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)

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Sam Peckinpah said, “For me, Hollywood no longer exists. It’s past history. I’ve decided to stay in Mexico because I believe I can make my pictures with greater freedom from here.”

With the exception of a few key individuals, Peckinpah made this movie with a Mexican crew, including cameraman Alex Phillips, Jr., who had a preference for wide-angle lenses and loved zooms. This setup allowed Peckinpah to essentially edit the film in his head as he shot.

It also allowed him a lot of creative freedom and to capture the bleak world he wanted. Shooting at a bar called the Tlaquepaque, he said out loud that this place was real. It was — the owner had once killed a woman on the premises and bribed the right people to make it go away.

And the results, sure, they ended up in the Medved co-authored The Fifty Worst Movies of All Time, but Roger Ebert said, “Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia is Sam Peckinpah making movies flat out, giving us a desperate character he clearly loves, and asking us to somehow see past the horror and the blood to the sad poem he’s trying to write about the human condition.”

Who is Garcia? He was once the man selected to be the successor of El Jefe (Emilio Fernández), but he messed up when he knocked up the boss’s daughter Teresa, putting a million-dollar bounty on his head. Two months pass before two hit men, Sappensly (Robert Webber) and Quill (Gig Young), walk into the saloon where Bennie (Warren Oates) plays piano.

He claims he doesn’t know who Garcia is, yet he surely does. He’s the man whose lover, Elita (Isela Vega), cheated on him with. He confronts her as to the man’s whereabouts and learns that he died in an accident. Easy money — he gets $10,000 for Garcia’s head, plus a $200 advance for expenses, and takes Elita along with him to dig the grave. On the way, he proposes to her, telling her that she can retire and they can live in peace. Still, we know that can never happen as the moment they get there, they’re attacked by bikers (Kris Kristofferson and Donnie Fritts) who nearly assault her before Bernie comes to and dispatches them both. As he starts digging the grave despite Elita’s protests, he’s knocked out. He wakes up buried alive with his girl dead by his side, the body of Garcia already missing its head. Oates took mushrooms before this scene, so he’s really living this experience.

Arguing with the head, which has been packed in a sack with dry ice, Bennie leads a death march across Mexico, with everyone in his way dying, death always at his side, waiting for him, as he begins to realize that the head means nothing at all to him or anyone else. The money was meaningless. The revenge doesn’t matter. Yet he must follow through.

Warren Oates copied Peckinpah to play his part, right down to borrowing a pair of sunglasses from the director. This was the only time that the maverick creator ever got the final cut on one of his movies. The twosome also bonded over cocaine, which only added to the air of paranoia and doom that fills every single second of this movie.

I can see why some would dislike and even hate this movie, but for me, it just plain sings. The song may be abrasive, filled with anger, but it’s a song nonetheless.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: The Brainiac (1962)

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Known as The Brainiac in the U.S., this was directed by Chano Urueta, who helped Blue Demon get on the silver screen and was written by Federico Curiel, who would make The Champions of Justice, several Santo movies and Neutron.

All the way back in 1661, Baron Vitelius was burned at the stake during the Inquisition and claimed that the next time a particular comet passed by the Earth, all of the children of those who did him wrong would pay. I mean, you would think a bunch of religious folks would treat a necromantic sorcerer better, but such is life in ancient Mexico.

Three hundred years later, Baron Vitelius rides back in on that comet and is now able to change at will into a monster able to suck out the brains of his victims via a gigante-forked tongue, which is incredibly easy to do thanks to his ability to hypnotize his victims.

How bonkers is this movie? No less than Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart paid tribute to it in their song “Debra Kadabra,” saying, “Turn it to Channel 13 / And make me watch the rubber tongue / When it comes out! From the puffed and flabulent Mexican rubber-goods mask / Next time they show the Binaca / Make me buy The Flosser / Make me grow Brainiac Fingers / But with more hair!”

In America, we’d be satisfied with an evil alien. In Mexico, it was added that he was a wizard who brought people back from the dead before he was burned alive and ascended to a heavenly body for three hundred years. Viva la peliculas de terror!

You can watch this on Tubi.