The Champions of Justice (1971)

What do Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, El Medico Asesino, La Sombra Vengadora, Tinieblas and Black Shadow do in their downtime when they’re not wrestling? They ride motorcycles. And when they’re not doing that, what do they do? They fight terrorists, mad scientists and monsters. As you do.

If you’re not prepared for the world of the Mexican luchador superhero film, let me warn you now: these movies are completely unhinged.

A mad scientist hates masked wrestlers, so he has imbued an army of little people with the power of ten great athletes and outfitted them with transistor radios that turn into guns. There’s also an incredible scene where the little men in red suits show up behind the scenes of a beauty pageant and slap every single beautiful girl into submission.

Let me sell you on this: masked men race boats, hang out with pretty girls and throw small men into the scenery at will. If that doesn’t convince you, there’s no real hope for your soul. You also get to see every lucha in here have an actual match, which is always nice.

I wish they still made these movies with today’s stars like Caristico and Dragon Lee Jr. battling against vampires, robots, werewolves and Bárbaro Cavernario. I would cry tears of blood and make my pilgrimage to Arena Mexico where I would kneel in supplication to the gods of lucha!

If I were the Mexican Joe Bob Briggs, I would end this by saying, “Cinco estrellas échale un vistazo.”

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