Findlay Week (August 18 – 24) Husband and wife Michael and Roberta Findlay made mean-spirited films. They collaborated on films like Take Me Naked, The Ultimate Degenerate, and the notorious Flesh Trilogy, plus they actually looked like criminals – walking mug shots! You expect to see them glowering on the cover of one of those tabloids next to a headline like “KIDNAPPER COUPLE COLLECTED VICTIMS FINGERS.” Instead they were pornographers which did make them like criminals in their day. A lot of the filmmakers of their era would claim they only made this kind of movie because there was money in it, but Michael and Roberta were sincere adherents. Even when audience tastes changed and the couple were divorced they continued to make their own films that mixed in elements of kink and cruelty. 

Directed and written by Roberta Findlay, this is the story of Punkin (C.J. Laing), a country girl who works as a maid for the rich Jason Crean-Smith (Marlow Ferguson). When that dirty old man dies, Punkin gets all of his money, if not the respect of the rich people she must now be around. People like Deidre (Jennifer Jordan, Abigail Leslie Is Back in Town) and Diana (Crystal Sync, Punk Rock), who we meet as they judge who has the largest member, Russian rich guy Peter the Great (John Holmes) or Southern gentleman The Great Peter (Tony “The Hook” Perez).

The story is told by Dixon the butler (Jeffrey Hurst, The Tiffany Mynx), who is more into bread and pastries — to an absurd degree — than any of the gorgeous women around him. It all ends with Laing encountering Holmes, Perez and Eric Edwards, which is the kind of athleticism that should make you an Olympian.

Supposedly, Roberta was frustrated by lack of acting Laing did in this, but the actress famously said, “I purposely would not act. I despised the people in these films that said they were actors. I was like, “You’ve got to be kidding me! This is about fucking and sucking!”” That scene where she’s rolling around naked, covered in money? Yeah. That’s still acting.

There’s also a scene with Marlene Willoughby that is edited from a lot of versions of this. She’s an adult actress who crossed over into the mainstream, appearing in Married to the Mob, Trading Places and I, The Jury. She was married to Sonny Landham, Billy from Predator.

The music in this comes from Slim Pickins, an Allentown, PA rock band that appeared or did music for several other of Roberta’s films, including Sweet, Sweet Freedom, The New York City Woman, Dear Pam and Fringe Benefits. Speaking of Findlay and music, I’m always amazed that Sonic Youth recorded at the Reeltime Distributing Corp. studio that she owned with Walter Sear.

Rene Bond week (August 11 – 17) Rene Bond could brighten up even the most dreary productions, and she was in plenty of them. In the early adult scene she was one of the better actors, particularly when it came to comedy, though she could squeeze into some leather and throw the whips around when the role called for it. Bond appeared in somewhere near 100 films, thanks to her affable professionalism she worked with many filmmakers multiple times and regularly performed with her boyfriend Ric Lutze. Her career received an enhancement when she became one of the first stars to get a boobjob. She retired from film in the late-70s just as the porno chic era was dying down, but before the video era. You can find her in a ton of SWV titles, so take yer pick!

Somehow, this is one of the better shot movies I’ve seen in some time and I was shocked that it was an adult movie. It also has some generally creepy moments in it to the point that if this was a mainstream movie, it would definitely have a cult audience.

Constance Money, fresh from The Opening of Misty Beethoven, is Mary and the movie opens with her swimming, filmed with underwater cameras and creating some arty ways of exploring her. Soon, she and her husband Ned (John Leslie) are making love poolside and he finishes too soon, enraging her. It seems he has a habit of this, but you know, he’s married to Constance Money. Ned screams to Heaven for help, then when there’s no answer, to Hell. He’s soon met by the shadowy Arranger (a man only listed as Andre), who is almost always in shadowy and constantly doing tai chi moves. He gives Ned a special paste that can be put on his body or eaten and soon, he’s able to satisfy Mary. The problem is that he can’t stop being aroused, which leads to him passing on this Satanic ingredient to so many of his friends and everyone starts having the kind of sex that even makes the Devil jealous.

Soon, Eric (Jon Martin), Jane (Sharon Thorpe, Sodom and Gomorrah: The Last Seven Days), Bonnie (Sandy Pinney, Long Jeanne Silver), Kate (Angela Haze, Devil’s Playground), Briscoe (Tyler Reynolds), Ben (Kent Hall), Diane (Lucia Lenki), Helene (Kristine Heller, Confessions), Ned and Mary are all having an orgy, devouring a pink cake and smearing it all over a table, mixing it with the occult powder and basically doing coke with it and smearing it all over one another.

This is a strange one as it starts happy and full of free love, but there are quirky moments that suggest that this could become a horror movie at any time. By the last two minutes, that’s what it is, as the colors start to warp, people start to have little deaths and big deaths during a gigantic lovemaking session between the cast and the Arranger dances around all of them to the bongo beat of Hands Benedict. Then, as everyone lies dying or dead, he picks up Mary and tells her that he saved her, as he has plans for her as they disappear into the Hollywood hills.

Mary! Mary! was directed and written by Bernard Morris, which is a pseudonym. Another alter ego is cinematographer Hans Kristian, who is really Henning Schellerup, the cinematographer of Silent Night, Deadly Night; Kiss of the Tarantula and The Lincoln Conspiracy, as well as the director of In Search of Historic Jesus and Beyond Death’s Door.

Most incredibly, this has the kind of car chase that should be in a 70s action movie instead of pornography. As Hank, Bonnie and Kate speed to the party nude, they’re nearly arrested by the police, played by a blink and you miss her Rene Bond and Ken Scudder from Thundercrack! I couldn’t believe just how amazing this film gets in this scene and in the psychedelic ending, as each person dies and the screen looks like a black light poster. There’s even a scene where Mary and Ned eat steak while having sex, rubbing greasy cuts all over one another. It’s just weird and I mean that in the way that this movie becomes fascinating and even disturbing as they Ned showers her with red wine, making it seem like the two are devouring raw flesh.

This movie blew me away.

Rene Bond week (August 11 – 17) Rene Bond could brighten up even the most dreary productions, and she was in plenty of them. In the early adult scene she was one of the better actors, particularly when it came to comedy, though she could squeeze into some leather and throw the whips around when the role called for it. Bond appeared in somewhere near 100 films, thanks to her affable professionalism she worked with many filmmakers multiple times and regularly performed with her boyfriend Ric Lutze. Her career received an enhancement when she became one of the first stars to get a boobjob. She retired from film in the late-70s just as the porno chic era was dying down, but before the video era. You can find her in a ton of SWV titles, so take yer pick!

We live in the magical kind of world where someone can make a sexy version of Little Shop of Horrors and I think that’s great. By someone, I mean director Carl Monson (The Acid Eaters, Legacy of Blood), writer Eric Norden (A Scream In the Streets) and produced Harry Novak.

Henry (Buck Kartalian, Julius from Planet of the Apes) is a lonely man who lives with his mother Clarice (Lyn Lundgren) who finds a plant that he turns into his friend. That plant has a voice like a sexy woman and likes to eat meat, starting with bug, then frogs, dogs, cats and people. It wants pretty ladies, like the centerfolds — Karen Christy (Miss December 1971) and Danielle De Vabre (Miss November 1971) — hanging up in Henry’s room.

Despite the title, his mother does get chowed down on, as does a cop (Monson), a next door neighbor (Rick Lutze) and that man’s wife, who decides to take Harry’s virginity before the now male and female plants eat her. Seeing as how she’s Rene Bond, this is quite a loss.

Harry decides he’s going to kill his plants — Eve and Adam — but once they have babies, he lets them live. I guess it’s back to being a peeping tom for him, as long as the plants don’t decide to make a meal of him.

You have to laugh at a movie that has Rene Bond worry that her husband is going to leave her because she’s flat chested. If she is, this must be Earth-Russ, the planet where every woman has mammaries that are half their body weight. Also known as The Hungry Pets and Sexpot Swingers.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

Rene Bond week (August 11 – 17) Rene Bond could brighten up even the most dreary productions, and she was in plenty of them. In the early adult scene she was one of the better actors, particularly when it came to comedy, though she could squeeze into some leather and throw the whips around when the role called for it. Bond appeared in somewhere near 100 films, thanks to her affable professionalism she worked with many filmmakers multiple times and regularly performed with her boyfriend Ric Lutze. Her career received an enhancement when she became one of the first stars to get a boobjob. She retired from film in the late-70s just as the porno chic era was dying down, but before the video era. You can find her in a ton of SWV titles, so take yer pick!

The adult films of the 70s and the occult cross over pretty often, inspiring movies like The Devil In Miss Jones, High Priestess of Sexual Witchcraft, Sex Ritual of the Occult and so many more. In director Dominic Bolla and writer Jon Cutaia’s Angel Above — The Devil Blow, a teen named Randy Maldemar (Linda York, using the name Brittany Laine; she’s also in A Scream In the Streets and Panorama Blue) conjures up Satan (Lamar Gilbert) with the Necronomicon — the Simon one? — and black candles on her bedroom table. She proclaims that the devil isn’t attractive enough, so she spurns him, which leads to him infiltrating her holiest of holes and speaking through it, as this becomes The Exorcist but, you know, with more penetration even though the inspiration also has crucifix diddling.

Her mother Turgid (Starlyn Simone, Video Vixens!) attempts to help her by talking to her about sex, but when your daughter has a pre-Chatterbox possessed vagina that can’t be satisfied, the problem needs more than just the talk. Even modern medicine and psychiatry — Dr. I.M. Moribund (Chesley Noone) and Dr. Max Wanker (Nimrod Sappho), come on down — aren’t enough. She nearly eats Wanker’s tongue and launches another man down the stairs. Meanwhile, her mother is too busy sleeping with handyman George (Robert Bedford) and politician Lucius Watergag (John Keith), using the same trick of bending over and looking for the booze they’ve asked for. I was half expecting her to pull out a bottle of J&B at this point.

The only people who might be able to help her are Bible salesmen Peter (John Barnum) and Dennis Harp (Robbie Roberson), who arrive just in time. Sure, Registered Nurse Prudence Enfusoria is being assaulted by the handyman downstairs, but somehow Dennis falls in love with the devil-owned Randy and his strong, confident and romantic lovemaking is enough to push the Devil out of her and…into the nether regions of se Prudence. And she’s played by Rene Bond, so of course if I were a demon who could infiltrate the anatomy of women, that’s exactly where I would enter the devil, so to speak.

Beyond just Chatterbox, this predates another talking ladyparts movie, Le sexe qui parle. I have no idea who wanted this in the 70s, but someone did.

Bolla only made this movie, while Cutaia would go on to make the adult film Judgement Day in which Saint Peter stands before Heaven and reviews the final sex acts of numerous dead people. It has an actress named Morning Star in it, which is another name for Lucifer, in case you want to get hellish.

It’s kind of incredible that this movie exists, another version of the possession movies that I love so much, except, you know, with adult moments. I laughed out loud quite a few times during this and it actually has some cool effects, using slow motion and its small budget to be way more effective than it should be.

The amazing Barefoot and Independent YouTube page has posted a PG cut of this, which is about a quarter of the film’s length. But hey — you could watch it at work. Maybe.