SYNAPSE BLU RAY RELEASE: Crocodile (1979)

Originally made as Agowa gongpo (Crocodile Fangs), this is the story of Tony Akom (Nat Puvani) and John Stromm (Min Oo), two workaholic doctors always at odds with their wives, who are angry that they work so much. They decide to make up for it and take them on vacation, which is a major mistake, as they are dragged underwater by a crocodile mutated by nuclear testing into an unstoppable creature of wife chewing destruction. Now, they must destroy it and join up with fisherman Tanaka (Manop Asavatep) and a photographer named Peter (Robert Chan Law-Bat) to make it happen.

When the English language version of this film was created by producer Dick Randall, all sorts of cuts happened. Out was the hurricane that opened the original film. In was a new beginning shot by Randall in which a crocodile eats two naked women. This one movie didn’t have enough crocodile human feasting for Randall, who added in a scene from Krai Thong in which three kids turn into a snake. And the ending, in which Tony threw dynamite into the crocodile’s gullet was edited with Peter strapping himself with the TNT and swimming right into the giant mouth of the croc. Above all else, all Jaws rip-offs must end with the beast being blown up. That’s the rules.

What breaks the rules is that much like The Ghost Galleon, I can only imagine that some of the effects in this were created by a toy boat in a bathtub. Yet going even further, this has a reptile crawling all over it.

Original director Sompote Sands also made the aforementioned Krai Thong, as well as The 6 Ultra Brothers vs. the Monster ArmyHanuman and the Five Riders (a bootleg Kamen Rider) and Jumborg Ace & Giant.

A warning: This movie was condemned by the American Humane Association for a moment where a real crocodile is murdered on screen. This isn’t Italian, mind you. It’s from Thailand.

The Synapse release of Crocodile has an audio commentary with dearly departed film historian Lee Gambin, an  interview with original director Won-se Lee, the original theatrical trailer, and deleted and alternate scenes. You can get it from MVD.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Snuff (1976)

Findlay Week (August 18 – 24) Husband and wife Michael and Roberta Findlay made mean-spirited films. They collaborated on films like Take Me Naked, The Ultimate Degenerate, and the notorious Flesh Trilogy, plus they actually looked like criminals – walking mug shots! You expect to see them glowering on the cover of one of those tabloids next to a headline like “KIDNAPPER COUPLE COLLECTED VICTIMS FINGERS.” Instead they were pornographers which did make them like criminals in their day. A lot of the filmmakers of their era would claim they only made this kind of movie because there was money in it, but Michael and Roberta were sincere adherents. Even when audience tastes changed and the couple were divorced they continued to make their own films that mixed in elements of kink and cruelty. 

No matter what Charlie Sheen and Black Emanuelle tell you, snuff movies are urban legends. This movie is probably the reason why so many people think they’re real.

Starting out as a low-budget exploitation film called Slaughter — made by the husband-and-wife team of Michael and Roberta Findlay — it was filmed in Argentina for the low, low price of $30,000. Shot with no sound and concerning a Manson-like cult, it made the film’s moneyman Jack Bravman some money before it was released, as AIP paid to use the title for its Jim Brown blacksploitation vehicle of the same name.

Allan Shackleton, who produced Misty and Blue Summer, had shelved the film for four years when he released with a new ending, shot to look like actual footage, based on an article he had read about South American snuff films. This led to the film’s tagline: The film that could only be made in South America… where life is cheap!

The new ending shows the crew of Slaughter killing one of the actresses for real, with the abrupt ending and lack of credits all planned to make the movie appear legitimate. Then, Shackleton hired fake protesters to picket movie theaters showing the film. That blew up, as even though the fact that the film was exposed as a hoax in a 1976 issue of Variety, it kept getting more popular. At one point, protests reached such fervor that New York District Attorney Robert M. Morgenthau investigated the movie.

The plot of this movie is paper-thin. Actress Terry London (Mirta Massa, Miss International 1967) and her producer Max Marsh visit South America. She gets pregnant by another man and a female-filled biker cult led by a man named Satan stalks and murders her.

As for the infamous murder sequence, shot in the New York production studio of adult film director Carter Stevens (who made movies for the Avon Theater chain as well as the adult film Punk Rock), it’s very tacked on. But if you’re coming to see someone get murdered, do you even care about art?

You can get the blu ray of this from Blue Underground or watch it on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)

Findlay Week (August 18 – 24) Husband and wife Michael and Roberta Findlay made mean-spirited films. They collaborated on films like Take Me Naked, The Ultimate Degenerate, and the notorious Flesh Trilogy, plus they actually looked like criminals – walking mug shots! You expect to see them glowering on the cover of one of those tabloids next to a headline like “KIDNAPPER COUPLE COLLECTED VICTIMS FINGERS.” Instead they were pornographers which did make them like criminals in their day. A lot of the filmmakers of their era would claim they only made this kind of movie because there was money in it, but Michael and Roberta were sincere adherents. Even when audience tastes changed and the couple were divorced they continued to make their own films that mixed in elements of kink and cruelty. 

There are tons of Bigfoot films to watch. Trust us, we know. We have an entire Letterboxd list packed with the ones we’ve made it through. And we know that Scarecrow has an even larger section in the store that’s all Yeti, skunkape and Sasquatch-based.

We decided to go back to the classics and rewatch this 1974 Michael Findlay film, in which Professor Ernst Prell takes four of his graduate students — Keith Henshaw, Karen Hunter, Tom Nash and Lynn Kelly — into the woods to discover if the Yeti really does exist.

Despite a mysterious dinner the night before — their dish of gin sung is broken up by a drunken former student and his wife who loudly proclaim that the last trip to see a Bigfoot got everyone killed — everyone decides that going into the brush to find the beast is a dandy idea.

As if that isn’t enough, that lout keeps drinking and decides to cut his wife’s throat with an electric turkey knife before she responds in kind by dumping a toaster into the bloody bathwater as he tries to clean himself up.

When the students get to Boot Island, they have more gin sung, meet a mute Native American named Laughing Crow and listen to Tom strum a little tune he wrote about the Yeti, who liked that song so much that he rips Tom apart, leaving only his leg as evidence.

The professor isn’t someone I’d like to have as a teacher, as he’s willing to use that leg and the body of another of the students, Lynn, as bait to catch his white whale. Or white Yeti, you get the allusion.

That said, the reveal of this all — spoiler warning for a 46-year-old movie — is that there’s no Bigfoot at all, but a big society of cannibals looking for either victims to be fresh meat or those willing to help them consume the flesh of their fellow man.

If you’re a big film geek like me — seeing as how you’re reading about a Sasquatch film from the last century when you could be doing something much more productive, I get the feeling that you are — you’ll wonder, did the print Sam saw have Hot Butter’s “Popcorn” in the soundtrack? Yes. It did. It sure did.

In 1982, if you were lucky enough to still have a drive-in around ou, chances are you could have seen this movie as part of an event named 5 Deranged Features. Don’t be fooled by some of these titles, as you may have seen them all before! They’re Coming to Get You is not All the Colors of the Dark, but instead Al Adamson’s Dracula vs. FrankensteinHouse of Torture is The Wizard of GoreNight of the Howling Beast is The Corpse Grinders. And Creature from Black Lake wasn’t so lucky as to get a name change.

Here’s a drink to enjoy while watching this.

Yeti

  • 1 1/2 oz. gin
  • 1/2 oz. blue Curaçao
  • 3 oz. lemonade (you can make it yourself or just go off the shelf)
  • Club soda
  • Lemon wedges
  1. Combine gin and the lemonade in a glass with ice.
  2. Add blue Curaçao and top with club soda. Stir using a mixing spoon and garnish with lemon wedges.

Watch it on Tubi.

SHAWGUST: Brave Archer 3 (1981)

The final of the three movies that adapt Louis Cha’s The Legend of the Condor Heroes, this starts with Guo Jing (Alexander Fu Sheng) and Huang Rong (Niu-niu) following Yang Kang (Yu Tai-ping) to the home of the Iron Palm Sect. Huang Rong is critically injured and a swamp woman named Yinggu (Ching Li) tells Guo JIng that only a monk named Duan Zhixing (Ti Lung) can save her.

After defeating the bodyguards of Duan Zhixing, they learn that Yinggu was once his lover. She told them to find him because to save Huang Rong, Duan’s healing powers may cost him his life. That’s because he ignored her to become a master fighter and she had an affair with Zhou Botong, which led to her having his child. When the baby was born, a masked man attacked it and Yinggu begged Duan to save its life. Now, her revenge will be having him die.

Qiu Qianren (Lo Mang), one of the best fighters in the Iron Palm Sect, was the masked man and this brings Zhou and Yinggu back together. Zhou Botong appears and explains the weakness in Qiu’s martial arts and he is finally defeated.

How crazy is it that it took the third movie to finally explain who Duan Zhixing was? Meanwhile, the characters in this movie aren’t even the titular hero, so what’s going on here? Ah, Chang Cheh, you always surprise me. Also: a baby death? That’s how you prove that someone is the bad guy. Speaking of bad guys, when is Guo Jing going to get that revenge that this series of movies is supposed to be about?

SHAWGUST: The Snake Prince (1976)

A gender flipped adaption of The Legend Of The White Snake, this Lo Chen-directed film starts with a village running out of water and praying to various animal deities. Only the snakes answer, in the person of Snake Prince (Ti Lung) and his two snake friends, Yellow and Black Snake (Wong Yu and Ng Hong-Sang). They spy on the villagers as they sing and dance — get ready, this movie is filled with musical numbers — and become enamored of several of the ladies, including Hei Qin (Lin Chen-Chi). They’re run off by the men of the village, but when the people come to Snake Mountain and ask for water, he only wants Hei Qin to join his kingdom. He grants them access to all that water, even after they threatened to burn down the entire hillside, which would end up killing everyone.

Unfortunately, Hei Qin has a jealous sister who wants the riches of the snake kingdom and the humans left behind in the village hate the idea that a snake god is making sweet love to the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen. So they do what they threatened, which is set the hillside on fire, and then use sulphur to smoke out the snakes, who transform into their true gigantic snake form. A ton of snakes and humans die — the snakes die for real, because this is a Hong Kong movie — and then the snakes are all killed by the humans, who set them on fire and stab them repeated times. To remind you this is a Shaw Brothers movie, Hei Qin takes the sharpened stick that killed Snake Prince and stabs herself with it, which cuts to a statue of the lovers on Snake Mountain and their ghostly giant forms staring toward the afterlife.

I told you the story but in no way will that prepare you for this film. Imagine a rock musical with funked out guitars, dance numbers with cute girls that seem like they’re in a Shaw Brothers cover version of an AIP beach drive-in movie, all with effects from Daiei (the same people who brought you Daimajin and Gamera) starring bad ass Ti Ling, who usually is fighting yet here he’s a singing snake god. Then imagine every color in the Bava rainbow being unleashed. That gives you just part of what this is about to share with you. Yet for as innocent and magical that this movie is, it ends with gore and sadness. Such is the world of Shaw Brothers.

DEEP SPACE AWAITS ON THE DIA DOUBLE FEATURE!

This Saturday at 8 PM EST, join Bill, Sam and guest A.C. Nicholas for two science fiction blasts of madness. You can find us at our Facebook or YouTube channels.

Up first, Spaceship AKA The Creature Wasn’t Nice. You can find it on YouTube.

Every week, we watch two movies, discuss their ads and have a cocktail or two. Here’s the recipe for the first movie.

Rocketship

  • 2 oz. high proof rum
  • 2 oz. Coco Lopez coconut cream
  • 2 oz. pineapple juice
  • 1 oz. amaretto
  • 1 dash Angostura bitters
  • Maraschino cherry
  1. Mix all ingredients except for rum and bitters in a cocktail shaker with ice.
  2. Pour over crushed ice, then top with rum and a cherry.

The second movie is Dark Star which you can find on Tubi.

Here’s the second drink.

Space Surfer

  • 2 oz. Malibu rum
  • 2 oz. Jagermeister
  • 2 oz. pineapple juice
  • .5 oz. lime juice
  • .5 oz. Coco Lopez coconut cream
  1. Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice.
  2. Pour over ice and drink.

Here’s to Saturday!

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Blood Sisters (1987)

Findlay Week (August 18 – 24) Husband and wife Michael and Roberta Findlay made mean-spirited films. They collaborated on films like Take Me Naked, The Ultimate Degenerate, and the notorious Flesh Trilogy, plus they actually looked like criminals – walking mug shots! You expect to see them glowering on the cover of one of those tabloids next to a headline like “KIDNAPPER COUPLE COLLECTED VICTIMS FINGERS.” Instead they were pornographers which did make them like criminals in their day. A lot of the filmmakers of their era would claim they only made this kind of movie because there was money in it, but Michael and Roberta were sincere adherents. Even when audience tastes changed and the couple were divorced they continued to make their own films that mixed in elements of kink and cruelty. 

You know, I find myself loving the films of Roberta Findlay more and more. They never have a great budget. They rarely have anything even approaching bad acting. And yet every time, I stick with them because she knows how to make a cheap exploitation movie. Isn’t that what it should all be about?

This movie has a Pieces style opening, as a young boy is called a pervert because he doesn’t have a dad. What he does have is a prostitute for a mother who lives in a big mansion with plenty of other ladies of ill repute. Moments after we process that, our friend the little boy walks in on his mom making money-assisted love to one of her johns before they both get shotgun blasted and we fast-forward ten years and change.

I’m in. You did it again, Roberta.

Now, that very same house is supposedly haunted and the girls of an Edmonson College sorority must enter it as part of a scavenger hunt. This is when, you guessed it, people start dying.

Before that, it takes a long time to get there, but Findlay pulls off that rare trick of making us learn and believe in these characters instead of rushing them into the gaping maw of death, you know? Pretty neat for a movie she made just to pay her taxes.

Amy Brentano, who plays one of the girls named Linda, also shows up in Findlay’s even better Prime Evil. Shannon McMahon, who is Alice, is also in Screwballs and Pledge Night. McMahon would go on to direct her own film, 2016’s Waking the Wild Colonial, which had Brentano in the cast.

Speaking of filmmakers, Larry is played by John Fasano, the man that made two of the most metal movies ever, Black Roses and Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.

Of all the lessons that Findlay can teach us of how to make a great small time horror film. perhaps the best is that she certainly knows how to hire the right poster artist.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Oracle (1985)

Findlay Week (August 18 – 24) Husband and wife Michael and Roberta Findlay made mean-spirited films. They collaborated on films like Take Me Naked, The Ultimate Degenerate, and the notorious Flesh Trilogy, plus they actually looked like criminals – walking mug shots! You expect to see them glowering on the cover of one of those tabloids next to a headline like “KIDNAPPER COUPLE COLLECTED VICTIMS FINGERS.” Instead they were pornographers which did make them like criminals in their day. A lot of the filmmakers of their era would claim they only made this kind of movie because there was money in it, but Michael and Roberta were sincere adherents. Even when audience tastes changed and the couple were divorced they continued to make their own films that mixed in elements of kink and cruelty. 

Roberta Findlay knows how to make movies that entertain me and here, she takes a possession movie, sets it during the holidays and fills it with berserk set pieces and man, this movie got me through the day before all the family Christmas craziness begins and you know, Roberta has never let me down with a single thing she’s made.

Parker Brothers wouldn’t let this movie use Ouija, so there’s a stone hand that writes from the spirit world but who cares? This is so many times better than the Ouija films that got made by Hasbro years later and that’s because this is so strange. Jennifer (Caroline Capers Powers, in the only movie she ever made) and her husband Ray (Roger Neil) have moved into the apartment of a dead psychic who has left behind that fortune telling object which allows Jennifer to be taken over by industrialist William Graham who gets her to figure out who killed him.

You can’t destroy that hand. A garbage man tries and strange creatures appear all over his body and he ends up stabbing himself in a scene that kind of destroyed my mind and when Ray tries later, he literally loses his head. All this happens while Findlay shoots in the New York City apartments that could be next door to The Sentinel or Inferno and certainly have the Argento lightning style intact from that movie. Plus there’s a gender switching killer played by Pam LaTesta on the loose like a John Waters character in a Bill Lustig movie and there’s even a scene set in the legendary occult store The Magickal Childe.

I realize that Roberta hates her own movies but I won’t hold that against her. I always find something to enjoy, like how the heroine has the wildest clothes, all berets and puffed-out sleeves and even a pair of red overalls. She dresses like a lunatic and it’s frankly charming, plus she screams nearly as much as a woman in a Juan López Moctezuma movie.

There are people who will say that this movie is trash and boring and those are people you want nothing at all to do with. Yes, this is trash, but it’s glorious. It’s the kind of movie I leave on when people come over and hope they ask me what it’s all about so I can talk about it with them. Just writing about it now I want to go back and watch it again. Will you sit down and check it out with me?

You can watch this on Tubi.

Here’s a drink recipe!

Princess of Moscow (from the book Tarot of Cocktails)

  • 3 oz. ginger beer
  • 1.5 oz. vodka
  • .25 oz. lime juice
  • 1 scoop lime sherbert
  1. Pour ginger beer, vodka and lime juice in a glass and stir.
  2. Add the sherbert and enjoy your fortune.

SHAWGUST: Fearful Interlude (1975)

In this film by Chih-Hung Kuei (Ghost Eyes, Virgins of the Seven Seas), three stories of the supernatural are told. It started as 45 minutes of footage and then became an anthology film, with the original footage being the third episode.

In the first story, “The Haunted House,” finds Li (Chung Wang) and Wang (Locke Hua Liu) taking a bet — Castle of Blood-style — with their friend Chou (Wei Szu) that they will all stay overnight in what is said to be a haunted house. Each of them has a plan to frighten the others, but everything backfires and they all die, potentially being the spirits that haunt the next person to take this dare.

The second story, “The Cold Skeleton,”is about a mother and her son Chang Sung-Ken (Lin Wei Tu) who sell flowers in the village. They have a bond that goes beyond death, as she has promised him that she would come back when she passes on to be there for him. Her body keeps showing up again and again, even after he keeps reburying her. The secret? In his sleep, he’s been digging her up so she can come back home. He joins her in death by committing suicide.

In the final episode, “Wolf Of Ancient Times,” a college student named Sung Li Ho (Hong Hoi) and his assistant keep getting kicked out of different places because the scholar — bucktoothed and on the make, like a mix between a Jerry Lewis character and the protagonist of a nude-cutie — keeps attacking women. They finally make their way to a woodcutter’s house in the fog, where he has two gorgeous daughters who team up to seduce the student, yet before they do the deed, they reveal themselves as jiangshi, or the traditional Chinese hopping vampires. Luckily, the assistant is prepared with a charm around his neck! This was going to be called The Sex Wolf if it had been a full feature.

I love that each of these stories switch tones, whether that means that they’re like an EC Comics story, a poignant story about grief or almost a parody of sex films that ends with the intrusion of the unknown.

 

SHAWGUST: Holy Flame of the Martial World (1983)

Directed by Chun-Ku Lu, this is a movie that I described to my wife as a psychedelic drug film that is also a martial arts epic and at times, feels like it has the colors of an Italian movie. You remember how Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon make people go nuts when they saw it? Could you imagine the uninitiated going directly into this, mainlining it into their eyes and trying to keep their sanity?

Keep in mind that this was made completely with physical tricks and what special effects were available in Hong Kong in 1983 and then be amazed that no computer touched this.

Yin Tien-Chou (Max Mok) and his sister Tu Chuan-erh (Ching-Ching Yeung) lost their parents when they were just born, thanks to their murder at the hands of Tsing Yin (Leanne Lau) and Monster Yu (Jason Pai), who wanted the Holy Flames, two swords that make people unstoppable. Our heroes have been split up ever since, with “The Phantom” You-ming Elder (Phillip Kwok) raising Yin Tien-Chou and Tsing Yin teaching Tu Chuan-erh, so while the two start on opposite sides, they soon learn that the Holy Flames can only be handled by twins who are male and female, like them. Also, You-ming Elder just sits in lotus position and laughs his head off for most of the movie and I would love to hang out all the time with him.

This has it all and by all, I mean finger lasers, flying fights, a Snake Boy, a mummy, ghosts. vampire blood sects, female fighters devoted to maintaining their virginity, enough wire work for a hundred movies and colors so neon and garish that Mario Bava looking down from Paradise and said, “Wow. That’s really bright.”

When I watch movies like this, I start to wonder if I should ever watch another film afterward. They are too perfect and that nothing will be better than what I have just seen.