B-MOVIE BLAST: Prime Evil (1988)

Mid-way through watching Prime Evil, Becca asked me, “Why do you like this piece of shit so much?”

I answered, “This is like an Italian movie that makes no sense, yet made somewhere in the United States and it just keeps getting more and more ludicrous. Of course I love it. I might love it more with each passing second.”

She asked me to put back on her true crime show.

The real answer why I loved this so much is that it’s a late model Roberta Findlay movie and as we all know, Roberta knows how to make a scuzzy movie. She knows her audience and in this one, we want Satanic shenanigans, occult meanderings that make little to no sense and way too many characters to keep track of.

This is the kind of movie where a church lent their building for the shoot, even allowing the crew to sleep there and stay warm, and they still went and shot a Black Mass there. That takes the kind of balls that makes complete junk, the kind of cinematic smack that I inject directly into my eyeballs.

Father Thomas Seaton is a centuries old priest who has an entire cult of robed maniacs just waiting to get together and chant stuff, but he’s also a multi-tasker, because he has a handyman who is pushing a new kind of street drug on prostitutes and then there’s this dude named George who is keeping his granddaughter a virgin so he can sacrifice her to his sweet Satan but her boyfriend Bill keeps trying to get up in her ladybusiness, even when she tells him on a romantic ride through Central Park that she’s been abused, which is not a good look.

There’s also a nun named Sister Angela who pretends that she hates God and infiltrates the cult. In between all of this wrestling between Heaven, Hell and a puppet Satan, there is plenty of aerobics.

Obviously, I loved this, but my love of crap is probably in a plane much lower than yours. To anyone else, approach with caution. To those who see the Crown International Pictures logo and get a little wistful, you’re my kind of people.

You can watch this on YouTube. Also, this movie was made for Vinegar Syndrome, who released it on a double disc with Lurkers.

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