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I often remark that Lamberto Bava isn’t very good. If he had made more movies like this, I wouldn’t say that. There are definitely some startling moments in this.
If you haven’t purchased the Visual Vengeance buy ray, you can watch this completely amazing SOV thriller on our favorite streamin service.
Imagine a movie as hard to explain as Phantasm with — amazingly — less of a budget. That’s what you’ve got here. And it’s exactly as great as you’d hope.
Harrison Harrison (Billy Morrissette) is a scientist who loses his arm in a regeneration experiment that leads to the limb becoming a reptilian force of evil, but he’s also a mother’s boy — his mom Helena is played by Elke Sommer! — and she has him and Doctor Hans Vaughan (Oliver Reed) wrapped around her finger, so our protagonist visits the homeless church led by Preacher (Johnny Legend) and recruits amputee veteran Stripes (Garrett Morris) and an army of the homeless.
After some mysterious disappearances in Fort Worth, Texas, Sandra Curtis — the sister of one of the victims — hires Nick Berkley to find her lost sibling. They soon learn that a cult that worships Moloch — so they’re going to Bohemian Grove? — is behind everything and that there’s an amulet that can stop them.
This Spanish film has no ravens — its title translates as The Swamp of the Ravens— but instead black vultures. It’s about Dr. Frosta, who believes that life can continue after death and will do anything to take that hypothesis and transform it into a theory. There’s also a guy singing to mannequins and the doctor trying to use blood to keep his girlfriend alive but he continues to take her to 6th base, as they say.
When you’re trying to rescue a nuclear trigger hidden inside a jade statue, it’s totally smart to just slow down and do squat thrusts in the cucumber patch with your fellow agent. Saving the world can wait. Making love in the sand can’t.
See that shirtless Lorenzo Lamas playing kickboxing champion Nick Taylor? Well, Nick is a drunken mess who never recovered from losing his title and his wife. A Vegas kickboxing championship is the goal for the whole movie, but then Nick gets the idea that he can still beat Jake, who beats him to the point that he dies in a hospital bed and yeah, you realize that you rented this for Lorenzo Lamas and now he’s dead and having Danny beat Jake is kind of anticlimatic especially when you realize that he’s probably going to end up horizontally dancing with his hero’s common law widow, but direct to video films are wild and you just roll with the punches. Or kicks.
Suffice to say, these are very evil nuns. The kind of evil nuns that make cats eyeballs. Fulci!
The girls of Vice Academy are back again. Linnea Quigley’s Didi gets may be gone and Ginger Lynn’s Holly is in prison, but there’s a whole new environmental issue to deal with and the threat of Malathion (Julia Parton, who did many an adult magazine photoshoot and is the cousin of Dolly), who is out to ruin Earth Day — a holiday created by a murderer (for real).