Savage Lagoon (2007)

At some point in the late 1940s, the beautiful countess of Rudlov disappeared, which has been blamed on both a monster and the lagoon. Now, a New York ballerina named Illona Rudlov (Jacqueline Freid) has come to Bohemia to reclaim her lost relative’s castle.

Director and writer MarieAnna Dvorak was born in Czechoslovakia where her career was damaged by the Communist regime, as religion — a major part of her art — was prohibited. This was originally released in 1999 as Bohemian Moon and it really has it all, as they say — a lake monster, a potentially incestuous love affair, the previously mentioned lake monster chowing down on a nude woman, the fate of the aristocracy after the Communist revolution and a whole bunch of talking.

This movie feels like walking through a lake and your feet get caught in mud and you struggle to walk but you know there’s something mysterious on the shore and it ends up being just something the light shone on and made sparkle. It also feels like space aliens beamed this down and had to wait until streaming was at the level that it is today for us to watch it and enjoy it, but never understand it.

It’s like a fairy tale with lots of fucking, but none of it fulfilling. There, I said it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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